


Love is Strange

by MarieCarro



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Love is Strange, MarieCarro, Original Story - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:38:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 128,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieCarro/pseuds/MarieCarro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when you find out that your best friend is in love with you? What if you'd known that person for ten years? Will you tell them that you know or pretend like everything's normal? AH Warning: Mentioning of underage drinking, suicide, and cheating</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

The pain shot through me again, and I was absolutely certain that I was dying. My breathing came out in gasps, and I clenched my fist and put it in my mouth, just to keep myself from screaming. It didn't help, though.

The tears fell hot and heavy from my eyes as I screamed at the top of my lungs when the next wave of pain hit me. I tumbled from the toilet seat and curled up into a fetal position. I knew that Alice probably had woken up when I started to scream and was on her way, but I needed her to come fast so I started to kick the walls.

Only seconds later did I hear frantic knocking on the door. “Bella? Bella? What's going on?” I opened my mouth to answer her, but at that exact moment a pain beyond what I'd experienced before rippled through me, and I knew my scream would've been able to break glass.

Alice pulled on the handle, but panicked when she realized that the door was locked. “Bella! Bella! I can't get in! You're scaring me! Please, open the door!” I took several deep breaths and tried to drag myself toward the door. I'd always thought my bathroom was very small, but now it felt like miles from the toilet to the door. My hands were sweaty and it made it hard for me to get a good grip to drag myself forward. They slipped and slid on the tiled floor and I was only able to move a few inches forward at a time.

I straightened out my body, but regretted it instantly when I felt the resulting pain, like a knife slicing through my stomach.

Why did this happen? What was it that happened? I didn't know. Everything had come on so sudden, and I was terrified. Eventually, I reached the door, but I couldn't reach the lock and open the door.

“Bella, are you okay? Please, talk to me,” Alice sobbed outside the door. I tried to gain some strength, just so I would be able to reach out my arm and unlock the door. I extended my arm as far as I could and was actually able to get a grip on the handle. With the help of that and the sink, I was able to push myself up into a kneeling position and unlock the door. That was the end of my strength, though, and I slumped down on the floor.

Alice burst through the door and took one look at my clammy forehead. My hair was wet from exertion, and I was shivering. Alice quickly got my hair away from my face and put a wet cloth on my forehead. She was just about to get up and call the hospital when I felt a tickling feeling going down my thighs. I looked down and screamed again, this time out of fright instead of pain. A small trickle of blood was coming down each of my legs.

Alice looked down at me and her eyes widened. 

I started to cry even harder and gripped the hem of Alice’s t-shirt to pull her down so that she’d be level with me. “Alice, don't let me die! Please, don't let me die!”

“Bella, don't say that. You're not dying, okay? You'll be just fine.” She stood up, and I was too weak to keep her with me.

“Alice, don't leave me,” I begged her while fresh tears streamed down my cheeks.

Alice shook her head. “I won't, but I have to call for an ambulance, Bella.” She ran from the bathroom and toward the living room to get the phone.

Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming urge to push, the feeling originating somewhere around my pelvis.

”ALICE!”


	2. Chapter 1 Best Friends

**CHAPTER 1 BEST FRIENDS**

“No, stop it. I won't show you.”

“Oh c'mon, just show me what you got.”

“I won't because it's unnecessary.”

“You know what, Swan? You're too good at this game. It's no fun.”

“You’re just a sore loser, Cullen. Want me to tutor you?”

“Can you two stop and hand out the cards already?” Ben said impatiently next to me.

“Oh, Cheney, is it naptime already?” I turned my teasing onto him as he rolled his eyes.

“Haha, Bella, very funny. C'mon, did we come here to play poker or not?” He took the cards from me and started to hand them out. I didn't get angry; this was just the way Ben did things. If things got too slow for him, he took it in his own hands.

I checked my cards and contained my smile. I had a pretty good hand and was quite confident that I would win this round as well. I never really understood how I became such a good poker player when I was a terrible liar otherwise. 

“Alright, place your bets.” Queen’s music was blaring out of the stereo in my basement. We were full and satisfied after eating some pizza in the kitchen and each of us were nursing a beer while we played some classic poker.

I really loved these nights with the gang. The gang contained of me, my best friend Edward Cullen, his twin sister Alice Cullen, Ben Cheney, James Logan, and Garrett Martin. 

During these nights, we hung out for hours and had a really good time. We always made sure to have these nights during the weekends, so our schoolwork would never suffer, which was actually one of the main reasons the parents even accepted this. My dad was the only one that wasn’t even the slightest bit opposed to it because he knew I was a very responsible person, so he never gave me a hard time about my homework. He occasionally asked if I had any and then left it at that.

James groaned. “I fold.” He threw his cards down on the table with a bit more force than necessary and sighed. He’d been very unlucky tonight, and I could see that he would soon give up.

“Me too,” Alice and Garrett said in unison.

“Call,” Ben said without looking up from his cards. His neck turned slightly red and it was obvious he had a bad hand.

“Hmm...” I pretended to study my cards for a moment to see if Edward would give himself away and reveal if he had a good or bad hand, but his face was a stone mask. “I'll raise.”

“Call.” His face didn't even twitch.

Ben swallowed and quickly gave up. His pile of marks was small, so I could understand that he did not want to lose any more money. He already owed me seven-fifty.

Edward and I went back and forth, continuously raising the pot. Neither of us wanted to back down, but then I saw Edward hesitate.

“What do you say, Cullen?”

“I say we put the cards on the table and see who won.”

“Well, then take out your wallet because I've got a straight.” I started to collect the marks, but Edward stopped me.

“Hold on for a moment, Swan. I think you just lost.” He winked at me and put down his own cards. “Full house.”

The guys instantly started to cheer when they realized that I'd just lost for the first time tonight. Not even Alice could contain herself.

“Hey, I thought you were on my side. Girls are supposed to stick together.” I glared at her.

“Bella, I would be on your side if I didn't already owe you eight bucks,” she said and smiled crookedly, so much like her brother.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

Edward laughed. “Who’s the sore loser now, huh?”

I grimaced at him. “Whatever,” I repeated and stood up. “I’ll go up with the bottles.”

“I'll help you,” Edward said and took half of the bottles from me.

When we entered the kitchen, I froze when I saw the mess in there. Pizza boxes were everywhere, an ashtray full with Garrett’s cigarettes was placed on the windowsill, and evidence of my father trying to make his own dinner was on the stove. I'd asked him if he wanted us to order pizza for him too, but his surprising answer had been that he was trying to get healthier.

I groaned.

“What?” Edward was totally oblivious to the fact that the kitchen was a mess. It annoyed me because it reminded me of the fact that Edward never had to clean. The Cullens were rich and had their own maid whenever Esme, Edward and Alice’s mother, was too tired to act out the role of housewife.

“Are you blind? Can’t you see the mess?”

“Oh! Well....Yeah...So?” He frowned in confusion. He was my best friend, and I loved him, but he could be so stupid sometimes.

“You do know that I’ll be the one to clean up in here, right?” I glared at him.

“Right,” he said and looked around the room. “Well, how about I help you?” He smiled at me as my eyes widened with shock.

“Did I just hear you offer to help me clean?” Edward shrugged like it was no big deal. “Wow, I certainly thought that pigs would fly before I saw this day.”

“Shut up, Swan, and get to work.” He threw a towel at me. I threw it right back at him, hitting him in the face which caused me to laugh.

Edward and I had been best friends for a very long time. I believe we became best friends the minute we introduced ourselves to each other ten years ago.

I’d been sitting on my usual bench outside of the school building, reading as always. 

I loved reading. It was one of the best things I knew. To dive headfirst into a new world every time I opened a new book. Also, the smell of new books always got to me. It made me so calm.

Mom always used to buy new books for me to use as bedtime stories since I didn't want her to repeat the same stories. I wanted to learn new things and not have the things I knew repeated to me. I always shivered with pleasure when I heard the crack of an unbroken spine as the book was opened for the first time.

Sadly, I had heard my last bedtime story four years prior to that day. 

Mom had been involved in an accident that cost her both her legs, and after that she lost her will to live. It only took two weeks before she decided to end her own misery.

I had been the one to find her in my parents' bedroom with Dad's gun in her hand and a hole in her temple. I was four, but that image was forever etched into my memory.

That day, I’d been so preoccupied with my thoughts that I did not see when Robin came up to me. He’d taken my book from me and thrown it on the ground. He’d stomped on it and tore out several pages in the process.

“Stupid girl! You're a dork. Always sitting and reading, thinking you're better than the rest of us!” he’d yelled at me.

“I do not think like that!” I’d started to cry when he yelled at me. Robin had been the biggest bully at school, he was a fifth grader, and he loved to bully all the smaller kids on the playground.

Nobody ever really liked him, but he’d had a group of people around him that were all too afraid to do anything besides whatever Robin told them to.

“Oh, don’t you? What is it now? You gonna cry some more?” That year, I was Robin's favorite victim. He'd abandoned all of his other victims just so that he could take all his energy out on me. I’d had no idea why–still didn’t–he just did.

Robin had taken up the destroyed book and thrown it on me. He had not expected for one of the corners to hit me in the forehead and create a shallow gash that bled a lot. I’d screamed when the book hit me and cried even harder.

Robin's eyes had gotten wide when he saw my forehead. He’d quickly gotten away from there, his group right behind him. The amount of blood had scared me and I’d almost started to panic when Edward came up to me.

“You should go to the nurse. I could help you there if you want,” he’d said and offered me his hand. I’d stared at it, just slightly afraid of getting cooties from the strange boy. Before that day, I had never seen him before. His green eyes stood out from his pale skin and his red-brown hair was all over the place. It still was and it always made me smile whenever it was obvious he’d tried to tame it.

“I can go by myself,” I’d said and ignored his outstretched hand. I had, however, gotten dizzy by the blood, and he could clearly see it.

“C'mon, I'll take you to the nurse.” He grabbed my hand without hesitating. I’d squeezed my eyes, afraid that I’d get an allergic reaction or something like that by touching this strange boy. Nothing had happened, of course, and Edward pulled me behind him. “You should press your hand against the wound to stop the bleeding. It's not as good as a bandage, but it'll have to do for now.”

“How do you know this?” I’d asked him as we walked toward the nurse's room.

“My dad's a doctor and he's taught me all kinds of things.”

“Oh.”

“My name's Edward Cullen, by the way.” He’d turned around and looked over his shoulder with a wide, happy smile. I had not been able to resist the urge to smile back. His smile had been kind of contagious. It still was, but I had gotten better at resisting.

“I’m Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella.”

“That's a pretty name.” I’d blushed and hid my face in my hand. I had tried to mask it and make it look like I was pressing my hand against the wound, but Edward had revealed that he’d been able to see the blush right away.

I’d thanked him quietly and followed him the rest of the way in silence. We had not separated since.

I put the bottles on the counter and studied Edward as he started to fold the pizza boxes. “You’re seriously going to help me?”

He nodded.

“But you hate cleaning.”

“That’s true, but I still want to help you.” He went to the sink and started to fill it with water. “You wash and I’ll rinse and dry.”

I let out a shocked laugh before walking up to the sink. Edward reached for the towel I threw at him before and waited for me to begin.

We cleaned in silence. Neither Edward nor I felt the need to fill up every second with chatter, unlike his sister Alice. We were just that comfortable with each other.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs made us turn. Alice ran into the kitchen and sat down in one of the dining chairs. She didn't say anything, which was very unusual for her. She just sat there with an I-know-something-you-don't-smile on her face.

We didn’t acknowledge her and just kept on cleaning. This was always the best way to handle Alice when she was like this. She didn’t have the patience to wait for someone to ask what she had on her mind, she always told us anyway.

“Guess what I just found out!” Edward and I looked at each other with amused smiles, sighed, and turned our attention to Alice.

“No, Alice. We can't guess what you just found out,” Edward said and put the plate he’d been drying in the stand.

“You guys are no fun,” she complained and pouted. She recovered after only a second to continue her story. “Okay! So Garrett just got a call from Kate. He thought she wanted to talk to him, but she just didn't have my number which is kind of stupid actually because Kate's been Garrett's girlfriend for two years now and we know her too, and–“

“Alice,” Edward interrupted her. “Did you have a point?”

”Oh right! So Kate wanted to talk to me, and she told me that she's heard from Irina who heard it from Tanya who heard it from a very reliable source that Riley...wants to ask Bella out!” Alice practically exploded with joy at the end. My chin dropped to the floor when I heard it.

“What? Are you serious? Riley Biers?”

“Uh-huh! I know, this is _huge!_ ”

“He's like the hottest guy at school!” Edward cleared his throat, and I turned toward him. “Aw, Edward, you know you'll always be my favorite guy.”

“Doesn't hurt to hear it from time to time,” he said and smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Actually, his entire face looked strained.

“Are you okay?” I asked, frowning.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be? My best friend _might_ get a date with the _'hottest'_ guy at school.” He made quotation marks with his fingers when he said “hottest,” and I slapped his arm.

“Shut up.” He shrugged and started to clean again.

“So, we gotta start to plan for the big night. We need to go over outfit, hair, and makeup.”

Edward stopped cleaning again and turned to his sister. “Really, Alice? He hasn’t even asked her out yet. So far, it’s a rumor. He might not even do it.”

“It’s not a rumor. Kate heard from Irina who heard it from Tanya who heard it from a reliable source that Riley wanted to take Bella out! How clearer can it get?” Alice narrowed her eyes at her brother, but I was actually listening to him. He was right after all.

“I don’t know, how about _if_ he actually asks her out?”

“Not _if - when_ ,” Alice said with a raised voice. She was about to continue arguing with her brother, but I stopped her.

“No, Alice, he's right. It is just a rumor so far. You don't even know if it's true. Besides, it was Tanya who kind of heard it first hand, and you know that she's never liked me.”

“That’s only because she’s jealous of you being so close to Edward. She’s been obsessed with him since their date in eighth grade. She would not lie about something that could get you away from Edward once in a while.” I glanced at Edward and saw his tired expression. Tanya had indeed been after him for four years now. It did not matter that he wasn’t interested. As long as he was single, he was fair game according to her.

“It’s not like I’ll stop hanging out with Edward if Riley and I start to date.”

Alice shrugged. “Who knows how Tanya’s brain works? Nobody cares anyway, but Bella, I know that she would not lie about this.”

I exchanged a look with Edward. He threw his hands in the air and turned back to the dishes. I guess he wouldn’t help me with his sister then.

“I don’t know.” I hesitated mainly because I wasn’t some naïve little girl. Of course I was excited if the rumor was true, but the chances of that weren’t big.

“C’mon, Bella, take a chance for once. It can’t hurt.” I thought about it for a short moment.

“Alright, listen. I won't get my hopes up for anything, but I'll make you a deal. If Riley asks me out, I'll give you free reign to get me ready for the date, but only if he asks me out. Don't go around and plan anything until it's official, okay?” Alice pouted at first and looked at me with pleading eyes, but I stood fast with my decision. “Deal?” I asked her and offered her my pinky finger. We had done this for as long as I’d been friends with her, which was just as long as I’d known Edward.

Alice hooked her own pinky with mine. “Deal.”

“Thank you,” I told her and turned back to Edward, who'd been very quiet for awhile. He was furiously drying a plate and looked deep in thought. 

Alice saw it too and realized that I wanted to talk to Edward alone. “Okay, well, I think I’ll go. See you at home, Edward?” He didn’t answer. He just put the plate down and started to dry a knife instead. “Bye, Bella. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” I nodded and we hugged.

I went down the stairs to say goodbye to the others as well before going back up to talk to Edward. He was still drying the knife, and I was afraid he'd cut himself if he kept that up.

“If you keep doing that, you'll slice your hand open.” Edward immediately stopped drying and threw the knife onto the counter. It clashed right into the stand and caused an ear-piercing sound to echo through the kitchen. I flinched at the sound and looked worriedly at Edward who paced back and forth. He ran his hand through his hair repeatedly. He reminded me of a wild animal in a cage.

“What’s wrong?” I asked tentatively. I had never seen Edward act like this and that was saying something since I’d known him most of my life.

“Nothing,” he mumbled and once again ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ve got eyes, Edward, and I can see that something’s wrong.” He didn’t reply. He just stopped by the counter with his back to me. His entire posture was tense and his shoulders moved with every deep inhalation. I slowly walked up to him and put a soft hand on his shoulder. He immediately relaxed a bit. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because there’s nothing to tell,” he said with a low voice.

“Don't lie to me, Edward. I can see that you're upset, I just don't know why.”

He turned around and faced me. “You want to know why I'm upset?” I nodded. 

For a long moment, Edward just looked at me. It was as if he was trying to find something in my eyes. Whatever it was he found there, it couldn’t have been what he was looking for because his shoulders slumped and his eyes went to the floor.

I tilted my head and bent my knees to look him in the eye. “Hey,” I said to gain his attention. He looked back up at me. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

He swallowed thickly before sighing. “I just don’t like the idea of you dating Riley.”

I felt like a big question mark after he said that. “Do you have anything against him? Has he done anything toward you?”

He shook his head. I could see that something was eating at him, and he was getting more aggravated by the minute. “No, Riley is a great guy. I just don’t want you to date him.”

“Why not?” 

Edward’s hand went to his hair again. “I don’t know, I-I just don’t like it, okay?” He had started to raise his voice, probably feeling pressured by my questions, but I didn’t stop. I needed to know what his problem was.

“But why not? I've gone on dates before and you've never reacted this way,” I pushed.

“Well, it's different now,” he replied and began pacing again.

“How is it different?” This wasn’t leading anywhere and I just got more questions than answers.

Edward looked at me for several minutes like he was contemplating something. It looked like he wanted to say something but doubted if he should say it.

Finally, he came to a decision, but not the one I wanted. “You know what? Just forget it. It's not important anyway.”

“It's important to me. Something’s bothering you and what's bothering you is bothering me.” I had started to raise my own voice now. I was getting really irritated with him because I could see that he was keeping something from me.

My irritation made something snap in Edward because he suddenly yelled at me that nothing was bothering him and that I should just forget it. I was beyond hurt that he felt the need to keep secrets from me, and the hurt quickly transformed into anger. 

“If you're gonna be like that, Cullen, you can get the fuck out of here.” I turned my back to him and crossed my arms across my chest.

I glanced at him over my shoulder and saw a guilty expression cross over his face. He had calmed down, but he still wasn’t telling me anything.

“Bella, I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to–”

I stayed with my back to him. My anger made it impossible for me to look at him without lashing out. “I don’t care, Edward. Just leave and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

“I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to upset you,” he tried again, but it was futile.

“You did a very good job.” I didn’t move until I heard the front door open and then close again. Suddenly feeling very tired, I sunk down on one of the kitchen chairs and rested my head against the table. I couldn't stop the tears that formed in my eyes. 

Edward was my best friend and we had never fought like this before. It hurt so much thinking about the reasons he might have for shutting me out. What could possibly be so bad that he did not want to tell me? We told each other everything, and I really mean everything.

It was me that Edward called the first time he’d had a wet dream and could not understand why he’d made a mess in his underwear, just like he was the first one I told when I got my period. We just did not have any barriers. Or we weren’t supposed to have any.

We'd been best friends for ten years, but now I was afraid that our friendship might be over because of a stupid fight.


	3. Chapter 2 Talk

**CHAPTER 2 TALK**

I must've fallen asleep sitting by the table because I woke up when Dad shook me lightly.

I had cottonmouth and my head was pounding to a non-existing beat. I raised my head from my arms, but I got a sudden case of vertigo when I did, so I quickly settled back down on my arms. I groaned when Dad said my name.

“Are you alright?” Dad asked with evident concern coloring his voice.

“Mmm…tired.” All I wanted was to go back to sleep. I couldn’t focus on Dad’s voice or how I even ended up at the kitchen table in the first place. I only wanted to sleep and get rid of the horrible headache.

Dad didn't say anything for a few minutes, but I heard him walk away and then come back after a few seconds. I heard him fumbling to open the case that he had for his glasses. He only used them at night, when it was too dark for him to focus clearly.

“Bella, look at me,” he said with a soft voice.

“No…don wanna open ma eyes,” I mumbled into the crease of my elbow.

“Isabella Marie Swan, do as I say." I knew he was serious when he used my full name. My dad had been incredibly protective of me since Mom killed herself, and as soon as there was a slight chance of me being ill, he took it as seriously as one of his cases at the station.

I did as he said and opened my eyes slightly. The image of my father was blurry, but thankfully, he had not turned on the lights, so the change was merciful on my headache.

“Open your mouth, honey, and show me your tongue.” I couldn’t focus on why he wanted to do these things, but I did as I was told. After a few seconds, Dad sighed and took off his glasses. “Have you taken your pills tonight?”

The pills I was supposed to take were for my iron deficiency, something I’d had for as long as I could remember.

I tried to remember so that I could answer him, but thinking just increased the pounding in my skull. “I, uhm…I-I don’t know.”

Dad sighed again. “Bella, didn’t you listen to Carlisle when he talked about the pills? You can't be careless with them.”

I rubbed my hands over my face in hopes of waking up some more. “I'm sorry, Dad. I had this fight with Edward, and they just slipped my mind.”

“I understand, honey, but try to remember them. You have them for a reason.”

“I know that, I just forgot them tonight. It’s no big deal.” I got irritated with him. It wasn’t like I made a habit of not taking my pills. This was just one time, and it was because I’d gotten distracted by my fight with Edward.

“Bells, you know I’m just worried about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Nothing will happen. It was just one time, and I won’t do it again,” I snapped at him. Afterward, I felt a bit guilty. I’d still felt the emotions from the fight, and I’d let my anger out on Dad, unintentionally.

Dad was quiet for a moment, and I could feel how the guilt expanded in my body. It was up in my throat, causing me to feel like I would throw up. It wasn’t Dad’s fault, and he was the last one to deserve me snapping at him.

“I’ll get your pills,” he said quietly and stood up. I sighed and rose carefully from the chair to get a glass of water. My legs felt like spaghetti and black spots appeared in my vision. I had to take support on the counter until the dizziness disappeared.

Once my head had cleared, I got the glass of water and went back to the table. Dad came back a second later and handed me the pills. I shook out two and swallowed them together with a big gulp of water.

I looked down at the table, feeling too ashamed to look at my dad when I addressed him. “Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be short with you. It’s just that this fight with Edward got to me, and—”

“Hey, Bells, it’s okay. I understand.” I looked up and saw Dad smiling. I smiled back, relieved that he wasn’t angry with me. “C’mon, honey, I’ll help you up the stairs.” Dad got a good grip around my waist and shoulders and, with his help, I got up on the second floor without a problem.

I hated my iron deficiency. I already had bad coordination, but it only made it worse by making my head spin. Sometimes, it felt as if my head was disconnected from my body and those times that I actually fainted, the complete failure of the body was scary as hell.

In my room, Dad wished me goodnight and went into his own bedroom. I got undressed and crawled under my covers. Exhaling with relief, my body relaxed and I was soon asleep.

**~~LiS~~**

The next morning I woke up and felt a lot better–physically, at least. The headache was gone, I had regained the feeling in my fingertips, which always disappeared whenever I felt faint, and my energy was completely restored.

Mentally, I was still very tired. The fight with Edward was at the forefront of my mind. I just could not make sense of him. What had caused him to react like that?

Well, I wasn’t going to get any answers by lingering in bed. I would talk to him at school today. Hopefully, he would be more open and tell me what was going on.

I turned my head and looked at my clock. I immediately jumped out of bed when I saw that I’d overslept. I guess with everything that happened the night before, I’d forgotten to set my alarm. It was lucky for me that my first lesson for the day was English with Mr. Rodman. He was a very young teacher that didn’t give us a hard time as long as we did our best in class. He was stricter toward the slackers.

I decided that I did not have time for a shower, so after putting my birds nest up in a bun, I just dressed in the first clothes I could get my hand on.

Dad had already left for work, so the house was empty. When I entered the kitchen, I saw that everything had been cleaned away, and I sent out a mental “thank you” to Dad for taking care of what Edward and I left last night.

Since I was already late, I just grabbed a granola bar before walking out to my baby: a red Volkswagen R32. Dad bought it for my sixteenth birthday; apparently, he had saved for quite some time just so he could give me a decent car. Well, my baby was more than decent. It had been a new model when he bought it. Fortunately, he’d gotten the price down a bit by trading in the antique Chevy truck that had been on our driveway for forever.

I drove as fast as I legally dared, and was actually able to catch up on my lost time. The second bell rang as I hopped out of the car, and I hurried toward English. I decided I was going to talk with Edward during lunch period.

I was so occupied with my thoughts that I did not see Edward standing a few feet from the entrance. Had I seen him, I might have been able to get some of the answers I wanted by looking at his face; the dark circles underneath his eyes that indicated he’d had no sleep during the night, the pained expression on his face that did not match with the complete adoration that shone from his eyes when he saw me.

No, I did not notice any of that, but I don’t think I would have been able to interpret it for what it was had I actually seen it.

When the last bell rang, I had just opened my locker and shoved my jacket inside and retrieved my books before hurrying to class.

**~~LiS~~**

My last class before lunch was calculus with Mr. Mayer.

I had been anxious to talk to Edward the entire day, but I had no classes with him until after lunch, so I had to wait just one more hour.

I had this class with Alice, and I was hoping to see if Edward might have talked to her when he came home. Maybe he told her what was going through his head, and even though I wanted to hear it from Edward; it would feel good to get some kind of answer.

Alice was already in her chair when I entered the classroom. I quickly sat down next to her, but she did not turn to me. She always talked to me as soon as I sat down, so that made me suspicious. I looked at her and saw that she had masked her expression carefully. It looked like she was focused on the board up front, but I could see that she had a small excited glint in her eye. I instantly knew that Edward had told her, but she would not tell me for anything in the world.

What could possibly be so secret that not even Alice would tell me? She was never able to keep quiet about anything. When Edward had planned a surprise party for my eighteenth birthday, she had ratted him out a month before the party, and I had to act as if I had no clue. Edward realized it as soon as my reaction to the big “surprise” was over. He’d walked up to me and calmly asked if Alice had told me. I had not been able to contain my smile.

“Alice, did you see Edward when he came home last night?” I asked her to see if I could get a reaction out of her.

“Why?” Her expression did not change.

“I just wondered if he talked to you. We kind of had a fight last night, and I didn't really understand what it was about. Did he tell you anything?” Her mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile.

“No, I was already in bed when he came home.” She still didn't look at me.

"But didn’t you ride with him to school this morning?”

“Yes, but he did not say anything about a fight.” She was lying big time. She refused to look at me, and I could see her mask slipping by the second.

“Alice, you do know that I can see you’re lying, right?”

She swallowed. “I’m not lying.” Her eyes were completely glued to the board.

“Oh, really? Then why won’t you look at me?” I challenged.

Alice finally turned to me. Her expression was pleading. “Bella, please don’t push me on this. It’s not my place to tell.”

“That’s never stopped you before.”

“It’s diff–“

“Miss Cullen, Miss Swan. Is there something you would like to share with the class?” Mr. Mayer’s voice rang out. I had not even realized that the class had started, and I blushed deeply when everyone turned to look at us.

Mr. Mayer smirked when he saw how uncomfortable we became. I hated that man, and I hated the subject he taught as well. “No, it was nothing. Sorry, Mr. Mayer,” I said and quickly opened my math’s book.

When class ended, Alice practically flew from her chair and disappeared out the door. It was obvious she wanted to escape me and my questions.

James came up to me.

“What was that about?” He nodded toward the door where Alice had just disappeared.

I shrugged. “She thinks I’m asking too many questions.”

“About what?”

“Edward and I had a fight last night, and I wanted to see if Edward had told her anything.”

“Seriously? You and Edward had a fight? You guys never fight. What was it about?” James blinked a few times. He looked so confused; I couldn't help but smile at him.

“I don't know.”

“You don't know? How can you not know? You were there, right?”

I rolled my eyes at James. “Of course I was there. It's just that everything was just so fuzzy. One minute, Alice and I are talking about me going out with Riley Biers, and the next Edward tells me that he doesn't like the idea of me going on dates.” James frowned and looked like he tried to figure out a really hard equation. “Well, you're a guy. Do you know what that's about?” I continued.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Usually, when a guy acts like that it’s because he’s got f–”

“J, ready for lunch?” Garrett came up behind us and patted James back. I wanted to ask James what he was about to say, but Garrett had already started to drag him toward the cafeteria, and I had to jog to catch up to them.

The cafeteria was stuffed, and the line was insanely long. I had no patience to stand in line for food I would not eat–I was too worked up about my talk with Edward to feel any hunger–so instead I scanned the cafeteria for Edward's familiar form. He was not seated at our usual table, and for a second, I was worried that he would skip lunch to avoid me. He had been so hurt last night when I threw him out.

I spotted Edward in the line then, just paying for his food, and I sighed with relief. Perhaps he wasn’t avoiding me after all.

I walked slowly up to him and tapped his shoulder.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked when he turned around.

“Sure,” he said calmly and put his tray down on the table with our friends. They were all looking at us even if they tried to conceal it.

We walked side by side through the cafeteria. Edward had his hands in his pockets and strolled casually while I wrung my hands with nervousness. I could not explain why I was so nervous. Maybe I was scared of what I would find out.

Almost every person turned around to look as we passed. Everyone was used to seeing Edward and me together constantly, but they refused to believe that we were just friends. They always held their breath, hoping to catch us doing something that only couples did, since, according to them, Edward and I were involved in a secret relationship.

Outside the school, I steered my steps toward a collection of picnic tables and benches. It was away from the cafeteria windows, so we would not have to think about students looking out to watch us. I just could not understand why they were so interested in something that was none of their business.

I sat down and waited for Edward to join me. “So what was it you wanted to talk about?” He tried for a casual tone, but I could see right through him. He knew what I wanted to talk about, and he was not looking forward to it.

“Last night.” His jaw tensed a little and his eyes hardened, but had I not known him as well as I did, I wouldn't have been able to detect the change. Still, he took a deep breath and composed himself. He gave me a small smile as if to say that what happened was no big deal.

“Look, we had a fight. It's okay. Let's just forget it. All friends fight from time to time.”

I shook my head. “I can't forget it, Edward. It wasn’t just some insignificant fight we had. Sure, we've fought before about stupid little things, but it’s never been like last night. It was different, and I’m still having a hard time understanding exactly what we fought about.”

“Then why can't we just forget it? You don't even remember what it was about.” A desperate expression went over Edward’s face. Once again, I felt just a tiny bit hurt. What was it that he could tell Alice but not me?

“I said I didn’t understand it, not that I didn’t remember.” Edward lowered his gaze and studied his shoes. “Edward, I don't want to fight with you, but I need to know.” He raised his head slowly. I tried to get eye contact with him, but he refused to look into my eyes. Eventually, I gave up and lowered my own gaze to the ground. “Do you realize how much it hurts to know that you’re keeping something from me? Especially something that’s obviously important to you.”

“Why do you need to know everything? Why can’t we just have our secrets?” His voice was pained. It was as if he didn’t really want what he was asking for.

“It’s not that I _need_ to know.” I stood up from the bench and placed myself in front of Edward. He inclined his head back and squinted against the October sun. “I feel out of the loop here. We have always told each other everything. What’s changed for you to want to keep secrets?”

Edward rubbed his neck as he struggled to find the right words. “Nothing’s changed, really. I just think it will be good for us to have some kind of privacy.”

“Edward, it’s our lack of privacy that has made our relationship as tight as it is. Do you really want to change something that’s the foundation of our friendship?”

He shrugged, obviously at a loss on what to say.

“Okay, forget the whole secret thing,” I said after a moment. I was beginning to feel a tad bit irritated. “If you want privacy, fine, you can have your secrets.” Relief went through his entire body, but I was not finished. “But I do want to know from where this aversion to me dating came from.”

He frowned and buried his hands in his hair. Suddenly, his head shot up and he looked straight at me. There was intensity in his eyes that I rarely saw. He usually looked like this when he’d come to a conclusion of something that had plagued him for a long time.

“I guess I just feel protective of you, just like I would if it had been Alice.” There was something about him that told me he wasn’t completely honest, but I couldn’t pinpoint on what that something was.

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you saying that you reacted the way you did last night because your brotherly instincts kicked in?”

“Exactly.”

He was definitely lying, but for once I wasn’t going to call him out on it. He said he wanted to keep his secrets, so I wouldn’t push him. It was obvious he did not want to tell me his real reasons. I just hoped that he would tell me the truth one day, and not actually think I was stupid enough to believe the lie he just spat at me.

I shrugged. “Okay. I guess that would explain it.” I sighed internally then smiled at him. “But you said yourself that Riley’s a good guy. What more can a brother ask for his sister, right?” I winked at him.

It did not go unnoticed by me that his eyes went slightly darker when I mentioned Riley. It did not matter what he told me last night. He had something against Riley, something he did not want to tell me. It only lingered in his eyes for a second, though, because the next he smiled back at me and nudged my leg with his knee.

“I guess you’re right,” he said. I bent down and put my arms around his neck. He put his hands on my waist and squeezed. Had I not been so focused on the strange feeling I felt when I’d called Edward my brother, I probably would have caught Edward as he inhaled the scent of my hair deep into his lungs.

 


	4. Chapter 3 Riley

**CHAPTER 3 RILEY**

“Bella!” I turned around when I heard my name being called out. Riley Biers was coming my way, slightly flushed and out of breath after running to catch up with me. Once he reached me, he bent down and rested his hands on his thighs while catching his breath. He looked up at me and smiled. “Hey,” he said.

I laughed softly. “Hi,” I replied.

Riley straightened up, towering over me with his six feet, and ran his hand through his dark blonde hair to get it out of his eyes. “How are you?” he asked when he had his breathing back under control.

My smile widened. I liked how polite Riley was. It was rare for guys to act with politeness instead of what was seen as cool. “I’m just fine. How about you?”

“I’m great. You know, I was going to ask you if you’re available on Friday.” His brown eyes were so open and kind. I almost got lost in them before I realized that I had to answer him.

“I’m sorry. I have plans with Edward on Friday.”

Riley’s smile faded. “Oh, I apologize. I didn’t know you were dating.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “What? Oh no, god no! Edward and I are not dating. We’re just friends,” I reassured him. I did not want to lose the chance of going out with Riley because of a misunderstanding. “He’s been my best friend since we were eight, and his parents have invited me over for dinner on Friday.”

Riley’s smile returned. “Right. So are you available on Saturday?”

I pretended to think about it. “I don’t know, let me see…” Because it was my nature, I couldn’t let the chance to tease him pass. “Well, I was supposed to go to lunch with Garrett and then dinner with Ben before going to the movies with James. What do you say about making it a breakfast date?”

Riley’s expression was priceless and it cracked me up completely. I lightly shoved his shoulder. “I’m just kidding with you, Riley. I’d love to go out with you on Saturday,” I said through my laughter.

Riley scratched his head with an amused expression. “You sure are something else, Bella. I’ll pick you up at seven.” He started to back away.

“Great, I can’t wait.” He waved at me and disappeared around a corner. I looked to my right when I heard whispering and saw a group of juniors throwing jealous glances my way. I did not blame them. Riley was every girl’s dream guy. He was popular, but not a bully; he was intelligent, but not in a way that would make one feel stupid in his presence; he was insanely attractive, but not arrogant about it. All in all, he was as close to the perfect guy as you could get.

I turned so that I was facing the direction of the girls. They tried to avert their gazes and pretend like they had not just been openly staring at me. “That’s right, girls. I’ve got a date with Riley Biers this Saturday.” I winked at them and turned my back to him. I froze for a second when I saw Edward standing twenty feet away with a sour expression.

“You okay?” I asked, and he immediately composed himself and smiled. The smile did not reach his eyes.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s get to class,” he said and started to walk in the direction of the classroom. I jogged slightly to catch up and looked at him worriedly. He had changed during the past weeks, and not in a way that I liked.

The walk to class was quiet and it was the first time ever that I felt uncomfortable with Edward.

**~~LiS~~**

At lunch, I told the others about Riley.

Alice squealed but did not seem as excited as I thought she would. It was as if she had feelings that were at war with themselves. I could see that she was excited for me, but there was something else there as well.

However, when I told her she could fix me up for the date, her hesitance disappeared completely. She immediately started talking a mile a minute about shopping, clothes, and accessories. I shut her out after a few minutes when it became too much for me. I had never been what one would call a girly girl and shopping was something that was pretty low on my list of fun things to do. That was why I always gave that responsibility to Alice, which she gladly took as long as I indulged her once in a while and came along.

I would guess that was why my best friend was a guy instead of his twin sister.

The guys’ girlfriends–Angela, Kate, and Victoria–were all excited for me as well.

“You're so lucky to be asked out by Riley,” Victoria said to me. James did not comment on it. They had a very open relationship, and neither of them ever got jealous unless the other gave them a really good reason to be. I was pretty sure they’d gone on separate dates in the past as well, but I had never really asked James about the details of his relationship. Victoria was a nice girl, very bold and sarcastic, and she just fit right in with James.

“Bella, you’re still coming on Friday, right?” Alice asked me, and I nodded. “Good, then you can sleep over and we’ll go shopping early on Saturday.”

“We can help you get ready,” Kate, Garrett’s girlfriend, said. “We can all get together at Alice’s after lunch and have a girls’ night while you’re on your date.”

Alice agreed and the four girls immediately started to plan. They actually seemed more excited about my date than I was.

Garrett, James, and Ben didn't listen. They ate in silence and looked quite bored. Only when Edward joined our table did they start up a conversation with him. For the first time ever our table looked divided. The girls’ table on the right and the guys’ table on the left.

I wanted to include Edward in my excitement about Riley, him being my best friend and all, but I had a feeling he wouldn't be that enthusiastic about it and I did not want a repeat of what happened that night at my house.

I don’t think I would ever be able to talk about boys with Edward.

**~~LiS~~**

“I think we should focus the makeup on the eyes and go for nude or light pink lipstick. Maybe even just a sheer gloss,” Alice said while looking through her impressive makeup collection. “Her dress is such a bright color, and we don’t want her to look messy with too much going on.”

Kate turned the chair I was in around to face her and studied me closely. “What do you say about a light smoky eye with brown colors? It will really enhance her skin tone and if we only use light shades it will look more natural.”

Tonight was my date with Riley, and I was currently being made over by the girls. I had already been here for three hours, getting manicures and pedicures, facial masks and waxing. It had been insane and I was just so relieved that the painful parts were over. Now only the harmless parts were ahead of me–makeup, hair, and getting dressed.

During the shopping with Alice, I’d found this really cute dress. It was orange with a layered skirt and spaghetti straps.

I had to admit that the shopping had not been as bad as I’d feared. I’d had a good time with Alice, trying on different dresses and people-watching while having lunch.

Alice and I very rarely hung out alone as Edward was usually with us, and I realized that I liked being seen as a girl for once, even though I wasn’t a girly girl. Alice and I were the only girls that were really included in the gang and most of the time I was seen as one of the guys.

The only time during the day that a discussion started between me and Alice was when she tried to drag me into a lingerie store. I’d tried to tell her that I had absolutely no need for sexy underwear on the first date.

She’d replied by telling me that sexy lingerie made women feel powerful and confident, but I’d refused. I had nice enough underwear, and I did not need anything with lace.

“How should we put her hair?” Angela asked while drying my damp hair with a towel.

“Well, her hair's too long to do a complete updo and they’re not going anywhere fancy.” Alice checked her mental list for hairstyles that would fit my date with Riley. I knew better than to give my own opinion. If I had decided, it would've been a simple ponytail.

After my hair was completely dry, Victoria started to play around with my hair. “Alice, could you come here with the dress? I want to see something.”

Alice was gone for about a minute then came back with the bag in which my dress was in.

Victoria held up the dress in front of me and swept all of my hair to the side so that it fell over my left shoulder. “We could make a side braid. It would look really cute with the dress,” she said and looked over at the others. They all nodded in agreement.

“Wow, she's got a lot of hair,” Angela exclaimed when she separated my hair into three sections. “Will this work?” she asked, sounding very skeptical.

“Of course, it will only look better with thick hair. C'mon, let's get this done. It's only two hours until Riley picks her up at her place and we have to put on her makeup as well,” Victoria said while sniffing at the different perfumes on Alice's table. She was trying to decide which one would go for a first date.

Only ten minutes before Riley was supposed to pick me up, I was dropped at my place, fully fixed from head to toe. When Dad saw me, he gave out a low whistle and said that Riley would have to look after me closely tonight. I rolled my eyes at that and went for the door when the doorbell rang.

When I opened the door, Riley’s eyes widened and he looked slightly awed. “Wow, Bella. Just...Wow!”

I giggled. “I see your vocabulary is slightly limited so I'll just do the talking tonight,” I teased and winked.

He laughed at that. “I guess no matter how much makeup you wear, you'll always be the Bella we all know under there,” he said and offered me his hand.

“You're absolutely right,” I said and accepted his offer.

**~~LiS~~**

“So do you have any special plans for college?”

“I don’t have a special school in mind, but I do want to study journalism.”

“So you want to be a journalist?”

“Not necessarily. I do want to write for a living, but it doesn’t have to be as a journalist.” I brought a fork of the chocolate cake I was having for dessert to my mouth. It did not go unnoticed that Riley followed the movement with his eyes, and I smiled. “What about you? Any special plans for the fall?”

He did not answer as he was still staring at my mouth. I gently cleared my throat, and his eyes snapped from my mouth to my eyes. I raised my eyebrow at him and his cheeks went slightly red when he realized he’d been caught. “What did you say?” he asked. His blush deepened.

My smile widened as I repeated my question.

Riley and I had come off to a really good start and I was having a really good time. He was kind and funny and so charming. So far, there wasn’t anything I didn’t like about the guy.

“I want to study psychology in Florida.”

“Really? Why psychology?” I put down my fork and leaned forward on my arms.

“The human mind has always interested me. I’ve always wanted to study it. It’s just something fascinating about the brain and how it works,” Riley replied and put down his own fork. He looked up at me with a smoldering look that made my insides clench. “I don’t want to become a shrink. I want to be a scientist that focuses on the brain. Find out what signals it sends out that causes our bodies to react in certain ways in different situations. For example…” He reached out and covered my hand with his. I swallowed as an electric current went through my arm. “…attraction for the opposite sex. The brain sends out signals to our erogenous zones to make them more sensitive when we feel attraction.” I was completely locked in Riley’s eyes while he talked. My breathing quickened as did my heartbeat.

The air was static around us and we were completely quiet, probably thinking the exact same thing at that moment.

The waitress walked past our table and the bubble burst. I inhaled sharply and leaned back in my chair. “Wow, that’s really quite fascinating,” I said to try and get the atmosphere back to normal. The air was just filled with tension and not the bad kind. I needed some fresh air, so I suggested for us to take a walk after paying the bill.

Riley agreed, looking just as flustered as I felt. It seemed like he was just as affected as I was. I knew that I was attracted to Riley from the start, but after his little speech, it had gotten to a whole new level.

During our walk, we kept to “safe” subjects so that another situation like the one at the restaurant would not happen. We talked mostly about our likes and dislikes, school, our families, and friends. Riley had this air about him that made me open up, so by the time we reached his car, he knew about my mom’s suicide and how I was the one that found her.

“Did you ever talk to anyone about it?”

“Yes, I was sent to several psychologists, but it’s hard for a four-year-old girl to talk about something she doesn’t quite understand. At that age, it’s impossible to comprehend that someone can be so unhappy that they want to take their own life.” I leaned against the car’s body and looked straight at Riley. “I did not care that my mom was suddenly in a wheelchair. She was still my mommy, and I thought that Dad and I were enough for her to continue on. We obviously weren’t.” I shrugged and took a deep breath before lowering my eyes to the ground. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to end our date on this gloomy note.”

“Hey,” he said and put his hand underneath my chin so that I would look at him. “It’s okay. I want to get to know you, and the pain of losing your mother is a part of you.” His face was sincere and kind. “Don’t ever be afraid of telling me anything. I’m a good listener, and from now on, you can come to me anytime that you feel the need to talk, alright?”

I nodded and smiled. “Thank you.”

Riley slowly leaned forward and kissed my cheek. The place where his lips touched my skin burned and I couldn’t stop myself from touching it with my fingers. The feelings that heated me up from the inside were completely new to me, and I looked forward to exploring them with a guy like Riley.

**~~LiS~~**

“Thank you for asking me out. I had a great time tonight,” I told Riley as he walked me to my door.

“Me too. I hope we can do it again sometime.”

“I’d love that.” For a long moment, we just stood opposite of each other on the porch without saying anything. I got completely lost in Riley’s eyes as he looked at me, and I could feel a blush burn my cheeks.

“I don’t know if it would be inappropriate on a first date, but I’d really like to kiss you.” My heart skipped a beat. I was just about to give my permission for him to do exactly that when I saw the curtain flutter in the window by the door. I sighed internally.

“As much as I would want that, we’ve got an audience,” I said and nodded toward the window where I could now see my dad looking out. He wasn’t even trying to be discreet. Riley turned around and caught Dad’s eye. He gave him a hesitant wave and turned back to me looking utterly embarrassed.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave.” I nodded, feeling very disappointed that I would not get a kiss, but then Riley leaned forward and surprised me by touching his lips to mine for a second. I heard how Dad started to fight with the lock on the door, and I just had to laugh when Riley leaned away. He laughed along with me. “I’ll see you on Monday, Bella,” he said before sprinting for his car. He had already started the engine when Dad finally succeeded in opening the door.

“I hope that boy did not do what I believe he did," Dad said and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to look intimidating.

I just patted his shoulder. “Just relax, Dad, or you’ll give yourself a heart attack.” I walked inside and went directly up to my room. I wanted to savor my memories of the night without any disturbance from my father.

 


	5. Chapter 4 Virgin

**CHAPTER 4 VIRGIN**

_3 MONTHS LATER_

“So how’s the boyfriend?” Edward asked me while he tried to find his notebook in the mess that was his locker. Not that I had any right to say anything about it; my locker wasn’t much better than his. Mostly I just shoved my books inside and dug out the next before rushing to class.

“Riley’s great. We’re going to an open mike tonight.” I was thrilled that Edward finally seemed to accept Riley. It had taken some time for him to stop scowling whenever I mentioned Riley’s name, but now he was actually really civil about it all. The only occasion he got that dark look in his eyes again was when Riley was a bit too touchy when Edward was near.

In the beginning, I’d asked him about it, but he only gave me the same explanation as before. He also said that he didn’t like to see boys touching me in inappropriate ways in public since that could hurt my reputation.

I knew that he was still lying to me about this whole brotherly protectiveness, but he simply refused to give me another explanation, so I shrugged it off. He would hopefully come around eventually and tell me what it really was about.

I closed the door to my locker and waited for Edward to be done so that we could go to class. “What about you? How are things going in the love department?”

“Why do you ask?” he said with his head still hidden in his locker.

“No special reason. But I did see something in the parking lot yesterday.” Edward reappeared and looked at me questioningly.

“Which was?”

I smiled teasingly. “I saw you standing very close to that girl you have English with. You know– the tall, black-haired girl. What’s her name again?”

Edward’s eyebrows went up with genuine surprise. “You mean Linda? We were discussing an upcoming English project, and she’s my assigned partner.”

“Yeah, right. Let’s just say for a second that I believe you.” I giggled when he blushed. “I know for a fact that Linda likes you.”

Edward finally found his notebook and closed his locker. “Then you should tell her that she’s wasting her time,” he said in a brusque tone and began walking toward class. I was momentarily shocked, so when I regained control over my limbs again, I had to run to catch up with him.

“Why is she wasting her time? She’s an attractive girl, don’t you think?” I was a bit bewildered. I thought any guy would jump with joy if it came out that an attractive girl was interested in him.

“Sure, she looks nice, but I’m not interested.”

“Why wouldn’t you be interested? You’re single and available and so is she. What’s stopping you?” I saw how Edward clenched his teeth and I frowned. I gripped his arm to make him stop walking and looked him closely in the eyes. “You are single and available, right? Or is there something you haven’t told me?” Edward averted his gaze and I gasped. “Is that what you’ve been hiding from me?” A grin was slowly forming. “Who is it? Someone I know?”

Edward’s eyes snapped back to mine and the pure intensity in them made my insides clench. “Why are you pushing this?” he asked in a low voice.

My grin disappeared when I realized that Edward was not in the mood for teasing. “I’m sorry, I just thought that–”

“Yeah, well, you thought wrong.” Edward walked past me and left me standing alone in the corridor. I was completely shocked. I had never seen Edward act so defensive. It was obvious that he wasn’t interested in dating Linda because there was someone else, but who? What was it about this person that made him feel so ashamed of telling me?

I was just about to go after him when two arms wound around my waist. “Hey, baby,” Riley whispered into my ear and nuzzled it with his nose before kissing a spot just below my earlobe, which he knew drove me crazy.

He settled his chin on my shoulder. “You still up for tonight? We could wait if you’re having second thoughts.” He was not referring to open mike night.

Riley and I had been an official couple for about two months and we had decided that we wanted to take the next step forward in our relationship. In our case it was sex and we had planned for it to happen tonight. I was, however, incredibly nervous because I was a virgin with no clue of what to do. The one thing I did know was that I wanted it to happen.

I entwined my fingers with Riley’s on my stomach and shook my head. “I’m not having second thoughts.”

“You’re sure? I wouldn’t blame you if you had.” I smiled. Riley must have been the most considerate guy I’d ever met. He was not one of those guys that thought you had to have sex immediately. He always thought of me first, and that was one of the reasons that I was well on my way to falling in love with him.

I turned around in his arms and wound my arms around his neck. “I am completely sure,” I said with conviction and captured his mouth with mine.

I totally forgot where I was when Riley asked for permission to enter my mouth by licking my bottom lip. I moaned embarrassingly loud, and it caused me to blush deeply when I heard the clearing of a throat behind me.

I untangled myself from Riley’s grip and turned around. My English teacher, Mr. Rodman, was watching us with an amused smile.

“Miss Swan. Mr. Biers. I have to say that your behavior is not appropriate here at school. Now go to class, both of you.” The smile stayed on while he “scolded” us, and we smiled right back at him before making our way to class.

“I'll see you later, okay,” Riley said when we were about to part. I nodded and shared a quick kiss with him before entering my classroom.

Inside, I saw Edward sitting at our table with a tense expression on his face, and I was instantly reminded of how irritated he was with me before. I had not meant to pry, but when one’s best friend is seemingly interested in someone, you can’t help but be curious. I just hoped that he wasn’t too mad at me.

I gently sat down next to him, and I saw how he tensed slightly. I sighed. “Are you still mad at me?” I asked. All I got for an answer was a shrug.

“You know I was only teasing you, right?” I just got another shrug, and I frowned. I decided to let him be for the duration of the class. Maybe he just needed to calm down.

Edward did not say a single thing to me during the entire hour and I slowly grew more irritated. He did not even give me a proper response when I asked him a class-related question. My irritation quickly developed into anger when he got out of his seat and left the room without so much as looking at me at the end of class.

I’d had enough of his bad mood and I determinedly followed him. He did not acknowledge me.

I reached out, grabbed his arm, and turned him around so that he was facing me. His expression was still tense and it only angered me further. It wasn’t like I had deliberately done anything to make him angry. I had only teased him, and that gave him no reason to act the way he did.

“Look, I don’t know what your problem is, but I'm getting really fucking tired of it.” His eyes widened when he understood that I was genuinely angry at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. “No, I want you to listen to me and listen real hard. As I said, I don't know what's wrong with you, and frankly, I don't care, but if you keep up with this shit, I don’t think I’ll be able to be your best friend anymore. I'm not sure I'll even be able to be your friend.” I released his arm and walked away. For once, he did not stop me.

**~~LiS~~**

When the last bell rang I was already out in the parking lot, looking for Riley. I spotted him leaning against his car, reading a book, and I ran up to him. He looked up when he heard my footsteps and smiled when he saw me. I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. He got a little thrown off by it but was soon into the kiss. When I pulled back, he studied me closely.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

I looked down, feeling the sadness creep up on me. When I walked away from Edward, I’d been so angry, and still was, but now that I’d calmed down, I could feel my own words cut at my heart. I’d practically told him that I didn’t want to be his friend even though that was an outright lie.

“No, I’m not alright.” I closed my eyes to prevent the tears from pouring down my cheeks. “I had a fight with Edward.”

“Yeah, I heard.” Riley hugged me close to him, and I instantly felt much better. “We can still postpone tonight if you don’t feel up to it,” he whispered in my ear.

“No,” I said without hesitation. “I won’t let Edward ruin this for us.” I looked up at him and smiled reassuringly. “C'mon, let’s get out of here.”

I got into the passenger seat and put on my seatbelt. I saw Edward walking toward his car when I looked out through the windshield. He scanned the parking lot and locked eyes with me when he spotted me in Riley’s car. His eyes were pleading, but I did not let myself be affected by it. I fixed my face into a mask and stared back at him coldly.

He couldn't keep doing this. It wasn’t fair of him to make me feel guilty for something that wasn’t my intention, then make me angry at him and the next second look at me with those green eyes or smile and believe that everything was right between us. I would not take it anymore–not this time.

I might be able to be his friend again someday, but for that to happen he needed to make some serious changes and admit that he’d been a complete jerk.

I looked away from his eyes when Riley pulled out of the parking lot.

**~~LiS~~**

My nerves made themselves known when I entered Riley’s room.

I had not thought of how the night would end at all for the entire open mike night, which had been Riley’s intent when he suggested for us to go. He hoped that if my mind was preoccupied when we were out, I wouldn’t be too nervous when we got to his place.

It had worked…until now.

Riley was downstairs looking to see if they had anything to drink, and I reveled in the minutes I got alone so that I could calm down.

Everything felt so surreal. I just could not comprehend the fact that after tonight, I would no longer be a virgin. It scared me a bit. I was afraid that it would hurt a lot, even though I knew Riley would be gentle with me.

I was also completely terrified that I wouldn’t be able to satisfy Riley. Unlike me, he wasn’t a virgin. He knew what he was doing and it made me equally calm and nervous. I felt reassured that there would be no fumbling around and unsure touches on his part, but I also felt pressured since Riley had those other girls to compare me with.

What if I wasn’t any good? Would he tell me or lie to me about it?

By the time Riley joined me with two beers, I was on the verge of having a panic attack. He offered me one of the bottles and I took a big gulp, almost choking in the process.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Mhmm.” My response was muffled by the bottle, so I nodded instead. I don’t think I convinced him because he took my beer from me and put it down on his nightstand next to his own.

“Bella, talk to me. Tonight is a night where you really have to be open with me.”

I started to chew on my thumbnail, and I mentally scolded myself. I had stopped that bad habit a long time ago and I was not going to start again tonight. I dropped my hand to my side and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just nervous,” I admitted.

“That’s understandable. I was too when I was in your position.” He grabbed my hand and led me to the bed so that we could sit down. “Tell me what you’re nervous about. Talking about it will help, trust me.”

I looked away from him, feeling too embarrassed to look at him when I revealed what was on my mind. “What if I can’t make it good for you,” I said lowly and a blush burned my cheeks.

I felt Riley’s hand touch my heated cheek, and I slowly turned so that he could see my face.

“Don’t be embarrassed. That’s one of the most common concerns when it comes to sex, and not just for virgins. I am completely terrified as well. You only get one first time, and if I can’t make it good for you, I’ll have ruined it completely.” His eyes were sincere and I felt how my heartbeat calmed down considerably. It felt good to know that I wasn’t the only one that was nervous.

“Let’s just go with the flow and see where it goes,” he continued, and I nodded slowly.

Riley’s gaze traveled down to my mouth, and I instinctively licked my lips. When he started to lean forward, my mouth got all dry and I tried to swallow. My eyes closed of their own accord when our lips were nearly touching.

The electric zing that went through my body when our mouths met made me gasp. I had not felt that kind of thing since our first real kiss. It was as if my body knew that something new and unexplored was about to happen.

Still feeling nervous, I hesitantly opened my mouth to deepen the kiss. I moaned softly when our tongues tangled with each other, and I placed my hands in his hair. His hair was the perfect length. Not too long, just long enough for me to be able to grab it and pull.

He groaned into my mouth, and the vibrations went through my body and settled between my legs as a wonderful ache. I had never masturbated, but I did know that the ache was an indication that I was feeling aroused.

Riley started to lean forward and I was soon on my back with him hovering above me. My hands roamed from his hair to his neck, over his shoulder, and down his back. The feeling of his muscles tensing underneath my hands made me shiver with delight. I wanted to feel his bare skin, so I moved my hands under his shirt. His skin was warm, smooth, and soft.

When Riley pulled back from the kiss, I opened my eyes and looked straight into his. They were dark and intense with lust, but I could also see something else. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but it was clearly a very strong emotion.

Something hard rubbed against my leg and it took me about two seconds to realize that it was Riley’s erection. A surge of nervousness went through me, and I swallowed thickly. This was the point of no return. I had to go through with it now.

I couldn’t look into his eye anymore, so I turned my head to the side.

“Don’t,” he said softly and placed his hand on my cheek to turn my head back over. “I understand that you’re nervous and if you want to stop, you just have to say it.” He shifted his weight which caused me to feel his hardness again. He immediately understood what had my nerves come back. “Bella, don’t feel like you can’t say no just because I’m hard. Yes, I want you, and I’m not going to deny it, but this is completely on your terms.”

He was so sweet and looking into his eyes and seeing nothing but complete honesty made my nerves disappear almost completely. It felt so good to know that he meant it when he said that we could stop whenever if I said so. But there was still one thing that worried me.

“Will it hurt a lot?” I asked quietly.

His gaze softened even more. “I wish I could give you a definite answer, but I can’t. I’ve never been with a virgin before, so I don’t have any personal experience, but I think it’s different for everyone.”

I nodded and inhaled deeply. I had to stop thinking about everything around it. I knew, or at least, I hoped, that everything would just come naturally when we got into it.

I decided it was time to move forward, so before I lost my nerve, I started to unbutton his shirt one button at a time. My hands were shaking, but Riley wasn’t rushing me, so by the time the last button was undone, they had stopped.

Hesitantly, I let my hands caress his stomach and chest, and I automatically looked into Riley’s eyes for confirmation that what I did was good.

He smiled gently. “Don’t worry, Bella. Unless you do something that could hurt me, I don’t think it’s possible to do wrong.”

My heart was in my throat and we had not even taken our clothes off yet.

I wanted Riley to do something. Kiss me or touch me. Anything that would make me feel less in the spotlight. “Touch me,” I whispered barely audibly, feeling slightly afraid to tell him to do something.

Without hesitating, Riley ran his hands up my sides in a slow, sensual move. When his hands were on the way down again, he shifted his weight so that he could move his hands underneath my blouse. “I want to see you,” he said, and I lifted my arms so that he could remove the obscuring fabric.

I had contemplated buying lingerie for the night, but when I stood outside the store, I had chickened out. Besides, the simple black set I was wearing was nice enough. When I’d put it on, I’d thought that if the night went as planned, I wouldn’t be wearing it for long anyway.

Riley’s gaze was heated as it roamed over my covered breasts and my skin broke out in goosebumps. I was fairly sure that he could see my heart beating when his eyes lingered on my left breast.

Feeling slightly bold, I unclasped my bra in the front and let the cups fall away to reveal my naked breasts to Riley for the first time. My nipples pebbled in the slightly colder room, and I was pretty sure I saw Riley lick his lips.

My chest was heaving with every breath I took and Riley just couldn’t tear his eyes away. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable which Riley understood when I moved slightly.

“You are so beautiful,” he reassured me and stroked my cheek. Leaning down, he gave me a lingering kiss while removing his unbuttoned shirt.

Removing the weight entirely from his arms, our naked chests were flush against each other. His torso was very hot against my skin, but the feel of his body so close to mine felt right.

Our kisses got deeper and our hands started to roam. My heart was still beating furiously in my chest, but for a totally different reason now as the ache between my legs had gotten considerably stronger.

Riley started to kiss down my throat and went even lower still, but I did not stop him. I wanted what was going to happen, but I had no idea of what to do. I trusted Riley, so I was going to follow his lead.

His lips closed around one of my nipples and my inner muscles clenched. It felt amazing and the sensations just added up when he used his hand to gently fondle my other breast.

The ache had gotten almost painful, and I needed friction to soothe it. I shifted slightly and rubbed my thighs together to see if that would help. It didn’t, and a whimpering sound escaped me.

“Riley, take off my pants,” I said breathlessly. The warmth of his mouth on my breast had filled me entirely, and I felt kind of lightheaded when all the sensations went to my head.

Riley did not stop what he was doing when his hands went down to the button on my jeans. He easily popped it open and pulled down the zipper. We pulled them down together until I couldn’t reach any longer and he pulled them off altogether by himself.

Even though I was only in my panties, I didn’t feel very exposed or naked. Not with the way that Riley looked at me with adoration in his eyes.

With feather-light touches, his fingertips caressed all over my thighs. When they hooked underneath my panties, though, I had to stop him.

“Wait,” I said and sat up. Riley gazed into my eyes with an almost worried expression. I guess I would also have been quite worried had I been him. Everything had progressed so well up to this point and now I was suddenly stopping. Now it was my turn to reassure him. “I don’t want to stop, but I want you to take off your pants first.” I eyed his jeans and he exhaled with relief. I just couldn’t stop myself from teasing him. “I thought you said we could stop whenever if I said so.”

He chuckled. “I did, and I do mean that, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t be incredibly hard. No pun intended.” He winked, and I giggled. This was exactly what I needed for the last of my nerves to disappear.

“Just take off your pants,” I ordered in a mocking voice.

“Yes, ma’am.” The amused glint in Riley’s eyes stayed and he did not remove his gaze from mine as he popped the button and unzipped his jeans. Still without breaking our eye contact, he moved from the bed and pulled his pants down. I was momentarily distracted when I saw the tent in the front of his boxers.

My nerves tried to make themselves known again, but I shook them off. This was going to happen, and I wanted it.

Realizing that I felt more comfortable while teasing, I continued. “Nice.” I nodded toward the previously mentioned tent.

Riley grinned and got onto the bed again. I lay down and he got right on top of me, this time between my legs. His erection pushed into my center and gave me the friction I desperately needed before. My hand grabbed his upper arm hard when a very pleasurable shock went through my body.

“Are you okay?” The teasing was gone from Riley’s voice. He was probably worried that I wanted to stop when my entire body tensed up.

“I’m perfect. Do that again.”

“Do what?” he asked.

“What you did before, with your hips. It felt good.”

“You mean this?” He made a slow thrust with his hips and that same shock went through my body.

“Yes, that feels really good,” I said through a moan. I was really glad that we were alone in the house. It would be completely embarrassing if Riley’s parents had heard us have sex, and they would definitely suspect it if they’d heard my moan.

I put both of my hands on Riley’s face and pulled him down for a kiss. I wanted him closer, but the kiss did not feel like enough because the need didn’t go away. I was writhing underneath him, feeling very uncomfortable when I couldn’t get whatever it was I needed.

My fingers raked down Riley’s back in frustration and settled on his hips where I gripped him hard. It was when I felt the fabric of his boxers that I understood where the frustration came from. My body was telling me that I was more than ready to cross home base and I was denying it what it wanted.

“Riley,” I breathed out. “I’m ready.”

He supported himself on his elbows to look into my eyes, probably searching for any kind of hesitance. He could not find it because it wasn’t there. Not anymore.

With slow movements, Riley first removed my panties and then his boxers. I was relieved that he did not pay as much visual attention to my intimate parts as he did with my breasts. That would have made me uncomfortable. Even so, I could not stop myself from staring at him as his member stood at attention. I could not determine if it was big or not–I did not exactly have anything to compare with–but I was worried if it would fit.

Deep inside, I knew that was a silly thought. If women were able to press out babies, a penis of Riley’s size would fit without a problem. My nerves were back, though, and that was why I had those thoughts.

Riley settled between my legs, but he did not move his hips. I could feel him against my center, but not close to my entrance. I could feel how his hand explored the length of my body until it was close to my pubic bone. I instantly understood that his intention was to touch me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, feeling very self-conscious. I could feel the wetness on my inner thighs, and I was afraid that he would be disgusted if he felt that with his hand.

“I’ve heard that girls don’t usually orgasm during their first time, but I do want to make this pleasurable for you in any way I can. Will you let me touch you?” His pupils were dilated with arousal and his cheeks were flushed. His entire being just screamed of lust, and I could feel myself get even wetter.

After thinking about if for a few seconds, I gave him my permission by nodding. His hand immediately continued down and when his fingers grazed my slit, that pleasurable shock from before went through my body again but with more power this time. My hips instinctively bucked and my back arched.

Riley’s fingers were very sure as they moved over me and the more he touched me, the more intense the heat inside me became. Something reminding me of a coil tensed deep in my lower stomach.

“Oh, Riley, that feels so–” I was unable to finish that sentence because Riley’s thumb pressed down on my clitoris. The coil sprang loose and wave after wave of pleasure coursed through me, and I was panting hard as my inner muscles clenched and unclenched in rhythm with the waves.

I was still pretty dazed when I felt how Riley slowly, but surely, entered me. The muscles in my back tensed up when the burn of being stretched in ways I was not used to started.

I was very glad that the aftermath of my orgasm was still going through my body. The clenching of my lower muscles helped me cope with the burn.

It did not hurt in the way I thought it would. It was more uncomfortable than painful, and it was doable. Riley was completely still inside me while my body got accustomed to him.

I was eventually able to relax, and I heard how Riley sighed with relief when I gave him the okay to move.

The feeling of him sliding in and out of me was strange. It was like having a metal pipe covered with some soft material inside my body.

Riley had his entire weight supported on his arms as he was thrusting in and out. His eyes were closed, almost as if in concentration. Small sounds escaped him every time his hips met mine. Had I been listening on the other side of the door, I would have thought that he might have been in pain.

With one last drawn-out groan, Riley’s entire body tensed, and I could see every taut muscle in his torso and arms. His hips were completely flush with mine, and his hands were in tight fists next to my shoulders.

He stayed like that for a few seconds then collapsed on his side next to me. His breathing was labored, and his forehead was slightly sweaty. A few strips of hair had fallen into his eyes and I tenderly brushed them away. His eyes were still closed, but he smiled at me when I did that.

I became sleepy while I studied his face and my eyes closed of their own accord.

I felt the bed move as Riley got up, but he came back only seconds later. I did not know what he’d done, and I could not find the energy to ask.

I felt complete bliss as I fell asleep in his arms.

 


	6. Chapter 5 I'm Sorry

**CHAPTER 5 I’M SORRY**

I woke up the next morning feeling like I had not moved at all during the entire night. My body ached slightly, kind of like when I’d had a good workout, but I also felt completely rested and satisfied.

I had expected some kind of soreness between my legs, but I was actually fine except for some aching pressure around my groin area. This, however, only bothered me when I moved too much.

I reveled in the fact that it was Saturday and neither of us had anywhere to be. We could just lie here for the entire day if we wanted.

Riley’s arm was slung over me from behind. I could not remember how we’d fallen asleep the night before, but we had ended up in a spooning position.

I gently took a hold of Riley’s hand and started to play with his fingers. His breathing became slightly shallower as he started to wake up, and I turned around to face him. He gave me a sleepy smile and pulled me tighter against his body.

I wound my arms around his neck and gave him a closed mouth kiss. I didn’t go any further than that because I was pretty sure I had morning breath, and I didn’t want to ruin the moment.

Riley turned over on his back and brought me with him so that I was resting against his chest. My ear was pressed against his heart, and the rhythmic movement of his breathing made me feel totally at ease. I never wanted this moment to end. I felt so calm.

Riley’s hand was stroking up and down my arm, creating goose bumps and making me shiver.

Our little bubble could not last forever, though. It burst with the sound of my cell phone starting to ring. I ignored it, not feeling like getting out of the bed, but the serene atmosphere had been disrupted. I sighed deeply.

I think Riley wanted to distract me because he started to tickle me. He knew I was freakishly ticklish on my sides, and he soon had me screaming and begging for mercy–my stomach hurt from laughing so hard.

We ended up with me on top, straddling his hips. I was very aware that we were still naked, and I couldn’t help but blush when I felt how hard he was. I wasn’t going to lie and say that I wasn’t aroused myself–the delicious throbbing between my legs could stand witness to that–but I felt a lot more exposed in the light of the morning compared to the previous night.

Riley stroked my cheek. “Don’t worry. I won’t force you to do anything, especially if you’re sore.” He misinterpreted my blush, and I was quick to shake my head.

“No, I’m not sore. I just…” I glanced toward the window where the light seeped in and understanding colored Riley’s eyes.

So fast I did not even register it, I was flipped over on my back. Riley was still between my legs and with a wink, he brought the cover over our heads. Darkness enveloped us, and I couldn’t stop myself from giggling at Riley’s action.

My giggle transformed into a throaty moan when Riley’s fingers grazed my nipple.

When Riley and I reappeared from underneath the covers, it felt like my body was made out of Jell-O.

My ringtone echoed through the room again, and I groaned with frustration. I threw the cover away from my legs and got up from the bed, determined to shut off my phone so that whoever was calling me would leave me alone.

Edward’s name flashed on the screen, and I got the urge to throw the device at the wall, but I did not do that. Instead, I just calmly shut off the power and put my cell back in my bag.

“Who was it?” Riley asked from the bed.

“Edward.” I practically growled out his name. I was still angry at him for yesterday, and it wasn’t in his favor to call me on a Saturday morning when I was with my boyfriend. I went back to the bed and snuggled into Riley’s side. “But I turned it off so he won’t disturb again.”

Riley tightened his arms around me and kissed me softly.

The next thing that interrupted us wasn’t anything on the outside. My stomach started to growl, and Riley laughed. “I would say that’s our cue to get out of bed.”

“No,” I protested. “I want to stay here all day.”

“Well, then you can stay here while I take a shower.” He kissed the top of my head, got out of the bed, and headed for his bathroom.

That was one thing I envied him for. I don’t know how many times I’d wished to have my own bathroom, but Dad just couldn’t afford a bigger house with his salary.

While Riley showered, I stretched out on the bed and thought about the night. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that I was no longer a virgin. I had actually had sex, twice, and I could definitely see what everyone had been talking about.

I also thought of the few girls I’d heard say that they’d had awful sex where the guy had absolutely no idea what he was doing. I felt a bit smug, knowing that was not the case with Riley. He definitely knew what he was doing, and he did it very well.

I heard the shower turn off, and a moment later, Riley stepped out of the bathroom with a towel tied around his hips. Without feeling an ounce of embarrassment, I studied Riley while he got dressed. He smiled at me the entire time.

“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked, walking back to the bed where I had rolled over on my stomach.

“Surprise me.” I got out of the bed and gave him a kiss. “I’ll be down in a minute. A shower would feel really good.” I walked into the hot bathroom that was still steamy from Riley's shower and turned on the water.

I moaned when the hot water hit my stiff muscles. It felt wonderful, and I never wanted to leave the shower.

After a few minutes, I decided that I had to go downstairs to Riley. I laughed at myself when my stomach growled at the thought of breakfast. Quickly getting dressed in the extra set of clothes I’d taken with me, I exited the bathroom and went downstairs.

The smell of toast and coffee invaded my nose when I entered the kitchen. Riley stood by the stove cooking what looked like scrambled eggs. He turned his head when he heard me. “I didn’t know you could cook,” I said and sat down by the kitchen island.

Riley chuckled at me. “Eggs are something I’ve never messed up. But ask me to cook something else, and it’s best for you if the hospital has already been notified.”

“I doubt you’re that bad. You just need to practice.”

He pointed the spatula at me. “Oh, so are you willing to take me on?” He challenged with a raised eyebrow.

I strode up to him and got up on my toes so that I could whisper in his ear. “You bet I am.”

Something akin to pride swelled inside me when Riley swallowed thickly and his face flushed. I liked that I was able to affect him in that way. It made me feel powerful and womanly.

The smell of something burning got our attention to the fact that Riley had just messed up the eggs. “I thought you said that you’ve never messed up when cooking eggs,” I said teasingly.

He just shrugged. “I guess there’s a first for everything.”

After making new eggs, we sat down opposite of each other and ate our breakfast, smiling the entire time.

**~~LiS~~**

When I eventually turned my phone back on, it notified me of another four missed calls and seven text messages, all from Edward.

They all said the same thing. He was sorry and wanted to talk to me. I did not reply to any of them. I deleted them and left my phone untouched for the rest of the weekend.

On Monday, however, I could not ignore him anymore. I’d received at least twenty messages every day, and I’d rejected so many calls I could not keep count.

I considered on Sunday night to skip school just so that I wouldn’t have to see Edward but soon realized how ridiculous that was. I couldn’t keep letting Edward affect me like that.

While I ate my breakfast, my phone notified me of yet another text. Instead of deleting it right away like I’d done with the others, I opened it to see what he said.

_**Meet me by your locker before class? Please? I really want to apologize** _

Deciding that he’d suffered enough, I replied, telling him I would be there. I could, at least, let him explain. But if he did not have a good explanation, I really didn’t think I could continue to be his friend, no matter how much it hurt to even think about it.

Edward had changed during the last three months and not in a way I liked. I had respected his wish for more privacy, but I’d known from the start that it would not work. Our friendship was built on our lack of privacy, and I had loved that. Edward had always been the one I could talk to about anything. It did not matter that he was a guy and I was a girl.

I arrived at school fifteen minutes before class. The parking lot had just started to fill up, but the corridors were still pretty empty. Edward was leaning against the wall opposite our lockers. His head was hanging, and he looked completely miserable.

I was hit with a wave of guilt when I saw that since I was pretty sure I was the reason he looked like that, but I quickly shook it off. He was the one that acted out of line, not me.

When he heard my footsteps, he raised his head and smiled with relief. I didn’t return the smile, and it faded slowly from his face. He pushed away from the wall and turned his body so that he was fully facing me.

I reached him and waited for him to begin. He opened his mouth several times, clearly struggling to find the words. His expression looked almost painful. His eyes were closed when I first reached him, but now they opened and what I saw made me want to cry.

The light that usually lit up his green eyes was gone, and they looked empty, almost dead–the green color had gone dull. It reminded me of a person that had given up on the fight, but what Edward given up on?

“Bella, I’m sorry.” He finally got out. He swallowed and licked his lips in what looked like nervousness. “I acted like an ass toward you, which you did not deserve. I was never really mad at you. I’ve just been so frustrated lately, and it hasn’t been fair of me to take it out on you.”

“Edward,” I began, but he interrupted me.

“No, Bella, please let me finish.”

I closed my mouth and nodded for him to continue.

“These last few months, I feel like we’ve been drifting apart, and I’m terrified that I’m about to lose my best friend.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. I felt a bit defensive because somehow, I felt that he was blaming me in some way. “Edward, you know exactly why we’ve been drifting apart,” I said, and my tone revealed what I felt in that moment.

Edward put up his hands in a surrendering gesture. “I know. It’s completely my fault. I take the blame entirely, but Bella”–he grabbed my hands and held them tightly in his own–“please don’t end our friendship. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I destroyed something as strong as our relationship.”

He looked desperate as he stared into my eyes. I could see that he meant what he said. He was genuinely sorry, but I was still unsure.

I frowned. “What guarantee do I have that you won’t do the same thing again?”

He sighed and looked down at our clasped hands. When he looked back at me, he looked very determined. “I promise you that I won’t treat you like I have these past months ever again.”

The intensity with which he made that promise almost knocked the breath out of me. I already knew that Edward never broke his promises, but this was different. It felt more like an unbreakable vow or something like that. It made my mouth go dry, and I had to swallow repeatedly.

Eventually, I nodded in acceptance of his promise, and his entire body sagged with relief. He released my hands and threw his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.

When we pulled apart, Edward looked a lot happier than ten minutes ago, but his eyes were still a bit dull.

Slightly afraid that I would ruin the truce between us, I hesitantly asked him why he was so defensive that day before class.

“My mind’s been totally fucked for a while, and you were right before when you asked if what I’ve been hiding from you is my feelings for a person. There is a girl that I can’t get my mind off of, but I can’t do anything about it because I know she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings,” he replied sounding very sad.

“You really like this girl, don’t you?” I didn’t dwell on the fact that he hadn’t told me her name. I was only glad that he’d finally told me something that could explain his irrational behavior.

He nodded. “Yes,” he said weakly. “I’m in love with her.”

“How do you know that she doesn’t reciprocate?” It broke my heart to see Edward like this. It was very obvious that this girl had made an impact on him and that his feelings for her were very strong. I was a bit surprised that I hadn’t noticed him paying any girl more attention than others. I thought that would have been something I’d see.

“She’s got a boyfriend that she just recently became very serious with, and I’ve never noticed an ounce of interest from her.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. It just felt appropriate to do so.

He gave me a weak smile. “It’s fine. It was my own fault. I didn’t step up when I had the chance.”

I decided to lighten up the mood a bit, so I nudged him with my elbow. “If it makes you feel any better, she’s missing out on a great guy.”

The warning bell rang, and I gave Edward another hug. “Don’t give up yet,” I whispered to him. “All’s fair in love and war.” I pulled away and hurried to class.

 


	7. Chapter 6 Revealed

**CHAPTER 6 REVEALED**

Graduation was on its way and I needed a serious break from searching for colleges. My head was spinning with all the information that was thrust upon me. The only relief was that I already knew what major I wanted, so I was spared from the stress that Edward was experiencing at the moment.

He wanted to study just about everything, but he had succeeded to narrow it down to Music, Medicine, Architecture, Fire Science, and Police work. As far as I understood it, he wanted to be able to reach out to people through his future job, and I really admired him for that.

He had even gone to visit two of the schools he’d been interested in, but both times he’d come home disappointed.

Alice, Garrett, James, and Ben had already picked schools and gotten accepted. Not one of them was in the same state, and I hated to see us all split up, but we all had to grow up and move on. Besides, we’d see each other when coming home on holidays and such.

Still, there would be a lot of tears on graduation day.

Riley had also gotten accepted to the school in Florida that he’d wanted to attend all along. I’d tried to find schools down there so that we’d be in the same state at least, but so far nothing had really stood out to me. I had not told Riley that the chance of us going to Florida together was very small, and I dreaded it. He would be so disappointed.

I was trying to come up with what to tell him while pretending to listen to Alice talking about California, which was where she would move in the fall.

Some of it caught my attention, though.

“...the main building is huge, and they have all kinds of programs and technology. The grounds are just beautiful, and they even have a separate building for the journalism major students and...”

I straightened up and gave Alice my full attention. “Hold on a second, Ali. Did you say journalism major students?”

“Yes, I did. Why?”

“The schools in Florida practically sucked. I’m still trying to decide on where to go,” I replied with a shrug.

“But what about you and Riley? He’s still going to Florida, right?” Alice looked confused, and I could understand why. Riley and I had gotten pretty serious lately, and it was almost expected of us to go to college together as that seemed to be the next step in our relationship.

Naturally, I didn’t want to be separated from Riley. I had fallen in love with him, and I would miss him like crazy, but I couldn’t shove my own dreams aside just for the sake of going to college with him. Things did not work like that. I had my own future to think about.

“He is, but I can’t apply for a school in Florida for his sake only.”

“Have you talked to him about this?” Alice asked with a frown.

I sighed. “No, but I’m going to. He’s going to be disappointed, but what else is there to do?”

“Will you be able to make it work? I mean, if you go to California and he goes to Florida, you’ll practically be on opposite sides of the country.”

I felt a lump start to form in my throat when I thought of it. I shrugged weakly. “I don’t know. I want us to make it work, but if we can’t–”

Tears started to form in my eyes, and I was unable to finish. Alice moved closer to me and put her arm around my shoulders and gave me a hug.

“It’s going to be alright, Bella. It’ll all work out,” she reassured me and handed me a napkin for the tears that had started to fall.

“I hope so.” I dried the tears and looked Alice in the eyes. “I just hope that it doesn’t mean the end for me and Riley.” More tears fell when I voiced a fear that had plagued me ever since I realized Riley and I would not go to college together.

We stayed quiet while Alice comforted me, and I got my tears under control. Eventually, I was able to take a deep breath. “Let’s talk about something else,” I suggested and tried for a smile. I don’t think I succeeded because Alice couldn’t contain her laughter from seeing my grimace. I laughed with her and it made me feel lighter. “Tell me more about California.”

She humored me and told me everything she could think of.

“Edward’s been looking at going there as well.”

“Really? Wouldn’t it be just crazy if the three of us attended the same college?” I chuckled at the thought.

“Completely nuts,” she agreed with a laugh of her own. “But it would be great as well. The three musketeers wouldn’t have to separate.”

“I think we can both agree on the fact that we are more like the three blind mice than the musketeers.”

Alice and I laughed until our stomachs hurt. It felt so good to let go of my problems even though it was only for a moment.

**~~LiS~~**

I had barely stepped out of my car before arms were collecting me in a tight embrace. I quickly understood that it was Edward, and I laughed at his enthusiasm.

“Hello to you too, Edward,” I said a bit breathless. “What’s got you so excited?”

He chuckled. “My wonderful sister just told me that you’re planning on looking closer at schools in California. Can you blame me for being excited?” He released me from the hug but kept an arm slung over my shoulders.

“So you’ve decided to go there as well? It’s done?” I asked. I was pretty sure Alice had told me that he was only contemplating on going to California.

“It’s done. I got accepted yesterday.”

I let out a _very_ girly scream, and Edward covered his ears. “That’s great, Edward, I’m so happy for you! So you’ve chosen a major then?” We started to walk to our lockers.

He nodded. “I have. I’m going to try my thing with Law, maybe even get a Master’s degree.”

I was quite shocked to hear him say that. I had never even heard him mentioning an interest in Law. “Won’t that take a really long time? I’ve heard that it can take up to ten years before you can even start applying for real jobs.”

“That’s true. It can take up to ten years to get a Law certificate, but that’s mostly for those that want to run their own agency. It will take around six years for me to get a Master’s, and that’s what most firms require that their young lawyers have.”

“Still, six years is a long time.”

“You’re one to talk. You’ll spend four years in school yourself.”

“That’s a two-year difference, Edward, but it’s your choice. I’m sure you’ll become a great lawyer one day.”

“Oh, I know I will,” he said arrogantly, but I could see in his eyes that he was just playing around. Edward was actually a very modest person.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. When we walked past a few juniors, they immediately started to whisper to each other. I knew they were reacting to Edward’s arm around my shoulders, and I just rolled my eyes. It was like it was a crime to have a guy as your best friend.

Edward broke the silence when we reached the lockers. “Right, I was going to ask you if you have any plans after school. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

I wondered who this person could be, but I also had in mind that I’d planned on talking to Riley after school. It was really important that he was aware that I would not go to Florida with him.

“Can we meet up tomorrow instead?” I asked. “I have to talk to Riley after school.”

Edward frowned, reacting to the way I said that I had to talk to Riley. He immediately understood that it was a serious talk. “Yes, of course. What are you going to talk to Riley about?”

“I need to tell him about California. He still thinks I’m looking at schools in Florida.”

Edward gave me a sympathetic look. “Yeah, I guess it’s going to be hard to stay in a relationship when you’re in states so far apart.”

“I still want to try, though.”

“Of course.”

The next day, I felt considerably lighter than I’d had for quite some time. My talk with Riley had gone as well as could have been expected. He was very disappointed but also excited for me when I told him I’d found the school I wanted to attend.

He agreed with me that we were going to try to maintain our relationship, but acknowledged that it would be hard.

The night had ended with me spending the night at Riley’s. We wanted to enjoy the time we had together as much as possible.

At lunch, I met with Edward and we decided that I would meet him in the parking lot after school so that we could ride together to Rick’s, a popular diner in town, and I would get to meet this person he was talking about. So far, he’d refused to give me any details.

I suspected that it could be a girl. At least, I hoped it would be. It was about time he got himself some love.

The parking lot was filled with students and lines were forming by the exit. I looked around and saw Edward standing by his car, talking to someone on the phone. I walked up to him and waited for him to finish his conversation.

“It’s stuffed here, so it can take a while for us to get there…No, you go ahead and order, we’ll be there eventually…Yeah, she’ll ride with me…Of course, there’s nothing to worry about…I promise…Okay, we’ll see you soon. Bye.” He hung up the phone and looked at me.

"Was that your _friend_?" I winked at him.

“Yes, I told her we’d be at Rick’s as soon as we could get out of here.”

“Aha! I knew it was a ‘her’,” I exclaimed and pointed at Edward, feeling thrilled that he’d slipped. He even blushed when I called him on it. Even so, he did not reveal anything else. I really tried to make him tell me on the way to the diner, but he was like a shut clamshell.

We arrived at Rick's fifteen minutes later, and I scanned the tables for potential girls. I saw one girl with her back to us. She had brown hair and a tan complexion. That was all I could see with her back to us, and I was about to ask Edward if that was her when she turned around. I immediately saw that it was one of our friends, Kim Grace.

“Look, Edward, there’s Kim. I’m just going to say ‘hi’. Come get me when you find your girl,” I shoved him playfully and walked up to Kim.

“Hi, Kim,” I greeted her.

She looked up at me and smiled. “Hi, Bella.”

“How are you? Are you meeting with someone?” I gestured toward the booth she was sitting in. Since there were smaller tables for those that came in alone, I assumed she was meeting someone.

“Actually I–” She was interrupted by Edward that came up behind me. They exchanged their greetings like usual, but something I did not expect was displayed right in front of me.

Edward leaned down and gave Kim a kiss right on her mouth.

My eyes widened with shock and my mouth almost literally dropped to the floor. I just couldn’t comprehend what I’d just witnessed.

Edward calmly sat down next to Kim and put his arm around her shoulders. They turned to me with expectant looks.

The only thing I could get out was a few stuttering words. “H-how? W-when?”

“About a week and a half ago, Kim and I ran into each other outside the student counselor’s office and we got talking. I told her how I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do and she told me about her interest in Criminal Justice. One thing led to another and here we are,” Edward explained. He grabbed Kim’s hand and entwined his fingers with hers while smiling big the entire time.

It was obvious he really liked her and something just clicked in my head. This was the girl that Edward had been hung up over for the last couple of months. Or was she? I could not recall if Kim had recently had a boyfriend.

I just had to get it confirmed. “Is she…?” He nodded. “But you said…” He shrugged. “So now you…?” He nodded again. “Wow.” Apparently my ability to say an entire sentence had flown out the window.

It was obvious that Kim had no idea what we were talking about because she looked confused. Her eyes went back and forth between Edward and me. Her grip on Edward’s hand tightened when her gaze finally settled on me. “Are you okay with this?” she asked tentatively.

I realized that Kim was waiting for me to give them my approval. I was touched that she was so worried about it because that meant that she really respected Edward’s and my friendship. I hurried to reassure her. “Of course I’m okay with it,” I said and grinned. “I’m ecstatic. This is great!” How could I not be? Edward finally had a girlfriend, and Kim was just perfect. She was one of the sweetest people I knew.

“Oh thank god! I was afraid that you wouldn't approve,” Kim said and sighed with relief.

“Why wouldn't I? This is awesome!”

**~~LiS~~**

_As we go on_  
we remember  
all the times we  
had together.  
And as our lives change  
come whatever  
we will still be  
friends forever.

Hearing the school choir sing that song during our graduation ceremony made a lump rise in my throat, and I even had to remove a tear that escaped my eye. The lyrics only reminded me of the fact that I would have to separate from my friends at the end of the summer.

I looked to my left and saw Kate snuggled up to Garrett, Angela was holding Ben’s hand tightly, and James had his arm casually slung over Victoria’s shoulders. Edward was holding Alice’s hand and had his other arm around Kim in a sideways hug. Lastly, I looked up at Riley who sat on my right side and I just couldn’t keep my tears in any longer.

It was supposed to be a happy day, and I was happy, but as I’d predicted, there were a lot of tears as well. It did not exactly matter that we all had the entire summer to enjoy each other’s company, it was still a goodbye.

We were all going to meet up at Alice’s graduation party later, and I was actually really looking forward to it. Usually, I wasn’t much of a party person, but this was an occasion worth celebrating.

The rest of the ceremony was very dull, but I did not expect anything else. We listened to the speeches, received our diplomas, and threw our hats in the air.

We were officially out of high school.

Dad and I were going to have dinner with Riley and his parents before the party, so he waited while I talked to my friends.

When I reached Alice, I gave her a tight hug. At least we would not have to separate. We would actually become roommates during college because we’d decided that it would be better for us to live in our own apartment instead of the dorm. Alice’s parents had already bought us an apartment so we would not have to worry about rent. I’d protested at first, but gave in when they said that this was what they really wanted to do for us.

Edward was going to live in a house closer to campus. He was going to share it with three other guys that he’d never met before, something I’d questioned him about. He just replied with a shrug and said that it would be an experience.

Kim–whom apparently was going to attend the same school as us–was going to live in her own apartment. Her father, a very strict man, claimed that if she had no roommates, then she could focus on her studies.

Later, when Riley and I arrived at the party, it was already in full swing.

I saw Garrett and Kate making out on the couch. I think they’d both had already had a bit too much to drink, and I made a promise that if they started to grind on each other, I was going to stop them. Nobody needed to see what was supposed to be behind doors.

Ben and Angela were by the snack table, talking to some of our classmates, James and Victoria stood by the computer, looking through the different lists of music, but I did not see Edward or Kim anywhere.

Alice came bouncing up behind us, and I jumped out of fright since I did not hear her approaching. She laughed at me and told Riley and me to help ourselves with anything we wanted. We went out to the kitchen and grabbed a beer each.

I really had fun at the party. I even danced, and I never danced, mostly because I looked like a twitching sea lion on land. I was slightly buzzed; I admit that, but I had not had nearly as much to drink as a selective few.

A tap on my shoulder made me turn. Edward stood behind me with Kim leaning on him. She was completely wasted, and I felt really bad for her.

“Could you go get my cell phone for me? It's in my room. I would go get it myself, but I need to look after Kim,” Edward said and tried to keep Kim from sliding down onto the floor.

“Of course.” I told Riley what I was going to do and went up the stairs to Edward's room. I opened the door and looked around to locate the phone. I saw it on his desk and went to grab it.

On my way out again, my eyes caught the photo-collage that Edward had on the wall. I had always liked it because it displayed all of our memories through different times in our life. Almost all the pictures were of him and me, and I smiled fondly at one where I was shoving cake in his face on his thirteenth birthday.

I saw that the frame was slightly crooked and grabbed the edges to straighten it. An envelope that had been stuck between the wall and the frame fell down face up and I saw my name written on it.

I got the feeling that I was not supposed to see this letter and that was why it had been hidden, but my curiosity got the best of me. I instinctively looked around the room to make sure that no one was there to catch me and bent down to retrieve the envelope.

It had not been sealed, so I was not worried that it would be noticed that I’d read it. I could not explain why I felt the way I did. I mean, the letter was for me after all, so why wouldn’t I get to read it?

One single sheet of paper had been folded in half and when I unfolded it, I immediately recognized Edward’s handwriting.

_Dear Bella,_

_I wish more than anything that I could just come out clean and tell you. I’m sure that everything would be so much easier if I did._

_Our friendship has been so strained lately, and I’ve often wondered what would have happened between us if I’d told you right away. Would we still have been friends or would everything have gone awkward?_

_These questions will plague me forever because I’ve decided to not act on my feelings. You’re so happy, and I don’t want to ruin that for you._

_I’m going to try and move on, even though it hurts like you wouldn’t believe to let you go._

_It’s rather unfair that life handed me this lot. I never planned on falling in love with my best friend, but that happened regardless…_

The letter fell from my hands, and I had to use the wall for support.

It couldn’t be true, but my gut told me that it was.

I clasped my hand over my mouth when it finally sank in.

Holy shit!

Edward was in love with me.

 


	8. Chapter 7 Change

**CHAPTER 7 CHANGE**

I didn’t know how long I stood and just stared at the letter on the floor. I didn’t dare pick it up, afraid it would electrocute me or something similar to that.

I wasn’t aware I was crying until a tear fell down and landed on my hand. I studied the drop of water and saw that my hands were shaking.

How long had he felt this way? Was he still feeling it? How many times had he considered telling me?

The questions spun around in my head and I felt nauseous.

My head snapped up when the door was opened. I was terrified that it was Edward. I had no idea what would happen if he found me like this and realized the reason behind my indignation. I hurried to dry my tears but did not have time to do anything about the letter. It was still glaring at me from the floor.

Luckily, it was only Alice.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Edward’s already–” Her smile fell when she saw my red-rimmed eyes. She knew that I’d been crying and strode up to me. “Are you okay? What happened?” Her genuine worry caused my tear ducts to open again.

I glanced down at the letter, unable to speak. Alice followed my gaze and picked up the letter. Her eyes went back and forth over the paper as she read. When she reached the ending, understanding lit up her eyes.

“You knew, didn’t you?” I asked weakly.

She looked up at me with guilt written all over her face and nodded slowly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell. He also asked me not to.”

I turned away from her and looked at the various photos of us. I started to see them differently and I wondered once again how long he’d had these feelings. There was one picture in particular that caught my eye. We were fourteen and I was kissing his cheek. His entire face was red with embarrassment. Or that’s what I’d always thought. Maybe it wasn’t embarrassment. Maybe it was something else. Did he have those feelings back then?

“How long?” My voice was barely above a whisper. I dreaded the answer. I was afraid that he’d felt that way for me for years.

“You sure you want me to tell you that?”

I thought about it then shook my head. I wanted to hear it from Edward, but I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to bring the subject up with him. He was finally happy with Kim, and I did not want to ruin that. Especially since the relationship was still so new.

Suddenly, I felt panicked that Alice would tell him. “Don’t tell him that I know. It will only complicate things.”

She nodded, but I could see that she didn’t agree with me. I quickly took the letter from her and put it back in the envelope. I made sure the letter went back behind the wall and the collage frame and then turned to Alice.

“Do I look okay? I don’t look like I've cried, right?” Alice smiled and walked out of the room. When she returned, she was carrying several makeup articles. Without a word, she started to fix me up.

Five minutes later, we descended the stairs. My makeup was flawless and no one could see that I’d been crying. Edward was just re-entering the front door, and I felt a surge go through my stomach when I saw him. He was looking around the room as if he was searching for someone.

His eyes found mine, and he smiled, the worry disappearing from his features. My heart ached for him, but I put on a mask and smiled right back.

“Hey, where did you go? I had to borrow James’ phone to call Kim’s brother,” he told me when he met me at the bottom of the stairs.

I cleared my throat to erase the nervous lump that had been created there. I was afraid that he could see right through me. “Sorry, I had to go to the bathroom, and I forgot about your phone.” He instantly knew that I was lying. His eyes narrowed, but he did not call me on my lie. Instead, he asked me if I was okay. Was I really _that_ see-through?

Before I was able to answer, Riley came up to us and put his arm around my waist. He was slightly drunk and I knew from experience that he felt more possessive of me when he’d been drinking. By putting his arm around my waist, he was effectively showing every male in the room that I belonged to him.

I didn’t think he did it consciously, but Edward’s eyes zeroed in on Riley’s hand on my hip and his jaw clenched for a second. Before, I would have thought that he just did not like the way Riley displayed his affection for me, but now I knew what it was really about.

When Riley started to kiss my neck and tightened his hold on me, I felt bad because Edward was standing right next to us. It wasn’t fair to him. It was obvious in the way he was reacting to Riley that he still had feelings for me, and I did not want to pour any more salt into his wounds.

Even though my body was still reacting to Riley, I felt the need to remove myself from him. I tried to step away, but his hold only tightened. Edward saw this too and he was about to step in, but I shook my head at him.

“Riley, baby, I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink. Maybe we should get you home.” I captured his face between my hands and kissed him full on the mouth to satisfy him for a moment. He let go of me, and I led him to the couch.

Edward had followed us there and I almost walked right into him when I turned around. He was so close and I felt a tingling in my fingers as if they itched to touch him. To clear my head, I took a deep breath and took a step back. “I need to call a cab,” I mumbled and walked over to my bag.

I wasn’t exactly drunk, but I had been drinking and having the Chief of Police for a father, it went against my morals to drive after drinking.

“Why don’t you stay here tonight?” Edward said from behind me. I could feel him standing very close again, and I briefly wondered if he’d always been like that. Did we usually stand this close?

“No, I need to take Riley home,” I said and dialed the cab company.

Twenty minutes later, I was helping Riley get into the backseat. Edward had followed us outside, and he was looking at me with worried eyes. “I don’t like the way he touched you before. You should stay here while the cab takes him home.”

“Don’t worry. I know how to handle him, but thank you for your concern.” Edward leaned down and hugged me tightly against him. Warmth spread through me, but so did guilt and I had to pull away. I tried for a smile. “I’ll see you around,” I said and ducked inside the car.

It was my intention to help Riley inside and then take the cab home, but as soon as we entered his house, Riley pressed me up against the wall and kissed me fiercely. My body reacted instantly and a moan escaped my throat.

“Stay with me tonight, baby. I want you,” Riley said into my ear, and I shivered. I could clearly feel how much he wanted me when he pressed me harder against the wall. I wanted him, too, and I agreed on staying, hoping that being with Riley would get my mind off what had happened the last hour.

However, later that night when Riley had gone to sleep, I lay sleepless with my thoughts. My body was fully satisfied as it always was after I’d been with Riley, but my mind had refused to shut up the entire time. It had made me feel like I was cheating on Riley even though my thoughts were nowhere near sexual. It was just the fact that I’d been thinking of another guy while having sex with my boyfriend. It felt wrong.

That I was even able to think about Edward while having sex worried me. I used to feel almost disgusted if “Edward” and the word “sex” were woven into the same subject. I did not exactly see him as my brother, I never had, but we’d been friends for so long that the thought of having him as something else was just absurd.

What had changed that caused me to not be disturbed by that thought anymore?

**~~LiS~~**

The summer was slow that year.

Previous years, this fact would have thrilled me, but I couldn’t wait for the term to start so that I could get out of this town that I called home. There was just so much going on around there and I needed a break.

Of course, the main reason for my desire to leave would come with me, but I was still hoping that I would be able to sort through my confusing thoughts once I got a scenery change.

My relationship with Riley changed during the summer. I was still in love with him, but I found myself pulling away more often whenever he wanted to be intimate. It put a strain on our relationship, and we’d fought a few times about it. I’d never been able to tell him the truth of my reluctance. He did not deserve to be hurt like that.

The truth was that I’d started to look at Edward in a different light. I noticed things about him that made me laugh and how happy I became whenever I saw him. I realized exactly how attractive I thought he was and that he sometimes made my heart beat faster when he looked at me.

Sometimes, I got jealous when I saw him with Kim, and I wanted to hit myself whenever that happened.

I tried to convince myself that I was only going through a phase–it was expected that things would change for me once I found out that my best friend was in love with me–but it only felt like I was lying to myself.

Eventually, the day for us to hit the road arrived. I had said goodbye to all of my friends the night before at the party that had been thrown for Alice, Edward, and me, but Dad and Riley were with us on my driveway.

I cried when I hugged my dad, and I cried even more when I kissed Riley. I cried because I would miss him and because of my conflicting emotions. I was still so in love with him, but I felt insanely guilty because I’d realized that I was unable to give him my whole heart.

I hoped that being away from him would give me some perspective and would hopefully help me save my relationship. We’d been together for almost an entire year, and I really didn’t want to lose him. He meant so much to me.

After drying my tears and giving Riley one last kiss, I climbed into the mini-bus we’d hired to take us to California. All of our things were already in our apartments, having been sent there gradually during the summer.

It was very early in the morning and Kim and Edward had already fallen asleep leaning against each other. The trip would take approximately fifteen hours, so we would not arrive until very late. I waved to my father and blew a kiss to Riley through the window before the bus drove away.

The heavy feeling in my stomach did not go away. Not even when we drove out on the freeway.

I had not realized how many times my eyes had strayed toward Edward and Kim, but eventually, Alice called me on it. We double-checked that the couple was really asleep before we got talking.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at my brother lately. Do you want to tell me about that?” Alice asked in a whisper. It was just a precaution in case the others woke up.

“I’m just so confused, Ali. I don’t know what to feel anymore.” My eyes wandered to Edward’s form again. “I look at him and he’s still my best friend, but different somehow.”

Alice nodded. “You’re falling for him,” she stated.

Automatically I wanted to protest and tell her that she was crazy, but she looked at me in a way that made it impossible, so I just shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s with Kim and I’m with Riley, so nothing can happen between us.”

“How are things with Riley, by the way?” I was impressed with how much Alice actually saw. Nothing passed by her.

“Things could be better between us,” I admitted. “I’ve just felt so guilty lately whenever I’m with him. As long as I can’t sort out my own feelings, I feel like I’m cheating on him. I’m hoping to get some perspective during this term.”

We heard Edward stir slightly in his sleep, but he did not wake up. We lowered our voices even more.

“Tell me something, Bella. If you had not been with Riley and Edward had not been with Kim, do you think you would have acted on these new feelings?”

I thought about it for a moment, but I couldn’t come up with an answer. “I don’t know, Alice, but I do think that if Riley hadn’t been in my life, I would never have realized that Edward still felt that way about me. Without his reaction to Riley, I would’ve thought that was an old letter I found.”

Kim woke up then, and Alice and I exchanged a look. We would talk more when we were alone.

After another hour, Edward woke up as well and we all started to talk about California and how excited we all were. We played a few games, like twenty questions and various spelling games. We had so much fun, and we laughed until our stomachs hurt.

We played a round of truth or dare–I was terrified the entire time that I would get a question that would reveal something–but it did not work so well since we were in a moving vehicle.

The hours went by fast at times and slow at others. We stopped a few times so that we could eat and go to the bathroom, but mostly we just sat in our seats and talked about everything we could think of.

No one, not even Edward, was able to see the war that was raging within me. Alice’s question about whether I’d acted on my feelings if Riley and Kim had not been a part of the equation had me thinking for the rest of the trip.

How would my and Edward’s relationship have looked if I’d found out about his feelings sooner? Would we have gotten together or would it have not changed a thing?

 


	9. Chapter 8 Crazy

**CHAPTER 8 CRAZY**

The first semester of college was insane. All I did was study, and it gave me very little time to think.

I had, however, come to a conclusion on what I would do.

My feelings for Edward had developed far more than I ever expected them to, and even though I was still very much in love with Riley, he deserved better than what I was able to give him.

Every time I talked to him on the phone, I ached because I wanted to be with him so badly, but I knew that it wouldn’t work when I was also in love with another guy.

I’d decided that when we all went home for Christmas I’d tell Riley everything. He needed to know the reason why I wanted to end our relationship.

At the same time, I’d also decided that even though I was breaking up with Riley, I wouldn’t tell Edward a thing. He was happy with Kim, happier than I’d ever seen him with a girl before, and I wasn’t about to ruin that by revealing my new found feelings.

Unless he decided to break up with her on his own, I would keep my mouth shut.

This was my plan, in theory, but as the weeks flew by, I could feel how I was slowly going crazy. The closer we came to Christmas, the more nervous I got. I knew that I would break Riley’s heart, I could hear in his voice every time that we talked how much he loved me, hell, I would break my own heart, but it had to be done.

On the night before Christmas break, the stress finally caught up with me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was drowning in my own feelings, and if I hadn’t had Alice, I probably would have had a full-blown panic attack.

When Alice came home that night, she found me in the bathroom, hyperventilating and crying my eyes out. Everything was so overwhelming I could just throw up.

It was just typical that Edward would choose that night to come over for a visit.

“Alice? Bella?” His voice came from the hallway, and Alice whispered to me that she would get rid of him before walking out of the bathroom.

“Edward, what are you doing here?”

I heard him laugh. “Do I need an excuse to visit my sister and best friend?”

“No, but it would be nice if you could warn us the next time you plan on coming over.”

“Why? I’ve never had to before.”

“Firstly, Bella might think it’s okay for you to just barge in here whenever you like, but I kind of want my privacy, and secondly, it’s not a good time right now.”

“Why, what’s going on?” I could hear them moving closer to the bathroom, and I decided to try and fix myself up a bit in case Alice would fail and Edward found me.

“It’s not your business. Now, can you please leave?”

Edward did not listen to her. “Is it Bella? Where is she?”

“No, it’s not Bella. She’s not even here.”

It would have been a good cover, but I accidentally pushed the cup of toothbrushes from its shelf and it landed on the floor with a loud clatter.

“Oh yeah? Then who’s in the bathroom?” Edward challenged, and I cussed under my breath. He would come in here now, and I still looked like a mess.

“No, Edward, don’t go in there!” Alice tried to stop him, but she was failing. Thinking quickly, I stripped out of my clothes and turned the shower on. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door.

Just as I was to close the shower curtain, the door was opened and there was Edward with wide eyes. It took me about a second to realize that he was seeing me in all my glory. I blushed deeply and used the curtain to cover myself.

“Edward!” I exclaimed. He was completely frozen with eyes wide and mouth agape. It wasn’t until Alice shoved his shoulder that he moved.

“Stop staring at her, you pervert! Get out of here!”

Edward unfroze and instantly blushed. “I-I’m so sorry, Bella. I’ll just–” He turned around and disappeared so fast you’d think he was on fire.

The front door slammed, and Alice turned to give me the thumbs up. “Quick thinking with the shower, but maybe you should cover yourself next time.” She giggled. “Did you see his face?”

“Oh my god! It wasn’t my intention for him to see me naked! Shit, this is so fucked up.” I accepted the towel that Alice offered me and stepped out of the shower.

“Well, the good news is that he’s definitely still hung up on you,” Alice said casually while looking at her own reflection.

My eyes snapped toward her. “How do you know that?”

“Oh, please, Bella! Had his feelings for you been strictly platonic, he would have left the bathroom as soon as you screamed his name, but instead, he froze because he just got a peak of something he’s been fantasizing about.”

My blush deepened when she said that. It was one thing to know about Edward’s feelings for me, but to imagine him fantasizing about me naked was something completely different. “You say that as if you know,” I said with a shaky voice.

Alice met my gaze in the mirror and grinned. “You know that my room is right next to Edward’s back home. The walls are not exactly thin, but Edward’s been quite vocal when he thinks he’s home alone.” She winked, and I choked on my own saliva.

Was she telling me what I think she was telling me? I felt myself getting warmer when an image of Edward calling out my name in ecstasy entered my mind. I was still getting used to not being disturbed by those kinds of thoughts, and it made me dizzy. “Oh god, I need a drink,” I said and walked past Alice toward my room. I was too embarrassed and slightly afraid that Alice would be able to read my mind or something like that, to stay in the same room with her.

The next morning, I woke up feeling very groggy. My dreams had been filled with inappropriate themes involving me and Edward. I’d even woken up during the night because I felt too hot and I had to remove my cover. After that, I couldn’t sleep because I was feeling too guilty. My dream-self had cheated on Riley big time.

I turned over and looked at my clock. It was still three hours until we had to go to the airport and catch our flight to Forks. I groaned and sat up to stretch.

Suddenly I got tackled by something very hairy. If I was not awake before, the wet sloppy tongue licking my face certainly did the job. “Ugh!” I used my hands to cover my face and protect myself from another kiss.

“Chess, get back here!” Kim burst through the door and dragged Chess away from me by his collar. I used my cover to dry the drool from my eyes. “I'm so sorry, Bella. He's still a puppy and very happy to see you,” she explained apologetically.

Chess was a golden retriever puppy that Kim bought about a month back when the silence in her apartment started to get to her. She loved having her own space, but she felt lonely as well. Chess was very cute, but he was getting on my nerves. He was always licking me in the face.

“No, that's fine, Kim. I'm awake now, and I need to pack anyway.” I got up from my bed and walked toward the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. On the way there, I bumped into Edward. He looked down at me, and I suddenly felt as naked as the night before. I was only dressed in a tight camisole, which revealed the fact that I wasn’t wearing a bra, and a pair of cotton panties.

Edward swallowed thickly, and he looked almost hypnotized. His eyes were glazed over, and he was not looking at my face.

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling uncomfortable with him looking at me like that when his girlfriend was in the next room. “I’m just going for a shower,” I said quietly.

Edward shook his head to clear it and took a step back to let me pass.

When there were only thirty minutes left until our plane would depart, we were all waiting to board. Kim and Edward sat closely together. He was comforting her that Chess would be fine at the center while she was visiting her family.

After our small interaction earlier, Edward had not looked at me once. I knew he felt embarrassed because that was how I felt. I had yet to reassure him that it was fine. It was an accident when he saw me the night before, but it had caused Edward to feel very uncomfortable around me.

When we were younger, he’d seen me in various stages of undress. We had been kids, so we had not been bothered by seeing the other naked. Of course that had all come to a stop as soon as puberty kicked in. He’d seen me in bikini’s several times, but somehow it felt more exposing to stand before him in panties and a camisole than in a bathing suit.

Alice was occupied with her phone, texting with someone, and I was talking to Riley. I told him what time we were expected to arrive and that I wanted to see him as soon as I came home.

He was already back–he’d flown in two days prior–and he promised that he’d wait for me at my house.

The flight would take a bit longer than two hours, so we would be back late afternoon. My dad would be at work, so I’d have the house to myself, and that would make it easier when I talked to Riley.

The time passed in a blur, and suddenly I was in a car on its way to my house. My heart was up in my throat, and my stomach was in knots. I really dreaded this conversation. How would he react? What if he started to hate me?

When the car pulled up into my driveway, I saw Riley’s car parked next to mine. I looked around and spotted him sitting on the porch.

A part of my heart broke when I saw his complete happiness at seeing me again. I had missed him too, but the events of last night and this morning were still fresh in my mind. I couldn’t deny the fact that I’d felt uncomfortable with Edward’s stare strictly because of Kim and Riley.

Alice squeezed my hand and gave me a hug before I exited the car. She knew what I was about to do and exactly how much it hurt me to do it.

Riley got up from his seat and ran up to me. He enveloped me in a tight hug, and I sighed when his smell invaded my nostrils. “I’ve missed you so much, baby,” he whispered in my ear.

“I missed you, too.” I tightened my hold for a second and then released him. “Let’s go inside.”

He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers. It felt incredibly unfair of me to enjoy his touches considering what I was about to do, but I wanted to savor the feeling of how I felt whenever I was with Riley for just a while longer. It was selfish of me, but I couldn’t make myself let go of his hand.

Riley noticed that something was on my mind and once we were inside, he turned me around so that I was facing him. “Is everything alright?” he asked, looking very worried.

I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t have to look into his. “Riley, I don’t know how to tell you this–”

Riley interrupted me before I was able to finish. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

I stared at him in shock. How could he know? We had not seen each other since I left for California. Had it been that obvious that I was already having doubts back then?

I wanted to deny it, simply for the sake of not being the one to put that pained expression on his face, but I could not do that to him. He deserved to know the truth.

“Riley, I–”

“Why?” That was all he asked. Just one word and it broke my heart into a million pieces.

I wanted to tell him everything, but words failed me. How could I possibly explain to him that my feelings for him were still very much there, but out of fear of hurting him, I had to break it off?

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I eventually whispered to him. My eyes watered and I couldn’t meet his eyes anymore.

“I wouldn’t say that it’s working so well at the moment.” Riley took a step back so that we were no longer touching. He looked completely devastated, and I wanted to hug him. I didn’t, though, because I knew he didn’t want my comfort at the moment.

“Riley, I am so s–”

He held up his hand to stop me from saying anything else. “Please, don’t apologize. I won’t be able to handle it.”

We were quiet for a moment and then he broke the silence.

“Is there someone else?”

I swallowed thickly and looked down at the ground, feeling utterly ashamed. Riley didn’t need any more confirmation than that. “I believe I know who.”

Guilt crushed me and my knees almost gave out, but somehow I was able to stay up.

I didn’t know if I should’ve said anything at that moment. Even so, I was unable to utter a sound, so when Riley left without saying goodbye, I started to cry silently.

I was a horrible human being for hurting such a wonderful guy like Riley. In that moment, I’d felt that even if Edward would somehow decide to break it off with Kim, I didn’t deserve to be with him. I didn’t deserve to be with anybody.

Feeling completely exhausted, I slid down the wall and sat with my arms around my knees in the middle of the hallway.

I just sat there and cried, waiting for nothing.

**~~LiS~~**

**Charlie's Perspective**

My fingers were drumming on the wheel with excitement. Bella came home today, but I had to go to work, so I couldn’t be home when she arrived.

It would be the first time I would see her in almost four months. I still had a hard time getting used to the fact that my little girl had grown up and gone to college. It felt like only a short while ago that I sent her to her first day at school with pigtails, a dress with colorful flowers on it, and a metallic lunchbox in her hand.

Children grew up too fast for my taste.

Of course, I'd had the same thought ever since she started to date the Biers boy. But he was decent. A real gentleman and those were rare, so I wasn’t going to complain.

It was dark when I turned onto my driveway. The lights weren’t on in the house and that caused me to frown and look at the clock on my dashboard. Bella should have arrived home hours ago, so why was the house dark? Had something happened? Was she delayed at the airport?

The door was unlocked so she was obviously home. Maybe she was too tired to stay up and decided to go to bed. College was probably exhausting. I really hoped she was taking care of herself and taking her pills like she should.

Because of the darkness in the house, I very nearly stepped on Bella where she was sitting on the hallway floor. My heart missed a beat when I looked down at my baby girl in panic. Why was she sitting here? What had happened to her?

“Bells? Are you alright?” I crouched down next to her hunched form and touched her shoulder. She startled as if she hadn’t realized I was there until that moment.

“Dad,” she whispered and threw herself into my arms. She started to sob and it tore at my heart.

“Honey, what happened to you?” I needed answers. If there was anyone out there that was responsible for hurting my baby, they had some serious pain to be expected. She didn’t answer me, so I decided to help her to the kitchen and get her a cup of coffee.

When I put the steaming cup in front of her, she gave me a grateful smile and took a sip. “I broke up with Riley.” Her voice was hoarse, but I could still hear her clearly.

I frowned. “Why? I thought you liked him?”

“I do, and that’s why I had to end it; _before_ I hurt him more than I already have.”

“How have you hurt him?” I was confused. Had something happened at college?

Tears fell down her cheeks and I hurried to find a roll of toilet paper. I wasn’t very comfortable with her tears, but I wasn’t about to deny her the chance to tell me what she needed.

“I betrayed him by falling for someone else.”

Understanding dawned on me. I couldn’t say I was surprised. I’d practically waited for this day to come ever since puberty. Especially after seeing those looks that the boy always cast in my baby’s direction.

I didn’t tell her that I knew. If I was uncomfortable with her tears, the last thing I wanted to deal with was her romantic feelings toward her best friend. Instead, I just nodded and waited to see if she wanted to continue talking. I felt very relieved when she rinsed out her cup and said that she would go to bed.

After eating some leftover pizza for dinner, I checked on my little girl and saw that she was sound asleep. My heart ached when the realization that my baby was now a woman came to me.

If I’d had my wish come true, she would have stopped aging around the age of seven or eight.

As quietly as I could, I shut her door and went to bed.

 


	10. Chapter 9 Out in the Open

**CHAPTER 9 OUT IN THE OPEN**

**Bella's Perspective**

A persistent knocking woke me up the next morning. It was faint, so I knew that it was the front door, and I groaned when I realized I had to get up to answer it.

I contemplated just ignoring it—I was not in the mood to talk to anybody—but when I turned over and saw that the clock said it was already eleven, I decided that I needed to get up anyway. The person at the door obviously knew that I was home and wanted to talk to me since everyone in town knew that my Dad worked at this hour.

I stretched and felt how my joints popped. The position I’d been sleeping in had caused my muscles to stiffen, and I had to massage my neck before I could even move.

The knocking continued, reminding me that the person outside wasn’t about to give up.

After putting my bird’s nest up in a bun, I went down to open the door in nothing but my oversized flannel PJs.

I didn’t even have enough time to register who I opened the door for before my nose was buried in leather and strong arms were embracing me tightly. The scent underneath the jacket was familiar, though, and I instantly relaxed.

“What are you doing here?” My voice was muffled by the material of the jacket, but he heard me.

“I just heard what happened. I am so sorry, Bella.” His smooth voice made a shiver go down my spine. It felt so good that he was talking to me again without feeling uncomfortable, but what he said confused me.

I leaned away and looked into his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you and Riley, of course. Alice just told me. What happened? I thought you guys were getting serious.”

I blinked in shock and then turned away from him. “Wow, that was fast,” I mumbled to myself and started for the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I heard the front door close and saw Edward lean against the counter next to me.

“Yeah, you know how this town is.”

I nodded but did not look at him. I knew he was waiting for an answer on what happened between me and Riley, but that was a dangerous subject. It would be too risky and the possibility of him finding out my feelings for him was too big for me to take the chance.

When I finished the first glass of water, I was about to fill it again, but he took it from me and put it down on the counter. I turned to him because I knew it was inevitable.

“Talk to me, Bella. You know I’m here for you.” His green eyes were smoldering and I almost lost myself in them, but I quickly shook my head to clear it.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to forget. Please, just let it go,” I pleaded with him.

“No, Bella, I won’t. I need to know.” He put his arms around me again and placed his chin on top of my head. “Did he hurt you?”

My heart ached. I wish I deserved Edward’s high thoughts of me when the truth was that I was the culprit in this drama. I was the one that broke Riley’s heart, so I didn’t deserve any comfort.

I pushed Edward away and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs to create some distance between us. He could clearly see my guilty expression and sat down opposite of me.

“No, he didn’t hurt me. I was the one that broke up with him.”

The surprise on Edward’s face was real so it was obvious he’d really thought that it was all Riley’s fault. “Why exactly?”

I shrugged to make it look as if there wasn’t a solid reason. “The distance didn’t work.” Complete lie, of course. Had I really wanted to make it work with Riley, the distance wouldn’t have meant a thing.

Edward frowned. “That doesn’t sound like a reason you’d have for breaking up with Riley. Weren’t you the one that told everybody it wouldn’t be a problem?”

I had to clamp my lips together just so that I wouldn’t blurt out that I’d said that before I knew that my best friend was in love with me. Instead, I tried to make it sound like I did it with a logical thought in mind. “It’s one thing to talk about it and another to experience it. You were lucky enough to get into the same college as Kim, so you can't exactly understand the feeling.” I was studying my nails by this point, so I didn’t see when Edward reached out to grab a hold of my hand. I flinched slightly when his bare skin made contact with mine, and my eyes snapped up to his.

“You’re not telling me everything. I can see it on your face, so don’t try to deny it.” Even though he just told me to not deny it, I still shook my head. He sighed but continued. “Bella, it’s me. You can tell me everything.”

I suddenly got a weird sense of déjà vu. We had been here before, Edward and I, but back then, the roles had been reversed. Edward had kept a secret from me, and I pleaded with him to tell me because he could tell me everything.

“Not so fun when you’re the one outside the secret, huh?” I couldn’t stop myself. I was irritated with him for wanting to know my secret when he wouldn’t let me in on his. The ironic thing was that our secrets were generally the same, but that wasn’t exactly relevant.

Edward was startled by my sudden change in mood. He had not expected me to turn the tables around on him.

My irritation faded fast, though, and I felt bad for snapping at him. “I’m sorry,” I said and rested my head on my hand. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you.”

“No, that’s fine. You’re right, I shouldn’t ask you to tell me. It’s yours to share when you feel that you want to.” His voice was much lower than before, and I would bet my arm that he was thinking about his “secret.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over us, and I just had to break it.

“I broke up with Riley because I’m in love with someone else,” I blurted out without thinking.

I shocked myself. It was the first time I admitted that my feelings were that deep, even to myself.

Edward’s stare was intense, and I wondered what he was thinking. It took several minutes for him to say anything.

“Who?” He had arranged his features to make it look as if he was just curious, but his voice told me a different story. It was low and forced. He didn’t like the prospect of yet another guy.

“Someone in California,” I said vaguely, hoping he would leave it at that.

“Does he go to our school or is he just some random guy?”

“He goes to our school, but he’s in a different major.”

Before Edward could give me any more questions, someone knocked on the front door. I exhaled with relief when I went to open it. Alice stood outside, and I was so happy to see her, I could have kissed her.

Edward was of a different opinion, though. “Alice? What are you doing here?” he asked, sounding very irritated.

Alice tilted her head and placed a hand on her hip. “I’m sorry, Edward, but Bella happens to be my friend as well. I have every right to be here,” she snapped at him.

Edward rolled his eyes at her, but Alice ignored him. She turned to me. “Bella, can I talk to you out here?”

“Yeah, sure, of course,” I said, but then I looked down at myself. “Can I just change clothes first? I don’t want to stand in my driveway in my PJs.”

Alice gestured with her hand to let me know she would wait in the hallway.

It only took five minutes to get dressed, but when I exited my bedroom, I heard how Edward and Alice were arguing downstairs.

“That’s none of your business, Alice,” Edward hissed, trying to keep his voice down but failing.

“Since when do I care about that? Besides, Bella deserves to know that you’ve been in love with her since sixth grade,” Alice said, and I froze. Sixth grade? He’d been in love with me for _seven years_?

“Keep it down, will you?” Edward said through clenched teeth. “She might hear you, and if I ever decide to tell her, she should hear it from me.” It was little too late for that now, but I wasn’t about to reveal myself.

“Then tell her!” Alice didn’t lower her voice, and I realized that she wanted me to hear. That had been her intention all along.

“What good would it do? I have Kim, and Bella just told me that she’s in love with a guy in California. Nothing could ever happen between us.”

“Do you love Kim?” I automatically leaned closer to their voices, still careful to keep myself out of sight.

“What?” Edward sounded shocked with the question.

“You heard me. Do. You. Love. Kim?”

Everything was quiet for several seconds. I held my breath, waiting for his answer. Then Edward sighed. “I care for her.”

“Do you love Bella?”

“You know I do,” he admitted softly without hesitance.

Warmth spread through me, and I very nearly gave myself away when I sighed with content, but I quickly put my hand over my mouth to prevent any sounds from escaping.

I felt the strong urge to tell Edward everything. Tell him that he was the guy I’d fallen in love with, but the fact still remained that he was unavailable. I didn’t want to make him confused by making him choose between me and Kim. That would be completely unfair and not to mention mean toward Kim. She was my friend, and as far as I knew, she was in love with Edward.

I didn’t want to hear any more, so I decided to go down there and interrupt. To give them some notice, I made the show of opening my bedroom door noisily and descending the stairs with heavy steps.

Edward was casually leaning against the wall as if the conversation he recently had with his sister was nothing. Alice, on the other hand, had her hands on her hips and was glaring at her brother.

“Should we go outside?” I asked Alice. She exhaled sharply before nodding. “I’ll be right back,” I told Edward and opened the front door.

When we were alone, Alice went right to the point. “How much did you hear?”

“Most of it,” I admitted. “Not that it will make a difference, except making me feel even worse now that I know how long he’s felt this way.”

“Not make a…” Alice groaned with frustration. “You two are the most stubborn people I’ve ever met! Bella, now that you know, you can tell him everything! You won't have to fear for his rejection.”

“It’s not the fear of him rejecting me that stops me, and you know that. Kim’s my friend and I would _never_ go behind her back and steal her boyfriend.” I was stubborn, and I took pride in it when it came to stuff like this. My morals were very important to me.

“But he would clearly be happier with you. You heard him. He doesn’t love Kim like he loves you.” Alice was just as stubborn as I was.

“Are you saying that he’s unhappy with Kim?” I challenged. We both knew that he was very happy with Kim, and as long as that was the case, I would stay in the shadow and remain his friend only.

“No, but I wish you could see how perfect you would be for each other.” Alice had finally lowered her voice. She was almost pleading with me to see it her way, and I could, but it didn’t change anything.

“I’m sorry, Alice, but I won’t be responsible for his relationship to end. That has to be his choice and his choice only.” I turned to go back inside, hoping she would drop it.

“So you’re saying that you’ll stay single until he breaks up with Kim or until you stop loving him? That’s so unfair to you, Bella.” I froze with one foot on the porch steps.

“It’s no less than what I deserve after what I did to Riley. And it’s a small price to pay for Edward’s happiness.”

Alice sighed, and I went inside. Instead of following me, she got into her car and drove off.

“Edward?” I called, but I didn’t get an answer. I easily found him, though. He was in the kitchen, supporting himself on the counter with his back to me. He had his head bent, and his hands were clenched so tightly around the counter edge that his knuckles had gone white.

“Is it true?” he asked with a shaky voice when I sat down at the table.

“Is what true?” I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about.

“What you told Alice outside.” I froze. Had he listened? How much had he heard? What was he referring to?

“Uhm…” I tried stalling. I didn’t want to tell him anything in case he hadn’t heard what I thought he’d heard.

“I heard everything, Bella,” he said and turned around. He looked at me with wide, questioning eyes. “The kitchen window was open, and I heard it all.”

My eyes moved from him to the window, and sure enough, it was open. Alice and I had stood only a few feet from it.

I swallowed repeatedly as I suddenly had a huge lump in my throat. “I, uh, I…” I couldn’t get anything out. It didn’t sink in that everything was now out in the open when I’d just come to the conclusion that I would stay quiet about it for as long as possible.

“Tell me,” Edward pleaded, and I turned back to him. His eyes expressed a lot of emotion. Wonder, sadness, and confusion, but also a small glimmer of hope. The last one sealed the deal for me.

“Yes.” My voice was not even above a whisper, but he heard me.

He looked down at the ground and rubbed his hand over his face. I completely understood how he was feeling. I’d had the exact same feeling when I first found out. “How long?” he asked without looking up.

“Since this summer,” I mumbled. I could feel myself blushing. I never in my life thought I’d be in a situation like this.

Edward was quiet for such a long time and I started to get worried. He looked dizzy and I didn’t want him to faint. “Do you need to sit down?” I asked. He mutely nodded, and I got up from my chair and helped him sit down. It didn’t escape my notice that he tensed slightly when I touched his arm.

I sat down in the other chair on the opposite side of the table and waited for Edward to speak.

“What are you thinking?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. Edward hadn’t said anything for at least five minutes and it started to make me nervous.

“The guy you talked about before…the one in California?” I immediately understood what he was asking. He needed confirmation that I had talked about him.

“Yes, I meant you,” I admitted and once again waited for him to talk. The ball was in his court, so to speak. I was surprisingly calm. Sure, I was nervous, but I think it was more overwhelming for Edward.

“How? Why?”

“I found the letter,” I said, wondering if he would understand immediately.

He didn’t. He frowned. “What letter?”

“At our graduation party, I looked at that photo college you have on your wall. It was crooked so I straightened it, but a letter fell down. It had my name on it, so I read it.” Familiarity lit up his eyes.

“You’ve known since graduation?”

I nodded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t _you_ tell _me_?” I threw his question right back at him, and he finally looked fully at me.

“I knew you would reject me. I could see how you didn't want anything more than friendship from me, and I didn’t want to lose you as my friend.” I could understand that. Our relationship would probably have gone rather awkward if he’d told me, and I did not feel the same.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked tentatively. “I heard what you said to Alice before, and it sounded like you would keep it a secret forever.”

“How much did you hear?” His voice was colored with fear, and I knew why.

“I heard enough. I know that you’ve been in love with me since sixth grade. That’s seven _years_ , Edward. How long were you planning on keeping it from me?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Until the time was right, I guess.” Tears welled in my eyes when I saw how Edward practically transformed from the nineteen-year-old guy into the twelve-year-old boy he’d been when he first fell in love with me. He looked so insecure and confused.

My arms ached to hug him, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to do that.

“So Alice has known this entire time?”

I nodded. “Yes, but I made her promise not to tell you.”

“Why?”

“Your relationship with Kim was still so new when it all came out. I didn’t want to ruin that.” I was sure he’d heard me say that to Alice before.

When I brought up Kim, something in Edward’s posture changed. He straightened his back and almost shot out of his chair. “I have to go,” he said and started for the front door.

“What? Why?” I asked and followed him. What was he going to do that was so urgent all of a sudden?

He didn’t answer me. Instead, he only repeated that he had to go and was already outside before I could get anything else out. I watched him drive away in shock.

What just happened?

 


	11. Chapter 10 The End and The Beginning

**CHAPTER 10 THE END AND BEGINNING**

**Edward's Perspective**

I pulled over when driving became too hard.

I couldn’t believe how everything had changed so drastically in the last hour. Had I known this beforehand, I didn’t know if I would have knocked on Bella’s door earlier.

I thought I would find Bella devastated and heartbroken after her breakup with Riley, but instead, I found her rather collected. I had expected her reluctance on talking about what had happened, but not on that level.

When she confessed that she had fallen in love with another guy, I recognized the guilt she felt. It was quite obvious she felt guilty for liking this other guy when she was still with Riley. I also felt that same intense jealousy I first felt when she started dating. I practically had to force myself to keep up the conversation with her.

I couldn’t deny that I was a bit relieved when Alice interrupted us. I was still annoyed with her, though. I’d specifically told her that I wanted to talk to Bella alone today. But had Alice not shown up, I would never have found out what I was currently trying to wrap my head around.

I just couldn’t believe that Bella–my best friend, Bella–the girl I’d been in love with since I was merely eleven years old, actually reciprocated my feelings. I’d already pinched myself multiple times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

I did it again, just to be on the safe side. It hurt like a motherfucker–maybe I pinched a bit too hard–so it couldn’t be a dream.

When Bella went upstairs to change clothes, Alice had gotten in my face and told me that if I didn’t tell Bella how I felt about her, she would.

Fearful that Bella would hear us, I’d tried to keep my voice low when I told Alice that it wasn’t her business. Of course, knowing my twin, she replied by saying that she couldn’t care less about that.

I’d realized early that Alice wouldn’t talk about this quietly, but I still tried. I’d wanted Bella to find out from me in person.

And all that time, she already knew. She’d known for months without telling me.  _Months!_

I’d been taken by complete surprise when Alice confronted me about my feelings for Kim. She wanted to know if I loved her.

_No, I don’t_ , was the thought that went through my head immediately and I wanted to hit myself. I’d tried to convince myself from the very beginning that I could learn to love Kim and that was the answer for me to get over Bella.

I was very aware that it hadn’t worked in the past. Not even when I was sixteen and lost my virginity to a girl I’d been dating steadily for six weeks could I stop thinking that it should have been with Bella.

Every time I experienced a first, I’d wanted it to be with Bella, but it never was.

So I’d tried to move on once and for all, hoping that Kim would be the one. I actually thought it would work once we were in college, and it did for a while, but then that day in Bella’s apartment happened. I saw her naked, and I was doomed.

Before that day, whenever I’d been fantasizing about her, her image had been blurry and distorted. Now it was clear as day and every teenage fantasy I’d had with her in the starring role just crashed right into me.

I hadn’t been able to look her in the eyes for over twenty-four hours. It was when I heard about her breakup that I snapped out of it because I was sure she’d need her best friend in that moment, and I had never let her down when she needed me. Not once in almost eleven years.

Then her conversation with Alice happened and I almost choked. She never admitted out loud that she was in love with me, but I had always been able to read between the lines when it came to her. I just knew that my feelings for her were finally being answered.

My heart had started to beat faster, I hadn’t been able to inhale properly, and I felt very dizzy when she came back inside.

And she confirmed it. She confirmed that she’d felt something for me since sometime this summer.

Questions had flown around in my head at such a speed it made me nauseous, and Bella helped me sit down. It was when she was sitting opposite of me that I realized that the guy she had been talking about before was actually me. She had actually said out loud that she had fallen in love with me.

When she told me about the letter, I wanted to have the ground swallow me whole.  _That was how she found out? She found out through a stupid letter that I couldn’t throw away?_

Being Bella, she threw my words right back at me when I asked her why she never told me. Our reasons were completely different, though. Mine had been selfish and cowardly while hers had been unselfish and considerate. I didn’t want to get hurt; she didn’t want to hurt me.

She’d also heard my conversation with Alice. That was how she found out how long I’d felt for her, even though that piece of information was false, not even Alice knew that. Everyone that knew thought I’d gotten my crush on Bella in sixth grade, but it started already in the summer before fifth.

I’d just turned eleven. It was an insanely hot day, and Bella and I were supposed to meet at the playground so that we could go to the beach together. Our parents would also be there, but they would show up later. I had felt so grown-up when I walked alone to the playground to meet with Bella.

I remembered seeing her walking with another boy–who I later saw was a boy from our class; Darren–and a knot had instantly developed in my chest. I’d thought they were walking too close to each other and when she giggled at something he said, I’d wanted to run up to them and push him away from her. Bella was my best friend, not his.

That was when Bella had spotted me and instantly left Darren to hug me. I’d felt so smug when she just left him without so much as saying goodbye, just so that she could hug me.

I hadn’t known what those feelings were at the moment, but from that day they developed and just became stronger with every passing year.

Thinking about that day had made me slightly emotional, and I wanted nothing more than to hug Bella in that moment, but I was afraid that it would be awkward, so I refrained from it.

We’d come back to the reasons of why Bella kept that she knew a secret, and for the first time since it all came out in the open, Kim was mentioned. I was embarrassed that I’d almost forgotten that I actually had a girlfriend–whom I cared a lot for, just not in the way I should have at this point in our relationship.

I just had to get out of Bella’s house after that. I needed to be alone, to think or whatever. I needed to get my head straight before I did something really stupid; like kiss her or something like that.

God, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to know how her lips would feel against mine. Would they be soft? If I’d kissed her, would she have responded? Would there have been tongue?

I couldn’t stop myself from moaning at that thought.

I was so deep in thought, so when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket, I jumped in fright. I had to take a deep breath before getting it out and checking the caller I.D. It was Kim, and I inwardly groaned when the whole reality of my incredibly complicated situation dawned on me.

“Hey, Kim,” I greeted her. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger as I could feel a headache coming on.

“ _Hi, babe. Would you, um…would you mind coming over?”_

“No, of course not. Is there a special reason?” She sounded off somehow, not at all like her usual bubbly self. Something had happened since we saw each other yesterday–I was not considering what had happened at Bella’s as something that would cause Kim to act differently. She did not even know I went to see Bella.

“ _Yes, I need to talk to you.”_

“You can’t tell me over the phone?”

“ _No.”_ Translation: We need to talk about our relationship.

Every guy dreaded the infamous words “we need to talk.” We knew that when those words were uttered, it was time for a serious talk. Most often, it was about where the relationship was going, and that was why guys hated those words because we did not always have the answer to that question.

However, I agreed with her. We  _did_ need to talk. Everything was changed for me now that I knew about Bella’s feelings. I couldn’t just go back to how things were before and pretend as if nothing had happened. That would be physically impossible.

I wanted to be with Bella, it was as simple as that, and it would be very unfair of me to lead Kim on and make her believe that our relationship could progress when I’d just admitted to myself that I did not love her. She deserved to find her own Mr. Right.

“I’ll be there in twenty,” I told her before hanging up.

After turning the car around, I pressed on the gas to get myself to Kim’s house as fast as possible. I wanted to talk to her before I lost my nerve.

Kim's house was grand. Her father was one of the town’s most successful lawyers and co-owner of Blake & Grace Law–it was the main reason that Kim majored in Law. Her father expected it as it was she who would take over the firm when he retired. First, he’d hoped that Kim’s brother, Matthew, would take over, but he refused to pursue a career in Law. He wanted to become an actor, and he would attend Julliard in the fall of next year.

Just as I put my foot on the first step, the front door opened and Kim came outside. She motioned for us to sit down on the porch swing, and I followed her quietly.

Kim’s back was stiff. She was watching two birds chirping in a tree, refusing to look at me. She did not say anything and I started to wonder what really had her in such deep thought.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked carefully. She flinched slightly, and I frowned.

“Edward, you know I care for you, right?” We had never as much as mentioned how we felt, but as we were still dating after eight months, it was just assumed that we cared for each other.

“Yeah, I guess. Why?”

She turned her body so that she was facing me fully. “I need you to know that what I’m about to say has nothing to do with you. I just think that it’s for the best for both of us.”

The realization came to me, and I knew before she even said anything. I stayed quiet because I knew it would make it easier for her. I was sure she was feeling like shit at that moment.

She grabbed my hands and looked down on them when she said the words I’d been expecting. “I want us to break up.”

It’s never fun to get broken up with, but the coward in me rejoiced since he would not have to do it now. It was such a relief that she was the one breaking up with me. It saved me the trouble and guilt for hurting her. This way, I knew that she had already come to terms that our relationship would not go forward.

Feeling so many different emotions at once, I stayed quiet, and Kim interpreted it as if I was too hurt to talk.

“Please, don’t be mad at me. I really believe it will be for the best. I need to find my other half, and I'm afraid that it's not you. I don’t want to lock you in a relationship that’s not going forward. We both deserve more than that.” She looked completely terrified, probably still thinking that she had hurt me enough to make me a mute. I hurried to reassure her.

“You’re right. We both deserve more than that.” I wasn’t sure if I should tell her about Bella. It was a kind of sensitive subject since I was still very unsure of how Bella and I would proceed from here.

I decided to keep it to myself, at least until I knew more.

Gently, I leaned forward and kissed Kim’s cheek. She was smiling when I leaned away. I smiled right back. “You’re a great girl, Kim. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Her eyes started to water with relief. “Thank you for taking it so well.”

“I wouldn’t dream of making anything difficult for you.” I stood up and started for my car. Halfway there, I turned around. “I’ll see you around, Kim.”

She nodded and raised her hand in good-bye.

**~~LiS~~**

I needed five days to get my head back on my shoulders. I used the first day to let everything new sink in. Not only had Bella admitted to having feelings for me, an hour later, I was single again.

The second day I used to dodge all of Alice’s annoying questions.

The third day was for avoiding my mother’s worried glances. She had noticed that there was something different with me, she just didn’t know what.

The fourth day I spent trying to pick up my courage, and failing miserably, to call Bella.

Now, on the fifth day, I was just exiting my car and walking up her driveway. She must have heard the engine because she opened the door before I had time to knock.

Without saying a word, she stepped to the side to let me in.

For the first time in ten years, I felt out of place in Bella’s house, and I stood awkwardly in the hallway.

“Do you want coffee?” she asked to break the silence.

I accepted, grateful that she was taking the initiative.

Once we were sitting with a cup of steaming coffee each, mine black and hers with one sugar and cream, Bella didn’t hesitate to speak her mind. “I heard about you and Kim. Was it you or her that broke it off?”

I took a sip of my coffee. “She did. She thought our relationship wasn’t moving forward.”

“So what does this mean?”

I looked up at Bella and swallowed. I didn’t know why I felt so insecure. I knew that Bella was in love with me, and she knew I was in love with her. What stopped us? “It can mean whatever you want,” I said.

We were quiet for several minutes, both deep in thought.

“Do you want to be with me?” Bella jumped right to the bone, and I smiled. It was one of the things I’d always liked about her. She was never beating around the bush. She was straightforward and blunt, and I loved her for it.

She deserved me being as truthful as possible toward her, so I didn’t hesitate when I answered. “More than anything.”

Slowly, she stood up from her chair and walked up to me. She towered over me and I wondered what she was going to do. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, and I was feeling oddly nervous.

“Close your eyes,” she said softly.

I obliged without asking. I wanted to know what she was going to do.

Seconds passed and then I felt pressure against my lips. Instinctively, I kissed back before my brain registered what was happening. When it did, I was on fire. Heat radiated from my mouth and through my entire body. One second, I wasn’t breathing at all, and the next I was panting heavily.

Bella was too, and I could taste her breath on my tongue when I gently opened my mouth. The kiss was explosive and gentle at the same time. Sweet, but passionate, and I wanted more.

Tentatively, I sucked her lower lip between mine. Her response was to moan and all the blood instantly disappeared from my head and went south. My hand tangled itself into her hair on its own accord, and I pulled her closer to me, but I wanted closer still, so my other hand snaked around her waist.

I don’t think I consciously realized that my hold on her would tell her to straddle me, so when she did, I gasped into her mouth. Her center was pressing down on my erection and I could feel her body heat through my clothes.

However, I was too aware that this was our first kiss and we needed to slow down. Bella was so much more to me than a body. She was everything, had always been, and I wanted us to do this right.

Before I could pull away and voice these thoughts, she did it for me. She leaned away slightly and panted into my ear. “We need to slow down, Edward. I want to do this right.”

I nodded–the ability to speak had abandoned me–and shifted my weight slightly with the hope of adjusting myself in my pants. It was incredibly uncomfortable to be hard in jeans.

Since Bella was still straddling me, she noticed what I did. “Is it very painful?” she asked, completely serious.

“It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world,” I answered truthfully.

“If you want to use the bathroom to take care of it, you can, you know.” Had any other girl said that to me, I would have been shocked, but this was Bella and she had never been embarrassed when talking about sex, at least not with me.

I knew she was serious, but I didn’t want to end our embrace just so that I could go and masturbate in her bathroom. “No, it’s fine. It will go down in a moment, and I’d rather stay with you.”

She giggled adorably. “Okay,” she said and wound her arms around my neck to tighten our embrace. There was no air between our bodies, but I wasn’t about to complain because I finally had the girl of my dreams, and I wasn’t about to let her go.

 


	12. Chapter 11 Boyfriend and Girlfriend

**CHAPTER 11 BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND**

**Bella's Perspective**

Edward and I kept our relationship on the Down low up until the last days of Christmas break. The only one in the know was Alice, but that was only because she lived in the same house as Edward. We had also told our parents after making them promise they wouldn’t tell anyone.

Our reason behind this was that we wanted to be as respectful toward Kim and Riley as possible and not post with our relationship so soon after breaking up with them. I don’t think Kim would have minded that much, but I knew Riley would have been heartbroken if I’d started to walk around in the open with Edward merely a week after our breakup.

So it was with bated breaths that Edward and I entered Rick’s with our hands entwined. Usually, we walked with our arms around each other–it somehow felt more platonic than holding hands–so by walking like this, we hoped to make some kind of statement that our friendship had indeed developed into something more.

Since Rick’s was such a local place for our neighborhood and high school, we recognized most of the people in there, and they sure as hell recognized us. As soon as we were spotted holding hands, the buzz quieted down and everybody stared at us with gaping mouths. I could understand why. What they had been waiting for had finally happened, but it was still a shock.

Edward quickly got tired with the staring so he decided to give them all a show–which I was not in on, by the way–by putting both of his hands on my face and giving me a fierce kiss in front of everyone.

Since that first kiss, we’d discovered that no matter how many times we did it, it was still as explosive every time. As soon as his mouth landed on mine, I did not care that we were in a diner full of people. I kissed him back just as fiercely and it wasn’t until I heard James’ familiar voice that I once again became aware of my surroundings.

“Well, it was about damn time!” he exclaimed. It was followed by a few nervous giggles, but nobody averted their gaze from us. It was as if they believed that it would turn out to be an illusion if they looked away.

Edward rolled his eyes and slung his arm around my shoulders in our usual embrace. It was more us anyway. We weren’t really the hand-holding type, even though it was nice once in a while.

We sat down next to each other in the booth where our friends sat, Angela excluded because she was studying at a college in Hawaii and was unable to come home for Christmas.

The expressions they wore were so funny; I wanted to take a picture just to save the moment. James was grinning like the Cheshire cat, Garrett looked pleased and amused, and Ben looked simply confused.

Kate and Victoria sat with gaping mouths just like the rest of the population in the diner. I felt the urge to place my hands underneath their chins and close their mouths, but I didn’t do it. Our news was kind of huge and they needed to let it sink in.

“Could someone tell me what’s going on?” Ben said after a moment of silence. Edward and I chuckled before launching into our story. We told them everything, from the moment I found the letter up ‘til the point where Edward and I drank coffee before I kissed him. We told them that we kissed, leaving out the details as those were only for us.

“So you’re, like, together now?” Kate asked. She looked like she couldn’t quite get the puzzle pieces to fit.

“Yes, by telling you, we’re making it official,” Edward answered her and leaned closer to me to kiss my temple. I could almost hear Kate and Victoria go “aww” in the background.

“And you’re saying that Alice has known all along and was able to keep it from us? How did she manage to do that?” Victoria’s confusion was understandable. Alice sucked at keeping secrets, but she’d been able to keep our secrets for months without letting her tongue slip even once.

I shrugged. “Speaking of Alice, where is she? I thought she’d be here by now.” I turned to Edward. I saw a hint of anger on his face before he was able to hide it. “What?” I asked him.

“Nothing,” he replied, and I looked at him skeptically.

“When are you going to realize that you can’t hide things from me?”

He sighed. “Fine, Alice isn’t coming. She’s busy.”

“Busy with what?” I pushed. I couldn’t understand why he was so reluctant with talking about Alice. Had they been in a fight I did not know about?

“She’s talking with someone.”

I was feeling utterly frustrated that he was making me drag it out of him. He knew I would find out in the end so he could just tell me already. “Edward, are you really gonna make me drag it out of you? Just tell me!”

“She met a guy…over the internet,” he said through his teeth. There were three possible reasons behind Edward’s anger. First, he didn’t like the guy. Second, he didn’t like that it was over the internet, or third, he was just annoyingly overprotective of Alice.

“Is that a bad thing?” Ben asked. I had almost forgotten the others were there since I’d been so focused on Edward and my thoughts.

“Yeah, I mean she’s been alone for so long. She deserves some love,” Victoria agreed.

Edward looked at our friends as if they were insane. “It’s a very bad thing. Who knows who this guy is? He could be a psycho-killer. What if he’s a sixty-year-old dude that prays on innocent girls?”

So it was obvious that it was reason number two and three. I gently put my hand on his arm to calm him down–he’d gotten very tense when he listed all the different sorts of guys that Alice could be talking to. “You and I both know that Alice can take care of herself.”

Edward opened his mouth to protest, but I stopped him by placing my hand over his lips. “She’s tougher than you think, but I promise that I’ll keep an eye on her for you when we’re back at school if that will ease your mind.”

Edward smiled behind my hand and kissed my fingers in thanks. I smiled right back at him, getting completely lost in the depth of his green eyes. We started to lean toward each other, but before our mouths connected, James disturbed our bubble.

“No matter how thrilled I am for you guys, that’s so wrong in my eyes.”

That comment earned him a bitch glance from Kate.

“Shut up, you douche!” Victoria said, and hit him.

We all laughed at him when he rubbed his arm and scowled at his girlfriend.

**~~LiS~~**

“I have to go.”

I groaned when Edward stood up from my bed and started to button up his shirt.

Christmas break was over, and we were back in California. It was February, going on March, and school was worse than ever. I had exams every week and several deadlines to meet. My pile of homework became larger every day, and my teacher had even told us that it was time for us students to start looking for internships at the local newspapers for the summer since it would be impossible for us to get a job if we waited any longer. I had actually succeeded in getting an interview at The Sanger Herald. I had an appointment this upcoming Friday.

However, because of all of this and because Edward had it even worse, he and I had barely had any time to see each other. He was always knee deep in books, looking over old cases, and I was pretty sure he had the law book on his bedside table.

Edward leaned forward to give me a goodbye kiss, but I grabbed his shirt and dragged him down so that he was on top of me. I kept my hold on his shirt as I crashed my mouth onto his, hoping that he wouldn't stop.

We had not had sex yet, mostly because of me. I was stalling a bit because even though I was very much in love with Edward, it felt slightly strange since we’d been best friends for so long. It was bound to be a bit awkward. But lately, I’d started to feel ready to take the next step. Not tonight, but definitely in the near future.

When Edward moaned and then started to pull away, I gave up my hold on his shirt.

“I'm sorry, baby, but I really have to go. I have an exam tomorrow, and I need to study.” He rolled off me, and I could clearly see that he was sporting quite the situation in his pants. I felt bad for him because, so far, the only thing we’d done was touch each other outside of the clothes. He’d gotten off, sure, but he’d told me that he preferred going home with a painful boner than with a sticky mess in his pants. Either way, he was uncomfortable.

I wanted to offer him help, but I couldn’t. Something hindered me and the words got stuck in my throat. Instead, I told him about my displeasure of how little we saw each other. “Edward, we've barely seen each other for two weeks.”

“I know, and I wish I could stay. You have no idea how much.” I glanced down at his crotch, and he chuckled. “Okay, maybe you _do_ have an idea.” His chuckle died down, and he sighed deeply before bending down to put on his shoes.

I crawled up behind him and started to massage his shoulders. He was very tense, and I knew from the circles under his eyes that he was not getting enough sleep. I was very worried about him. I didn’t want to see him collapse one of these days.

“Edward, you need to rest. You're only human and you need to take it easy.” I wound my arms around his neck and leaned my front to his back. “I kind of like having you as my boyfriend, and I don’t want to see you fall flat on your face because you can’t take anymore.” I angled my head to look at his profile, and he was smiling.

“It doesn’t matter that we’ve been together for two months. I still love hearing you refer to me as your boyfriend,” he said, looking completely content for a second. He always looked like that whenever we talked about our relationship. It was as if it hadn’t completely sunk in for him yet that I was exclusively his and that he was exclusively mine.

“Well, that’s what you are, and I care too much for you to accept this poor way that you take care of yourself.” I glanced at his book bag that was already at its tearing point. “What kind of exam is it?”

Edward rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “It covers half the textbook and we have to get at least a ninety-five if we want to pass the course this year.”

I thought about that for a minute and then got off the bed.

“What are you doing?” he asked when I started to dig through his bag.

“I’m helping you to study. If that’s the only way for us to see each other, then so be it. And after, you’ll stay here and get a good night’s sleep.”

“Bella, I can’t ask that of you. You have your own homework to think about. You shouldn’t worry about mine as well.”

I placed myself in front of him with my hand on my hips. “I _want_ to help you, so just humor me.” I used my hand to tilt his head up and gave him a light but passionate kiss. “Okay?”

He searched my face, but eventually nodded in consent.

An hour later, we had gone through every chapter with a fine-toothed comb, and Edward had almost everything right. He was beating himself up for the four questions he forgot the answers on, and I tried to comfort him with the thought the exam wasn't until tomorrow after lunch, which gave him plenty of time to study tomorrow, but right now he needed to sleep to process everything.

He started to shake his head, but I interrupted him. “If you go to bed with me right now, I promise that we can cuddle the entire night for a week.” Yes, Edward was a cuddler, opposed to me who needed some space to be able to sleep. It was nice to lie in his arms just before we went to sleep, but when I actually slept, it became too warm to have another body so close to me.

Edward studied me closely to see if I was lying, but I was serious. If that was what it took to get him some sleep, it was completely worth it. It wasn’t like I disliked cuddling either, so it was kind of a win-win situation.

“Fine,” he eventually agreed and got off the bed so that we could get ready for the night.

That was when I realized that Alice had not been home the entire night, and I decided to send her a quick text.

_Hey, where are you? You haven't been home all day. I'm starting to get worried ;-)_

Only five minutes later, she replied.

_**Sorry, mom, but Daniel helped me study at the library, and we got caught up in other activities. We're at his place. I'll see you tomorrow :-P** _

Daniel was the guy that Alice met over the internet. He lived in California, only a few minutes from campus, he was, fortunately not sixty, but twenty-three and had already finished college.

He and Alice had met through a social network website, and when they got talking, they found out that they had a lot in common.

When Alice first came home to introduce her new boyfriend, Edward had been here and he gave Daniel the third degree–he took his responsibility of being the older twin very seriously–which Daniel passed. Now, Edward actually kind of liked him.

“Who are you talking to?” Edward asked when he saw me with my phone. He had his toothbrush in his mouth and foam over his entire face. He was just adorable.

“Your sister. She's staying at Daniel's tonight.”

“I'm glad Daniel's such a good guy, or I would be pissed that my baby sister's staying at a guy's place.” It was getting harder to hear what he was saying when he needed to spit.

“You're staying here,” I pointed out.

“That's different,” he said, but sounded more like “Dats dibbrent.”

“How's it different?” I was just teasing with him. I loved putting him in place, making him answer questions he had no answer to.

He put up a finger to tell me to wait a minute while he went to the bathroom to spit. When he came back, I was already under the covers.

“It's different because I've known you for almost twelve years. She's known him for four months, and she's my baby sister.”

“By five minutes.”

Edward crawled under the covers as well and put his arm around me. “And as her five minutes older brother, it's my job to protect her from assholes.”

I turned my head toward him and gave him a small kiss. “I kinda like it when you get all protective,” I said and turned off the lights. “Good night, Edward.”

He tightened his arms around me for a second. “Good night, baby.”

 


	13. Chapter 12 On Fire

**CHAPTER 12 ON FIRE**

I woke up in the morning when Edward slowly stroked my arm with his fingertips. My skin broke out in goosebumps, and I shivered in pleasure.

That small, quite innocent, touch made my heart beat faster and my breathing became shallower, which in turn alerted him to me being awake.

Gently, he grabbed my arm and turned me over so that I was on my back. He was disheveled and had pillow prints on his face, but his eyes were a light green and his smile was soft.

It was a tender moment, but my mind was in the gutter the moment his eyes wandered to my mouth. I didn’t care about morning breath in that moment. I just needed him to kiss me.

Edward certainly didn’t seem to mind when I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down to me. He only pulled me closer and positioned himself so that he was lying halfway on top of me.

As soon as his mouth connected with mine, my entire body was on fire. I wanted him closer, even though he was already as close as he could be with his clothes on.

His warm skin was so soft underneath my hand as they roamed down his naked back. I just loved that Edward slept without a shirt. During the past week, I’d gotten quite addicted to feeling his bare chest pressed against my back as I slept, but now I wanted to feel skin against skin.

For a second, I hesitated in my mind. Was I ready for the next step? Did I want Edward?

Hell yes!

Feeling bold, I pulled away from the kiss and grabbed the hem of my t-shirt so that I could pull it over my head. Since I didn’t sleep with a bra, my naked breasts were exposed, and I heard Edward inhale sharply.

His eyes were wide as saucers when he opened his mouth to speak. “Bella? What are y–”

“Shh,” I interrupted him. If he spoke right now, I didn’t know if I could do it. “Don’t talk. Just kiss me.”

“But, Bella–”

“Please, Edward. I’m ready. I want you,” I moaned out when I felt his hardness against my hip. It was obvious he wanted me, too.

It took about two seconds for that to sink in, and when it did, he crashed his mouth onto mine with fervor. It was fierce and passionate.

His hands traced all over my naked torso, and he left a trail of fire in his wake.

My back arched when Edward shifted his lower body so that he was between my legs. “Uh, Bella, are you sure?” he asked in a husky voice when his erection came in contact with my center. “If we go any further, I won’t be able to stop,” he breathed out.

“I don’t want you to stop. I want you.” I tightened my arms around him, which caused my breasts to press against his bare chest.

Edward leaned down and started to suck on my neck as he placed his hands on either side of me to support his upper body on his arms instead of crushing me. His lower body was still in contact with mine, and the delicious ache of arousal between my legs developed into an inferno when he thrust his hips slowly into me.

I moaned out loud, and I swear I heard Edward growl in my ear.

With the help of my feet, I pulled his sweats down, and I felt when his erection sprang free and rested on my stomach. I was slightly shocked, as I’d thought that he was wearing underwear underneath, but I didn’t exactly complain when one of his hands cupped my breast and his thumb grazed my hardened nipple.

“Uh, Edward, please!”

He made a trail of kisses down my neck until his mouth was on my breast. My entire body jerked when his lips closed around my nipple.

I started panting when he went further down. I felt his lips on my hipbone and how his fingers hooked around my panties to pull them down. The anticipation was almost excruciating. He was so close to where I wanted him.

_BANG!_

“Honey, I'm home!” Alice shouted from the hallway.

Both Edward and I groaned in frustration. I had to say that I didn’t like his cockblocking sister at that moment.

Edward was still between my legs, and he barely had time to come out from under the covers before Alice threw my door open.

“Alice! Get the hell out of here,” I yelled at her and quickly grabbed the covers to hide my naked chest.

Alice giggled. “Oh please, like I haven't seen those before.” She then looked more closely at our disheveled appearance and raised an eyebrow. “Did I interrupt something?”

Alice knew that Edward and I hadn’t had sex yet, and she could clearly see what we'd been up to before she came home.

Edward stared annoyingly at his twin. “Yes, Alice, you did interrupt something, and we would both appreciate it if you could just leave the room.”

Alice crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “Well, I’m sorry for living here. Besides, it’s not like you’ll have time to finish anything anyway. Your first class starts in fifteen minutes, Edward.”

Edward’s head snapped to my alarm clock, and sure enough, it read 10:15 AM. “Fuck,” he exclaimed and leaned down from the bed to retrieve his discarded sweats.

Alice was still standing in the doorway, and I grabbed a rolled up pair of socks from my floor to throw at her. “Get out, Alice.”

“Fine, I’m going. Jeesh!” She backed out of the room and closed the door. Edward immediately got out of the bed and started to pack his books into his bag, cursing underneath his breath the entire time.

While he fixed his bag, I found his clothes for him and then put on a robe to cover my own nakedness.

Five minutes later, we both bolted from my room toward the front door. Before he left, he gave me a quick kiss. “We’re not finished. I’ll call you tonight,” he whispered in my ear.

I locked the door behind him and leaned against it to catch my breath. Whew! What a morning.

Alice came from the kitchen; arms crossed, a you-better-tell-me-everything-right-now-look on her face, and a wide grin. I pushed away from the door and walked to the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee, completely ignoring Alice.

“Sooo...why didn't you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” I still didn't look at her. If I didn’t get my coffee soon, I wouldn’t be a happy person.

“Why didn't you tell me that you and my brother had done the deed?”

“Because we haven't.” The coffee smelled so good and after taking a sip, I felt so much better.

“What do you mean? I saw you two in there.”

“Yeah, well you came in before we could get to the good stuff.” I turned toward her and saw a guilty expression on her face. “Hey, don't feel guilty. This way we won't rush anything because one of us has to get to class or something.” I walked up to her and gave her a hug. “I'd say you did us a favor. Edward’s teacher would have skinned him had he been late for class.”

I grabbed another mug and poured coffee in it before giving it to her.

“Thanks,” she said and sat down.

When we'd finished our coffee, Alice washed the mugs while I prepared a glass of water and my pills. Dad would’ve been proud that I'd taken a lot more responsibility when it came to my medication.

I'd had an attack just after school started, and I'd almost scared Alice to death because she didn’t know what to do. Since then, I'd been very careful to take my pills so that I didn’t put Alice through anything like that again.

Alice looked at me while I gulped the water down. “You know, Bella, you've never actually talked about your condition.”

I shrugged. “I never really thought it was necessary.”

“I guess.” She paused for a second and then continued. “Could you tell me about it?”

I laughed. “Since when did you get interested in medicine? Don’t tell me your dad’s been rubbing off on you.”

“I'm not. I just want to know what happens to my roommate when she has an attack.” She was completely serious, and I immediately felt guilty. I sat down opposite of her and tried to remember what Carlisle, Edward and Alice’s father, had told me when I first asked him what was wrong with me and why I had to take the pills. It was so many years ago, so it took me a while to recall it.

“Well, what happens is that the absence of iron in my cells makes it hard for, example, my lungs to get the proper amount of oxygen into my brain. That’s what makes me feel so tired. It’s often the first symptom, and later on, my eyes hurt in bright lights.” Alice nodded to show she was still following me. “My tongue swells, and it feels like I have to swallow all the time because my body starts to produce more saliva. All in all, my organs try to find iron in any way they can, and when they don't, my body kind of shuts down.” Alice looked scared, and I hurried to explain. “But I've never had to go to the emergency room. That's only necessary if I've gone without my pills for days, so you don't have to worry about that. And, Alice”—I grabbed her hand–“I'm so sorry for putting you through that stress. I always think about my pills now.”

Alice smiled at me and exhaled with relief. “Okay, well it feels reassuring to at least know.”

“Whenever you feel the need, just ask, and I’ll tell you what I know.”

She nodded. “Good.”

**~~LiS~~**

“ _So about what happened this morning...Were you just caught up in the moment or are you really sure?”_

I had been waiting for Edward to bring up the subject. I hadn’t brought it up myself because I wanted to see how long it would take for Edward to do it. Answer: Five minutes and twenty-six seconds.

“Edward, you know I’m not the kind of person to get caught up in the moment. This morning, I wanted you, and I still want you, so badly. Believe me, I’m sure.”

“ _Shit.”_ I heard him say underneath his breath. _“You’re kind of making it hard for me to focus here.”_ I swear I heard Edward swallow on the other end, and I smiled. If I’d felt that I could do it, I would've made a proposition for phone-sex, but I felt so stupid and Edward knew this.

It didn’t mean that I still didn’t enjoy teasing him. “Oh, I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know this conversation was so _hard_ for you.”

“ _Dammit, Bella. If you don’t stop right now, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”_ His breathing was heavy and I could practically see him in front of me–how he was in his room, probably pacing to calm down, and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Then let me be responsible for them,” I said in a husky voice.

He groaned. _“I don't want to push you.”_

I rolled my eyes. “Edward, you’ve been the complete gentleman ever since we got together two months ago. Besides, there’s no one I trust more than I trust you.” It was quiet on the other end. “You know I’m ready. I think it’s you that’s scared.”

“ _You’re goddamned right I’m scared. We might have been together for two months, but this will be the ultimate point of no return. When we cross this line, nothing will be the same ever again.”_

“I know,” I said. “And that makes me nervous too, but it’s not a big enough cause for us to not do it.” I heard him breathing, so I knew he was still there, but otherwise he was completely quiet. “Edward, please come over tonight, and we’ll talk more face to face.”

He groaned. _“You have no idea how much I'd like to take you up on that offer, but I can't. I have another test, and it's the last one before spring break, so it's going to be on everything we’ve learned since the term started.”_

I frowned. “Your teachers aren’t human.”

He chuckled. _“It's spring break after Friday. Do you think you can wait three days?”_

“For the talk or for something else?” I asked suggestively.

“ _I don’t think we_ can _talk more about this, so definitely something else.”_

“You know, three days is a very long time for a horny nineteen-year-old.”

“ _Don't I know it.”_ He sighed. _“Night, Bella.”_

“Night, Edward.” We hung up and I threw myself back against my pillows. This better work out.

**~~LiS~~**

Friday came around eventually.

I was aware that it was only three days, but it had felt like an eternity. Not only because of the sex but because I hadn’t seen Edward once during those three days. I missed him.

I didn’t want to plan the night too much because I knew the more I planned, the more nervous I would get. I did, however, ask Alice to stay at Daniel’s over the weekend. She instantly agreed when I explained that it would feel kind of awkward to seduce her brother–not that I think he’d need a lot of persuasion–while she was in the next room.

I was free from all of my classes during the day, so I had a bit too much spare time for my taste. I didn’t want to plan, but I couldn’t help but to clean my room, change the sheets on my bed –it was a given that we would be at my place. He shared a four-bedroom house with three other guys–and then I took a very long shower so that I could shave in all the necessary places.

I didn’t know how long I stood in only a towel and tried to decide what kind of underwear I would put on. I had two different sets I was considering. An eggplant purple set in cotton or a shiny moss green set in lace. I knew Edward would like both of them, but I had a hard time deciding which one I would feel the most comfortable in.

Eventually, I decided on the eggplant purple one and thought I’d save the moss green for another time.

By that time, I had to leave so that I could catch Edward outside his last class. I would suggest for us to go out for something to eat and then invite him up to my place.

Standing outside of his classroom, I continuously checked the clock as it ticked slowly. His class ended at six–only five minutes from now–and I could feel how my heart was beating faster with every passing second.

The classroom door opened at exactly six and the first person out almost made me choke.

Kim.

My blush burned my cheeks and I looked around to see if there were any possibilities for me to hide. There wasn’t, and Kim had already seen me anyway.

“Bella! Hi.” She smiled and came forward to hug me. My hug was slightly stiff, but if Kim noticed, she didn’t say anything. “Are you waiting for Edward? He should be out any minute now.”

I nodded slowly without saying anything. I was at a loss for words.

“How are things going with you? You’ve been together for a few months now, right?”

I coughed and stared at her with wide eyes. “How did y–?”

“My brother was at Rick’s when you made it official.” I had already been positive that she knew, but to hear her talking about it so casually was a huge shock.

Edward exited the classroom then, and when he saw me with Kim, he walked stiffly up to us. He positioned himself next to me, but he did not say anything, and he did not touch me.

Kim looked at us and raised an eyebrow. “You're the first couple I've seen that doesn't say hi to each other when you meet.” She tried to lighten the mood, but it just made me feel awful.

After a few awkward seconds, Kim sighed. “Okay, I know that you act like this because of me, but please don't.” She turned to Edward. “Edward, we broke up but remained friends and Bella you’re my friend, too. I think you’re perfect for each other, and I don't want our friendship to be in the way for you to show public affection. That's what couples do.” Edward and I relaxed slightly, and I decided to take the first step and grabbed his hand. Kim saw it and smiled.

A very good-looking guy walked up to us and kissed Kim on the cheek. “Hey, you ready to go?” he asked.

She nodded at him and then turned to wink at us. “That's how you say hi to your girlfriend.” With that, she walked away, tucked under the guy’s arm.

I took a few deep breaths and then turned to Edward. He was looking at me from the corner of his eye, still tense. I turned his head toward me and stood on my toes to kiss him. At first, he didn’t respond, but then he kissed me back. I pulled away and looked at him. “Kim's right, Edward. We can't get all weird every time we bump into each other, which is bound to happen since you’re in the same major. ”

He smiled his crooked smile. “Yeah, it was just a little shocking to see you two together.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d die of embarrassment when I saw her,” I admitted. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him to me. “Hi, by the way,” I whispered in his ear.

He chuckled.

“Are you hungry? I thought we could get something to eat, and then head to my place.”

“I'm starving.” We entwined our hands and walked out of the school.

At the restaurant, Edward suggested take-out, and I wasn’t slow to agree.

With our food in a bag, we walked hand in hand to my apartment. I was very glad that Alice and I had been able to find an apartment so close to campus, and only a short walking distance to downtown. Since we were in California, it was warm even in March and I had nothing on but a pair of jeans and a tank top. The soft breeze caressed my bare arms and calmed my nerves.

My anxiety must have shown on my face because Edward asked me if I was alright. I nodded and pushed all thoughts of sex out of my head. If I didn’t think about it, it would all work out. I would just let everything fall into place.

We ate our food in the living room, and I asked him how the test had gone. Apparently, he’d gotten a ninety-seven on both of them, and I leaned forward to give him a kiss.

I was about to pull back, but Edward didn’t let me. He knotted his fingers into my hair and pushed his tongue into my mouth. He tasted of garlic from the food and pure Edward. I moaned and reciprocated by grabbing handfuls of his hair and pulled.

I’d found out a while back that Edward liked it when I pulled his hair. I’d asked him if it didn’t hurt, but he just said that it was a pleasurable pain.

Now, he groaned into my mouth and leaned forward until I was lying on my back on the couch with him on top of me.

We both knew where this would lead, and we both felt too impatient to really take our time, so when Edward’s hands went underneath my top, I raised my arms above my head to make it easier for him to take it off.

When it was completely off, Edward attacked my neck and whispered in my ear. “I like your bra, but it has to come off.”

I shivered and reached behind me to unhook it and throw it on the floor. My nipples instantly pebbled by the slightly cooler air in the apartment.

Edward put his warm hands on my breasts and started to massage them. I moaned his name and arched my back.

“Do you want to do this here, or in my room?”

“Will Alice come home?” he asked with his mouth on my collarbone.

“No,” I breathed out.

His hands left my breasts to remove his own shirt. “Then I’m good here.” He curled his hand around my knee and hitched my leg over his hip, then settled them both underneath us.

“Me too,” I agreed when he moved his body closer to me. “Oh, Edward.” I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up to me so that I could kiss him again. Our teeth clashed, but we didn’t care.

His hand went around my waist and down to pop the button on my jeans open. I took a necessary second to breathe when he straightened up so that he could pull down my pants. When they were off, I sat up and unzipped his pants as well. If I was going to be in only my underwear, then so would he.

His erection caused a tent in his boxers and I didn’t even pause before hooking my fingers into the elastic and pulling them down. My eyes widened when I really saw him for the first time.

Somewhere, far back in my mind, a thought told me that this was so weird. This was Edward after all–my best friend whom I'd grown up with, and I was looking at his penis. But that thought disappeared less than a second later.

My hand twitched to wrap around him, but I hesitated, afraid I might do something wrong.

Edward saw it. “What's wrong?”

“It's just that I've...”–I cleared my throat–“I've never done anything besides regular sex, you know.”

Edward frowned. “I thought you and Riley–”

I interrupted him. “Yeah well, he never wanted to do anything like that.”

“Seriously?” He looked at me like I’d talked in a foreign language.

I nodded, and Edward smiled before leaning in so that he could whisper in my ear. “Don't worry, Bella. You can't do it wrong unless you deliberately try to hurt me." I got a weird sense of déjà vu as if I’d heard that before in a similar situation. I quickly pushed it away, though. This was not the time to think about that.

I swallowed and reached out with my hand to wrap around him. He was rock hard, and somehow he grew even harder when my hand wrapped around him. “Shit, Bella!”

I started to slowly pump up and down, and I was encouraged by the sounds he made. I squeezed slightly and it sounded like he was choking. When he opened his heavy-lidded eyes to look at me, I smirked at him. He closed his eyes again but started to squirm.

I pumped faster, but only seconds later, Edward's hand was over mine, stopping my movements. “If you continue, we'll have to wait longer for me to actually be inside you.”

I couldn't help but smile. Apparently, he thought I was good at hand jobs. He rolled his eyes at me as if he could read my mind and then leaned forward so that he was once again on top of me.

Edward took both his hands and hooked his fingers around the elastic on my panties. “These...need to...come off...right now,” he growled in my ear.

“Mmhm...” was all I could respond with.

He slid my panties over my hips and down my legs. He tossed them somewhere in the room–I didn’t pay attention to where–and we were now completely naked.

I felt a bit exposed since we were in the living room, but since I knew Alice wouldn’t come home and Edward didn’t seem to mind, I relaxed.

One of his hands moved down the length of my body and I gasped when he cupped my sex. “I need to see if you’re ready,” he said in a raspy voice.

“Oh god,” I exclaimed underneath my breath when his fingers ghosted over my entrance. I was definitely ready. “Do you have a condom?” I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I would just not feel comfortable without a condom, so I had to ask

“Right.” He shifted away from me as he started to dig through his pants pockets. Had I not been so lost in my lust-induced haze, I would have teased him for planning this to the extent that he had the condom in his pants pocket.

I studied him with heavy-lidded eyes when he put on the condom, and then he was on top of me again.

He pulled back slightly to line himself up. He hesitated for a moment, and I knew he was thinking about the whole “the point of no return” thing. I placed my hand on his cheek and he looked me in the eyes to see if I wanted to quit.

“I don’t want to return,” I said, and he closed his eyes briefly as if to take it in.

He pushed his hips forward and eased himself inside me. I moaned at the feeling of being completely filled and looked at Edward to see if he was okay. He had his eyes tightly shut, and he shook slightly. I lay as still as I could while he got used the sensations rocking through his body.

Slowly, the shaking stopped, and he opened his eyes. They had gone from green to almost black, and I had to hold back my orgasm when I saw that. We were both breathing hard and Edward had started to sweat slightly.

He pulled slowly out of me, and then thrust back in, hard. His hips were completely flush with mine.

“Ugh, Edward!” I exclaimed.

We found a rhythm, but it was too slow for my taste, so I wound my legs around him and pressed the heels of my feet against his behind to push him deeper. He did as I silently requested and thrust harder, hitting my sweet spot with each thrust.

“Oh, right there.”

He did it again. “There?”

“Yes!”

In a matter of seconds, I felt my impending orgasm, but I needed something more to fall over the edge. “More,” I breathed, and somehow Edward knew what I meant, for he sped up his thrusts, and I was soon falling apart with a scream.

As I clenched around him, I felt how he froze inside me and came with a loud moan. He collapsed on top of me, and we stayed like that while we caught our breaths.

Eventually, Edward rolled us over so that I was tucked into his side instead.

“That was...simply amazing.” His face was flushed, his entire body was glistening with sweat, and his hair was a complete mess. He had never been more attractive to me.

He tilted his head down to look at me and smiled. I was so in love with this man.

 


	14. Chapter 13 Belong Together

**CHAPTER 13 BELONG TOGETHER**

The frying pan crashed into the sink when I dropped it, and I cringed. “Dammit!” I exclaimed in a whisper.

“Bella, what are you doing?” I heard behind me and turned around to see Carlisle and Esme standing in the doorway.

I sighed. “I'm trying to make breakfast for Edward and Alice,” I admitted.

Today was Edward and Alice’s twentieth birthday, and we were all back home for the summer. As a tradition, I’d slept at their house so that I could participate in the morning celebration. This year, however, I wanted to do more than just being present, hence, the reason why I was in the kitchen at 7:30 AM, making noise.

Esme smiled at me. “That’s really sweet of you, honey. Is there anything I can do to help?”

I exhaled with relief and heard how Carlisle chuckled at me. “Yes, _please_ , I could definitely use some help.”

“Well, then let’s get to work. I’m sure the birthday kids are still in their coma, so we have lots of time.” She winked at me and then started cracking eggs into a bowl.

“I’ll let you two work in peace,” Carlisle said, but before he left, he walked up to me and slung his arm over my shoulders exactly like Edward usually did. “I always knew you and my son would end up together. I haven’t seen two people fit together like you do since I first laid eyes on Esme and knew I would marry her one day.”

I smiled and blushed that he actually compared Edward and I with himself and Esme. Their marriage had always been the ideal for me, and I’d always dreamed that I’d one day find the man that would complete me like Carlisle did Esme.

Carlisle was a very handsome man of forty-seven. He was the epitome of the saying that men only got better-looking with age.

Carlisle was a medical genius, having graduated from high school a year early and started med school before he turned eighteen. At the age of twenty-three, he started his AT years at a small hospital in New York, and that was where he met Esme only a couple of months later.

Esme's uncle had been diagnosed with leukemia two years prior when Esme was only seventeen, and he passed at the hospital after only a week of being admitted.

Carlisle had found Esme in a storage room, crying heartbreakingly over her uncle, whom she’d been very close to. Recognizing the young woman as a relative to his mentor’s recently deceased patient, he offered to take her out for coffee and some good company. She’d accepted without hesitance.

When Carlisle turned twenty-five, he started his studies in becoming a neurologist. He'd been dating Esme steadily for two years at the time, and she was working as an apprentice with a well-established florist.

A year later, Carlisle proposed to Esme, and on the night of their wedding, Edward and Alice were conceived.

Carlisle finished his studies at thirty-one and started to look for jobs outside of New York. Having been born and raised there, the couple wanted a different environment for their kids.

The year that Edward and Alice turned five, the family moved to Idaho, where they lived for three years, but Esme disliked the neighborhood with all its gossiping housewives, so they moved again, this time to the modest neighborhood that we all called home.

Carlisle found a job at the local hospital, Esme opened her own flower shop, and Edward and Alice were enrolled in school. On their third day in school, Edward found me crying over a destroyed book with blood seeping from a cut on my forehead.

Now twelve years later, Carlisle was the head doctor at the hospital, and Esme had expanded her business and had several shops around the country. She managed the local shop here, but regularly visited the others.

Carlisle left us in the kitchen then, and Esme and I finished the breakfast.

“How about we wake up the birthday boy and girl?” she suggested when we were done. “Carlisle and I will take Alice and leave Edward for you.” She bumped me with her hip, and I laughed. I just loved how young she acted, and I wished, not for the first time, that I’d had a mother like Esme. She _had_ been my surrogate mother ever since I became friends with her children, but it wasn’t exactly the same as having your own mother at home.

Esme handed me a cupcake with light green frosting and a candle stuck in the middle of it. She was holding another one with yellow frosting in her other hand. “We can't forget the traditional cupcakes, now can we?”

“No, we certainly can't.” I grabbed a box of matches, and after fetching Carlisle, we walked together to the second floor. I lit the candles and we separated at the two doors that lead to the bedrooms. I opened Edward’s door slowly and without making a sound.

The curtains were closed, but the early morning sun had still found a way to shine through. Edward was on his stomach, with his hands underneath the pillow. He was facing away from me and the light from outside reflected in his hair, making it very light.

I tiptoed to his bed and sat down on the edge. I put my hair behind my ear so that I wouldn't tickle him and leaned down over him.

“Happy birthday, baby,” I whispered in his ear.

He inhaled and moved slightly.

I gently stroked his spine up and down while he woke up. He supported himself on his arms and rubbed his face. He looked around until he spotted me. “Bella?”

“I've got your cupcake, birthday boy,” I said softly and smiled.

He turned around onto his back and scooted up so he was leaning against the headboard. He smiled widely at me.

“I like waking up like this.”

“I bet you do.” I leaned in to give him a kiss.

“Mmhm.” His green eyes were very light this morning and it made him look younger.

“So how does it feel to have lived for two entire decades?”

He pretended to think for awhile. “Not so different from how I felt yesterday,” he said with a smile.

I gave him the cupcake and he blew out the candle, but he didn’t take a bite as I expected. Instead, he put it on the nightstand and captured my face with both of his hands. “I know we haven’t said it before, but I can’t keep it in anymore.” He took a deep breath. “Bella, I love you.”

I froze for a second, but only a second. Strong emotions erupted from me like a volcano, and I practically attacked Edward when I threw my arms around him and crashed my mouth onto his.

When we pulled apart, Edward grinned. “Should I assume that you feel the same?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Say it.”

“I love you, Edward Cullen.”

The words had barely left my mouth before I was underneath him on the bed. I would have loved to continue what he began, but when his hands started to travel down my sides, I put my hands on his chest and pushed away.

“As much as I would love to keep doing this with you, your parents are down the hall with your sister and your breakfast is getting cold downstairs.”

Edward chuckled and got out of bed. He got dressed and we went downstairs together, hand in hand.

Esme, Carlisle, and Alice were already seated at the table when we entered the kitchen. Alice looked up when she heard us and smiled. “Good morning, dear twin. Bella, Mom just told me that you two made all of this.” She gestured toward all the food. “And I have to say that it looks amazing.”

“You did all of this?” Edward asked.

“I only helped your mother. I wanted to do something special for my boyfriend and best friend's birthday. You only turn twenty once.”

“That's not true. I've turned twenty for the last twenty-seven years,” Carlisle said and raised his coffee mug.

We all laughed at him before beginning to devour the delicious food on the table.

I turned to Esme. “Thank you for letting me stay here last night.”

“Don't thank me, Bella. You're part of the family. It wouldn't be complete without you.”

I felt my eyes tear up, and Edward kissed my temple.

“She's telling the truth,” Alice said and continued eating like it was no big deal.

My family.

**~~LiS~~**

Christmas was just around the corner, and Edward and I were on our way back home. We had just crossed the city limits, and it felt unbelievably good to be back after a straining semester.

Alice was not with us. She had gone home the week before us after a huge fight between her and Daniel. They were on a break at the moment, and she felt that she needed her mother. Esme was the best listener there was.

As soon as we parked in the driveway, the door opened and Alice ran down the steps. Before I'd even closed the car door, she grabbed my hand and dragged me inside. I didn’t know what she wanted, but when she dragged me past Esme and Carlisle's worried faces, I asked her what was wrong.

She didn’t say a word until we were in her room with the door locked. She turned to me, and I saw that her eyes were red and puffy. There were also streaks on her face that indicated she’d recently been crying.

I didn’t say a word. I only opened my arms and she fell into my embrace. Alice may be three months older than me, but I'd always felt like a sort of big sister to her. It was probably because of her small size.

“Tell me what's happened.”

“I-I-I just," she stuttered but was unable to get anything else out.

“Take deep breaths, Alice.”

She inhaled unevenly a few times. “I-I just got a t-text from one o-of my classmates.”

I couldn’t see where she was going with this, so she took up her phone from her pocket and gave it to me. The text in question was already opened and there was a picture attached to it.

The picture was of Daniel sitting on a black couch. A red-haired girl was straddling him and they were kissing. No, not kissing—heavily making out.

I saw red. My pulse was rushing and I could hear it in my ears. I wanted to seriously hurt this guy for hurting my friend. I wanted to tell Edward about this, but I knew he'd instantly want to go back to California to beat the shit out of this guy. He was very protective of his twin sister, and he wouldn’t stand for anyone hurting her. But I wouldn’t tell him without Alice’s permission.

I studied her for a moment and instantly knew that she didn’t want me to tell Edward. I would just deal with this asshole my own way.

I looked up his number in her contacts and hit dial. Alice's eyes widened when she saw what I was doing, and she opened her mouth to protest, but I held my hand up to show her that I would handle this.

Five signals passed before he answered, and when he did, I wanted to throw up.

“ _Hey, Angel, I'm glad you called, I really think we should talk about what happened.”_ I could hear music and bass in the background. He was probably still with the redhead.

“Shut up and listen to me, you fucking asshole!”

“ _Bella?”_ he asked.

“Didn't I just tell you to shut up?” I felt the bile high in my throat. “I just want you to know that if you mess with Alice, you mess with her friends, and if you’ve listened with your ears instead of your dick at all during these months, you should know that Alice's friends are mostly guys that would gladly beat you into a pulp. One of them is her brother, Edward, whom you've met, so you should know how protective he is of his sister.”

“ _Bella, what the hell are you talking about? What could I have possibly done to deserve this?”_ He sounded so innocent and it disgusted me to realize that he was a very good actor and liar.

“Don't talk shit in my ear. You know what I'm referring to. That redhead that's waiting to stick her tongue down your throat might be able to refresh your memory,” I hissed out.

It got very quiet on the other end, so I kept talking.

“Take this as a warning, Daniel. If you ever talk or even walk past Alice again...you'll regret it, and if you know what's best for you, you'd better take me for my word.” I hung up on him, and turned around and saw Alice standing there with her mouth wide open.

“What?” I asked her.

“Eh-wow, Bella. You're bad-ass.”

I smiled at her and shrugged nonchalantly. “I have my moments.” My smile faded, and I walked up to her. “Sisters stick up for each other. We may not be biological sisters, but you're the closest thing to a sister I could ever have.”

“Thank you, Bella,” Alice said sincerely.

“No problem. Now, let's fix you up.”

**~~LiS~~**

I almost dropped my books when I tried to dig up my apartment keys. I was completely worn out and it was only the second month of my third year at college. I was sure I had circles underneath my eyes and that my hair was a complete mess. I was lucky if I could get time to shower these days, and my sex life had ceased to exist the moment school started because Edward had it ten times worse than me.

He often came home with Alice and me to study—he said he couldn’t focus in his house with all the guys and the partying—and the majority of those times, I found him asleep on our couch with a book on his chest. I would then softly wake him up and lead him to bed. Nothing ever happened on those nights, only hours of very much needed sleep.

Edward and I had been together for a little more than a year and a half now and we were very happy, but classes had put a strain on our relationship. A week ago, we had a fight because I'd forgotten about a date. It was the only free night Edward had been able to get and when I forgot it, he said that I was only thinking about myself.

To make it short, I slapped him for being an ass and we kissed and made up.

The whole thing with Daniel was long forgotten as well. It turned out that not only did he cheat on Alice; he had another girlfriend of two years as well—the redhead. They apparently had a very open relationship and often looked for pleasure on the side.

When Alice found out, she didn't even cry. She said that she was disgusted that she'd ever shared a bed with that guy. Now she was taking a break from guys’ altogether.

I finally got the door open and walked inside. It was dark in the apartment, but the moment I closed the door, the lights were turned on. I almost got a heart attack when a chorus of “Happy Birthday, Bella!” rang through the room.

That was when I realized that I'd actually forgotten my own birthday. How often does _that_ happen? I was turning twenty-one, and I forgot.

Everyone was there; Dad, Esme, Carlisle, Edward, Alice, and even the old gang; James, Ben, and Garrett with their significant others, even Angela.

I ran up to her and threw my arms around her small form. “Angela! Oh my god, what are you doing here?” I hadn’t seen her since last Christmas when she finally found the time to come home from Hawaii. Every summer, she had to take additional courses for extra credit, but she would graduate next year, so maybe I would be able to see her more after that.

I didn’t comment on the fact that she and Ben were standing very far from each other. I’d learned this summer that they’d broken up because of the distance, which was very understandable with her overseas.

I saved my dad for last. He was grinning and looked so proud. “Look at you. Twenty-one already, but I can still remember the day you were born as if it was only yesterday.” He hugged me tightly against his chest, and I inhaled deeply through my nose. He smelled of leather, his cologne, and simply Charlie, just like he always had. Nothing could compare with the scent of my father because it was home—except maybe Edward's. Edward came in a very close second.

“To think that you've already gone through two years of college. Now you only have the same amount of time left, and then you're free from this place,” he said into my hair.

“I can't wait. Homework's a bitch.”

Dad laughed when he heard me curse. He didn’t like it when I was a kid, but the older I got, he accepted it since I didn’t do it all the time. Only occasionally when I felt really strongly about something and the homework truly was a bitch.

My twenty-first birthday was everything I could've hoped for. We ate food that Garrett had cooked—he was majoring in culinary arts—completed by a fantastic red velvet cake. We drank wine—maybe a little bit too much on my part—and I opened presents. All in all, it was an amazing day.

It was very late when the guests decided that it was time to leave. Esme, who didn’t like to drink, was kind enough to offer to drive everyone to their hotels. When it was only Alice, me, and Edward left, the apartment suddenly felt very big and quiet.

Alice told us that she was completely spent and retired to her room for the night. Edward took my hand and led me to my bedroom. That was when I realized that Edward didn’t have his nose buried in a book. I asked him why that was and he just laughed at me.

“I was able to get a free night. I talked to my professor and told him that it was my girlfriend's birthday and he gave me an extra day for my assignments.”

I frowned. “That doesn’t sound like your professor. Why exactly did he agree to that?” From everything I'd heard about Edward's professor, he wasn’t a very nice guy.

He shrugged. “I might have made him a few promises.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Well, I'm certainly not going to complain that you're here.” He placed a strand of hair behind my ear before gently pressing his mouth against mine. There was a promise in that kiss—a promise that it wouldn’t stop at that tonight.

It didn’t take longer than a second for our lust to catch up with our bodies, and our hands roamed all over each other. This would be the first time since the summer and both Edward and I needed it badly.

Once inside my bedroom, we locked the door since Alice was home. Edward kissed me again, and I eagerly kissed him back while I rubbed my hips against him. When he traced his fingers over my back and up my neck to untie the halter neck dress I was wearing, I pressed myself harder against him, and his fingers over my spine made me shudder with pleasure.

When my dress fell to the floor, I placed his hands on my breasts and sighed. I wanted him so much.

He leaned down and caught a nipple in his mouth. I brought my hands up on either side of his face, groaned, held myself even closer to him. I felt how he grew harder by the second.

“Please,” I moaned. “Harder.”

We slowly made our way to the bed, and Edward put me on it while he undid his pants. I grabbed the waistband of his pants to get him to kneel on the bed.

“I want to feel your naked body against mine. Undress, now,” I whispered in his ear.

Edward pulled his shirt over his head without unbuttoning it, but he had to sit down to untie his shoes and get rid of his pants and boxers. In the meantime, I just watched him. It was a very pleasing view.

When his clothes were discarded, I took him in my hand without hesitating. He closed his eyes as I slowly pumped up and down—I'd gotten a lot better at this during our time together and from Edward's facial expression, he was very much enjoying it.

I put my hand on his chest and he opened his eyes. With his pupils dilated, there was only a thin line of green to surround the black. I lay down on my back and brought him with me. I put his hand between my legs. “Touch me,” I whispered.

I was very wet at this point and his fingers slid inside me without difficulty. But the heat was too much for him. He groaned and roughly said that he had to be inside me now before he lined himself up at my entrance and pushed inside.

We'd both been sexually deprived for too long, so with only a few thrusts, Edward came hard and collapsed over me. I was still on the very edge, so I wasn't all that comfortable. I shifted underneath Edward and he got up on his elbows.

“I'm sorry. I couldn't control myself,” he said and hung his head as if he felt guilty.

“Hey”—I put a finger under his chin and made him look me in the eye—“Are you in a rush? We have the entire night.” I smiled reassuringly at him and he smiled back at me.

I rolled him over on his back and sat back on the heels of my feet. I took him in my hand again and leaned down to take him into my mouth. I did this for the first time during the summer. I couldn’t say that it was my favorite thing to do, but I did have a thing for seeing what kind of pleasure I could give Edward.

It didn’t take long for Edward to get hard again, but when I was about to straddle him he stopped me. “You're the birthday girl, and now it's my turn to pleasure you.”

He pushed on my shoulder so that I was back on my back. He made a trail of wet kisses from my breast down to my sex. There he spread my lips with his fingers and took a lick from my entrance to my clit.

“Oh god,” I exclaimed.

He circled my clit with his tongue and then flattened it against it. He pushed two fingers inside me, and I almost screamed. I was on the very edge again, but I didn't want to come on his tongue.

“Edward...?” I was very breathless, but he heard me.

“Mmhm?”

“Get up here. I want to come with you inside me.”

He immediately straightened up and looked at me. “Your wish; my command,” he said teasingly and leaned over me.

He eased himself inside and my walls clamped down on him. “Uh, I'm so close,” I got out, and he sneaked a hand in between us. He pressed hard down on my clit, and I exploded with my orgasm.

Edward thrust few more times and then came as well.

As we lay on our backs, catching our breaths, we looked at each other. “God, I love you, Edward.”

He placed his hand on my cheek. “I love you, too, Bella.”

Warmth spread through me when he said those words. It was one of the best feelings I'd ever had. Much better than the orgasm I'd just had.

I turned over to my other side and Edward pressed himself against my back to spoon me. We fell asleep like that and both of us had the best night's sleep we'd gotten since we came back to school.

**~~LiS~~**

“Your grades are very good and some of the stories here are pretty impressive for someone so young.”

“Thank you.” I wiped my sweaty hands on my new pencil skirt. I knew it was only an internship, but if I did well, I might get a real job here after graduation. After all, it was January and only five months until I was officially done with college. I couldn’t believe I'd survived four years in this place.

“I see you had an internship here during the summer three years ago,” Mr. Miller, the editor of The Sanger Herald, said.

“Yes, it was after my first year in college.”

“And your mentor was...?”

“Ms. Peterson.”

“Right, she retired a year ago. But she's written here that you're very good and have great potential.”

“Ms. Peterson was very kind to me.” The longer we talked, the less nervous I got. Mr. Miller was very easy to talk to.

“Well, you've impressed me and it takes a lot to do that.” He smiled at me. “Don't worry, you did great,” he said, and I released the breath I didn’t know I had been holding. “As you probably realize, I can't give you a big post on this paper. You have to start at the bottom and work your way up, but since you've worked here before I can, at least, give you your own desk.”

“Really?” The last time I’d worked there, I’d sat by Ms. Peterson’s desk all the time. People thought I was her daughter that was there to kill time.

“Absolutely. You're a diamond in the rough, and I look forward to seeing what kind of shape you'll form into.”

“Oh my god”—I jumped up from my seat and grabbed his hand to shake it—“Thank you, thank you so much. You won't regret this. I promise.”

Mr. Miller laughed and nodded. “Alright, just be here 7:00 AM sharp on Monday morning, and I'll personally show you to your desk.”

“Of course. I'll see you then. Thank you once again. I’ll see you on Monday.” I hurried outside and pressed the button down for the elevator. My pulse was rushing, and I felt slightly dizzy. I had to call Edward and Alice to tell them the news.

The clock read 2:34 PM, and I guessed Edward was at the apartment, having a late lunch with Alice.

I called Alice’s cell phone and tapped my foot while I waited for her to answer.

“ _Hello?”_ Alice answered.

“Alice! Is Edward there? If he is, put me on speaker right now. I have to tell you both something.”

“ _Uhm...o-kay.”_ Alice sounded confused, and I tried to remember if I’d told her about the interview.

Alice graduated from college last year but stayed in the apartment with me. She hadn’t been able to find a job yet, but she was looking.

I heard how Alice put the phone on speaker.

“ _Alright, Bella, we're here. What did you wanna tell us?”_ Edward asked.

“I got it!”

“ _Got what?”_ Alice asked at the same time as Edward said: _“Really?”_

“I nailed the interview, and I got the job!”

“ _That's fantastic, baby!”_

“ _You got a job? Where?”_

“At The Herald; I'll get my own desk and everything.”

“ _Oh my god! That's amazing, Bella!”_

“I know! I'm on my way home right now.”

“ _We have to celebrate. Edward, could you check how many beers we have in the fridge.”_

“ _It looked like a few before,”_ Edward replied.

“Alright. I'll be home in five minutes.”

“ _Hurry,”_ Alice said and hung up.

As I said, five minutes later, I was walking through the door. Edward ran up to me and enveloped me in his arms while he spun me around in a circle. I laughed and just felt so happy.

Alice joined the hug, and I was squeezed from both sides. The love in the room was almost palpable. This was just perfect. Nothing could ruin this for me.

Nothing.

 


	15. Chapter 14 What just happened?

**CHAPTER 14 WHAT JUST HAPPENED?**

“No, Edward! Can’t you just leave me alone for a second?”

I stood up from the couch and brought my laptop with me. I was writing a story for the paper and my deadline was tomorrow. I had sat down on the couch in the living room in hopes of getting some work done, but then Edward sat down next to me and tried to get me away from the computer. It started with him kissing my shoulder and neck, and even sliding the strap of my top down.

Any other time, I would've loved what he was doing, but at that moment, I just wanted to be left alone.

Edward sat completely stunned after my outburst. He hadn’t expected me to snap at him like that.

“Bella, what’s happened to you? Do you realize that we haven't had sex for two and a half months?”

I did not know that, but I couldn’t let him see my shock that it had been that many weeks. “Yes, of course I know that. But you know that I have a deadline, and my work is very important to me.”

“You’re always on a deadline. All you do nowadays is write.”

“Of course I am. I'm trying to secure a job after graduation. Maybe you should go out and do the same.”

“You say that like all I do is sit on my lazy ass, not doing anything during the day." He wasn’t yelling; his voice was low and strained. He was not just angry, he was furious. “You know very well that if I'd actually had the time for a job, I would be out there, searching. Not all of us major in such a laidback subject.”

It was like throwing a lit match into a tank of gasoline. I just exploded.

“Laidback!? You call journalism laidback?! I thought this argument was about me not having the time, and here you say that what I do isn’t time-consuming! You're kind of arguing against yourself, Edward.” I turned my back to him and stalked toward the kitchen.

“I just don't like coming in second with you," he said, following me. Apparently, he wasn't about to let this go. "Before you got this internship, we were thrilled if we so much as spent lunchtime together. To use the little free time we had to preserve our relationship. Now you act as if I'm a fly that's annoying you. This job has changed you, and I don't like the change."

“Well, tough break, Edward, but you're going to have to get used to it. This is who I am now. I'm growing up, and to become an adult, you need to change.” I sat down and began to write again. “You can't stay the same forever.”

The lid of my laptop almost crushed my fingers when Edward closed it. “At least give me the honor of looking at me while I talk to you.” His green eyes were hard and he was clenching his jaw tightly. This was obviously not just about sex. But I couldn’t have this conversation right now. I had my deadline to think about.

“No! This conversation is over.”

“It's far from over,” he said through clenched teeth. Edward had never acted like this toward me before. “We need to talk about this. You're taking this internship way too seriously. It's just a job for crying out loud!”

I froze and stared at him to see if he was joking. He wasn’t.

“Just...a job?” He'd crossed the line now. I thought that he actually understood why I was driving myself so much. I guess I was wrong.

I stood up from my chair and walked up to him. He must have understood that I was furious now because he took a step back. “Edward, this is my future we're talking about. Not all of us are lucky to have unlimited amounts of money. In five years, I want to stand on my own two feet, look back and be proud of what I achieved. I don't want to be a burden to my father anymore.”

“As if you could ever be a burden to your father,” Edward replied quietly. He had always hated it when our financial differences were brought up.

“You know he doesn't make a lot of money. He saved up during my entire life just so that he could send me to college. I'm not going to make him disappointed by not doing the best that I can.” Edward put his arms around me and my eyes started to water, but I held it in. I wasn’t about to cry. “You of all people should know this. You know me better than anyone, so you should understand where I come from,” I said with my face pressed into his chest.

“I _do_ understand that, baby.” He had to go and call me baby. My tears spilled over and my body started to jerk with my sobs. “I may have wealthy parents, but that doesn't make me an unsympathetic asshole. All I want is to spend a little time with my girlfriend,” he said softly and placed a kiss on top of my head.

“I'm sorry, Edward, but I don't have the time.” My voice shook with my tears, and I took several deep breaths to calm down.

“You never do. For two months I've felt as if I don't even have a girlfriend.”

I pulled out of his arms and used my hands to wipe away the tears. “What do you want me to do? Quit my job? If you think I'm going to do that just so you can feel like you have a girlfriend, you'll have to think again, buddy.” And we were back at anger.

“I would never ask that of you and you know it. I just wish you would realize that you're pushing me away. Do you want the same thing that happened between you and Riley to happen with us?”

I froze, and a calmness settled over me. Not the good kind, but like the calm before the storm. I could feel it rising. “I can't believe you just threw that in my face. You know how much it hurt me to hurt him like I did, so how can you possibly think that I would want that for us?”

“With the way you've been acting lately, can you blame me?”

I slapped my hand against the tabletop and ignored the stinging pain that shot up my arm. “Then use that brain of yours just once, Edward. I love you and I want us to stay together, but I need to secure my future right now. After graduation, everything's going to get better.” I started to raise my voice, and I could feel my snapping point approaching fast.

“I'm not so sure it will. After graduation there's going to be another thing driving you, and we'll glide even further apart.” We were both leaning over the kitchen table, supporting our weight on our arms and staring at each other.

“Ugh, why aren’t you listening to me?!” I yelled when I finally snapped.

“Don't yell at me, Bella. I love you, and I'm afraid that I'm losing you.”

“You're not losing me!” Had Edward always had such a thick skull?

“It feels like it—”

“STOP! I can't take this anymore. You're making everything _so_ complicated.”

“ _I'm_ making it complicated? This is the way I feel. What I'm laying out before you is our situation. What do _you_ want to do about it?”

“I don’t know! Right now, I just think we should stop seeing each other!”

There was a moment of silence as my words hung in the air between us.

Edward's expression changed from angry to confused to hurt, back to angry, but ended at indifferent. The last expression hurt me the most.

Edward's voice was frighteningly calm when he spoke up. “If that's what you want. I'll just grab my stuff and be out of your way.” He strode out of the kitchen and only a few seconds later, I heard the front door slam shut. I winced at the loud noise that echoed through the apartment.

I heard the front door being opened softly and for a second I thought it was Edward, but it was Alice that came around the corner, looking very worried.

“What's going on? I just passed Edward in the hall and he looked devastated. He didn't even stop to say hi.”

That did it for me and the dam broke completely. I had to take support on the table behind me so I wouldn't fall over. The tears I’d kept inside started to flow freely down my face. I wanted to just hide, so I pushed passed Alice and ran to my room and locked the door. I wanted to be left alone.

“Bella?” Alice called on the other side of the door. I didn’t answer her. “Bella, please talk to me.”

I fell backward onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. The lamp on my nightstand was on and illuminated the picture that stood next to it.

The picture was taken last summer when Edward and I, for once, hadn’t gone home. We'd decided that we wanted to go on a vacation together instead and went to Florida.

It had been sunset, and Edward and I were walking along the beach. It was one of those romantic scenarios that you only read about or see on TV.

A man walked up to us and said that for only five dollars, he would take our picture. We accepted, and it was now one of my favorite memories.

The picture was a close-up of Edward standing on the beach and me facing him with his arms around me. We were laughing at the camera and looked so content with life.

The sun was behind us, just about to disappear down the horizon and it created an almost magical background.

When we gave the guy his five dollars, he told us to follow him to his studio where he developed the picture and gave us one each. Edward had wanted one in a smaller frame and as far as I knew, he still kept it in his wallet.

As I looked at the picture, something inside me made me realize that I had made a terrible mistake. Now that I was thinking about it, the things Edward said weren’t unreasonable. I had been the unreasonable one in the argument.

Most of those things that I’d said, I hadn’t meant. I was just stressed, and I could feel now that the only one I wanted to talk to was Edward. I had to call him and ask him to come over right now so that we could straighten this mess out.

My pride was telling me that it could wait until the morning, but for once, I asked my pride to shut the fuck up. If I didn’t do anything about this now, I might lose him.

I hurriedly got up from my bed and frantically searched for my cell. It was nowhere to be found, and I remembered that it was out in the living room. I didn't want to go out there and explain to Alice something that might not need to be explained. But I needed to get a hold of Edward right now, so I unlocked my door and Alice fell back against my legs. Apparently, she had been sitting with her back against the door, waiting for me to come out.

“Oh, Bella! Please tell me what's going on. I'm kind of freaking out here,” she said, but I silenced her.

“I'm sorry, Alice, but I don't have time to explain.” I passed her and located my phone in-between the cushions on the couch. I quickly scrolled down to Edward's number and prayed that he would answer.

“ _You've reached Edward Cullen's phone. I'm sorry I'm not available to answer but leave your number and message after the beep and I'll call you as soon as I can."_

“No, no, no, no.” I hung up and tried again. He never had his phone shut off, so this should be a sign to me that he wanted to be left alone. But I didn't care. I _had_ to talk to him.

After the third time, without an answer, I decided to leave a message and try at his house. Maybe he'd decided to go there. I hoped so.

“Hey, Edward, it's Bella. You know, I really think we should talk about what happened earlier. I'm so sorry. I was stressed and felt kind of cornered, so I said things I didn't mean. Because I don't want to stop seeing you. You're too big of a part of my life, and I love you so much. I _can't_ lose you, so please, _please_ , call me when you hear this. _Please_!”

I hung up, but before I had time to dial the number to his house, Alice started talking. I hadn't realized she had followed me to the living room.

“What?! You and my brother broke up? Why in the world would you do that?”

I turned around and saw Alice with big eyes and mouth agape. “Alice, we haven't broken up. We're just not seeing each other at the moment. But it's all just a big mistake.”

“Explain,” Alice said and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Edward and I got into this huge fight, and in anger, I told him that I thought we shouldn't see each other anymore.”

“Bella, how could you do that? You know how much my brother loves you and how that would break his heart. What could he possibly have done to make you say something like that?”

I sat down on the couch as I felt I couldn't stand up and talk about this. My eyes watered up because I was so pissed off at myself. “It was all so silly. He was mad because he thinks that I've been neglecting him, which I have, but at the moment I didn't want to admit it. We both got really angry, but mostly me because deep down, I knew that everything he said was true.” I felt the couch dip as Alice sat down next to me and I looked at her. “With every word that he said, the angrier I got with myself, but I took it out on him, and I told him that he was making things so complicated and that we should stop seeing each other. But Alice”—I grabbed her arms—“I don't want to stop seeing him. I love him, and I hate myself for hurting him.” I looked at my phone as if I could will it to start ringing. I let go of Alice and held the phone. “I've tried to call him on his cell, but he won't answer. I was just about to try his house.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Call!”

Without waiting another second, I dialed the number and held my breath. Please be home. Please be home.

“ _Hello?”_ A woman's voice answered. I could hear loud music in the background and other people. Edward's roommates had a party again. If I asked, this woman would probably not have a clue about who Edward was, but I had to try.

“Hi, my name is Bella, and I was wondering if Edward was home.”

“ _Who's Edward?”_ Her words were kind of slurry, so I knew that she was already a little drunk.

“Is Michael or Tyler or Eric there?” I was getting desperate enough to talk to his roommates no matter how obnoxious they were.

“ _I have no idea who you're talking about.”_

Jeesh, this woman didn’t even know whose party she was at.

I sighed. “Never mind, just forget it.” I hung up and buried my face in my hands. “It's hopeless. I'll never get a hold of him.”

“Bella, it's kind of late. Why don't you wait until morning and try again then?”

“No Alice! I can't wait till morning. I have to talk to him tonight. The longer it takes me to talk to him, the more he'll think that I was serious.”

Alice looked at me with sad eyes. “Bella, I'm sorry, but if my brother doesn’t want to talk you, you won't be able to reach him.”

“Then I'll just have to find him,” I said, got up from the couch, and was about to put on my jacket when Alice stopped me.

“Bella, don't be ridiculous. He could be anywhere. Just stay here, get some sleep, and try to call him in the morning.”

I knew that Alice was just trying to be reasonable and since I hadn’t listened to one Cullen tonight, I could, at least, listen to the other. “You're right.”

My arms felt like lead as I walked to my bedroom without saying goodnight.

Flopping down on my bed, I prayed that I hadn’t just screwed up the best thing in my life. I really hoped that I would be able to fix it tomorrow.

 


	16. Chapter 15 Drinking and Thinking

**CHAPTER 15 DRINKING AND THINKING**

**Edward's Perspective**

“I don’t know! Right now, I just think we should stop seeing each other!”

Complete silence.

It took about two seconds for the words to sink in and when they did, I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach. A huge lump formed in my throat, and I couldn't breathe.

Bella had just ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it right before my eyes. How did she come to this conclusion?

I swallowed and swallowed, but nothing could soothe the pain and it angered me.

When my defense mechanism kicked in, it stripped me of all emotion. I didn’t feel. I was empty. The lump shrunk a little but was still very much there.

I blinked once. “If that's what you want. I'll just grab my stuff and be out of your way.” I turned away from her, from the love of my life, and walked out of the apartment after collecting all of my things. She wanted me gone, so she wouldn’t have to look at my stuff in her apartment.

The last thing I grabbed was my jacket. I threw it over my arm before I pulled the door open.

It wasn’t my intention to slam the door, but I found that it made the ache slightly better.

Mechanically, I shut off my phone—I didn’t want to be disturbed by text messages or phone calls tonight—and ran down the stairs. I passed someone—I think they might have called my name—but I didn’t know who it was. I didn't care either; I just wanted to get away.

I ran outside, but I didn’t stop. I just kept on running until my legs gave out. I stumbled and fell toward the ground. I scraped up my hands pretty badly when they caught my fall. It would probably start to hurt eventually, but right now, I didn't feel a thing.

I got up on my knees and stared at my hands. The scrapes were bleeding, and I was hypnotized by the crimson color that was tainted with the dirt on my hands.

A droplet of water landed on my palm and I automatically looked up to search for rainclouds.

There wasn’t a single one in sight.

I looked down again and another droplet fell. That was when I realized that I was crying. I was crying because my body felt the cutting pain that my mind refused to acknowledge.

The thought made the numbness disappear and my breath got knocked out of me by the sheer force of the pain that radiated from my chest.

Something bubbled up inside me, originating from deep within my stomach. I threw my head back, opened my mouth, and screamed at the top of my lungs. It made me feel good. The pain subsided a bit, and I felt lighter.

“Edward? Is that you?”

I looked around, only now registering where I was. I was just outside my own house. Why was I here? Why go here of all places when I'd broken up with my girlfriend? I'd never felt anything special about this place. I was sure that I hadn't even slept here for the last month.

The voice that had called me belonged to one of my roommates, Tyler. He was a good guy; kind of a pushover, but nice. He was the only one of my roommates that I could actually stand, so I was relieved that he was the one who found me. If it had been Michael or Eric, I would never have heard the end of it.

“Edward? Are you okay?” Tyler walked down the steps and crouched down next to me. “Hey, man, are you alright?”

I didn’t look up at him; just shook my head.

“What happened to you?”

“Don't want to talk about it.” My voice was rough—my throat raw from the screaming.

The front door opened and light blinded me. “What're you two fuckers doin' out there!? The party's in here, man!” a voice bellowed.

I hadn’t heard the music until then. It was turned up high, and for a moment, I felt sorry for the neighbors. It was the same every night. No peace and quiet so that they could study.

Then I realized that half the neighborhood was probably at the party. Michael and Eric were famous around campus for throwing awesome parties. If you came to the party alone, you were sure to leave the party with someone.

Tyler grabbed my arm and helped me up. “C'mon, man. Let's get you inside.” He kept his hold on my arm the entire way up the stairs, but when we crossed the threshold, someone grabbed my shoulder.

“Well, shoot me in the head and fuck me sideways! Edward Cullen has finally decided to honor us with his presence.” It was Michael. It was a wonder he even recognized me. He was completely wasted. “What the fuck are you doin' here, fucker?” he continued.

“Mike, cut it out. Can't you see that he's not up for it?” Tyler tried, but Michael immediately turned to him.

“You, shut up! Get your faggot ass inside and get yourself some pussy. You sure need it. I'll take care of Eddie here.” I felt sorry for Tyler, but I didn’t have the energy to stand up to Michael for him. I wished Tyler for once wouldn’t take it, but of course, he just went inside without complaining.

“So, Eddie, why the change of heart? Why aren't you with that fuck-hot chick of yours?"

My urge to protect Bella was still incredibly strong, but the truth made me weak. She wasn’t mine to protect anymore. But it didn’t mean I had to like the way Michael talked about her.

“Don't talk about her like that,” I said lowly. I wasn't sure if Michael even heard me. “And I don't want to talk about it.”

“Fine, I don't even care. But if you're going to stay here, you can't be sober.” He pushed me inside and into the kitchen. I looked around in disgust. It was obvious these guys didn't clean anything. If they even took away the junk from the last party, was a mystery. There were bottles, mugs, and glasses everywhere. There was something thick and brown overflowing the sink and the smell made me want to hurl.

I was so preoccupied with looking around, I didn’t even notice what Michael did. He pressed a small glass into my hand, and I looked down at it. It was a shot of tequila. I tried to give it back—I didn't care much for alcohol; only a beer now and then, but nothing strong. I hadn't been drinking in that way since high school—but Michael refused.

“Forget it. If you want to stay, you drink that,” he said.

I hesitated. I didn’t exactly want to stay, but I had nowhere else to go. I didn’t have the luxury of crashing at my sister’s because my sister shared an apartment with my ex.

My _ex_.

Those words hurt, and I didn't want to hurt. I looked down at the drink and thought _“Why not?”_ and threw my head back, downing the drink in one sweep. The bitter taste made me scrunch up my face in disgust. My throat was burning, and I was desperate for a glass of water.

“WOOOO,” Michael howled in my ear and replaced the empty glass with a full one. “You need to catch up with the rest of us since you're so late!” he yelled over the music.

I didn't think as I swept back the other glass as well. I just did what felt right at the moment and right then I could feel how the tequila was making it easier to cope with the pain, and I craved it.

About an hour later, I was slouched in an armchair. I held a beer in my hand and moved with the music. The edge of my vision was slightly blurry, but otherwise, I felt fine; more than fine actually. I couldn't even feel the pain anymore.

“Hey there, handsome," a voice that was supposedly seductive said, and I looked up to see a dark-haired girl in front of me. I think her hair was brown, but it looked kind of black; she wasn’t tall, but not exactly short either; her body was very curvy, but she wasn't chubby at all. She wore a tight dress that accentuated her curves very nicely. She was sexy in a non-slutty way.

All in all, she was the kind of girl I'd be attracted to if it had been a different situation, but now, everything about her screamed: " _Not Bella!_ ”

She looked peculiarly sober for being at this kind of party.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” she asked, and I just shrugged. I didn't think about the fact that there wasn't another chair beside me, so when she sat down on the armrest, her legs thrown over mine, I sobered up for a bit. I couldn’t let her get her hopes up. I was definitely not looking for a rebound girl. The wounds were still bleeding.

“Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly interested,” I said and leaned as far into the chair as I could.

Her chestnut eyes lit with understanding. “Aha, you're one of those heartbroken guys, aren't you?”

How the hell did she know that? She must have seen my thoughts on my face because she smiled.

“Girls notice things that guys don't.” She scooted up on the armrest and leaned back so that she sat next to me.

I instinctively leaned away from her.

“Don't worry. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. Just thought you needed someone to talk to. Girls are very good listeners, you know,” she said softly.

Something about her made me want to tell her everything. Or maybe it was the amount of alcohol I'd consumed during the last hour, but suddenly everything just flowed out of my mouth.

As the evening went on, things started to get even more blurry. I had absolutely no idea how many beers I'd had, and I was pretty sure I'd have a major headache in the morning. But at the moment, I couldn't have cared less.

**~~LiS~~**

**Bella's Perspective**

I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned the entire night.

The knot that started to form in my stomach the minute Edward slammed the door shut had slowly grown bigger, and I could only lie in a fetal position if I was going to be comfortable. It felt like menstrual pains, only in my entire mid-section. It was starting to press on my lungs, and I tried taking deep breaths.

I couldn’t sleep because I had a feeling that I shouldn’t be in bed and waste time when I should be out there searching for Edward.

I looked at the clock: 3:26 AM.

All the public places would be locked by now, and Edward was not a drinker so I couldn’t picture him in a bar. I was about eighty percent sure that Edward was back at his own house. He had nowhere else to go, so that would be the obvious choice. But then again, that party that his roommates held might have kept him away. Edward hated those parties and would never attend one willingly.

I gave up on sleep and sat up in my bed. I looked around the room for something, anything, that could occupy my mind for a few hours. I saw nothing.

Then I remembered that I had that story to write. I hadn’t thought about that once during the entire night.

I got up from my bed and tiptoed through the apartment so I wouldn't wake Alice and got my laptop in the kitchen. I sat back down on my bed, turned the light on and opened the document I'd started to write on.

But I couldn't do it.

It was this fucking story that had started everything. My blood started to boil and my heart pumped faster. I was so angry that I felt I could throw the computer across the room. I never wanted to see this story again, but I knew that I had to write it. It was a special assignment from Mr. Miller himself. He said that if I did this good enough, he would be able to get me a part-time job on the paper, and from there I would be able to work up.

I really wanted the job, but at the moment, I wondered if it was worth it. If I had to choose between Edward and the job, there wasn't an obvious choice for me. I mean, I loved Edward very much, but one couldn’t live off of love. And I really wanted the job, but would I have to lose Edward in the process to get it?

My anger had subsided and was leaving room for sadness. I started to cry, and I couldn’t bring myself to care if Alice heard.

I closed my laptop and put it gently on the floor. I couldn’t work now; it was impossible. I lay back down; my pillow was soon wet and cold.

I must have fallen asleep eventually because the next thing I knew it was morning. I looked over at my clock, slightly blinded by the light coming from my window. It read 7:15 AM. I'd slept for almost four hours, and I just couldn’t wait any longer. I flew out of bed but had to pause for a few seconds because of the head rush.

As soon as I got my sight back, I ran out to the living room to get my phone. I dialed Edward's number and hoped he would answer.

“ _You've reached Edward Cullen's phone. I'm sorry, I'm not available...”_ I hung up before the beep and tried again. Still no answer, but I left another message.

“Edward, I don't know if you got my last message. You probably didn't, but I really have to talk to you. I know it's still very early, but I'm worried, and I'm coming looking for you, so please call me when you hear this. I beg you.” I hung up and took a quick shower.

I was going to look at his house first. If he wasn't there, I'd check with Alice if she had the number to any of his classmates. He had to be somewhere.

I decided to use my car—I drove it here after Christmas break—because that way I would be able to get to his house quickly, and if he wasn’t there, get back home quickly and continue looking.

It had been more than twelve hours since Edward left my apartment. That's quite a long time to think about things. What if Edward really thought that I’d been serious about what I said? What would I do if he did? All I could hope was that he would take me back if that was the case.

It didn’t take long for me to arrive at his house, and what I saw made my chin drop to the floor.

The front door stood wide open; there were beer bottles and plastic cups everywhere; the lawn was in desperate need of a trim, and I was pretty sure that I saw a pair of legs sticking out from underneath a bush.

I hesitated to go inside. I couldn’t picture Edward in this kind of environment, but it wouldn't exactly hurt to take a look around.

I stepped out of the car, took my bag and made sure to lock the door.

Everything was beyond gross, and I had to keep my eyes on the ground so that I wouldn't step in anything. It all looked like the kind of party high school kids would throw, but we were in college now. Most of us had already turned twenty-three.

I walked over the threshold and looked around. I could see a few people that appeared to be sleeping, and a puddle on the floor had some suspicious content. I walked slowly around the house to see if I recognized anyone. No, all of the unconscious faces were strangers.

I heard something in the kitchen and made my way there. A guy had his back to me—it looked like he was trying to be as quiet as possible as he made some coffee.

“Excuse me?” I said lowly so that I wouldn’t scare him.

He still got quite startled, and when he turned around I saw that it was Tyler—one of Edward's roommates. “Bella? What are you doing here?”

I felt kind of flattered that he actually remembered my name. We'd only met maybe four times in total since we started college. I remembered him because Edward told me that Tyler was the only good guy in the house.

“I'm looking for Edward. Do you know if he came here last night?”

“Yeah, he did actually. I found him outside around nine. He looked pretty messed up.”

Oh God! What had I done? “Is he still here? I need to talk to him.”

“I guess he's in his room. Why don't you go look there,” Tyler said and turned back around to fix his coffee.

It was strange how he didn't seem hung-over at all; something I would expect from a party like this.

“Uhm, which one is his room again?” I'd only been here two times and only once in his room for five minutes while Edward packed a small bag he could take with him back to my apartment.

“Up the stairs, and it’s the second door to the right,” Tyler simply said, still with his back to me.

I thanked him and walked carefully up the stairs and searched for the right door. It was slightly open and from what I could see, Edward's room was the cleanest in the entire house. I grabbed the doorknob, took a deep breath, and crossed my fingers that Edward would be in there.

I opened the door wider and took a step inside.

But there, I froze. I felt how all of the heat left my body. The color drained from my face, and I dropped my bag on the floor. My hands flew up to cover my mouth as I gasped.

All of this took less than three seconds.

Edward stirred in the bed, and I carefully bent down to grab my bag from the floor. He opened his eyes and made contact with mine as I backed out of the room.

“Bella?”

I turned around and ran; angry tears streaming down my face.

**~~LiS~~**

**Edward's Perspective**

Something made me wake up, but what? It felt as if my head was stuck in a vise that was slowly getting smaller. My head pounded and from the red-tinted color of my eyelids, I guessed that it was very light in the room.

I didn't want to open my eyes, but I heard shuffling by the door. Someone was standing in the doorway. But where was I anyway?

A few memories came back to me. Bella and I fighting; Bella breaking up with me; pain; heartbreak, and finally Tyler helping me inside.

So I must be at my house then.

I opened my eyes and the light cut sharply into my brain. I made eye contact with a pair of chocolate brown eyes that I would know anywhere, but I still had to make sure because the eyes didn’t contain any warmth—only anger, hurt, sadness, and betrayal.

“Bella?”

She turned around and ran down the stairs. “Bella!” I called after her and tried to get up, but a weight prevented me from doing so. I looked down and my entire body went cold.

Only my legs were covered and a slim leg was slung over my waist; a naked leg.

The leg was attached to a very much naked, dark-haired girl. She was completely draped over me.

I shifted to get away from her, and I felt that I was naked as well.

Oh, fuck! What had I done?

 


	17. Chapter 16 Fight

 

**CHAPTER 16 FIGHT**

I sat up in the bed, not caring if I woke the sleeping girl.

I looked around the room and saw mine and the girl's clothes littered all over the floor as if they’d been thrown there. I saw my boxers just by the bed and grabbed the cover to cover myself.

When I'd put on the boxers, I threw the cover back at the girl.

“What's going on?” I heard a soft voice say behind me, and I flinched. I didn’t answer her. I didn't care if she thought that I was an ass. All I cared about was getting to Bella. I had to talk to her; explain.

But explain what? I had no idea what happened, myself. I had absolutely no memory at all of last night. The last thing I remember was taking a shot of tequila in the kitchen. After that, it was all a blur.

I put the rest of my clothes back on in a hurry and ran down the stairs. I was just in time to see Bella's car speed away. Damn it!

I grabbed my jacket and began running in the direction of Bella's apartment; hoping that she'd head home and not some place where I couldn't find her.

It was weird how the run to Bella's place felt longer now than it felt yesterday when I was running from it. I wanted it to be shorter. I wanted to catch Bella before she locked her front door. She'd never let me inside if she locked it. But how could I possibly beat a car to her place? It was impossible because there were no shortcuts.

My mind was all over the place as I ran.

What happened last night?

I knew I had been hurting, and I was upset, but had I really been heartbroken enough that I felt the need to sleep with another woman less than a day after I broke up with my girlfriend whom I loved above all else? No, I don't think so. It didn’t sound like me. But apparently I had, and it made me want to throw up.

How could I possibly hurt Bella? She was my best friend; my girlfriend; my love.

I finally reached Bella's building. Her car stood recklessly parked in her usual spot. I looked inside the car to see if she was still in there, but she wasn't. The car was unlocked, which proved how fast Bella wanted to get inside. She never left her baby unlocked.

I looked harder and saw that the keys were still in the ignition. I felt a little hope when I saw them. Without the keys, she wouldn't be able to lock me out.

I opened the door, took the keys, and locked the car. Then I ran again; up the stairs and to her front door. I tried the handle, and it was unlocked.

As soon as I was inside, I called out for her. “Bella?”

Then I heard it.

Retching in the bathroom.

I suddenly felt very sick myself.

Alice came out of the bathroom with a very concerned look on her face. “Edward, what's going on? Bella's in there, puking her guts out, but she refuses to tell me anything.”

I really wanted to vomit myself. There was no question about the fact that Bella was puking because of what she saw. She must be so disgusted considering how disgusted I was with myself. I had hurt my angel in the worst possible way.

“I'm sorry, Alice, but there is something I have to talk to Bella about first before I can tell you anything.”

“Edward, you're scaring me. Does Bella's situation have anything to do with what happened between you two last night?”

“I can't tell you, Alice. But I would appreciate it if you could leave until I call you. I need to be alone with Bella.”

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” Since she was already dressed, she just grabbed her purse and jacket and was out the door in a minute.

As soon as the door closed, I walked to the bathroom door and knocked. “Bella?” I got no answer; just more retching. “Bella, can I _please_ come in? We need to talk.”

I heard the toilet flush, and then the door was wrenched open. Bella's face was white as a ghost’s and there was sweat on her forehead. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she looked exhausted. But her expression was what made me take a step back. Her eyes were filled with pure hatred and it was directed at me.

“ _You!_ Get _out_ of my _home_! Get the _fuck_ out of here!” Angry tears were streaming down her face, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe them away.

“No. Please, Bella. We need to talk.” She started to push me with surprising strength toward the door.

“I have nothing to say to _you! Get out!_ ”

“No! I want to stay.” I took a hold of the wall and Bella wasn’t able to push me anymore. “We need to talk about this. Please, listen to me,” I begged with her.

“ _No!_ You're making me sick! I can't even look at you!” She walked under my arm and opened the door. “I want you to leave right now!” With her other hand, she dried the tears from her cheeks.

“I won't leave until we've talked about this. At least let me explain.”

“Alright.” She slammed the door shut. “Fine! Explain it to me, Edward. Explain why I found _another_ girl in _my_ boyfriend's bed!”

Hearing her refer to me as her boyfriend felt like a knife was twisted in my chest. We weren’t together anymore. We broke up yesterday. It still didn’t give me the right to sleep with another woman so soon after, though.

“What are you talking about? You broke up with me yesterday.”

“I didn’t break up with you! I didn’t even mean what I said yesterday,” she said through clenched teeth. “Something you would’ve known if you'd had your phone turned on!”

“What does that mean?” What did my phone have to do with this?

“While you were partying with that slut, I was calling you like crazy; worrying about getting a hold of you. I wanted to talk about what happened and tell you that I didn’t mean what I said. But I guess all of that doesn't matter anymore.” She said the last part with a disgusted sneer on her face.

I was stunned. I genuinely thought that Bella had wanted to break up. I mentally ran through our fight in my head several times, and I finally saw it all from Bella's perspective. She'd felt cornered and had just said what she knew would get me to back off. It hurt a lot that she would go to such lengths, but she'd tried to fix it afterward so I couldn’t completely blame her.

I buried my face in my hands and groaned. What had I done? I had actually cheated on Bella; on my angel! How could I?

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” I repeated quietly to myself over and over. I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose to keep the tears I felt coming at bay.

I looked up and reached out to put my hands on her shoulders. I needed to touch her. “Bella, please,” I tried, but it was in vain.

“Don't touch me!” She stepped away from me and crossed her arms over her chest. I followed her to the living room.

“It was just a big mistake.” It was a lame excuse, but it was all I had.

She turned around. “How can it be a _mistake_? What did you do? Did you slip and accidentally fall with your dick first into her?”

I flinched at her harsh words. “It was a mistake because I didn't know what I was doing. I was drunk!” I wasn’t trying to come with excuses. I only tried to explain, but I knew how it all sounded to her. I just didn't know how else I could explain.

“Oh! So that makes it okay then?”

“No, I'm not saying that it makes it okay. I know what I did was wrong. I'm just saying—”

I got interrupted by the remote control that was thrown at my head. I quickly ducked, and the remote shattered against the wall.

“Bella, she meant nothing! Please, listen to me!” Next came a book flying, and I took cover behind the armchair.

“Yet she meant enough for you to fuck her only hours after we supposedly broke up!” Something else hit the armrest of the chair, and I flinched. “If she meant so little to you, why did you do it?”

I decided that there couldn't be a lot of hard things left for her to throw, so I got up from behind the chair and walked up to her. She backed away from me, always keeping a distance.

“I don't know”—she shook her head—“Bella, I _don't_ know. I really don't!”

She still didn't listen. She kept taking a step back for every step I took toward her. She had her arms in front of her, warning me from coming closer. I needed her to listen to me, so I took a giant step and grabbed her wrists, making her stop and listen. “She meant _nothing_. How much could she possibly mean to me when I don't even remember her?”

Bella tried to break free from my hold on her, but I refused to let go. With one last effort, she put her hands on my chest and pushed me down on the couch. In reflex, I let her go, and she stormed out onto the balcony.

I could still see her since the balcony was just outside the living room, and that's what kept me from following her. She was pacing back and forth, pulling her hair, and shaking her hands.

She needed space to think and I was going to let her be alone out there for a while, but there was no way that I was leaving. I'd stay until she had calmed down enough to talk to me.

So I just sat on the couch and watched her, hoping that she'd understand.

**~~LiS~~**

Two hours later, and I was getting a little restless.

The first hour, Bella either paced or just leaned on the balcony rail, looking out over the yard.

For thirty minutes after that, she lay on the floor, looking up at the sky while taking deep breaths.

Now she just sat in one of the chairs and hadn’t moved for twenty-eight minutes and forty-six seconds to be exact.

She didn't do anything. She just sat there. But she looked rather calm, so I decided that it was time to try talking again. I got up from the couch and lightly opened the balcony door. She didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I left the balcony door open, just so that she wouldn't feel cornered again. “Bella?” I kept my voice soft.

I got no response; just a deep sigh.

“Bella, please tell me what you're thinking.”

I didn’t expect her to respond, so when she did, I felt a moment of relief. “I'm thinking about you…me…us. If this relationship was all just a big mistake.” Her voice sounded different. No emotions were attached to it. It was empty, like a blank canvas, and it scared me more than her words.

“Don't say that. Don't ever say that, Bella.” I walked up to her and crouched down next to the chair. I didn't touch her out of respect for her personal space, and partly because I wasn't sure if she would start screaming again. “I love you.”

She slowly turned her head toward me. Her eyes were as empty as her voice, but I could still see how much she was hurting deep inside. She just didn't show it at the moment. “I love you too, Edward. Only time apart could make me stop loving you.”

I felt hopeful when she said that. Maybe we would be able to work past this after all.

“But you hurt me,” she continued. “You hurt me real bad, and if this relationship's seeing its end, I don't think love can repair what's been destroyed.” She paused, and I swallowed, completely terrified of what she'd say next. “My trust in you doesn’t exist anymore.” She turned away from me again. I felt my heart break, and I bowed my head in defeat.

We didn’t say anything for at least twenty minutes.

Then Bella opened her mouth again. “Do you know what saddens me the most?”

I mutely shook my head.

“If I'd never found that letter four years ago, we'd still be the way we were; the best of friends. You would’ve probably still been with Kim. I would’ve probably still been with Riley. We would’ve been _happy_.” A lonely tear slid down her cheek. I wanted so badly to wipe it away but wasn’t sure if she'd allow me. “Kind of ironic that fate led me to find the letter if our love story was destined to end like this.”

I knew that this wasn’t Bella speaking. The Bella I knew, my best friend, didn’t believe in things like fate and destiny. Why would she choose this moment to believe? No, she was probably just rambling. She was still hurting too much to think clearly of what she wanted. But it still broke me, hearing her talk about us as if there was no hope. I had to believe that there still was hope.

In that moment, I didn't care if she'd start screaming again. If she screamed, she would show some sort of emotion. This empty Bella scared me.

I stood up—the joints in my knees popping after crouching down for so long—and leaned over her to take her face in my hands. She didn’t fight me as I turned her face toward mine.

“Never regret what we have. Don't do that to me. These past three and a half years have been the best of my life. Don't take that away from me. Please.”

More tears fell from her eyes, and this time I did wipe them away with my thumbs.

“You took that away from yourself, Edward. The moment you decided to sleep with that woman, you took it away.” She grabbed my hands, squeezed them, and removed them from her face. Then she slowly got up from the chair and left the balcony. She walked through the living room and into the kitchen. She filled a glass with water and drank it all up before putting the cold glass against her forehead.

I walked up behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. She tensed slightly at the touch and that hurt me more than her words ever could.

“Bella, will you let me tell you what happened last night? Let me tell you what I remember.” She hesitated, and I couldn’t blame her. I would have reacted the same if it had been me in her position.

Slowly she nodded but didn't turn around.

I told her everything. How I felt when I left her place the night before; how I didn't register where I was until Tyler talked to me; that Michael was an insensitive ass and practically made me take the tequila; how I'd hid in a corner for the time I remembered.

I told her how that was when things got very blurry; I couldn’t remember seeing the girl. I couldn’t remember walking up to her or talking to her. I told her that the only thing I remembered about her was how she looked this morning. I had no recollection of last night at all.

I told her that all of my actions were the alcohol's fault and that it didn't justify anything, but I didn’t make a conscious choice of hurting her. I'd never do that. That wasn't me, and she knew it.

I kissed her shoulder, hoping to get some kind of comfort. A soft sigh told me that she was still affected by my touch, but I didn’t take advantage of that. I leaned down and rested my forehead in the crook between her shoulder and neck.

“Please, please. Forgive me,” I whispered.

**~~LiS~~**

I didn’t know how long we stood like that. It was both comforting and heartbreaking in the way I clung to her. I needed her so much. I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.

In my almost twenty-three years long life, she'd been a part of me for fifteen of them. I wouldn't be complete without her and the mere thought that I'd done something so stupid to end something so beautiful was nauseating.

Eventually, Bella broke our half-embrace and sat down on the couch in the living room. I followed her and sat down in the armchair. That was space enough. I wasn’t too close, but not too far away either.

She didn't say anything for a very long time. She hadn't even commented on my explanation and I was starting to think it was all in vain. Maybe she'd already made up her mind.

Well, I would fight for her as long as possible. Call me stubborn, but I couldn’t let her go without knowing that I’d done everything I could.

“Please say something,” I begged quietly.

She didn't answer me.

“So you're not even going to talk to me now?”

Still no answer; she wasn't even looking at me.

I needed her to look at me for her to see that I was sincere in what I was about to say, so I sat down next to her to gain her attention.

“Look, Bella. I've done this horrible, terrible, sick, stupid thing. I wish I could take it back. You have no idea how much I wish that, but I can't.” I grabbed one of her hands and she studied our entwined fingers for a long time before gazing up at my face. “Please forgive me. You know that I would never consciously hurt you.” Tears were forming in my eyes, and I wasn’t ashamed of them. I cried because it hurt. Everything hurt and the only one who could take the pain away was Bella. “I promise that if you let me, I'll do everything in my power to make this up to you.” My voice was thick with emotion and it broke in two places.

I kissed her hand tenderly and held it against my heart. I let her hand go, but she kept her hand on my chest, feeling my heart beat underneath it.

I crumbled against her and buried my face in her neck. I wound my arms tightly around her entire form, never ever wanting to let her go. I felt how her body was shaking, and I could hear her sobbing.

“Please, forgive me.” I sobbed into her neck. “I-I can't imagine my life without you. You're e-everything to me. I need you s-so much, Bella. Please.”

She sobbed even harder and for a moment that was all one could hear in the room.

“I can't,” she whispered almost inaudibly, but I heard her as if she’s screamed it at the top of her lungs. “I'm sorry, but I can't.”

I tightened my hold on her even more. This was it. This was the last time I'd get to hold her—I could feel it.

“Everything's changed,” she continued. “You’ve always been the one whom I thought would never hurt me like this, but now every time I close my eyes I just keep seeing you with _her_. And I can't s-stop thinking about i-it.” The hand that wasn’t wedged between us settled on my shoulder and started to push me away.

My heart shattered and I couldn’t breathe.

Bella got up from the couch and stood in the doorway to the hall. 'She wiped her tears and looked at me with tears brimming in her beautiful brown eyes. "I think you should go." Her voice was hoarse from crying, and the exhaustion in it kept me from arguing. I looked up at her with tears falling down my face.

“So this is it? This is the end?” I asked.

Bella looked down at her hands. “I'm afraid so,” she said and hugged her middle.

I grabbed my jacket that was on the couch and stood up. When I was next to her, I stopped. “For what it's worth, I'll never stop loving you, Bella. You're it for me. You'll always be.”

I walked out of the door and out of Bella's life with no promises. No promises of still being friends. No promises of seeing each other again.

With absolutely no promises at all, except that this was the end.

**Bella's Perspective**

As soon as the door closed behind Edward, I broke. My tears started up again, and I fell back against the wall. My knees gave out and I slid down to the floor.

I wound my arms around my knees and buried my head. I just wanted to disappear, or better yet, to have never been born. Then I wouldn’t have needed to experience this excruciating pain.

I sat in that position for a very long time, crying without end because I’d just lost the greatest love of my life.

**Alice's Perspective**

I looked at my clock for the hundredth time.

It was two in the afternoon, and I left the apartment at eight. It was a wonder I hadn't gone back yet, but I respected my brother too much to go against his wishes. He said he'd call as soon as they were done talking, so I trusted him to do that.

At the moment, I sat in one of the campus cafés. I know that I wasn't technically a student anymore, but nobody knew that. My size could make me pass for a freshman instead of a graduate.

I checked my cell phone again.

Nothing.

They'd been talking for over six hours. What could possibly take so long? I decided that I'd go back to the apartment and listen at the door to see if they were still talking. If I didn't hear anything, then I'd open the door and listen. If I heard anything, then I'd leave again and stay over at a friend's house.

If it was quiet, I'd go inside and check for damage. Both Bella and Edward were stubborn as hell and could be quite hot-headed. I was afraid that they'd destroy something in the house.

But then again, I had no idea what they were fighting about. Hopefully, it was just a small thing that they'd work past.

I grabbed my things and left the café.

It was only a ten-minute walk, so I took it slow. Giving them time to wrap things up.

When I reached my building, Bella's car was still parked in the same way it had been parked when I left. I looked up to our balcony, but I didn't see anything. It looked like the door was open, but nothing else.

I climbed the stairs slowly and opened the front door quietly. What I saw made my eyes widen, and I pushed the door open wide and ran toward Bella who was slumped against the wall, crying.

“Oh my god! Bella, what happened? Are you okay?” She only cried harder. “Bella, where is my brother?”

Bella mumbled something that I didn't hear, so I asked her to repeat.

“I broke up with him,” she whispered, and I almost didn't catch it.

“What? Why? I thought everything was okay. You were going to talk about last night. Work it out.”

“He slept with another woman...”

“Excuse me?” Please tell me I heard it wrong.

“He slept with another woman.”

Oh no....

I grabbed Bella's shoulders and made her lean on me—allowing her to cry out on my shoulder just like she did for me when Daniel broke my heart.

But this was different. This was my brother. How could he?

 


	18. Chapter 17 The Truth Won't Always Set You Free

**CHAPTER 17 THE TRUTH WON’T ALWAYS SET YOU FREE**

**Bella's Perspective**

It felt good to cry; to let all of my feelings out and not keep anything bottled up anymore.

Alice was the sweetest as she let me lean on her.

She was, after all, Edward's sister, and I genuinely thought that she would leave and try to find him the moment I told her what our fight was about.

Of course, I should’ve known that Alice wouldn’t abandon me in the state I was in. She may be Edward's biological sister, but I was her sister by choice, just like she was mine.

After a few minutes, she gently straightened me and stood up before offering me her hand so that I could stand up as well. She supported me the entire way to my bedroom and helped me down on the bed, making sure that I was comfortable. I felt a bit like a child, but it also felt good.

Without me even asking, she removed the picture of me and Edward from my room—she understood it would be too hard for me to look at—then she leaned down and helped me with my shoes.

When all that was done, she pulled the hair tie from my hair and massaged my scalp for a while until I was completely relaxed.

She was so caring as she helped me under the covers and walked around the bed, took off her own shoes, propped a few pillows up, and sat down next to me. She didn’t make me talk, but she also knew that I didn’t want to be alone right now either.

I felt comforted and safe in Alice’s presence, and she gently stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

**~~LiS~~**

**Edward's Perspective**

I walked around for hours with no destination in mind. I didn’t want to go back to my house. School held no desire for me, and I didn’t want to be a burden to any of my friends either, so I just walked around.

When it started getting dark, I knew I had to return home. But I was in no rush whatsoever.

I turned onto my street and walked past house after house. When I closed in on my house, I saw a small figure sitting on the front step. I couldn’t see who it was, but then I saw something that made my shattered heart stutter.

Bella's car.

Was it possible? Was she really here?

I was walking faster now, but the closer I got I could see that it wasn’t Bella sitting outside my house. The figure was much too small for that. It was about that time that I realized that it was my sister sitting there. I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment.

Alice must have watched me because her first words to me were, “Did you really think she'd come here, Edward? After what you did to her?”

I sighed. “Please, Alice. I really don't feel like talking right now.”

“Well, that sucks for you because I have a few things _I'd_ like to say to _you_.”

I walked up to the front door and went inside. Alice was right behind me.

The house was slightly cleaner than it was the last time I saw it. The plastic cups and bottles were gone and all the unconscious people were probably at home. It almost looked livable again. I went into the kitchen, hoping to find anything to eat. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday at dinner, so I was pretty hungry.

I had expected Alice to say something by now, but she was quiet. I turned around and looked at her. She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, tears in her eyes and a disappointed expression etched on her face. “How could you?” she whispered.

I looked away from her. I couldn’t handle Alice's disappointment. She and I had always been close, being twins and all, but she'd always treated me like a much older brother, and I'd taken that job seriously. To see that expression on Alice's face wasn’t something I could handle right now.

“How is she?” I answered her with my own question.

“Crushed; broken; devastated…Do I need to go on?”

“Please don't,” I said and opened the refrigerator. I actually found butter, cheese, and ham, so I decided to make myself a sandwich, even though I'd lost my appetite. I had to eat.

“She was sleeping when I left. She doesn't know I'm here.”

I swallowed. I didn’t trust my voice at the moment.

“What happened, Edward? What could possibly push you to do something like that?”

“I don't know. I don't remember.”

“How can you not _remember_?”

“I was very, very drunk.”

“Why did you even drink? You know you can't handle alcohol.” Alice was now standing right next to me, and I appreciated that she was talking to me in a normal tone instead of yelling. I don’t think Alice would ever understand why I did it—hell, I didn’t understand it myself, it was just so absurd—but it meant a lot to me that she came here to hear what I had to say.

I sighed again. "I was trying to numb the pain. I thought Bella broke up with me yesterday. Apparently, I was wrong, which I didn't know until today; when it was too late." Alice put her hand on my shoulder and made me turn around to face her.

“Edward, you are my brother, and I love you very much. I'm only this understanding because I knew there had to be a really good explanation. You're not a cheater." I could have kissed Alice had that not been completely wrong and gross, but I was so glad that she understood, to an extent at least. "But if you ever do something like this again"—she continued—"I don't know if I'll ever want to see or talk to you again."

I nodded. “Alice, you know that I would never do something like this consciously.”

She wound her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. “Give her a few days, then try to talk to her again. You're meant for each other. I just know it,” she said into my chest. God, I wish I could believe her.

**~~LiS~~**

I lay on my back on the living room couch.

Tyler was the only one, except me, that was home. Michael and Eric had hooked up with a few girls the night before and were over at their place. Not that I cared.

“Edward?” Tyler came into the room. He knew little of what happened last night and this morning, but he'd told me that he'd seen me talking to the girl for hours before she followed me upstairs. He said that's all he saw us do; talking.

He also said that he was sorry that he sent Bella up to my room this morning. He thought that the girl had left the night before and he felt that it was partly his fault that all of this happened. I had reassured him that nothing was his fault. Bella would have found out eventually anyway. Better sooner than later, right?

Now he walked quietly toward the couch and when he was close enough, he offered me a piece of paper. “I forgot to give you this before.”

I sat up and took the note from him.

_Please call me. We need to talk._

_760-987-4926_

_Gabriella_

I immediately crumpled the note into a ball by crushing it in my hand. I assumed this Gabriella was the same girl as the one I left in my bed this morning. She was a big reason for why my life had been ruined. I didn't know if she had been the one to take the first step or not, so I took some comfort in the thought that nothing would have happened if Gabriella had not been at the party. I was sure of it.

But that was also what made me hesitate in ripping the note into pieces before watching them burn. The girl was my only way of finding out what had happened the night before. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to reliving it, but I just had to know what happened.

I unfolded the note again and studied it closely. I couldn’t even find a hint of her being flirty, and I didn’t exactly leave her in a kind way this morning so if she wanted a repeat, she had the lowest sense of self-preservation I’d ever come across.

I decided to give her a chance to explain if that was what she wanted. Otherwise, I would hang up and forget all about her.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was only slightly after nine. It was still safe to call. I dug out my phone and turned it on. It immediately beeped of several missed calls from Bella and two voice messages. She wasn't kidding when she said that she'd been calling me like crazy.

I knew that it was technically torture—listening to her voice messages—but I wanted to hear her voice. I _needed_ to hear it.

“ _Hey, Edward, it's Bella. You know, I really think we should talk about what happened earlier. I'm so sorry. I was stressed and felt kind of cornered, so I said things I didn't mean. Because I don't want to stop seeing you. You're too big of a part of my life, and I love you so much. I_ can't _lose you, so please,_ please _, call me when you hear this._ Please! _”_

Yep, instant knife to the heart.

If I'd had my phone turned on, I would’ve gotten this message before I even took the first shot. I could see that from the time she left the message. We would have been fine. None of this would ever have happened if I'd only had my phone turned on.

Why did I even turn it off in the first place? I couldn’t remember.

The other message was from this morning.

“ _Edward, I don't know if you got my last message. You probably didn't, but I really have to talk to you. I know it's still very early, but I'm worried, and I'm coming looking for you, so please call me when you hear this. I beg you.”_

This was just before she came to the house. I was a complete fucking asshole for turning off my phone after a fight I could barely remember anymore.

What was it that started this whole messed up chain reaction anyway? It was something with her job and me wanting to have sex or something like that. It didn't matter now anyway. I had fucked up royally.

I listened to the messages another two times and then finally dialed the number to this Gabriella.

“ _Hello?”_

“Uhm, is this Gabriella?” I had no clue how to do this.

“ _Yes, who am I talking to?”_

“My name's Edward Cullen. You left your number for me this morning.”

It was quiet on the other end. Maybe she needed more of an explanation.

“I'm the asshole that abandoned you in my bed.” I cringed. It sounded so harsh even though it was true and coming from my own mouth.

“ _Yeah, I know who you are. I was just slightly stunned that you actually called me. I thought you would burn my number.”_

“It was tempting,” I mumbled, but she must’ve heard it because she let out a small laugh. “So what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“ _Could we meet in person? I don't want to talk about this over the phone.”_

I hesitated. I couldn’t exactly claim that I trusted this girl, but I really wanted answers. “Fine,” I said after a long pause. “We can meet at Starbucks by campus. What time?”

“ _Uhm, tomorrow? At noon?”_

“Great. I'll see you then.”

I hung up and wondered if this was such a good idea.

**~~LiS~~**

I was drumming my fingers against the Styrofoam cup that contained my coffee.

I was nervous about meeting Gabriella. What if she told me something I really didn't want to know? Like I was the one initiating everything or something like that.

“Hi,” a small, soft voice said from next to me.

I looked up and immediately recognized Gabriella. She had long dark brown hair—it looked almost black—chestnut brown eyes, and a curvy but slim body. She was an attractive girl, I could give her that much.

“Hey,” I answered, and she sat down opposite to me.

There was an awkward silence, and then she opened her mouth.

“That girl, the one that ran yesterday, she was your girlfriend, wasn't she?”

I nodded. She was very much right on the past tense. “I don't want to be rude or anything by just cutting to the chase, but I need some answers.”

“Of course,” she said. “Ask me anything.”

I took a deep breath. This was it. “What exactly happened?”

To my surprise, she smiled. “I knew you wouldn't remember. With the way you looked at me yesterday and with the amount you drank the night before, it doesn't really come as a surprise.”

“Just tell me,” I pleaded with her. “Please.”

“Nothing. That is what happened.”

It took me a second to respond. “What?” Did I hear her correctly?

“Nothing happened between us. The only thing you and I shared the other night was our stories and a few kisses.” She was telling the truth. I could feel it, but what did this mean, though?

She saw my confused expression and continued. “I won't lie to you. We did try. It was both our intentions when I followed you to your room, but when it came to the act; you kind of had a problem.”

I frowned. I wasn’t following her at all. What was she talking about? What kind of problem? What stories? How far did these “few kisses” go?

She sighed. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

“Say what?”

She groaned quietly. “I think it was the alcohol’s fault, but you...you couldn't...” She looked me in the eyes, took a deep breath, and continued. “You couldn't get it up.” She blushed furiously and buried her face in her hands.

I sat absolutely stunned.

“Please, explain from the beginning,” I demanded.

She groaned again and raised her head.

“I saw you at the party. You were sitting in an armchair, looking kind of gloomy. I thought I'd try to cheer you up, so I went up to you, but you immediately made it clear that you were not interested. You were already pretty drunk, and I felt sorry for you. I could see that there was something bothering you with the way you drank. I was still sober because I'd just arrived at the party.” She looked at me to see if I was keeping up with her.

I'd gotten a few flashbacks as she explained. I realized that I actually remembered her coming up to me. I nodded for her to continue.

“Well, somehow, you ended up telling me everything that had happened that night. How you'd had a fight with your girlfriend, and that she broke up with you. That she was your best friend and that you'd known each other for a very long time, but it was only three years ago that you became boyfriend and girlfriend. While you were talking, I started to drink and was slowly getting tipsier. I ended up telling you that I’d recently broken up with my boyfriend as well. By that time you were so drunk that not a lot of things that you said made sense.” She paused again. I knew that she was at the point in the story where everything went downhill for me.

“I said to you, as a joke, that the perfect way to forget someone was to be with someone else. I never thought you'd take me for my word. You looked at me in a strange way, and then you grabbed my hand, said 'good idea' and dragged me upstairs to your room. I really don't think you knew what you were doing. Neither did I at that point. So I just followed. When your door was closed, we kissed; a lot.”

She swallowed, but I was too focused on the story to even notice her pause. “We started to take our clothes off, but I noticed that something was wrong. It took a while for me to notice that you weren’t hard.” Her cheeks became red once again. “I asked if anything was wrong, and you just kept repeating 'I can't'. We were on the bed at that point and after only a few minutes, you were passed out. I fell asleep right after you.”

So that was it. I hadn't had sex with another woman. I had made out with Gabriella, though, so in my mind, I had still cheated on Bella, although not to the degree I first thought. I felt dizzy with relief because maybe it wasn't too late to fix things with Bella. Maybe I still had a chance?

But would she believe me if I told her? I would wait a few days, like Alice told me, but then I would explain to Bella and hopefully fix my relationship.

**~~LiS~~**

**Bella's Perspective**

I had finally succeeded in getting a full night’s sleep.

It was over a month ago that I broke up with Edward, and I hadn’t been able to sleep until now. The wound had continuously opened like the worst possible laceration each time he tried to call or visit. Which he'd try to do a lot in the last few weeks, but every time I was able to dodge his tries. Whenever he tried to visit, Alice would act all weird; I'd suspect what was about to happen and leave the apartment.

Whenever he called, I just ignored the phone. I'd even gone so far as to get a caller I.D to our home phone, and whenever I saw a number I didn't recognize, I let Alice pick up the phone.

Alice had tried to get me to talk to Edward, but I refused. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to hear his voice because I knew wouldn’t be able to stay away from him. When I told Alice, she asked me why I even wanted to stay away from him.

I'd told her the truth. I wasn’t ready.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I walked to the kitchen. Alice had decided that she would make breakfast to celebrate that she’d finally gotten a job. She was now an assistant to a well-known, but not famous, makeup artist. It wasn’t exactly her dream job, but she took what she could get.

Everything smelled so good, and my stomach growled loudly.

“Alice, everything smells heaven—” I froze mid-step. In the middle of the kitchen stood the last person I wanted to see at the moment: Edward.

He looked like a complete wreck. He had dark circles underneath his eyes, several days’ worth of stubble covered his jaw, and his clothes were all wrinkly, but that wasn’t what stood out to me the most. His green eyes held a deep sadness I’d never seen there before.

I wanted to run up to him and hug him, kiss him, and slap him, everything at once. My body ached to get closer to him, but my mind shut off my ability to move by throwing mental pictures of him with _that girl_ at me with full force.

“Bella, please, I—” I didn’t let him finish before I made a run for my room. If I stayed in his presence another minute, I would do something I would regret later, and I could definitely not listen to him speak because it would crumble me completely.

I slammed my door shut and locked it for measure. I was pissed at Alice for inviting him here without notifying me. She had no right to determine whether I was ready to see him again or not.

I stood facing the door for a long time, so I didn’t notice that Alice was already in my room before she spoke up. “Please, Bella, just listen to what he has to say.”

I startled slightly and turned around. As soon as my eyes settled on her, I saw red. My hands tightened into fists and I had to take several deep breaths to calm down. “I’ll listen when I’m ready, Alice. I’ve told you this before. You can’t keep doing this. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see him?” I asked her with suppressed anger evident in my voice.

“If you only listen to him, you won’t have to hurt this much. He’s told me what really happened that night, and it’s not wh—”

“No! Just shut up, Alice! I don’t want to hear it.” I covered my ears with my hands and clenched my eyes shut tightly. I didn’t want to have to deal with this right now. I _couldn’t_ deal with this right now.

All the anger just drained away and left a huge void in its wake, which was quickly filled with excruciating pain radiating from my chest. “I can’t, Alice. Please, I just _can’t_ ,” I begged with her.

I could hear her sigh quietly before she left the room and left me alone.

I heard her talking to Edward outside, and my heart ached.

Why did this happen? Everything was so perfect.

**~~LiS~~**

I couldn’t believe that I'd done it.

The day for my graduation had arrived. After today, I would finally be free from this place.

I was sitting in one of the very uncomfortable chairs, listening to the principal talk about our time to join the grown-ups in the real world. We were the next generation, and it was now our time to shine.

Butterflies were fluttering around in my stomach because my professor had told me that I was going to accept a prize. For most dedicated student. I hadn't told my dad yet, but I knew he'd be proud of me.

“Now, I'd like for Miss Isabella Swan to join us onstage.” This was it. I took a deep breath and got up from the chair. I felt slightly lightheaded, but otherwise, I was fine. This was just so exciting.

As I walked down the aisle, the principal explained why he called me up onstage. “Miss Isabella Swan has been offered the prize of 'Most Dedicated Student'. She graduates from DeVry with a degree in communications and journalism.”

Cheering and applause were heard all around me, and I could feel my legs shaking like Jell-O as I climbed the steps. I looked out over the sea of black graduation caps, families, and friends. I saw my dad on his feet, cheering at the top of his lungs; next to him stood Carlisle and Esme with big smiles on their faces. Alice was next to Esme, and she had her arm around Edward’s waist.

I knew he would come, and I appreciated that he did, even though we still weren’t on the best of terms. He still had two more years at this place, and for a second, I wondered how things would become now. I wasn’t bound to this place anymore, but Edward was.

On Dad's other side, a person I never thought I’d see again stood with his arm around a very pretty girl. When Riley showed up yesterday, apparently having heard about my graduation from his parents, I’d been completely speechless. We hadn’t said a word to each other since I broke up with him, so I was a bit hesitant talking to him.

That was until he introduced me to “his Helen.”

“ _Bella, this is my Helen. She’s my fiancée.”_

At first, I couldn’t get a single word out, but when it all had sunk in, my smile just got wider and wider. I’d congratulated them both and then asked Riley if it was okay for me to hug him.

So things between me and Riley couldn’t have been better at the moment. He even revealed to me just this morning that Helen was pregnant.

Kim was there as well with her boyfriend. It was a guy I’d never seen before and I had no idea what his name was. I made a mental note to ask for it later.

Sadly, none of my friends from home had been able to make it. All of them had their own graduations/studies to think about.

I walked up to the principal and he gave me my diploma and the plaque. He shook my hand and smiled. “Congratulations, Miss Swan. Good luck out there.”

“Thank you,” I said and walked down the steps again. There. I'd done it. I’d graduated from college, and I was still in one piece.

I found my dad and the rest of them after the ceremony and I was hugged from every direction.

Edward kept his distance, though, and I was grateful for that.

About two weeks after our disastrous encounter in my apartment, he stopped calling and he made sure that I always knew when he was about to come over. I didn’t exactly hang out with him and Alice when he was there, but I could be in the same room as him without feeling too conflicted.

We weren’t together anymore, but I still loved him deeply, and if his parting words after our fight was anything to go after, he still loved me as well.

We would probably never be what we were again, but maybe, with time, we could move past everything and be friends.

When I was freed from all the hugs, he came up to me and offered his hand. The gesture was stiff and uncomfortable, but I accepted it, thankful that he didn’t try to hug me. That would have been too much for me to handle.

“Congratulations, Bella. I'm proud of you,” he said, but he didn’t let go of my hand. I didn’t let go either. This was the first skin to skin contact we'd had for three months, and the electric current in my hand was way too pleasurable for me to break our contact.

“Thank you,” I said. He nodded and smiled slightly. It didn’t entirely reach his eyes, but it was genuine, I could see that much.

Finally, we let go of each other's hands and the electric current disappeared immediately.

I hugged everyone a few more times, and we were just about to leave to get on with the celebration when I was stopped by none other than Mr. Miller; the editor of The Sanger Herald and my boss.

“Mr. Miller? Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I just stopped by to give you my congratulations.”

I saw that everyone had stopped to wait for me. “You go ahead. I'll catch up with you in a minute,” I said and turned back to Mr. Miller. “Thank you so much, Mr. Miller, but I have a feeling that's not the only reason you're here.”

Mr. Miller chuckled. “Just graduated and you already sound like a reporter.” I shrugged. “Well, you're right. I also came here to offer you a job; a real job at The Herald. We would be very pleased to have you onboard.”

“Oh!” That came as a complete surprise. I didn’t expect that at all.

I couldn’t, however, give him an answer right away. “That's just fantastic, Mr. Miller. Would you mind if I thought about it?”

“Not at all, but I need your answer before the week is out, okay?” I nodded. “Alright then, I won't keep you from your celebration any longer. Congratulations once again,” Mr. Miller said, and then he was gone.

He'd given me a lot to think about. I began my walk back to the apartment where the others would be waiting.

I looked around the grounds I'd so often walked around on for the last four years.

Did I really want to stay here? Get a job here and build a career?

If you'd asked me three months ago, I would have said yes without hesitation.

Now I wasn’t so sure.

 


	19. Chapter 18 Fix It

**CHAPTER 18 FIX IT**

“Isabella! How nice to see you here. Do you have an answer for me?” Mr. Miller said from behind his desk when I entered his office on Thursday.

“I do, Mr. Miller.”

“Excellent. So what have you decided?”

I looked down at my hands. “I'm going to decline your offer.”

Mr. Miller frowned. “I'm very sad to hear that. Is there a special reason for it?”

I nodded and raised my head. “I've decided to leave California.”

“Are you going home?”

“No, I'm going to start over fresh; at a new place. I'm considering Chicago.” I came to this conclusion after the graduation celebrations had died down on Tuesday night.

I’d realized that California didn’t really hold anything for me. I knew that Edward had two more years of studying and Alice would probably stay and work, but I wanted to continue forward, and Chicago had always held a certain charm for me.

My relationship with Edward only strengthened my resolve to leave, because even though we had started to build a new foundation for a new friendship, it was a very weak foundation. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to look at him and not miss what we had. I needed to be away from him so that I could move on.

Like I told him, only time apart could make me stop loving him, and that was exactly what I needed for myself right now.

I felt in my heart that if I started out fresh in a new place, then maybe I would be able to forgive Edward some day and get my best friend back. But there was still a big _maybe_ in that sentence.

Edward didn't know I planned to leave California. Not even Alice knew. I hadn’t told her because I knew she'd try to stop me if I did, so I planned to tell her when it was too late for her to do anything about it. Maybe it was cruel of me to do so, but I was doing this for me and not anyone else.

“Well, Chicago is a great place to start. I’m actually in contact with a guy at The Daily Herald. I believe I could put in a good word for you.”

I blinked in shock. “You would do that?”

“Absolutely, Isabella. I like you, and I think you could go far. You don't really need my help, but I'd like to be able to say that I gave you a push in the right direction when you're a big famous star reporter.” He chuckled, and I gave him an uncertain smile as I was still trying to process what it was he was saying.

“Wow, Mr. Miller. I don't know what to say.” I was in awe. This man had done so much for me and he just kept giving me things. I would be forever grateful to him.

“Just a thank you will be enough.” He gave me a warm smile. “When do you think you'll leave for Chicago?”

“I haven't really looked at a place to live there yet, but I think my choices are pretty limited with the small amount I can pay until I can get a job.”

Mr. Miller narrowed his eyes as he thought about something. “You know, there is a reporter at The Daily Herald that writes articles about real estate in Chicago. Let me give him a call. I'll tell him that I have a promising reporter here in California that's looking to relocate to Chicago, and he can help you find a place to live.”

“Oh no, Mr. Miller, I could never ask you to do all of this for me. It's just too much,” I tried, but he waved my words away from him.

“Isabella, I want to help you. Just let me do it, okay? I'll make the call to my contact tomorrow and leave him your number. If he's interested, he'll call you in two days. You might be able to leave California before the month is out, or would you rather stay here?”

He had me there and he knew it by the smirk that grew on his face. It was all very appealing, but could I really accept all of this help?

Yes, I could.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Miller. You have no idea what this means to me.”

“Not a problem. Just get out there in the world and make me proud, kid.”

I was just about to leave when I stopped and turned back around. “I hope you don't mind me asking, Mr. Miller, but why exactly are you doing this?”

He smiled and didn’t seem the least bit offended. “You might think this sounds cliché, but you remind me a whole lot of myself at your age. And I think you can go even longer than I did if you're just given the chance.”

I nodded, said goodbye to him, and left the office.

**~~LiS~~**

“Hello, this is Isabella.” I always answered my phone formally when I didn't recognize the number. You never knew who could be calling.

“ _Isabella Swan? My name's David Olsen, and I work at The Daily Herald. I've heard you're thinking about relocating to Chicago and are looking for a job.”_

“Yes, I am.” My heart started to beat faster, but I kept my voice as calm as possible.

“ _Well, I have a position that I'm trying to fill at the moment. Would you perhaps be interested?”_

“What does the position require?”

“ _It's just a small position where you’ll go through letters to the paper, and maybe write a minor article once in a while. It’s not exactly the dream job, but it gives you the chance to work your way up to better assignments.”_

“You got to start somewhere, right?” I lightly joked and chuckled.

“ _Right.”_ Mr. Olsen did not sound amused and my stomach dropped. Had I ruined it now? _“So are you interested?”_ I exhaled with relief.

“I don't mean to be rude or anything, but how much does the position pay? I'm looking at apartments in Chicago right now, and I'm on a very tight budget.” The subject of money was always a sore spot, but he would hopefully understand.

“ _Yes, Peter Miller mentioned that. As you probably understand, the position doesn't exactly pay the big bucks. The annual salary is $31,000, and the paper stands for your health insurance and phone bills.”_

That was a lot better than I expected. $31,000 a year meant that after tax I'd still have around $1,900 left a month, and I could easily live off of that. If I could find a cheap apartment with one bedroom, I'd be just fine. Hopefully, I'd find some place to live because I was becoming more and more eager about the job at The Daily Herald.

“Well, Mr. Olsen, I'm definitely interested in the position. Should we schedule an interview so we could meet in person?”

“ _That’s great, Miss Swan. You know what? We have a guy here that I think could help you find a place to live. I'll give you his number and you can give him a call. We can schedule an interview for when you're here looking for places. Sound good?”_

“Sounds perfect,” I said and wrote down the number that Mr. Olsen gave me. I called as soon as I hung up with him.

The guy, John Fole, said that he knew a few apartments for rent that could fit my budget. I gave him my email address, and he said he'd send the apartments’ information and a few pictures to me the next day.

I was so excited about all of this. Finally, I was doing something.

Two days later, I had narrowed it down to two apartments that I was interested in.

There was one in Thornwood. The rent was six hundred a month. It was five hundred and sixty-five square feet and had very nice surroundings. It offered air conditioner, laundry facility, elevator, and your own parking space.

The other was more of an apartment house. It was like a small community of apartments in Palatine. It was around nine hundred a month and seven-hundred and eighty square feet. They offered access to a fitness center, laundry facility, and a swimming pool. The apartment itself had a bedroom of a hundred and eighty-two square feet with a walk-in closet. There was a balcony too.

With the savings I had, I would be able to pay the first month's rent and electricity bill, but I would have to cut down on food expenses so that I would be able to afford some furniture. Maybe I'd get a bus card so I wouldn't have to spend all my money on my car.

When I'd done the math, I saw that I'd get around a four-hundred dollars to live off of after rent, electricity, food, and car expenses. But this was only if I could get an advance on my first paycheck. I might not even get the job. If I got the job, I would use the money to buy what furniture I could.

But all in all, I was very pleased. I was leaning more toward the apartment house in Palatine, but I thought that looking at both couldn't hurt, so I called John and told him about the two apartments I was interested in. He said that the showing for the first apartment was this weekend, and the showing for the other was the weekend after that, so I'd have to stay in Chicago for a week. I told him no problem.

After that, I called Mr. Olsen and told him that I'd be in Chicago this Friday and stay until Monday the week after that, so we scheduled the interview for that Wednesday.

Everything was finally looking good for me. I could’ve screamed, that's how happy I was, but I didn’t. I did, however, a little happy dance around the house.

I’d been very careful to not do any of these things while Alice was home—I still hadn't told her anything. I was thinking I'd tell her on Thursday because that way she couldn't stop me from going on Friday.

I really hoped that she wouldn't tell Edward. I knew he'd feel hurt if he found out that he was part of the reason for me leaving California.

**~~LiS~~**

“Alice? I'm home!” I got no answer, which caused me to frown.

I had just been at the bank, checking how much I had in my savings account. I was very pleased to hear that I had almost two-thousand saved. That money would easily get me through the first month in Chicago.

“Alice?” I knew she should be home by now. It was four in the afternoon, and she often got off work at three-thirty, giving her plenty of time to get home before four.

I hung up my jacket and walked into the kitchen.

Alice sat at the table with lots of papers in front of her. I immediately recognized the papers as the apartments' info, my budget and various other things involving my plan to leave for Chicago. I inwardly groaned. I should've known I wouldn't be able to keep something like this from Alice.

She looked up at me with a confused expression. “Bella, what is this?”

There was no point in lying now. “I'm leaving California.”

She looked back down at the papers. “Why?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“I need to start over; at a new place.”

Alice stared at me for a whole minute without saying anything, and I began feeling uncomfortable. Suddenly, she stood up and walked slowly up to me.

“You need to start _over_? What about _me_? What about my _brother_? Are you just going to _leave us_? Abandon your life here?” Her voice got louder with every question until she was practically screaming in my face.

I kept my calm, though. Alice just didn’t understand because I hadn’t explained anything to her. “I'm not _abandoning_ my life, Alice. I'm trying to fix it.”

She turned away from me and tightened her fists before placing them against her forehead. “You won't _fix anything_! You'll only make it worse!”

“How could I possibly make it worse? I'm doing this for _me_ , Alice; only me.”

She turned back around and the look in her eyes told me that she felt betrayed. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I was going to,” I told her truthfully. “But I wanted to wait until it was official.”

She frowned. “Why?”

I sighed. “Because I knew that you would try to stop me. If I waited, you wouldn’t have any other choice but to accept it.”

Her eyes started to water and I had to look away from her. “When?”

I knew what she was asking. “I’m going to Chicago this weekend to look at a few apartments, and I have an interview on Wednesday, so I’ll stay for the week. If I get the job, I’ll leave before the month is out.” The guilt ripped at me when I admitted that I might leave in only three weeks.

“So soon?” Her tears spilled over, and I felt nauseous, but I nodded anyway.

Without a word, Alice walked past me and into her bedroom. She closed the door, and I sighed.

I was pretty sure that she would call Edward now and tell him. She knew that he was my weakness in all of this, but at the same time, he was also my drive.

Fifteen minutes later, when I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and looking over my budget again, I heard the front door being wrenched open.

“You're leaving!?” Edward came into the kitchen, breathing heavily and looking at me with wide eyes. He didn’t look angry at all, only defeated, but also a tiny bit desperate. It looked like he was prepared to do almost anything to get me to stay.

He wouldn’t succeed, though. I’d made up my mind. No matter what he said or did, I was leaving California, and that was it.

I nodded in answer to his question. “Yes, I am. I’ve got an interview at a paper in Chicago, and if I get the job, I’ll leave before the month is out.”

He buried both his hands in his hair. “But I thought...here I thought that...we were just…and now you...” He started to mumble incoherently and I had to divert my attention from him as his uncontrolled appearance made my heart ache and my eyes well up.

“Edward, I need to start over,” I whispered into my mug.

“You can very well start over here. Get a new apartment and apply for other jobs than at the Herald. You don’t have to move over two-thousand miles away from me to start over, Bella.” It was a bit scary that he knew the exact reason for why I was leaving when I hadn’t even told Alice, but I guess that it only proved how well he really knew me.

I stood up from my chair and walked up to him. I took a huge leap out of my comfort zone with Edward and placed both of my hands on his cheeks to make him look at me. “If I stay, all the bad memories will weigh down on me, and eventually suffocate me. If I stay, everything’s going to build up until one of us explodes. I don’t want that. That’s why I have to leave.” A lump had started to build in my throat and I was close to tears.

“But you said that time apart would make you stop loving me,” he said in a broken whisper. He took a stray strand of hair and placed it behind my ear. He let his hand linger there and cupped my cheek. My tears spilled over and I couldn’t help but lean into it and close my eyes. I did still love him. I loved him so much it hurt.

“Maybe that's what's necessary right now,” I whispered back, and his hand disappeared from my face. I opened my eyes to look at him. He was looking up at the ceiling, eyes blank with unshed tears. He sighed deeply and then turned around to leave.

I hugged my arms around my middle section and tried to get my tears under control.

At that moment, I hated that I _loved_ Edward Cullen.

**~~LiS~~**

I closed the trunk of my car and the loud thud of it echoed through the empty street.

That was the last of it. I was packed and ready for my move to Chicago.

I'd gotten the job at The Daily Herald. Mr. Olsen said that he was impressed with what I'd done since I was still so young, and he said he'd give me a call by the end of the week.

Right after the showing of what now was my very own apartment, he called and said that the job was mine if I wanted it. Let's just say, I told the estate agent right away that this was the apartment I wanted. I signed the contract the same afternoon.

Neither Alice nor Edward was happy for me.

Alice had profusely ignored me up until I started to pack my stuff. That was when she started to cry and said that she was going to miss me so much.

Since her parents owned the apartment we’d lived in, she would stay there, but as she didn’t want to live alone, she was looking for a lodger of sorts that would pay a small amount of money for my old room.

Edward, at first, tried everything to get me to stay. He begged; he pleaded; he demanded, and he even tried to order me to stay, but I'd deflected all of his tries. He knew why I did this and nothing could change my mind. Eventually, he just accepted it, no matter how reluctantly he did it.

He and Alice were now standing outside her apartment while I packed all of my things into my car.

Last week, I'd gone back home to get the few things I still had there and sent them to Chicago, where they were now waiting for me. I'd also said goodbye to my dad, Carlisle, and Esme. They wished me good luck and promised that we'd keep contact with each other.

The hardest goodbye was the ones I was facing now. I had tried to prepare for it, but it was impossible. Nothing could prepare me for this.

Edward stood with his hands in his pockets and a devastated expression on his face. He'd never even tried to look happy for me. I hated to see him like that, but for once, I had to put myself in front of others and this was what I needed.

As soon as I turned toward them, Alice flung her arms around my neck and hugged me. Her tears were flowing and she was sobbing hard. I could feel my own tears begin as the impact of what I was about to do crashed into me. I would miss her; my sister.

We didn't say anything; we just hugged each other tightly.

As soon as she let go of me, I was enveloped in another hug. I tensed up because Edward and I had not been this close for months. His scent invaded my nostrils and it reminded me of home. I was a bit uncomfortable with his embrace, but at the same time, it made me very comfortable.

I was so confused. My feelings were at war with themselves.

Edward leaned down and whispered in my ear. “I don't want us to separate with lots of animosity between us.” His words made me relax and hug him back. He was right. We shouldn't separate like that. For all we knew, this might be the last time I saw him. I hoped not, but you never knew what the future had planned for you.

We leaned away from each other and before I had time to react, Edward put his hands on my face and crushed his mouth down on mine. My heart started to beat like a hummingbird’s wings and my tears fell and wet his hands.

I couldn’t take the outburst of emotions his kiss evoked in me, and I had to push him away.

I was gasping for air, and I tried to dry my tears, but more just kept coming so it was futile. I couldn’t stay another minute, so I got into my car without another word.

As I drove off, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Alice lean onto Edward, his arms around her.

My already blurry vision got worse, and I quickly wiped away my tears.

When I drove passed the city limit, I touched my lips and thought about Edward’s last kiss.

It had been fierce, passionate, and desperate, but it had also been a farewell.

 


	20. Chapter 19  Years Later

**CHAPTER 19 2 YEARS LATER**

There had been a series of crimes lately, and I was covering the story. It would be the first single assignment I had since I became one of  _Daily Herald_ 's crime reporters. 

I had to say, I was pretty damn pleased with what I'd achieved in the last two years.

I was checking out a lead at the moment. There had been an anonymous letter sent to the paper about a location that would perhaps be the next hit.

But the only thing that was at that location was just a normal takeout restaurant. Why would someone commit a crime against a Chinese takeout restaurant? What could anyone possibly have against Chinese food?

A rose came out of nowhere and was placed in front of me. I smiled widely and turned around on my chair.

There stood my boyfriend of three months, George Hale, with an entire bouquet of roses. “Happy Valentine's Day, babe,” he said and leaned down to place a kiss on my cheek.

“If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're only trying to get into my pants.” I accepted the roses and winked at him.

“I don't think your pants would fit me very well, darling,” he said out loud, but then he leaned closer and whispered in my ear. “Besides, both you and I know that I don't have to buy you roses to get into your pants.” 

I shivered.

George and I met about a year after I'd arrived in Chicago. We’d literally ran into each other outside the coffee shop just around the corner of where I worked, and, being the klutz that I am, I succeeded in spilling my coffee all over him.

I’d apologized and even offered to pay for the dry cleaning, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He’d smiled at me and said that I could pay him by letting him take me out for dinner.

When I didn’t answer immediately, his smiled had faded and he apologized because he should have understood that I was already taken. He charmed me, and I’d quickly assured him that I was single, but also that I wasn’t ready to date anyone since I wasn’t over my last boyfriend. He said that he understood and we went our separate ways.

But apparently, fate had other plans for us. We continued to run into each other, not quite as literal as the first time, and we quickly became good friends. Very good friends, actually.

As we got to know each other, I found out that he was an unpublished author at the time and was looking around at different publishing houses in hopes of getting his first novel published.

He was eventually successful and was currently working on his second book.

He was three years older than me and had just turned twenty-seven when we met.

One evening, about a month after I met him, he invited me over for dinner at his place. One thing led to another and the night ended with me in his bed. I still wasn’t ready for a relationship, but we kind of became friends with benefits after that. No feelings or attachment or anything like that. It was just pure lust and sex between us, and George was very good in bed.

But our agreement only lasted for about three months. Feelings always came with these agreements and on November 14 th , George admitted to having feelings for me. 

I can admit that at the moment I didn’t return those feelings, but I didn’t want to lose what we had. Sex with George made me forget all about Edward for the time, so I used him and told him that I felt the same way.

Now, three months later, I had developed actual feelings for George. They would never be as strong as my feelings for Edward, but they were there.

When it came to Alice and Edward, I was sad to say that I'd lost contact with both of them.

The same went with Carlisle and Esme. I hadn’t been home once since I moved to Chicago, and Esme and Carlisle were busy people, so I didn’t blame them. I was pretty busy myself as well.

The last thing I heard from Edward was that he had succeeded in securing a job after graduation, which would be in about four months, and Alice had started a company from home where she gave tips and tricks on how to look fabulous without spending ridiculous amounts of money. I believed she had also gotten a boyfriend, but I couldn’t remember his name.

What Edward's relationship status looked like had never been discussed.

I couldn't stop myself from thinking of Edward from time to time. I would lie if I said I didn't miss him because I did; a lot.

He wasn't my first boyfriend, but he was... _different,_ and I would always remember him. 

I always felt a bit off on the day of our anniversary because thoughts of what we had and what could have been, plagued me for every waking moment during that single day.

Don't judge me! I was with the guy for three and a half years, and he used to be my best friend.

“So I was thinking that since it's Valentine's Day _and_ our three month anniversary, we could do something special,” George said and sat down on my desk.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I've made reservations at your favorite restaurant, but I saw a poster that they’re performing The Seagull at the theater tonight. You’ve always said that you want to see that play, so do you want to go?”

I got a feeling that he was leaving a part of his plan out, so I narrowed my eyes at him and told him just that. He chuckled at me.

“I might have hoped to go back to my place afterward for _dessert_.” I shivered again. It had become a private joke of sorts between us with the whole dessert thing. 

On that first night, we hadn’t made it to dessert, so now we always called sex “dessert” when we were out in public.

I smirked at George. “I like your way of thinking, Mr. Hale.” I crossed my legs. Just thinking about what George might do to me tonight built up a small tingling ache in the center of my core.

George saw my movement and leaned over me, supporting himself with his hands on my desk on either side of me. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked in a low, husky voice.

“Just a bit,” I breathed out.

“How unfortunate that we're at your work then,” he said and captured my face between his hands and kissed me fiercely on the lips. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and moaned, which in turn caused me to moan as well. The kiss lasted not thirty seconds, but it was passionate. He ended it by sucking on my bottom lip and then gave me a small peck before he leaned away altogether.

“I'll see you tonight. I'll pick you up at five.” With that, he strolled away from my desk, leaving me even more uncomfortable.

I took a deep breath, held my hands on my cheeks to cool down, and returned to my computer.

**~~LiS~~**

Fifteen minutes to five, George knocked on my front door.

He was wearing a black dress shirt with dark blue jeans, and I loved how he looked so casual, but still dressed up. That was something I envied about guys. They could look ready for the red carpet in casual clothing; not exactly something a girl could pull off.

I was wearing a strapless, black dress that hugged my body. It accentuated my curves in a way that made me look more mature. I had left my hair down and completed the outfit with simple black, round-toed pumps.

George looked at me appreciatively and smirked. “You look delicious,” he said and snaked his arms around my waist.

“Why thank you. You don't look too bad yourself,” I replied. 

Without warning, George dipped me down and kissed my neck. I laughed when he straightened me up.

“Our reservations are at five-thirty. Do you think we have time for a quickie?” George whispered in my ear.

“I'm sorry to disappoint you, but with the evening traffic, we'll be lucky to get there in time as it is,” I replied and pushed him away from me. “Besides, the one who waits for something good never waits too long.”

“I couldn't disagree with that saying any more than I do now,” George said with an exaggerated eye roll. 

I got my coat and purse, and then went out in the hallway. George waited for me as I locked the door and then took my hand as we walked to the car.

It was a nice night. It was slightly cold, and for a second, I wished that I'd been wearing pants instead of a dress, but I wanted to look as nice as possible for Valentine's Day, so I guess I had to suffer a little. No pain, no gain after all.

In the car, George kept a hand on my knee, and every few minutes he gave it a squeeze.

I looked out the window and stopped breathing when I saw something that made my heart skip a beat.

A guy was walking on the street. He was tall; very tall, and he had his hands in his pockets with his head bent down as he walked. But his hair was what caught my attention.

It was an unruly mop of reddish brown.

Could it be?

The car drove past him and I looked in the rearview mirror at the guy.

No, it wasn't him. This guy had babyish features and he looked much too young. He couldn't be older than nineteen.

I became lost in thought as I started to think about the first time Edward and I celebrated Valentine's Day together.

It was way before we got together.

We were fourteen and the day before, I'd asked my crush, Jason Browne, if he wanted to be my Valentine. He'd turned me down, saying that he didn't want me as his Valentine.

It had broken my heart, or at least I thought it was broken, but back then I knew nothing of heartbreak.

I'd run away and hadn’t stopped until I’d arrived at the playground. I'd sat down on one of the swings and sat there for hours.

Eventually, Edward found me. He walked up to me and sat down on the swing next to mine.

_**Flashback** _

_I didn’t look up at Edward as he walked up to me. I was ashamed. My face was probably all puffy and red and the tears just didn’t want to stop coming. They ran down my face and landed on my jeans, creating two dark spots on my thighs._

“ _I heard what happened in school.” His voice broke a few times, and I couldn't contain my smile._

_Puberty wasn’t fun, and it was even less fun for a guy when he tried to be serious and his voice broke in all the wrong places._

_I had started to notice quite a few new things about myself as well. For example, my breasts started to grow and became very tender. It hurt if I jumped up and down or ran too fast._

_It was a very awkward conversation the day I told my dad that I needed money to buy a bra._

“ _Good news travels fast I hear,” I said sarcastically. My voice broke too, but for a completely different reason._

“ _You know, Jason's not even worth it.”_

“ _He just said it, straight to my face.” I couldn’t believe he did that. No tact at all. He just said that he didn't want me as his Valentine in the middle of the hallway, where everyone could hear him turn me down. It was humiliating._

_Edward cleared his throat in an attempt to keep his voice from breaking. “I could be your Valentine if you'd like.”_

_I looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks, but it's just not the same with friends. It's supposed to be someone you have feelings for.”_

“ _Na, screw those rules! Who says you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with your best friend anyway? There's no one I'd like to spend the day with more than I'd like to spend it with you”_

_**End of Flashback** _

That had later turned out to be the best Valentine's Day of my life.

We'd gone out bowling and ate pizza at his place. We played video games and ended the night with a movie. It was around that time that the rumors of me being together with Edward started.

As I looked back at the memory, I realized that during that time, Edward had been in love with me for two years already. I’d probably hurt him when I said that it was supposed to be with someone you had feelings for, but I couldn’t remember his reaction.

“Hey, are you okay?” George’s voice dragged me from my memories. I looked around and saw that we’d stopped and were outside the restaurant. 

I turned to George and willed all the memories away. This wasn’t the time to think about Edward. I was with George and was happy with him.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I assured him and got out of the car. George wasn’t far behind and he put his hand on my lower back as he led me inside.

The restaurant was decorated for Valentine’s Day. Not in a tacky way; it was very classy with a single red rose decorating the tables and beautifully decorated menus. It wasn’t overboard, and I loved it. I hated it when it went overboard.

During the main course, George's phone started to ring and he apologized. I told him that it was okay and he took up his phone to see who it was.

“It's my sister.” He answered it and almost immediately held the phone away from his ear.

“Rosalie, I swear I didn't know what he was planning.” 

I frowned. What had gotten Rosalie all reeled up on Valentine's Day?

Rosalie Hale was George's younger sister. She was the same age as me and also one of my friends. We weren’t exactly BFF’s, but we liked to hang out once in a while, just not too often.

Rosalie was dating one of my superiors and the one that held the title and privilege of being my BFF, Emmett McCarty. He was the star reporter on the crime team, always being assigned the best articles. I wasn't going to lie and say that I wasn't jealous of him because I was, but he had worked on the paper longer than I had and he wrote insanely good articles.

I hadn’t put the pieces together that Emmett’s Rosalie was George’s little sister, Rosalie Hale, until last year’s Christmas party. I’d just recently got into a relationship with George, so it never came up.

We all got a good laugh when we realized what a funny coincidence it was.

“No, I don't think she knew either...Because she would tell me something like that...Yes, I am...But—…Fine!” George gave me the phone, and I frowned again.

“She wants to talk to you.” I shrugged and brought the phone up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“ _Did you know? Did he tell you?_ _”_ Rosalie wasn’t the kind of person to beat around the bush. It was one of the reasons why I liked her and thought she and Emmett were so great together. They complemented each other perfectly.

“I'm sorry, Rosalie, but I have no idea what you're talking about,” I told her honestly.

“ _So you're saying that Emmett, my Emmett, was able to keep this secret to himself. I don't think so!_ _”_ There was something in the way Rosalie talked. She sounded almost bubbly.

“Okay, Rosalie, last time. I have no idea what you're talking about. What _are_ you talking about?”

“ _I'm talking about Emmett asking me to marry him!_ _”_

“He what!?” I exclaimed with shock. Several people in the restaurant turned their heads and glared at me, and I blushed.

“ _Yes! We're officially engaged!_ _”_

“Oh my god! That's just...wow!” I couldn’t comprehend that Emmett had been able to keep this from me. Emmett sucked at keeping secrets.

“ _I know...and it was all just so romantic...or well, as romantic as Emmett can get.”_

I laughed at that. It was true that Emmett wasn't the most romantic person on the planet. “So what did he do?”

“ _The poor guy was so nervous. We were at his place, and I guess he'd kept a hold on the ring the entire night when he accidentally dropped it on the floor. I saw it and picked it up. He sighed and said that the surprise was ruined and just asked me if I wanted to marry him._ _”_

“Yeah, that sounds like Emmett,” I said with a chuckle. My eyes landed on George, and I realized that I was ruining our Valentine's dinner. “Rosalie, I'm sorry, but I have to go. We'll talk more some other time.” I hung up and gave the phone back to George with a smirk. “So, how do you feel about getting Emmett as your brother-in-law?”

“Terrified,” he admitted and chuckled. “I can't exactly give him the big brother talk because if he ever hurt my sister, I wouldn't dare to go after him,” he said half-joking, half serious.

Emmett was a big guy, taller than George who was already pretty tall with his six feet.

With my 5'4 feet, I only reached to Emmett's shoulder.

To boost George's male ego a bit, I told him a small secret about my beast of a friend. “Emmett may be big, but he's just a huge wuss.”

George and I enjoyed the rest of our dinner with some light conversation and when we left the restaurant, he once again put his hand on my lower back.

“Damn it! I forgot my phone inside,” George said when we were close to his car. He reached into his pocket to get the keys and gave them to me. “Here. Get into the car, and I'll be right back.” He kissed my cheek and ran back inside.

I turned back toward the car but collided with a guy on the street. I landed on my butt and dropped my purse.

“Oh! I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going,” the guy apologized.

“No, it's fine. It was an accident.” I grabbed my purse and tried to get up.

“Let me help you.” He offered me his hand, and I thankfully grabbed it. When I was once again vertical, I saw his face properly and my heart almost stopped in my chest. 

His eyes were a deep forest green. They looked insanely much like Edward's eyes.

My reaction was only for a second, but the guy noticed. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed thickly. “Yeah, I'm fine. I have to go now,” I said and passed him without giving him another look.

What was wrong with me today? What was up with all the reminders of Edward? Why today? I had moved on. I was with George now, and I was going to stay with him.

I shook my head to get the thoughts out and got inside the car.

But it didn't help. I was soon sucked back into memories.

_**Flashback** _

_I had my head on Edward's chest. He was on his back with his arm around me and was slowly stroking my arm with his fingertips. His ministrations left goose bumps on my arm, and I sighed with content._

_Who would have thought that I would end up here? Certainly not me._

_I started to draw random patterns on Edward's stomach with my nail, and he moaned. I heard the vibrations deep inside his chest._

_I looked up at his face and saw that he had his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips “What are you thinking?” I asked and cupped his cheek._

_He opened his eyes and looked at me. “I'm thinking that everything seems to just fall into place. Right here”—he cupped my cheek as well—“Right now, everything’s just perfect.”_

_I smiled and leaned down to kiss him. It was slow and sensual. Nothing rushed. It was just us._

_Edward rolled us over so that he was on top of me. He gently pushed his tongue into my mouth as he eased his way inside of me._

_It was pure bliss; being connected with him in that way._

_My orgasm was quiet but powerful, and with only a few thrusts, Edward joined me. He was still on top of me, supporting his weight on his arms._

_I locked my eyes with his._

_His breathing was harsh, and his arms were shaking. I gently stroked his cheek._

“ _I love you,” I whispered. Somehow, it felt as if I would ruin the moment if I spoke any louder._

“ _I love you too,” he whispered back and kissed me again._

_**End of Flashback** _

That was the last time I could remember that we were truly happy. It had been the night after I'd gotten the internship, and after celebrating with Alice, Edward and I retired to my room.

We were awake for hours and just enjoyed each other's company and made love. It wasn’t the first time we made love, but it was definitely one of the most powerful ones. Everything had been so serene and quiet.

I began wondering what would have happened if I hadn't applied for the internship in the first place? I definitely wouldn't have been where I was today. Would Edward and I still be together? If that had been the case, how would our relationship have looked today? We would have been together for almost six years; best friends for sixteen. That's a longer time than most married couples could say that they’d known each other.

Emmett and Rosalie had been together for three years and now they were engaged.

If none of those things had happened that caused the whole devastating chain reaction, would I be wearing a ring on my finger today? A ring that told the world that I belonged to Edward?

No! I had to stop right there. I had never been one who thought marriage was necessary for a relationship to go forward, so why did I think of it now? And with Edward!

That future might have been possible once, but not now.

I had moved on.

One thing that I was glad about was that, with me moving on, I’d been able to forgive. I had thought more rationally about it all and realized that what Edward told me was true.

He would never consciously hurt me, and he had been under the influence of a lot of alcohol, which I knew he didn’t handle very well.

Sadly enough, when I came to this conclusion, I hadn’t been able to pick up my courage and call my former best friend and tell him that I'd forgiven him. I was too big of a coward to do that.

The door on the driver's side opened, and I flinched. I had been so deep in my thoughts, I’d totally forgotten that I was waiting for George. I blinked a few times to come back to reality.

“Ready?” George asked. 

I cleared my throat. “Actually, could we skip the play?” There was too much going on inside my head for me to enjoy the brilliant dialogues written by Chekov.

“Of course,” George replied and started the car. We didn't speak for the entire ride to his place.

When we got inside his apartment, he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. “Now, about that dessert…” he said and attached his mouth to mine.

All of my thoughts during the night flew out the window in that moment, and I couldn't wait to see what George had planned.

I had been pleasantly surprised when George made my more creative and bold sides come out. Almost every time, he’d introduce me to something new: a new position, public sex, toys.

Yeah, I'd explored quite a lot with him.

Another thing I'd realized with George was that I enjoyed it a lot when the man took control. It turned me on when I was told what to do during sex. This didn’t turn me into a submissive at all. I still saw to it that I got what I wanted, but to be commanded was just...hot!

Now George's hands traveled down my body, and he grabbed my ass and squeezed.

Yeah, George was an ass man. He'd told me that after our first time.

His hands sneaked underneath the skirt of my dress and it got bunched up around my waist. Not once did he stop kissing me. His hand went up my back and he fingered the clasp of my bra.

When it came undone, I gasped at the feeling of relief that came with being free. My nipples instantly hardened.

George took advantage of my gasp and pushed his tongue inside. He circled it around mine and then licked the roof of my mouth. I moaned loudly.

We were still by the front door, and if we kept it up, it would either happen against the wall or on the floor. Not that I would complain about either choice.

I turned my head so that I could breathe and speak.

“George...” He started to kiss and bite my collarbone. 

“Mmhm?” He grabbed my bra and dragged it out from under my dress, then his hand started to massage my breast, and I moaned again when his thumbs went over my nipples.

“Oh _god!_...Do you want to... _uh_...stay here or...”

Without responding, George spun me around and started to push me inside his apartment.

I thought that he was taking me to his bedroom, but I was wrong. As soon as we entered the living room, he steered me toward the couch.

He crushed his mouth onto mine again, and I got lightheaded by his kissing skills. His hands slid from my back to my front, and I shivered when his fingers dipped into my panties. They progressed down, and he groaned into my mouth when he felt how wet I was.

I started to breathe harder when he slid a finger across my slit, and I almost screamed when he pressed down on my clit.

The undressing from there was very quick, and we were soon on the couch—me on my back and George on top of me—with his mouth on my breast. I kept my hands in his hair, guiding him where I wanted him.

“ _Uh!..._ George...that feels _so..._ ”

“God Bella! You're so sexy,” he said against my skin.

“I, George, I need you... _Now!_ ”

“Tell me where, Bella.”

I opened my eyes and locked eyes with him. His eyes were hooded and filled with lust. I grabbed his face and stared him in the eye. “I want you to fuck me.”

He smirked and then sat back on his knees. He grabbed my legs and placed them on his shoulders. This was without a doubt my favorite position. He always got so deliciously deep.

He lined himself up and then thrust in hard.

“ _Oh God! George!_ ”

“ _Yes_ , Bella! Shit! You're so _tight_!”

“I-I need more... _more._ ”

George snuck his hand between us and started to rub my clit.

“ _Uh_...Bella, I'm close.”

“ _Yeah,_ m-me too.”

George grabbed my legs and removed them from his shoulders. Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Cum for me, baby.” He thrust in again, harder than before, at the same time as he pinched my clit.

“ _George!_ ” My muscles contracted and the coil in my stomach snapped. Wave after wave of pleasure ripped through me.

With a few more thrusts, George came too. He screamed my name and then collapsed on top of me.

We lay like that for a few moments, catching our breaths.

George was still inside me. He had gone soft, but the feeling was still very nice. When he started to move to get off me, the movement caused electric shocks to go through my body.

I moaned.

I opened my eyes to see George looking down at me, grinning. He moved again and my eyes rolled back into my head. I was so sensitive so everything was double the pleasure.

George was growing hard again—I had always thought that George had an amazing recovery time.

But now he pulled out of me and I whimpered in protest. Yes, I whimpered. He grinned even wider at me and straightened up so he could sit up on the couch. “C'mon baby. Straddle me.”

I smiled when I realized that he just wanted to change position. I threw one of my legs over him and tossed my hair over my shoulder so that it wouldn’t be in the way.

George grabbed himself and rubbed the head of his dick up and down my slit.

“ _Oh_...” was the only thing I could say. 

He grabbed my hips with both hands and guided me down on him.

“Ride me, Bella.”

I grabbed his shoulders for leverage to pull me up, and then I sat back again.

“Yes, Bella! Yes!” I liked how I had all the control, but at the same time, it was only because George gave me the control.

It didn’t take long until the coil was back, and I started to ride him faster.

“Uh…Are you close?” George asked me, and I nodded.

He put his hands back on my hips and thrust up every time that I sat back down.

“Oh, oh...George, I-I..I'm..” The coil snapped again, and I came hard. My second orgasm was more powerful than the first, probably because I was still so sensitive.

As soon as my muscles clenched around him, George came as well. I felt how his hot seed spurted into me.

It wasn't until then that I realized that we hadn't used a condom. For a second, I panicked. I was on the pill, but everyone knows that it's not a hundred percent certain protection, and I wasn't the one to take any chances.

“George?” My voice was much clearer now that I’d snapped back to reality. How could we be so reckless? So stupid? We both knew better.

“Yes?” He sounded sleepy, but I knew it was only because he was still in his post orgasmic haze. 

“George, we didn't use a condom.”

It took about two seconds before what I said sunk in.

“Shit," he exclaimed and started to move. I quickly got off him. I felt numb, almost paralyzed. Why didn't I think? I was always the responsible one. I always thought of things like this. What was up with me today?

While I sat there, not being able to do anything, George had gotten dressed and was now standing in front of me. He put his hands on my face and looked me in the eye.

“I'll be right back, don't go anywhere.” He kissed me and went out the door.

Mechanically, I got dressed and went into the kitchen. I made myself some tea and went back to the living room.

I sat there on the couch, drinking my tea and just thought of the possibility that I might have gotten pregnant.

I wasn’t ready for a baby. I was only twenty-four and had just begun my career. A baby was very low on my list of things I wanted right now.

George came back then with a small paper bag in his hand. “What do you have there?” I asked.

He reached into the bag and gave me a small box. I read on the box, but it took a few moments for me to realize what it was.

“You went out to buy me a morning-after pill?” My voice was very soft. These were very expensive and he still went out to buy it.

“Of course,” he said and sat down next to me.

I hurried out to the kitchen to get a glass of water and then sat down next to him again. “I promise, I'll pay you back.”

“No way! It was my fault.”

“Hardly. We were both at fault.”

He shook his head, but I put my hands on his face to stop him. “At least let me pay half of it.”

George just stared at me for a while, and then nodded. “Fine.”

I took a pill and the glass of water and swallowed it all down.

Glad I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.

 


	21. Chapter 20 Meet Again

**CHAPTER 20 MEET AGAIN**

_3 MONTHS LATER_

“Swan!” I flinched when my boss screamed for me. It didn't matter how many stories I delivered to her or how much I kissed her ass, she still disliked me.

“Yes, Mrs. Dane?”

Mrs. Dane walked up to my desk with an evil smirk on her face. _This isn’t good_. “I've got an assignment for you, Swan.” She dumped a file on my desk and crossed her arms over her impressive bosom. I opened the file, took a look at it and my chin dropped.

When Mrs. Dane saw my reaction, she turned on her heels and walked away. “Wait! Mrs. Dane, this must be some kind of mistake!” I got up from my chair and followed her.

“Oh, I don't think so,” she said with a sugar-sweet voice and kept on walking.

“But...I'm a crime reporter! I don't cover these kinds of stories!” I was getting angry. _How dare she assign me this shitty story!_ To go down and do an article on a flower shop expansion was so not my league; at least not anymore. I used to do these stories all the time when I first came to _Daily Herald_ , but that was two years ago.

“Swan, just shut your mouth and do the damn the article!” Mrs. Dane stopped in her tracks and turned around to face me. “This may not be your dream assignment, but you were requested and so I can't do anything about it.”

I was stunned. Who would request me to do a story on something that was not in my area? “Who requested me?”

“The owner,” Mrs. Dane simply said and left me standing alone.

I hurried back to my desk to look at the file again to check who the owner was.

My heart started to beat faster and a big smile broke out on my face when I read the name.

Mrs. Esme A. Cullen.

Esme! Esme was here–in Chicago. I suddenly couldn't get down there fast enough. I grabbed my coat and bag and hurried outside to my car.

I would meet Esme again!

Thirty minutes later, I drove up outside the studio that would become the new flower shop. I saw workers fixing the windows, painters, carpenters, even a cleaning crew. Everyone was in movement. I got out of the car and walked up to one of the guys.

“Excuse me? Do you know where I can find Mrs. Cullen?”

“Yeah, she's in her office. It's right in there and to the left.”

“Thank you.”

I walked into the studio and easily found the office. Esme sat behind a small desk, talking on the phone while writing something on a piece of paper. She hadn’t noticed me, but I was watching her intently.

She hadn’t changed much; just a few more wrinkles that only added to her beauty. Her caramel hair was up in a neat bun, but she was dressed casually in jeans and a white shirt. When I looked at her, I realized how much I'd actually missed her.

I used my knuckles to knock on the doorframe, and she looked up at me. At first, it seemed as if she didn't recognize me, but then her eyes widened and she smiled widely.

“I'll have to call you back,” she said into the phone and hung up. She walked slowly around the desk, and when she stood in front of me, she placed her hands on my cheeks and used her thumbs to wipe away the tears I hadn’t realized were falling from my eyes.

Her own eyes watered as she took in my appearance. “Bella,” she said lowly and enveloped me in a hard but warm embrace.

“Hi, Esme.”

She leaned away from me and once again placed her hands on my face. “My dear, I'm so glad that you came.”

“Why wouldn't I? I've missed you so much.”

“Well, for one, we haven't talked for over a year."

I looked down at the floor, feeling very guilty. “Yeah, I'm sorry about that.”

Esme made me look back up by putting one of her hands underneath my chin. “It wasn't only your fault. We didn't exactly make an effort either.”

“Yes, but still—” I started, but she interrupted me.

“No buts. We’re here now, and the past is in the past so let’s just leave it there.” Truer words had never been spoken.

“Are you here alone?” I asked, and Esme was just about to answer when I heard my name from behind me. I turned around to see Carlisle, looking as handsome as ever.

My face broke out in a grin and I hurried up to him so that I could hug him as well.

Carlisle and Esme had always been like an extra set of parents for me, and I loved them so much. They were my family.

I had barely released Carlisle when I heard a squeal and was enveloped by two small but very strong arms.

“Alice,” I exclaimed with joy and hugged her back with all the strength I had.

When we let go of each other, I gave her a close look over. She had changed quite a bit from what I remembered. Her hair was longer and up in a stylish ponytail; she wasn’t wearing as much makeup as she used to, but it was her style of clothing that stood out the most. Instead of her usual colorful clothes, she was wearing a white shirt with a dark green pencil skirt and regular pumps. She looked older, more mature in a way.

But her personality was still the same bubbly Alice I’d always known and loved. We didn’t part on the best of terms, but she was still my sister, and I had missed her so much.

A tingling in the back of my neck alerted me to the fact that someone was looking at me, and I had a pretty good guess on who it was. I turned around, and there, barely ten feet away, was Edward.

The moment my eyes met his, every memory rushed back, both good and bad. I remembered our easy-going friendship, our fiery and passionate love for each other, but also the soul-shattering heartache I felt when he betrayed me.

I also remembered the desperate way he kissed me when we said our goodbyes' and how it had affected me to the point of which I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him.

I was happy, angry, hurt, and conflicted at seeing him, but I reminded myself that I had forgiven him to an extent. I hoped we would be able to become friends again.

I wanted to hug him at the same time I didn’t want to hug him, but it felt almost like I had to since I’d hugged everyone else in his family. It would be rude of me to _not_ hug him as well, no matter what our past held.

I was afraid that it would be awkward, but when we stood right in front of each other, trying to read the other’s reaction, we just automatically fell into familiar ways.

“I guess I’m obligated to hug you now as well,” I said in a teasing tone.

He let out a half-chuckle and wound his arms around me. “Oh c’mon, my hugs aren’t that bad,” he replied.

“No, they’re the best,” I mumbled into his suit jacket, but I don’t think he heard me. His familiar smell was all around me, and I couldn’t stop myself from inhaling it deeply into my lungs, something he noticed. His embrace tightened for a second and he whispered something that sounded like “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” but I wasn’t sure.

I eventually took a step back and Edward released me from his hold. It wasn’t until then that I noticed the changes about him. I had been so wrapped up in the simple fact that he was here, but now I could see it all.

His hair was shorter and he had a hint of stubble around his jaw. His eyes were still the same, green color I remembered, but they had a slightly darker and hard edge around the irises. It made him look all serious and business-like. They pierced right into my soul, and I had to remind myself to breathe in and out.

But just like Alice, it was his clothes that stood out the most in his appearance. The Edward I remembered always dressed casually in jeans or khakis with a t-shirt or button up. This Edward was as far from that as possible. He was dressed in a tailored gray suit with shiny black dress shoes. He looked older than his almost twenty-five years—probably something that benefitted him when he was working with clients.

I turned my attention to all of them. “Wow, I just can’t believe that you’re all here.”

“I am actually the only one here without any real purpose more than being moral support,” Carlisle said and shrugged.

I frowned at that. “What do you mean?”

“My law firm recently expanded and they have an office here in Chicago. They asked me if I’d be willing to take a post here instead of back in L.A since they needed me here more,” Edward answered and my eyes widened. What did that mean? That he would what? Move here? To Chicago?

“Yes, and Mom’s made me manager of this store so that I have something to do while I wait for my own business to bloom,” Alice said.

“Wait, hold on a minute,” I said and turned to Edward. “You’re moving here?”

“Yes, I am.”

“And so are you?” I asked Alice to which she nodded eagerly.

It took a few seconds for my brain to process the fact that we would all live in the same town again. Was I ready to be so close to Edward again?

Yeah, I guess I was. It didn’t feel strained or forced when we were like this, so I think I would be able to handle it.

“That’s great!” My very late reaction had caused Alice and Edward to look at me worriedly, but when they heard what I said, they both smiled. “Have you found a place to live yet?”

They shook their heads and I reached into my purse for a pen and some paper. I quickly wrote down the number to John, the guy who helped me find my apartment, and gave it to them. “This guy helped me when I was looking for apartments here, and I believe he could help you both.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Alice exclaimed, and I smiled. Her personality had definitely not changed as much as her clothes.

“I heard that you started some kind of beauty online thing. How are things going with that?”

Her entire face lit up. It was obvious she was quite proud of her business. “Oh, it’s going just great. You know, I moved from L.A to New York about three months after you left and that’s where I got the idea. I've already had several offers from various big companies to come and work for them, but I don't want to. I’ve decided to become a freelance beauty guru for those that can’t afford to spend a small fortune on products.”

I nodded in response as I’d heard this from Esme when we spoke last. It had only been an idea back then, and I was glad to see that Alice worked to achieve her dream.

_I'm on my second drink_

_But I've had a few before..._

_I'm tryin' hard to think_

_And I think that I want you on the floor_

_Uh huh, yeah on the floor!_

_Go on and take it off (Take it off!)_

_You gotta shake it off baby, for me_

_C'mon and break me off (Break me off!)_

_'Cause I get what I want and I like what I see_

I groaned in embarrassment when George's ringtone came on. He had chosen it himself and he said that I wasn’t allowed to change it.

“Wow, who's got that ringtone?” Alice asked and giggled.

“George,” I answered her and reached into my purse to retrieve my phone. In my haste to answer, I accidentally hit speaker.

“ _Hey, Babe! When do you get off work tonight? I was thinking takeout and a movie.”_

I cursed and quickly took him off the speaker. “Hey! I get off at six. If you pick the movie, I'll get the food.”

“ _Perfect! I'll see you tonight, beautiful."_

“I can’t wait.” I turned back to the others. “Sorry about that.”

“Don't worry about it,” Carlisle reassured me and smiled.

“Okay, well, maybe I should get back to work. I am supposed to be writing an article about this place after all. If we could perhaps go somewhere, I just have a few questions for you, if that’s okay?” I asked, turning to Esme and Alice.

“We can stay here. I'm sure Carlisle and Edward have other things to do,” Esme said, hinting that the two men should leave.

Carlisle laughed and was just about to leave with Edward when I stopped them. “Oh, before you go, we should go out some night, the three of us, and I’ll give you the tour of the town,” I said and gestured between Edward, Alice, and myself.

“Absolutely, we can talk more when you’re done with the interview,” Edward said and closed the door behind him when he left.

Esme sat down behind the desk while Alice and I occupied the two chairs on the opposite side. I took up my recorder and hit the recording button before turning to the two women.

“So, tell me, what exactly was it that brought you to Chicago?”

**~~LiS~~**

**Edward's Perspective**

I should’ve known that she would have a boyfriend.

It was Bella, after all; gorgeous, beautiful, sexy Bella. She was even more of those things now than what I remembered her to be two years ago. She had lost all of the girly traits and was a full-grown woman now. She had never been sexier.

I almost got hard just seeing her standing in Mother's office dressed the way she was. The black pencil skirt hugged her ass and the blouse accentuated her womanly curves in a modest but _very_ provocative way.

I wasn’t exactly surprised by the phone call from this “George,” but it still bothered me a great deal. I had never really believed that Bella would never move on, but to get real life proof that the woman I still loved so deeply had put our past behind her, wasn’t the most pleasant thing I'd experienced.

I’d practically begged my boss at J.S Jenks for the position in Chicago just so that I would have a legitimate excuse to be in the same town as Bella.

I knew I lived in a fantasy world when I imagined our reunion to be with Bella throwing herself into my arms and telling me how it didn't matter what happened in our past, she just couldn't live without me anymore before kissing me with that all-consuming passion we used to share. Still, I’d been quite hopeful that we might be able to get back to what we were.

I was never going to lose hope, but the fantasy was getting more distant now that the prospect of a boyfriend was in the way. As far as I knew, this “George” guy might not be her boyfriend. Maybe he’s just a friend.

Hey! A guy can hope, can’t he?

The only way for me to find out was to get to know Bella all over again. I wasn’t going to give up. Bella was _the_ woman in my life, and I wasn’t about to let her go now that she was so close.

I would fight, so George better be prepared or he was going down. This maiden was mine.

 


	22. Chapter 21 Getting To Know Each Other Again

**CHAPTER 21 GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN**

I saved the document with the article about Esme’s shop and turned off my computer. I think it was a first in which I got done way before my deadline, so I actually had some free time for once. I guess it was because this article was just basic work, and I knew exactly how to write it. I didn’t need to put hours of research in, the way I usually did with a crime article.

I was just about to put on my jacket when Emmett came up to me.

“Well, well, well. You finally got away from all the wedding planning, huh? How’s it going? Rosalie threaten to kill you yet?”

“Multiple times,” he answered calmly. “But I got off the hook easy compared to Amy. I don’t think Rosalie has allowed her a full night’s sleep since they started to plan this whole carnival. I only have to be there for the tasting of the cake and decisions for the menu, but otherwise, it’s better if I stay clear of them both.”

Amy was Rosalie’s maid of honor and the last time I saw her, I was sure she was heading for a nervous breakdown. Rosalie wasn’t a bridezilla by any means, but she was a perfectionist and hard to please. I was glad that I was assigned to be a simple bridesmaid.

“Yeah, I bet. So what’s up?”

“I have a lead that I want you to check up on.” He gave me a piece of paper with a guy’s name and number written on it.

“Sure, when’s the deadline?”

“I want it printed in this Friday’s issue. Can you do that?” It was Wednesday today, so it was manageable.

“Anything for you, McCarty.”

“Thanks, Swan. You're done for the day?”

“Yeah. I was just heading out.”

“You meeting up with George?”

“Actually, no. He was held up at the publishing house that’s interested in his new book.”

“If you wait thirty minutes, we could go out and take a beer.” I was so glad I had Emmett, except now I actually had plans.

“Sorry, Emmett, but I have plans.”

“With who?” It wasn’t a secret that I didn’t have that many friends here in Chicago. I had George, Rosalie, and Emmett that I counted as my friends, then I had several acquaintances, like Amy, so I could understand why Emmett was confused.

“Friends from home. I’m acting as their guide tonight.” I didn’t know why I didn’t just say their names. Emmett knew who they were. Actually, he was the only one who knew my entire history. I hadn’t told Rosalie for fear that she’d tell George, and I hadn’t told George because even if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we didn’t know each other that well. Physically, yeah, he knew me better than anyone—even better than Edward—but emotionally, we were barely friends, except George didn’t know that. He thought he knew me well. He knew about a boyfriend that supposedly broke my heart, but he didn’t know his name. He knew that my mother killed herself, but not that it was I that found her.

Emmett, on the other hand, knew everything about me. Just like Alice was like my sister; Emmett was like my brother. He became what I could never get back with Edward; a best friend that was just that: a friend.

“Yeah? Cool! I’d like to meet these friends of yours. Do you think they’d mind if I tagged along tonight?”

“Uh, no I’m sure they won’t mind.”

“Great! So where can I meet you guys?”

“I’m meeting them at Manhattan’s Bar in an hour. I’ll wait for you to finish and we can go there together.”

“Awesome!”

I sat down at my desk while I waited for Emmett and decided to text Edward and Alice to let them know that there would be another one joining us tonight.

_A friend from work is joining us tonight. I hope that’s okay :-)_

Edward was the first to answer.

_No problem. Alice says the more the merrier_

I guess Alice was with him then.

While I waited for Emmett, I wondered how this night would go. Being Emmett’s BFF and “adoptive” little sister meant that he was insanely protective of me. If he thought for a second that Edward would cause me any more heartache, Edward better be on his way out of the state underneath a false name if he wanted to keep his features intact.

It wouldn’t come to that, though, because I would never allow Emmett to hurt Edward.

When Emmett came back, I asked him if he was ready.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Ten minutes later, Emmett and I sat by the bar and waited for Alice and Edward to arrive. I ordered a Heineken and Emmett ordered a double-strength Cobra. He had always enjoyed the stronger things more.

“Who is it that we’re meeting?” he asked after we’d received our drinks.

I cleared my throat, feeling a tiny bit uncomfortable. I had a nagging feeling that something would happen tonight between Emmett and Edward, and not specifically a good something. “Uhm…”

Emmett placed his glass on the table and looked me sternly in the eyes. “Alright, what’s wrong, B? Who is it that you are so reluctant to talk to me about? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know, it’s just that—”

“Bella!”

Both of us turned our heads in the direction of the entrance and saw Alice waving at me. She was dressed more casually than she had two days ago at the shop, wearing denim shorts and a V-necked, tight-fitted t-shirt. A short-sleeved leather jacket completed the very chick look.

Edward was right behind her dressed in dress pants, a white shirt, and an unbuttoned suit jacket. His shoes were ridiculously clean, and I wondered if he’d been at the firm today and just removed the tie for when he’d meet up with us. His whole get up just seemed a bit out of place, especially next to Alice.

When they reached us, I gave them a brief hug each before turning to Emmett for the introductions. “Guys, this is the star reporter on the paper’s crime team and my ‘adopted’ brother of sorts, Emmett McCarty. Emmett, this is Alice and Edward Cullen.”

Emmett shot me a look when he heard their last name, but it was only noticed by me.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Alice shook his hand and smiled big.

“Likewise,” he replied and let her hand go so that he could shake Edward’s as well.

Alice and Edward ordered their drinks and sat down next to us. “McCarty…that’s not American, is it?” Alice immediately started up a conversation so that she could get to know Emmett.

He chuckled. “No, it’s not. My grandfather was Irish and my grandmother was Scottish, but they came here before my father was born.”

“Wow, I bet you have some very interesting family history back in Britain.”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. Both my grandparents died when I was a kid, and I’ve never gotten around to asking my dad about it. But Cullen, that’s quite an unusual name.”

I tuned them out as I’d heard the stories before and my eyes met with Edward’s. I realized that I had yet to congratulate him on his graduation.

“So you finally graduated, huh? I’m sorry I didn’t come for the celebrations. I wanted to, but I didn’t know when it was.” I didn’t bring up the fact that I hadn’t even received an invitation.

“That’s fine. It wasn’t anything big anyway, only Mom, Dad, and Alice. Kim was there, too with her husband.”

I almost choked on the sip of beer I’d just taken when he said that. “H-husband? She’s married?” Why I was so shocked at hearing about Kim’s marriage was unknown to me. Rosalie was the same age as us and she would get married in a couple of months.

“Yeah, like three months ago, to a guy named Jared.”

“Is that the same guy she was with two years ago?” I asked, and Edward shook his head.

“No, this guy’s new. I think they’d known each other for two months when he proposed. He was just the one, I guess.”

“Wow,” I said, unable to get anything else out. 

“My reaction exactly,” Edward agreed and clinked the neck of his bottle against mine.

“So what’s fun in this town? We might as well get acquainted with it all.” I heard Alice say next to me.

“Why? How long are you staying?” Emmett asked, and I realized that I hadn’t told him about their move to Chicago.

“Yeah, we’re moving here at the end of the month.”

Emmett locked his eyes with mine in a not-so-subtle way this time. “Is that so?”

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Edward announced and got up from his seat without acknowledging Emmett’s question.

Emmett waited until Edward was out of sight before he said that he had to call Rosalie and tell her that he would probably be home late.

This was it. I could feel the situation I’d feared was about to happen, and sure enough, instead of walking outside, Emmett went in the same direction as Edward.

Alice had noticed as well and she made an amused grimace. “Lucky thing that Edward’s intentions with you are pure.”

“His intentions?” She’d better tell me exactly what she meant with that. I’d like to know what these intentions were.

She smiled at me as if she could read my thoughts. “Don’t worry. He told me he just wants to be your friend again.”

I felt relief wash over me and relaxed back in my seat. Now I just hoped that Emmett wasn’t too harsh with Edward.

When the two men came back, they acted as if they’d known each other far longer than an hour. They laughed and joked the entire time we sat in the bar, and I felt how a weight lifted from my chest. I guess I wouldn’t have to worry about those two anymore.

The rest of the evening was rather uneventful. Emmett and I showed Edward and Alice around the town while Emmett asked a question now and then.

It was already after nine when Emmett got a call from Rosalie, saying that she wanted him home. He exchanged numbers with both Alice and Edward before saying goodbye.

“So what do you think of Emmett?” I asked as we started on our way toward their hotel.

“He’s really nice. A bit too much to handle at times, but nice,” Alice said truthfully.

“ _You_ think that he’s a bit too much at times? Wow, I guess I’m just used to his behavior if not even Alice can handle him.”

“I said he was nice, didn’t I?”

I put my hands up to show her that it wasn’t necessary for her to get defensive. “I’m just pulling your leg, Alice. Calm down.” Edward chuckled, and I turned to him. “What did you and Emmett talk about earlier tonight?”

He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Stuff, you. He acted like the ideal big brother, wanting to make sure I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you again.”

He tried to make it sound like it was nothing, but I could see that it still pained him to be reminded of what had transpired between us two years ago that caused us to end up here.

We continued walking in silence and when we reached their hotel, I realized that I didn’t want to separate from Edward. I needed to talk to him alone, but how was I supposed to tell Alice that without hurting her feelings?

She made it easier for me by telling us that she was exhausted and that we could see each other some other day. After wishing her a good night, Edward and I stood opposite of each other, very unsure of what to do.

“Uh, would you like to go take a coffee or something?” Edward eventually asked and nodded toward a cozy-looking café across the street.

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that,” I said, and we crossed the street side by side.

The café was almost empty, but there was soft music playing from speakers on the walls, so it didn’t feel awkward entering the café at a quarter to ten at night.

When I ordered my coffee, I noticed how Edward looked at me in a curious way.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ve changed your coffee,” he stated calmly.

I looked down at the cup of regular black coffee and smiled. Yes, I had changed my coffee habits. I’d realized that black coffee was the best if you had to stay up late at night, researching for an article. I couldn’t even stand the sweetness of how I used to drink it before; one sugar and cream.

He ordered black as well and I just had to comment on it. “I see you haven’t.”

He chuckled. “I guess you were better suited for change than I was.”

I didn’t know why that comment made me feel guilty, but I was suddenly talking much lower when I replied. “I guess.”

We found the most secluded spot in the café and sat down next to each other since it was a couch. I felt kind of tense since this was the first time we were alone in years, and I was afraid that everything would be awkward between us.

“So, a crime reporter, huh? How did you get into that area?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just sort of fell into it. When a position opened up and I was offered it, I didn’t think twice. I wanted to get away from the shitty assignments I got before.”

“Which was?”

“I once wrote an article about a cat that weighed thirty-three pounds. Does that sound like fun to you?”

He laughed at that and I felt myself relaxing completely. I could do this. This was Edward, and things had always been so easy with him. I never had to think about what I said around him because he knew me. At least, he used to and I wanted him to know me again. I missed him.

Edward and I sat in the café for a long time and talked about our jobs, our friends and families, if we’d gotten any new hobbies during the last two years and various other things.

Edward told me about our friends from home—which I had not seen in almost three years now—and revealed that Victoria had gotten pregnant around Christmas. James had freaked out and thought that he had to propose, but when he did, Victoria smacked him and said that she wasn’t interested in marriage. I chuckled when I heard that because it was such a typical Victoria and James thing to do. I was a bit surprised to hear that she didn’t want to marry James since they’d been together for over eight years now. I guess marriage wasn’t for everyone.

Ben had finally found a new girl. Even though I had always adored Angela, she had mostly been my friend because she was Ben’s girlfriend. After they broke up during the summer between my second and third year at college, Angela and I had started to glide apart when we realized that we didn’t have a lot in common.

Kate and Garrett weren’t as lucky with their relationship. Apparently, they broke up a year ago, but Garrett had now found a new girl named Sadie, whom he was positive he’d marry one day because he thought she was “fucking awesome.”

Since we were already talking about relationships, we just automatically fell into conversation about our own love lives.

“That George person that you talked to yesterday, is he your boyfriend?” His tone was casual, but there was something in his eyes that made me frown. They were too wide and I did not believe for a second that he felt as indifferent about this as he wanted it to seem.

“Yeah, he is. We’ve been together for about five months now.” Maybe I imagined it, but it looked like Edward cringed when I answered his question.

“How’d you meet him?”

I smiled at the memory. “I literally ran into him outside a coffee shop and spilled my coffee all over him. He asked me out, but I turned him down. We became friends as we continued to run into each other.” I deliberately left out the part about us becoming friends with benefits. It didn’t matter that Edward wanted to be my friend again. It would just feel weird to talk to him about that kind of thing. “George always wanted something more, and one day, I didn’t turn him down. Now, here we are, five months later.”

We sat quietly for a few seconds before I asked my own question. “What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” Something twisted in my stomach when I asked, but I couldn’t explain why. It was almost like I didn’t really want to know.

“No. I’m very much single.”

“Why?” I asked even though I suspected I already knew the answer. I hoped I was wrong, though.

“You know why,” Edward said in a whisper, and I had to turn my head away from him.

“Because you’ve been so busy with your studies?” I grasped for straws, even though I knew what it was he was saying.

“Bella,” he said in a tone that made me want to cry. 

It had been in the back of my head ever since I saw him at Esme’s shop. His vow before he left the day of our breakup.

“ _For what it's worth, I'll never stop loving you, Bella. You're it for me. You'll always be.”_

Thinking about his words almost knocked the breath out of me. A knot formed in my stomach and my heart beat painfully in my chest. I closed my eyes to prevent the tears I could feel forming from falling.

I had clung to the hope that he would have moved on, just like I did. It had obviously been in vain.

But who was I trying to kid? Sure, I had George, and I had kind of moved on, but a part of my heart would always beat for Edward. That was just the way it was.

But I was afraid. I was completely terrified of telling Edward that my feelings for him weren’t entirely gone either. He might interpret that as me giving him a second chance, and I was positive that I wouldn’t be able to do that. Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt George. He didn’t deserve it.

Just like Riley didn’t deserve to get hurt, but I’d still broken up with him all those years ago.

Why was it that whenever Edward and I found ourselves in situations like this, one of us or both were always with someone else? Why couldn’t things ever be easy?

I felt how Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Without making me open my eyes, he started to speak.

“I’m sorry, Bella, but you had to know. I still mean every word of what I said that day, and it will never change.”

“I thought you only wanted to be my friend this time around?”

Edward sighed. “I know you never really believed that. I could never be just your friend after what we’ve been through.”

“Please stop,” I whispered.

“No, I won’t stop. You deserve to know the truth, and that you’ll always have another option.”

“I don’t want options. I have George.” My voice still wasn’t much above a whisper.

“But do you love him?” His words caused my tears to finally fall. I couldn’t hold them in anymore. I didn’t even care that we were still sitting in a public café.

“I can’t say that I love him like I did you because I don’t,” I admitted shamefully. What possessed me to even tell Edward this? It would surely only make the situation worse. “But I care for him very deeply and in time, I might learn to love him,” I continued, still without looking at Edward.

“Love is not supposed to be forced, Bella, and you know that,” he said softly.

“Yeah well, letting my heart decide over my head didn’t exactly work out for me in the past, now did it?” I snapped and dried the tears from my cheeks. My words were below the belt, I knew that, but it had to get out.

“Don’t say that. You know that the three years we had were fantastic.”

“That’s true. They were, but they didn’t exactly end happily.”

“That happy ending could still happen.” I looked at him with sad eyes. How could he think that? I heard the hope in his voice, but I couldn’t let that hope grow. The way everything looked between us right now, Edward and I would never get back together.

“I’m sorry, Edward, but no. It won’t happen. That possible ending evaporated when you slept with that girl.” Yeah, I had forgiven him, but it didn’t mean that the images of him with that girl didn’t still plague me at times.

I had turned away from him again, but he placed a hand under my chin to make me look at him. “Bella, how would you react if I told you that I never had sex with that girl?”

I frowned. “What do you mean with that?”

He released my chin and grabbed my hands instead. “I met up with the girl and talked to her the day after we broke up. She told me that nothing happened.”

What did he mean? How could nothing have happened? I saw them with my own eyes. I saw her in his bed, and they were both clearly naked.

Was he trying to trick me into giving him a second chance? Had he already forgotten that I had a boyfriend?

I was so confused, and I didn’t understand.

“I never had sex with that girl, Bella. We shared a few kisses, nothing more.”

“And you believed her when she told you that?” I had to question it. If her words were all he had, I was afraid that it wasn’t enough.

“I couldn’t _not_ believe her.”

“Why not?”

“Because she presented me with medical facts.”

He completely lost me there. Medical facts? What kind of medical facts? What did that have to do with this? “What?”

“Bella, with the amount of alcohol I consumed that night, it would have been scientifically impossible for me to have sex.”

Now I just felt stupid. I still didn’t get it. Was I dumb or something? “I’m sorry, Edward, but I’m seriously not following you right now.”

Edward tightened his hold on my hands and looked me in the eyes. “Bella, I wasn’t able to get hard. The alcohol made it impossible. I’d also like to think that it was because she wasn’t  _you_ .”

I barely heard the last part. My brain stopped functioning the minute I registered what he said.

He didn't get hard. He couldn't have had sex with her. But why were they in bed? Why were they naked if they didn't have sex? I could, however, see in his eyes that he was telling the truth. He admitted that he kissed the girl, but they never had sex. That was still a form of cheating, but I could forgive kissing easier than sex. I mean, who had not done stupid inane things while drunk.

What had I done? Why wasn’t I more interested in finding out what really happened instead of jumping to conclusions?

I was hurt, and Edward thought he'd had sex with that girl as well, so what was I supposed to think?

But he did try to talk to me. He called every day and tried to visit various times, but I always avoided him.

Of course I avoided him. I was upset and had every right to be upset as well!

Had I only let him talk for five minutes, all of this might not have happened.

Yeah, and I’d still be in California as well, working at The Sanger Herald. Just look at what I got from it. I’m a successful crime reporter at one of Chicago’s most bought newspapers.

But to be successful isn’t everything. What would my life have looked like if I’d listened to Edward? I’d still work at a paper probably, but what would my relationship with Edward look like? Would we perhaps be engaged today?

And there I go again with the marriage thoughts. Why am I thinking about that again?

“Bella?” Edward interrupted my inner dialogue. I still didn’t know how to react to what he said.

“Well, there’s not exactly anything we can do about that now.” Was that all I could say?

“What do you mean? Of course we can do something about it. We could try again.” I couldn’t help the irritation I felt. He acted as if George wasn’t even a part of this very complicated equation.

“Edward, did you even listen? I have George now, and I can’t just break up with him for the sake of giving us a second chance. I can’t do that to him. Besides, I don't know if I want to go down that road with you again.”

“But we were so great together,” he insisted. “And you just said yourself that you don’t love him. You would rather stay in a loveless relationship than be with me again?” he continued with a hint of desperation coloring his voice. 

“That’s very selfish of you. You don’t know what my relationship with George will look like in the future. Just because I don’t love him now, it doesn’t mean that I won’t love him in the future. He and I have only been together for five months, after all.”

“We knew we loved each other long before that.” He grasped for straws, and my insides twisted together as I watched his expression.

“That’s true, but we’d known each other for almost twelve years when we got together. That makes it very different.”

“It shouldn’t make a difference. When you love someone, you know it almost right away.”

I buried my head in my hands and looked down at the floor. "Please, Edward. Try to understand how hard this is for me to grasp. For two years, I've been certain that you had sex with that girl, and I was heartbroken for so long. I accepted that there would never be an 'us' in the future, and now, all of a sudden, you tell me that aforementioned sex never happened and that you want us to get together again. I don't think you understand how confusing all this is for me. I need time to process it all."

“I’ll give you all the time you need.” Some people would probably interpret that as very sweet, and it was, but at the same time, it put pressure on me since Edward clearly believed we definitely would be together again.

I needed to be alone, to think everything through thoroughly.

“I think I should go home. I really need to be alone right now. To think.”

“Of course,” he said and got up from the couch and walked to the door. I followed him quietly, still deep in thought.

When we were outside his hotel once again, he turned around to face me and before I was able to register it, he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me. It was quick, but his passion didn’t go unnoticed. I felt it as if it burned me.

Edward leaned away and took a step back. He looked slightly apologetic. “I’m sorry, but if you come to the conclusion that you don’t want anything to do with me, I wanted one last fresh memory to hold on to.”

With those words, he left me stunned and watching him walk away.

 


	23. Chapter 22 Decision

**CHAPTER 22 DECISION**

I walked from the hotel to my car in a daze. My brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

The kiss Edward gave me before he left had awakened something inside me. Something I hadn’t felt in almost three years. He had kissed me with such passion it almost hurt; just like he used to kiss me when we were together. But he hadn’t kissed me like  _that_ since I told him the news about my internship at The Sanger Herald.

George was an unbelievably good kisser, but he had never been able to kiss me the way Edward kissed me just now.

I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and touched my lips. I hadn’t even registered that I was already in my car.

It was a bit scary that Edward still had this effect on me. With just one small kiss, he had me yearning for more. In that moment, all I wanted was to go back to the hotel and find his room.

But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone; not even Edward, since I was still so unsure of my feelings for him.

I was so confused and needed to talk to someone.

No, not someone; I needed to talk to Emmett. He was the only one that would understand my dilemma.

I didn’t look at the clock as I dialed Emmett’s number, so when he answered the phone with a rough voice, I was confused.

“ _Bella, why are you calling me at half past twelve at night?”_

“Sorry, Emmett, but I need to talk.” 

He must have heard in the tone of my voice that it was serious and not just a prank call. I heard him explain to Rosalie in a soft voice that he needed to take the call and that he would go into the next room.

“ _Alright, B, talk to me,”_ he said in a normal tone once he was out of the bedroom.

“What did you and Edward talk about earlier tonight?”

“ _Is that what this call is about?”_ He sounded a bit frustrated, but I needed to know.

“Just answer me,” I pleaded in a weak voice.

Emmett sighed.  _“I asked the guy what he was hoping would happen between you two now that you would live in the same town again. He was honest with me and told me that he would love it if you could try again, but if you couldn’t take that, he would be fine with just being your friend.”_

“Was that all?”

“ _Yes, it was. Now, tell me, little B, what is this all about?”_

I told him everything that happened after he went home and about how confused I felt. I really had no idea what to do, and I needed an outsider’s perspective.

“ _Wow, that’s a lot of information to get in one night.”_ Emmett chuckled, and I was glad he could see the funny side of the situation because I surely couldn’t.

“So what do you think I should do?”

“ _Only you can answer that, B. The answer is probably already there, you just have to really think about it all.”_

I huffed at that. “Thanks for absolutely nothing. That really helps.”

“ _Just tell me something.”_

I rolled my eyes. “Sure.”

“ _Even if you decide you don't want to be with Edward again, can you see yourself marrying George and having kids with him? If not, well, I think you know what I would advise you to do.”_

I was quiet while I went over his words in my head. I wasn’t madly in love with George, and I’d always seen our relationship as something rather casual. It could probably develop in the next few months, but I just couldn’t see myself putting in the effort.

“Why are you talking about the future as if I have to decide that now?”

He sighed.  _“You’re twenty-four, this is the time you’re supposed to start thinking about the future. From now on, there won’t be anything called casual flings. It doesn’t matter if you try to convince yourself that you could have one-night stands until the day you die. You’ll always yearn for a deeper connection.”_

I hated that he was right. In any other situation, I probably would have made a joke by asking him if he was calling me old, but we both knew that this wasn’t one of those times. “Since when did you get so smart?”

“ _Since my supposed casual fling accepted to become my wife,”_ he said without hesitating. _“I don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on you or anything, but you need to make a decision. For everyone’s sake, but especially for George’s because I have a feeling he’ll be the one to draw the shortest straw.”_

I wanted to protest against what he said, but something in me prevented from doing that. I just couldn’t lie to Emmett. It was physically impossible.

“ _Edward’s admitted to both of us that he still loves you, but I think the real question here is, do you still love him?”_ I didn’t answer, but Emmett didn’t need me to. He knew I was listening. _“Take a few days to think about it all. Don’t talk to Edward and don’t talk George. Just be alone and think, okay?”_

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Okay,” I said softly. He’d definitely given me a lot to think about.

“ _Right. Talk to you later, little B.”_

“Bye, Em.” We hang up and I slumped back into the seat. I’d been talking to Emmett for almost ninety minutes, but I was still in my car. I hadn’t even started the engine.

On the drive home, I went through the night in my head. I couldn’t believe how drastically my everyday life could change in the course of a few hours.

I also thought about what Emmett said. Was I still in love with Edward?

I wasn't sure. I still had feelings for him, I had never denied that, but I was terrified of calling it love. I was so confused because, before tonight, I would have said that I wouldn't be able to trust him with my heart again. I still felt hurt that he'd kissed the girl, but in my book, kisses could be forgiven, sex could not.

If I gave him a second chance, could I trust him to not hurt me again?

No matter what happened in our past, Edward had never intentionally hurt me, and those few times he did hurt me, it wasn’t his fault. Things happen in life, things we had no control over, and sometimes people ended up hurt. That was just life.

What Edward told me tonight made sense because Edward wasn’t a cheater. He just wasn’t the kind of person to make irrational decisions. He always thought things through before acting, and when he acted, he really talked about it; how he felt and put all the cards on the table.

The only time he hadn’t done that was when it came to his feelings for me in high school, but that was different. He used to be so insecure, but he had changed since then.

I was the one that made the irrational decisions. When we fought about my internship, I was the one that said I wanted a break. When I saw Edward in bed with that girl, I was the one that ran away instead of confronting him. When we talked for hours the day of our breakup, I was the one who ended it all. Edward didn’t do any of those things; I did.

With this new revelation, I could see that every decision he made that night was so that he could ease the pain I’m sure he felt.

He had kissed another girl, but that was it. He didn't have sex with her.

When I found him in bed with said girl, he did run after me so that he could fix it all and talk to me. Edward had never done anything but to try to fix things when they went wrong between us.

Could I trust that Edward would never allow anything as stupid as alcohol cloud his judgment like that again? Could I trust that he wouldn't seek comfort with another woman the next time we fought?

Yes, I wanted to believe that I could.

Did I still love him?

My heart started to beat faster at the mere thought. It already knew whom it belonged to and it wasn’t George.

Was that why I’d never been able to really make an effort when it came to my and George’s relationship? Because my heart belonged to someone else?

I guess that was logical, but it didn’t matter what my heart and body told me. My mind was still terrified of what would happen. Now that I’d realized how I felt, what would I do with the information?

Break it off with George, hurt him like hell, and just get on with my life with Edward or try to forget my feelings for Edward and build a life with George?

Why was I always faced with these fucking hard decisions?

**~~LiS~~**

During the week that followed, I avoided both Edward and George. It was very unfair toward George since he didn’t even know about Edward, but I needed to be alone and not be influenced by their presence.

I had to make a choice and all of the thinking affected my work. My research took longer and it was close that I didn’t make the deadline for the article Emmett wanted me to write. I hated that I was so easily distracted. I wished terribly that I would have been able to just detach myself from my personal life while I was working, but sadly enough, I’d never been able to do that.

Edward didn’t try to contact me once after that night. He did exactly like he promised. He gave me the time I needed; gave me space.

George, on the other hand, called every night, texted me, and tried to meet me at work, but I always told him I was busy. I knew that I really should explain everything to him, but I dreaded the conversation.

Early on Friday, Emmett sent me home and told me that I was of no use while I was like this. He said that he would talk to our boss and that I should take a short vacation while I figured stuff out.

I thought hard about his suggestion. Not once in two years had I taken a vacation, which meant that I had a few weeks at my disposal.

But then I got angry. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I need to take a vacation just so that I could come to a decision? To some people, the choice would have been obvious, but it’s always easier to be a spectator than being in the situation yourself.

It was on the evening of Saturday when Rosalie knocked furiously on my door. I was at home, reading a book, hoping that it would distract me for a few hours.

When I opened the door, I was met with Rosalie’s angry glare.

“What the fuck do you think you’re up to?” She stormed inside and started to pace the hallway.

“Hello to you too, Rosalie. No, I’m not busy. C’mon in.”

“Don’t you try to make a joke with me, Swan,” she warned me through clenched teeth. I’d never seen Rosalie this angry before, and frankly, she kind of scared me.

“Ouch. Since when do you call me Swan?”

“Since you decided to start avoiding my brother. What’s up with that? Do you have any idea of how anxious he is? He thinks you’re going to break up with him!”

I looked down at my feet. I couldn’t meet her gaze, I was too ashamed.

She gasped. “You are! Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I whispered almost inaudibly.

“What?”

“No…”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know!” I threw my hands out in frustration and went to the kitchen. I needed a glass of water.

“Explain please.”

“It’s very complicated.”

“I have time.” Rosalie sat down by the table, crossed her arms, and looked at me expectantly. Why didn’t I think about Rosalie? She was fiercely protective of her brother.

“Fine, but I’m going to need something stronger than water…do you want a beer?” I asked and went to the fridge.

“Do you have any wine?”

“Sorry. I don’t drink wine.”

“A beer will be fine.”

I sat down opposite of Rosalie and sighed. “I don’t really know where to begin.”

“Do you want me to be cliché and tell you to start at the beginning?”

I laughed at that and ran my hand through my hair. “Okay, how much do you know about my college boyfriend?”

“Not much. Just that you had a boyfriend for three years and then he cheated on you during senior year. Also that you left as soon as you graduated and moved here.”

“Well, there’s a lot more to it than that.”

“Hit me with it.” She took a sip from her bottle and leaned back as if to make herself more comfortable.

I sighed again. This was going to be a long night. “I was eight when a family moved to the town I grew up in. The family had two kids my age; twins, one boy, and one girl. When they enrolled in my elementary school, the boy and I instantly clicked and became best friends.”

“What does this have to do with your college boyfriend?”

“Please don’t interrupt me. I’ll get to that point.”

“Sorry. Keep going.”

“This boy, Edward’s his name, and I stayed friends during our entire childhood and through high school as well. We did everything together. In senior year, I got my first real boyfriend and Edward reacted very strongly to that. I didn’t understand why until graduation. That was when I found out that Edward was in love with me and had been in love with me since sixth grade.”

Rosalie’s eyes widened. “Wow, that’s a long time.”

“Yeah, well when I found out, I soon realized that I had feelings for him as well and that Christmas, when we were home from college, Edward and I revealed our feelings to each other. I had already broken up with my boyfriend and only a week later Edward and I become a couple.”

“So this Edward was your college boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

Rosalie nodded for me to continue.

“So Edward and I got together and for three years, everything was just great up until I got an internship at the local newspaper. One night, Edward and I had this huge fight. I don’t really remember what happened, just that we were both really angry. I guess I was madder than he was. The fight ended with me telling him that I wanted us to take a break. Edward got really upset and left. His sister, who was my roommate at the time, made me see sense and I tried to call him only fifteen minutes after he left, but I couldn’t get a hold of him.”

“Why?” Rosalie asked, completely engaged with my story. Who would have thought she’d think my life was that intriguing? 

“He had turned his phone off. The next morning, I tried to find him because I still couldn’t get a hold of him, so I drove to his house. There had been a party there the night before, and it was insane how that place looked when I arrived. I found one of his roommates and he told me that he thought Edward was up in his room. I went up there and I found Edward in bed with another girl. The rest you know. I broke up with Edward and left town as soon as I got a job here in Chicago.” I downed the rest of my beer and went for another one.

“What does any of this have to do with George? None of it sounded all that complicated either.”

“No, the complicated part starts here.”

“Alright.”

“I haven’t had any contact at all with Edward or his sister since I left, but a week ago I met them here in Chicago. They’re going to move here because their mother’s expanding her flower shop and Alice, Edward’s sister, is going to be the manager. Edward’s law firm also has an office here and they offered him a position here instead of back in California. We decided to meet and catch up since we hadn’t talked for two years.”

“Wait,” Rosalie said to stop me. “You just started to talk to him again? After everything he did to you?”

“I forgave him a long time ago. I just never told him that. Anyway, at the end of the night, Alice went back to their hotel, and Edward and I decided that we didn’t want to separate just yet, so we went out for coffee.”

“When will the complicated part start?”

I narrowed my eyes at Rosalie, and she held up her hands to show that she wouldn’t interrupt again.

“We sat down and started talking about all kinds of things. Somehow, it came out that Edward is still in love with me and he wants to try again. I wouldn't even consider it if it wasn't for the fact that he told me that what I thought happened between him and the girl I found him with never actually did."

“What?”

I nodded and continued. “He told me that he’d been drinking too much that night to even be able to have sex.”

“But why didn’t he tell you back then?”

“I never let him. I refused to listen.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so now you see why I’ve been the way I’ve been. I’ve come to the point where I’ve realized that I still love Edward, but I don’t want to hurt George.”

“Yeah, I totally understand the complicated situation now.”

Rosalie and I were quiet for a while, but then she broke the silence. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

“Yes, please.”

“Bella, I love my brother very much, and I’ve always wanted him to find love. I thought he’d found it with you. He’s always so happy when he’s around you. But I can see now that your heart is not a hundred percent into this and with good reason. You’ve got someone that you love, someone you’ve known for a very long time. You’ve got a history together, and I can see when you talk of him that you won’t ever be able to let him go. So for the sake of my brother, I say that you should break up with him.”

My eyes widened in shock.

I never thought Rosalie would say that I should pick Edward over her brother.

She was right, though. My heart would never be a hundred percent into a relationship that wasn’t with Edward.

“Bella, you’ve found something other women dream of their entire life. You’ve found a guy that won’t let time cool down his feelings for you, even though you were several hundred miles apart. That’s very admirable. Don’t throw something like that away. I was lucky and found my love. You deserve to be with your love as well even though he’s not my brother.”

Tears welled in my eyes, and I got up from my seat and walked around the table so that I could hug Rosalie. “Thank you so much, Rosalie; for understanding. I really hope George will understand as well.”

“He might be a little hard-headed at first, but he’ll understand eventually. I promise.”

 


	24. Chapter 23 More Than A Kiss

**CHAPTER 23 MORE THAN A KISS**

“I don’t understand. I thought what we had was mutual. I thought this relationship was going somewhere, and now, all of a sudden, you’re breaking up with me?”

I buried my face in my hands as I tried to come up with a good way to explain.

I couldn’t find one.

George and I were at the Starbucks that was right around the corner from  _The Herald_ . I’d told him in a text that I needed to meet him there at lunch. 

When we were sitting down, he’d surprised me by not reacting strongly toward the words: “we need to talk.” He’d just nodded, said okay and waited for me to start.

“George, I…it’s just that…I just…Oh god! I can’t explain it.”

“Try.” He was getting angry and that was actually a relief. Anger I could take. Hurt; not so much.

I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts the best way I could. “I just don’t feel as strongly for you as you seem to feel for me.”

“So you mean that these past five months have only been some kind of a _fling_ for you?”

“No, George. I don’t mean it like that, and you know it.”

George rubbed his hand over his face and then locked his eyes with mine. “Tell me the real reason, Bella.”

“That is the…”

“You can’t lie to me, so don’t even try.”

I felt very uncomfortable underneath his gaze, but I thought that I could, at least, give him the truth. “My ex is in town. I met up with him a week ago, and I realized that I’m still in love with him.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “You mean the scumbag that broke your heart by having sex with another woman?”

“Don’t call him that! You don’t know him.”

“And you do!?”

People began looking at us when George raised his voice and a blush started to burn my cheeks. I should have understood that one couldn’t have this kind of conversation out in public. I was foolish enough to believe that George would show some kind of tact and keep calm since we were out amongst people.

“George, please lower your voice.”

He frowned and looked around. A couple in their thirties averted their eyes when he looked at them. He looked back at me, “Well? Are you going to answer my question? Do you believe that you know him? He hurt you once; he could very well do it again.”

I was starting to get irritated with him, and I raised my chin in a childish act of defiance. Nobody could question how well I knew Edward. “He won’t do that because yes, I do know him. He used to be my best friend. We grew up together.”

“And you’re still giving him another chance? Not only did he cheat on his girlfriend, he also hurt his best friend. What kind of sick fuck is he?”

“Shut up. He never did what you're accusing him of, okay," I snapped at him.

He looked skeptical. “Oh, really? Did  _he_ tell you that?”

I shrugged. “So what if he did.”

He shook his head as if he was disappointed in me. “You are more naïve than I thought,” he said, and I felt my anger flare up.

“What the hell do you mean with that?”

George sighed. “Of course he would tell you that if it meant that he would get you back. Guys are jerks, it’s a known fact.”

“Edward would never lie to me about something like that,” I said with strong conviction in my voice. I knew that what he told me was true while George knew shit.

“His name’s Edward?”

I didn’t like his tone one bit. “Yeah, so?”

“Kind of an old fashioned name, don’t you think?” He had this weird little smile on his lips as he said this and the feeling it created in my stomach wasn’t pleasant.

“What does his name have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I just wondered if I should stop calling you Bella and start with Isabella instead. So what? This guy courted you, but you weren’t ready for the holy matrimony, so you decided to try your wings, but now that he’s back and ready to fight for your virtue, you welcome him with open arms?!”

“What the hell is wrong with you, George?”

“A bestselling story. I can see it in front of me now _‘Lady Isabella’_ by George Hale.”

His talking really got on my nerves, but it couldn’t really justify what I did next, even though it felt really good to do it.

Suddenly, I threw the ice water I had in front of me right in George’s face. “Fuck you, George!” Then I walked out of there without so much as looking over my shoulder.

**~~LiS~~**

I sat at my computer, typing furiously on the keyboard when Rosalie came in. She saw me and walked up to my desk. "Hey, Bella, have you seen Emmett? He was supposed to meet me twenty-five minutes ago."

“I think he’s in the archive room,” I said without averting my gaze from the screen.

“Thanks.” Rosalie looked at me with a concerned look on her face. “You okay?”

“Not really.” I got up and walked to the printer to fetch the article I’d just written.

“Why? What happened?” She followed me as I went to my boss’s room.

“Your asshole of a brother happened.” I put the article on her assistant’s desk and went back to my own. I couldn’t stop moving or I would explode. I was _that_ livid. 

Who was he to think he could belittle Edward and me like that? George knew  _nothing_ .

“What? What did he do?”

“Don’t want to talk about it.”

Emmett decided to show then. Sometimes he had the best timing, and I loved him for it.

“Oh shit,” he said and looked at the clock. “Rose, baby, I’m so sorry, I forgot. I’ll get my coat right away.”

Emmett dragged Rosalie out of there only seconds later, and I exhaled and leaned back in my chair. I was suddenly very tired and my head was pounding with the beginning of a headache.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was time for me to take my pills. I popped one in my mouth and downed it with the coffee I had on my desk.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear Alice approach me, so when she put her hand on my shoulder, I almost screamed until I saw that it was her.

“Take it easy there. It’s just me.”

I put my hand over my thundering heart. “Alice, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry about that.” She didn’t look all that apologetic.

“No, it’s fine. What are you doing here?”

“I just thought I’d check to see if you were done for the day and wanted to go out.”

I thought about it. It was exactly what I needed right now. “I’d love to go out.”

“Great! I’ll let you collect your stuff and see you outside.”

“Sure.”

When I met Alice outside, she was standing with a cigarette in her hand. “Since when do you smoke?” I asked, and she turned around toward me, looking kind of sheepish.

“Since about six months.”

“Well, you should stop. Smoking isn’t good for you.”

“I know that. It’s a bad habit, that’s all.”

She stubbed the cigarette out and when she looked up, she almost dropped her chin. She was looking over my shoulder at something. I turned around to see what it was.

The only thing I could see was the guy up on level four. That was the level for all the boss's offices. I had only seen him once or twice, and I believed he was one of the owners of the paper, but I wasn't sure. I had never really registered his name—it was very rare for him to be at the paper—but I was sure that if I asked Emmett, he'd know the name.

“Who _is_ that man?” Alice asked with a low voice. I turned back toward her and saw that she still had her mouth open, and her eyes were big as saucers. 

I put my hand underneath her chin and closed her mouth. She woke from her trance and looked at me, suddenly very embarrassed. “I don’t know his name, but he’s one of the owners of the paper.”

“He’s gorgeous,” Alice said, and she quickly averted her eyes when he looked our way. He started to walk in our direction, and she made a weird squeaky sound.

“Miss Swan,” he said with a noticeable Southern accent, and I felt like shit now that I didn’t know his name when he clearly knew mine.

“Sir." I nodded at him. He turned his gaze to Alice, and she swallowed before she looked into his eyes.

“Miss,” he greeted her with a smile, walked past us, and rounded the corner.

Alice, unable to speak just looked after him.

I knew that she could easily stand like that for hours if I let her, so I grabbed her arm and dragged her to my car.

When we were inside, she turned to me. “I’ve dreamt of that man.”

I laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. You just met him today.”

“I’m serious. I dreamt of him, and when I woke up I almost cried because I knew he wasn’t real.”

I watched her for a few seconds to see if she was telling the truth. “You’re serious?”

“Yes!” She looked out through the windshield and toward the corner where he disappeared. “I have to meet him.”

I didn’t answer her because I didn’t know how.

Luckily, Alice became herself when we arrived at my apartment. I wanted to shower and get into a different set of clothes before we went out.

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“I found an apartment,” Alice said and grinned.

“You did? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, and I just have one small question for you.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you want to be my roommate?”

“What?” I whirled around and looked at her.

“The apartment I found has two bedrooms. It’s not that I can’t afford the rent because you know I can, but it would be so great to live with you again. I miss living with you.”

“Aw, Alice, I miss living with you too, but I kind of like my own place.”

“I get that, but listen here. This apartment is so much closer to work. You wouldn’t even have to take the car if you don’t want. It’s bigger than this place, and if we split the rent, you would only have to pay twenty dollars more than you already do. Besides, you earn a lot more than you did when you first moved here.”

It was true what she was saying, but I loved my apartment. It was the first thing that was mine. My dad had bought my car for me, so I didn’t really consider that as something I got on my own. But this apartment was mine.

I could see the pros, though. My car was very expensive, and I wasn’t even going to mention the mileage. If I could skip my car from time to time, I would save loads of money.

I looked at Alice and saw that she was looking at me with her puppy dog eyes. “I’ll think about it,” I said, and she flew up from her seat and threw her arms around my neck. It was so easy to please Alice.

**~~LiS~~**

_Just call him!_

It had been a week since I broke up with George, and I had yet to talk with Edward.

I was trying to work up the nerve to call him, but it was difficult.

_Call him! Call him_ now!

What was I supposed to tell him anyway? That George was now out of the way so it was okay for us to start where we left off? No!

I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to pick up where we so-called “left off.”

It had been two years since we had been that close to each other, and right now, I felt that I wanted to take it slow with him. Test the waters and see if I would actually be able to be with him like that because even though I now knew that he’d never cheated on me, I still had those mental pictures of him with that girl in my head.

_Call him already!_

Before I was able to hesitate, I pressed the green little phone on the screen and called. He picked up after only three rings.

“Bella?”

“Hi, Edward.”

I heard him sigh. “You wouldn’t believe how happy I am to hear your voice.”

I wanted to say likewise, but I didn’t. “Uhm…would you mind coming over?”

“I’ll be right there.” He hung up before I had the chance to say anything else. He hadn’t even gotten the directions to my apartment, so I quickly sent him a text with those. 

I put the phone down and looked around the room. This would be the first time Edward would be at my place, and I was happy that I was at least somewhat tidy. That way I wouldn’t have to clean. But I needed something to do while I waited for Edward. I decided a shower and change of clothes would have to do.

I was combing through my wet hair when the doorbell rang. I was wearing black skinny jeans and a white shirt with rolled up sleeves. My feet were bare and I had no makeup, but I didn’t really care if Edward saw me like this. He’d seen me in a lot worse.

I opened the door and there was Edward. He was dressed a lot more casual than I’d seen him since he came to Chicago. He looked more like the Edward from two years ago and that made me more nervous somehow.

My heart sped up when I thought of the reason that I’d invited him over.

“Hey. Come on in.”

“Thanks.”

“You hungry or thirsty? Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you.”

I was leaning with my back against the counter, looking at anything but him. I didn’t know how to start and things were getting awkward fast.

“So why did you invite me over?” 

I looked up and met his green eyes. He could clearly see that I was nervous, so he walked up to me. I swallowed thickly when he was close enough for me to feel his body heat.

“I guess that you have come to a decision then.” 

I nodded but didn’t say anything. Edward took a step forward, almost causing our bodies to touch. And I wasn’t protesting. I actually found myself thinking that I wanted him closer.

“So what did you come up with?” His voice was low and almost husky. It triggered memories of other times when he spoke like that to me.

I shifted my weight over to my other foot and bent my knee. The action caused my leg to touch his, and I saw Edward’s eyes travel between my eyes and lips. My heart started to beat even faster. I was sure he could hear it.

“I…” My voice was only a whisper and I cleared my throat. “I broke up with George.”

He took another step forward and placed his hands on either side of me. I was completely trapped. “And what about us?” His voice was definitely husky now, and my insides clenched in a pleasurable way.

“I-I want to give us another try.” How he even heard me was a mystery, but he sure did.

“Oh thank god,” he said before trapping my face between his hands and crashing his lips onto mine. He took the last step needed for him to be completely flush against my body.

The feeling of his body against mine made my mind cloudy. I could feel every part of him as well as the edge of the counter against my lower back. But I liked it. Edward had never been one to lose control. The only time that had happened was the first time we ever had sex, so this new side of Edward excited me.

I hadn’t planned for things to happen this way, but I couldn’t find it in me to stop. Why didn’t I want this to happen anyway? Everything Edward did felt so good.

His hands let go of my face, traced over my shoulders and down my arms until they reached my hands.

When he pushed his tongue inside my mouth, I couldn’t stop the moan from escaping me. Everything faded into the background. My apartment could have been set on fire and I wouldn’t have noticed. My focal point was solely on Edward’s mouth as it moved in harmony with mine.

I pulled my hands out of his grasp to throw them around his neck. The need I felt to be closer to him was about to consume me completely. He was already as close as he could be, but I wanted him closer still.

Edward placed his hands on my hips and pressed our lower bodies tightly against each other, which caused me to feel him harden against my stomach.

I was panting heavily, and I wasn’t completely sure, but I think I moaned out his name.

He must have taken it as encouragement because his hands went from my hips, over my ass, and settled on the backs of my thighs. I squealed when he suddenly grabbed me and made me sit on the counter before standing between my legs.

I scooted forward so that there would be no air between us.

Our lips had disconnected for a second when I was sitting on the counter, and during that second, I saw something in Edward’s eyes that made my lower muscles clench.

It had been pure, animalistic possessiveness.

I didn’t understand how my desire for him could inflame from absolutely nothing. Everything in my body told me that I wanted him right now. My mind was just a big fuzzy mess, so there wasn’t any idea in trying to listen to that.

Edward kissed my neck and nibbled on my collarbone, and I was a goner. There was no going back now, so when he started to unbutton my shirt, I didn’t protest or try to stop him.

I wanted him, plain and simple, and right now, I would get what I wanted.

**~~LiS~~**

When I woke in the morning with an arm around me that wasn’t George’s, I had to think back on the night before so that my brain could catch up on what was happening. My own hand was entwined with the man’s and I could feel his hot breath on my neck.

The man stirred behind me and moaned lowly. I recognized that moan. I’d heard it several times before. It caused memories from the previous night to crash into me.

Edward kissing me in the kitchen, standing between my legs and pushing his erection against my aching center.

Clothes being shed on the way to my bedroom; breathy moans and cries of ecstasy when he entered me for the first time in over two years.

It was Edward. I had sex with Edward last night.

He moved behind me again, and this time I was positive that he was about to wake up. His arm tightened around me and his breathing became shallower.

I knew the exact second when he realized what had happened between us because his grip loosened a bit and he exhaled sharply against my neck. Other than that, he was completely still.

Without a word, I untangled myself from him and sat up to lean against the headboard. I looked down at Edward and saw that he had rolled over on his back and was hiding his face with his hands. He was shaking his head back and forth and was mumbling something I couldn’t hear.

I didn’t know what to say—I was completely speechless and my thoughts were all over the place.

This was not how I wanted things to go between us. I had planned on telling him that I wanted to take things slow after letting him know that I wanted to give us another try, but I never got to that part. His kiss had made all rational thought to fly out the window.

Now, this had happened and it could possibly ruin everything.

Edward’s hand pried the cover that I’d unconsciously been playing with from my hands before I destroyed it. He had also straightened up to lean against the headboard and be level with me.

When I saw his naked chest, additional memories entered my mind.

I’d gotten surprised when I’d seen his considerably more toned chest. His entire torso was more muscular, and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from running my hands all over him.

I could also remember how I’d raked my nails over his back when his hips thrust against mine in a sinful but wonderful rhythm. My action had elicited a loud groan from him.

“Bella?” His voice was rough from sleep and my breathing sped up. I didn’t answer him, but he knew that I was listening. “You regret it, don’t you?”

I looked at his face then. There was hurt in his voice and I had to check if he wore that expression on his face as well. He looked scared, sad, hurt, and there was a hint of anger in his eyes.

I gently placed my hand on his cheek and traced my thumb over his cheekbone. I slowly leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn’t a kiss fueled by desire. It was a kiss of reassurance.

“I don’t regret what we did, Edward. Never believe that I would regret it. I just wish that it hadn’t happened so fast.”

His eyes looked back and forth between mine, searching for something. I didn’t know what he was searching for, but he must have found it because he wound his arms around me and hugged me close to his chest. My ear was right above his heart and I heard it thundering inside his ribcage. It comforted me as it made me realize that he was just as nervous as I was.

“Last night I wanted to tell you that I want to take this slow,” I said against his chest. “I don’t know about you, but I need to get reacquainted with my feelings.”

“I understand that, even though I don’t have to do that myself.”

I looked up at him in wonder. “Are you serious when you mean that you haven’t been with anyone since you were with me?”

“I’m dead serious. Our relationship changed the way I look at love, and I didn’t want to go back. As I told you: you’re it for me and you always will be.”

I kissed him again, neither of us pulling away this time.

The feeling of Edward’s lips on mine was so powerful. I had missed that feeling. My entire body warmed up from it. It radiated from my lips and down to my toes.

The kiss was interrupted by my phone ringing. I jumped slightly when the shrill signal disturbed our peace. I looked over my shoulder at the offending piece of plastic and was about to reach for it when Edward stopped me.

“Don’t answer it. Please.” He pleaded with his eyes, but I couldn’t fall for it.

“I have to. It might be work.” Edward reluctantly let go of me, and I answered the phone. “Bella here.”

“ _Bella, I’m right down the road so you better be dressed and ready when I get there,”_ Alice’s voice said in my ear.

“Alice? Wh-what are you talking about?” I was confused. Why was Alice on her way over?

Then the panic set in. Alice was down the road, and I was naked in bed with her very much naked brother.

“ _Oh c’mon, Bella, don’t tell me you forgot. We said that you would come with me to the apartment today so you could look at it before you decided.”_

“Shit! Right, right I-I remember now. I’m so sorry, Alice. I’ll get ready as fast as I can.” I hung up and turned to Edward. He looked slightly confused. “You need to get dressed right now,” I said and flew out of bed. I didn’t care if Alice found out what Edward and I did last night, she would only be happy for us, but I’d rather not for her to see us naked together.

“What? Bella, what’s going on?” he asked but still reached for his boxers and put them on.

“Your sister’s only two minutes away and unless you want to show her everything that you showed me last night, you better get dressed right this minute. I have to take a shower.” I walked up to Edward. “If the doorbell rings before I’m done, it’s Alice so you can just let her in.” I gave him a quick kiss before going into the bathroom. 

I believe I took the quickest shower in the history of time, but Alice still beat me. I could hear her talking to Edward outside in the hall.

“ _Edward? What are you doing here?”_

“ _I’m visiting Bella.”_

There was a slight pause and then…

“ _Oh my god! You totally had sex last night, didn’t you?!”_

Damn that girl could talk loud. I quickly got dressed so I could save Edward. When I came into view in the hall, Alice’s eyes averted from Edward to me and her expression was priceless. It was a mixture of shock, elation, and surprise. She pushed past Edward and went up to me. A grin formed on her lips.

“Is it true?”

I exchanged a look with Edward behind her before I gave her a small smile. She squealed and threw her arms around my neck. “Oh! This is so great! I-I-I…I’m speechless!”

“That must be a first,” Edward said, and Alice turned toward him and hit his chest. 

“Shut up! I’m happy for you, here!” Edward rubbed the spot where Alice hit him and laughed.

“Yes, Alice, I understood that.”

It felt so good to hear him laugh like that. It was carefree and liberating.

“Well anyway, I’m ready to go,” I told Alice and reached for my coat.

“Right! Okay, I’ll start the car.” She skipped out of the door, and I turned to Edward. 

“Do you want to come with us?”

“Where are you going?”

“Alice asked me if I wanted to be her roommate in her new apartment. I said I wanted to see it first before deciding anything so we’re going there right now.”

Edward smiled his crooked smile and pecked my lips. “I’d love to go with you.”

 


	25. Chapter 24 Better Together

**CHAPTER 24 BETTER TOGETHER**

I was walking through the spacious apartment and couldn’t deny that I had fallen in love. It was beautiful; light and open with glass windows in the living room that went from floor to ceiling.

The bedrooms were more toward the smaller size, but I liked it. Bedrooms were only supposed to be the place where you slept—and maybe practice other nightly activities—as well as storing your clothes. The rest of your shit you could spread around in the other rooms.

Each bedroom had its own bathroom—also small—and there was a third slightly larger bathroom next to the office where guests could go.

The apartment had a total of seven rooms. The front door led you directly into the living room/kitchen and to the right, there was a corridor with four doors. The first one on the left side led to the “guest” bathroom and the next also on the left was the office.

On the right side were the two bedrooms with their respective bathrooms.

As I looked around, I found myself thinking of how I could see myself living in this apartment. It was only four blocks from  _The Herald_ and everything just called out to me. Besides, eighteen-hundred a month for this place was like stealing, according to me.

I loved it. I absolutely  _loved_ it.

I looked out the window in one of the bedrooms and fell in love with the view. If I moved in here, this would definitely be my room.

Edward stood next to me, holding my hand. He had refused to let go since we left my place. Not that I was complaining. I liked the warmth his hand provided.

“So what do you think?” Alice came into the room and looked at me expectantly.

“Well…” I pretended to think about it. I was already sold. “I’ll move in if”—Alice squealed in delight—“ _if_ I get to choose which room I want first,” I said with a wink.

Alice laughed and started to jump up and down. “Oh, Bella, you won’t regret this!”

“I know I won’t. And I want this room by the way.” I looked around the room and smiled.

“I’ll go sign the contract right away!” Alice ran out of the room and left me alone with Edward. I sighed with contentment.

Edward tugged on my hand to get my attention, and I turned to look at him.

“You have no idea how happy I am right now,” he said and spun me in a circle.

I laughed out loud. “You’re right, I don’t. But I do know how happy  _I_ am.”

Edward pulled me closer and placed both of his hands on my face before he leaned down and kissed me. I couldn’t understand how I was ever able to let this man go. I must have had a temporary case of insanity.

I pulled away. “I don’t want to make this awkward or anything, but I just can’t believe that you didn’t see anyone for two years. There must have been someone, right?” This was something I’d thought of the entire morning. With Edward’s looks and personality, it was a miracle that he’d stayed single, and I didn’t believe in miracles.

“I tried going on a few dates, but never went past the second date. I found myself comparing every woman with you and no one came even close. Those few times where it became a second date, it was mostly because I felt sorry for the woman and tried to give her another chance. It just didn’t work for me.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“How long did it take before you tried dating again?” I needed to know this because it would make me feel shitty if I _“moved on”_ before him.

“The first date I was out on was in November last year.”

“Oh.” I didn’t mean for it to come out as if I was hurt by the answer because I wasn’t, but it came out sounding exactly like that. I was flattered that it took him eighteen months after our breakup to date again.

“When exactly did your relationship with George change?” I gritted my teeth when I heard his name. I wasn’t happy with George, and I’d ignored all of the calls he’d made during the last week. I didn’t want to talk to him. He burned all of his bridges when he showed his true colors.

I hesitated a little. I wanted to tell Edward everything that had been going on in my life, but I didn’t know how he would take the information about George being my fuck buddy for three months before we started dating.

Edward saw my hesitation and sighed. “It can’t be that bad, Bella. Just tell me.”

“Do you remember that I told you that I met George about a year after I moved here and that he immediately asked me out?”

“So you did go with him then.” It wasn’t a question. More like a confirmation, and I looked up at him with my brows furrowed in question. “I suspected that you left something out when you told me the first time.”

“It’s true that I did leave something out, but that wasn’t it because I didn’t go out with him then. I told you the truth when I said that I turned him down,” I said. “Do you know why I turned him down?”

“No, why?”

I ran my hand through his hair and let my hand linger on the hair at the nape of his neck. “I told him that I wasn’t over my last boyfriend yet.”

Edward didn’t say anything. He just looked at me with pure love glowing in his eyes. It almost made me breathless.

“To tell you the truth, Edward, I don’t think I ever got over you completely. I think because you weren’t present in my life, I was able to bury my feelings, but now that you’re back they’ve resurfaced.”

“I’m glad. So what exactly was it that you left out if it wasn’t when you started to go out with George?”

Here goes nothing. I looked down at my feet as I was unable to meet his gaze. “I left out the details of mine and George’s relationship before we started dating.”

“What kind of details?”

I felt a blush burn on my cheeks and my mind screamed at me to stop being such a prude. Hell, what happened to the confident woman I was when I was with George? With him, I was always joking about sex and sexual innuendo. He and I had explored sex in ways many couples can’t say that they have. I had to pull that confident woman out again.

“You’re blushing?” Edward asked, and I took a deep breath before looking him straight in the eyes.

“George and I started dating in November last year, but before that, our relationship wasn’t only about friendship. George and I were what you would call ‘Friends with Benefits’.”

There. I said it. No going back now. How was he going to take it?

I saw how his jaw tensed slightly and understood that he didn’t like it. I can’t exactly say that I would be thrilled to hear if he’d been the one that had been having lots of sex with another woman.

But then… _then_ a smile broke out on his face and he started to chuckle.

“What?” What could he possibly be laughing at?

“Sorry. I just never thought that I’d see the day when Bella Swan took herself a fuck buddy.”

I was so relieved that he wasn’t mad, but I still wondered what he meant by that. “Why?”

“It just doesn't fit the description of the Bella you were. In high school, I can't exactly say that you were a prude, but you were without a doubt the most prudish friend I had. In college, you let go a little, but you still thought sex something to keep behind closed doors."

“Seriously? Was I that bad? I don’t remember that.” I really didn’t. It felt like an entire lifetime ago that I was that girl.

“You weren’t bad. I liked you the way you were, and I like you the way you are now as well.”

“So it doesn’t bother you?”

“I’m not exactly thrilled with the thought of you being with another man, but I didn’t have a claim over you back then.”

“Oh, so you say you have a claim over me now?” I couldn’t help but tease him. He totally left that one open for me, and I couldn’t resist.

So fast that I didn’t have time to react, Edward grabbed me and made me dip. Keeping me in that position, he leaned down and whispered in my ear. “You bet I do.”

I shivered. Apparently, I wasn't the only one that had changed. Edward had definitely changed into a man with a more possessive nature and it excited me.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. You’ll come to learn, Ms. Swan that I’m not so keen on sharing.”

“Mmhm, I kind of like that thought.”

“Good.” He started to kiss my neck, and I had to hold back a moan. But we were supposed to be taking it easy, so I stopped him.

“Edward?”

“Mmhm?”

“We are supposed to be taking it slow, remember?”

He inhaled deeply and righted me so that I was standing again. “I never made such a promise, but since I am a gentleman I will respect your wishes.”

“Thank you.”

**~~LiS~~**

Two weeks later, all the necessary paperwork was done. My and Alice's name was on the contract, my old apartment was back up for rent, and Alice had officially moved in.

A week ago, she rented this unnecessarily expensive moving company to drive all of her stuff from Forks to Chicago. This weekend, we were getting all of my stuff over from the old apartment to the new one.

I had already packed and unpacked most of my things. The only things left were my bed, the few clothes I still had in the wardrobe, my hygiene articles in the bathroom, and my coffee machine. Otherwise, everything was here.

So next weekend, we would have a small home-warming party. Nothing big, it was only going to be me, Alice, Edward, Esme, and Carlisle—they were still supervising the construction of the flower shop—and Emmett and Rosalie.

Alice and Edward had met Rosalie about two weeks before and the girls had instantly clicked. Alice just loved Rosalie's “take no shit” attitude, and Rosalie thought of Alice as a fresh breath of air.

They had also gotten around getting to know Emmett better, and Alice had finally realized that she quite liked him. They both understood why Emmett had become my new BFF and that he would stay that way for as long as I knew him.

Edward had kept to his word about being a gentleman so we hadn't gone past "second base" as you called it in high school. No serious groping or dry humping here.

I could clearly see that he wanted to do a lot more than kissing, but he did agree with my argument that we needed to get to know each other again.

And we did.

Edward found an apartment not far away from mine and Alice’s and he also started working so we always reserved the weekends for some “us” time.

We were careful to always tell the other if we felt neglected because of work since that was what started everything. We weren’t about to make the same mistakes again.

I was at work sorting through my hard drive; deleting old research that only took up unnecessary space when my cell buzzed.

We weren’t exactly allowed to use our private phones while at work, but Emmett sat a few desks away from me, looking very busy, so I took my chance and checked the message.

Emmett took his role as my superior very seriously. He was strict but fair.

I took my chance because I was bored. The crime in this town had been very mediocre for a while and as Bella, I was happy about that, but as Bella Swan, Crime Reporter, it kind of made my life very boring. If I didn’t have anything to write about, I just wandered around.

The text was from Edward, and I smiled. Sometimes that man had the best timing in the world.

“ _Hey, beautiful. What are you up to?”_

“ _ **I’m deleting old things from my hard drive ‘cause I’m bored out of my mind. Work’s real slow today. What are you up to yourself?”**_

His reply was almost instant.

“ _I’m playing solitaire on my computer because it’s slow here as well. Nothing big for me since I’m new. What would you say about lunch?”_

“ _ **I’d say: Yes, please! Any particular place in mind?”**_

“ _I’m craving Chinese today. Know any good places?”_

“ _ **I know the perfect place. I’ll text you the directions and see you there in half an hour.”**_

“ _Sounds like a plan. See you soon.”_

I grabbed my purse and coat and was just about to get out of my seat when I saw that guy again—the owner of the paper that I didn’t know the name of and whom Alice was so infatuated with. She’d asked me about him every time my work came into the conversation, and I promised her every time that I’d get his name. However, every time, work had consumed me and I forgot.

This time, I wouldn’t forget, though. He was right there, and I was going to ask Emmett what his name was. I was pretty sure Emmett would know.

He had hung up the phone and was writing something on his computer. “Hey, Emmett,” I said to get his attention. “Do you know that guy’s name?”

He looked around the room. “Who?”

“You know, one of the owners of the paper. He’s standing right over there.”

“Where?”

“Seriously, Emmett, are you blind? The blonde guy with the dark blue shirt.”

“Oh, him! Yeah, that’s Jasper Whitlock. He’s one of the youngest owners. He’s only twenty-eight. Why do you ask?”

“Alice saw him a while ago and she can’t get him out of her mind.”

Emmett chuckled. “So she’s fallen for Mr. Whitlock. Well, that should be interesting. Tell me when she wants to be introduced to him and I’ll gladly do it.”

“You would do that?” I didn't know that Emmett and Alice had gotten close enough for him to want to do that for her.

“Absolutely. I like Alice, and most importantly, Rose likes Alice. I would like to help her with this, besides it’s her only chance of ever meeting him. It’s not like you’ll introduce them. Besides, I know Jasper.”

“So that’s how he knew my name then.”

“What?”

“When Alice saw him, he greeted us and he knew my name. Or well, he called me Ms. Swan. Have you talked to him about me?”

I think that was the first time that I’d ever seen Emmett blush. “I might have mentioned you in passing about how I think you’re a really good reporter and that you should get more advanced assignments.”

“Aaw, Emmett, have I ever told you that you are the best friend anyone could ever have. If I didn’t see you like my brother, I could have kissed you right now.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that as well. I have a fiancée. So where are you going anyway?” He eyed my coat and purse.

“Right! Edward’s waiting for me. We’re going out for lunch.”

“Okay then. Have fun and say hello to Edward for me.”

“I will. See you later.”

“Yeah.”

I backed away from his desk, and of course, I would have to bump right into Mr. Whitlock. I heard him chuckle, and I turned around.

“Ms. Swan. Nice to see you again.” It was nice to actually have a name to the face. Jasper really fit him.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Whitlock. I didn’t mean to bump into you.”

“That’s quite alright. I wasn’t hurt,” he said with a blinding smile. I could definitely see the draw Alice felt for him. He was really good-looking.

“Good. Uhm…I have to go. I’m late for a meeting.”

“Of course. I’ll see you around, Ms. Swan.”

“You too, Mr. Whitlock.”

I hurried outside and got into my car. I was already going to be ten minutes late, so I sent off a quick text to Edward, telling him this and then started the car.

I was quite pleased with the day so far.

I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Alice what I’d found out about her mysterious southern gentleman.

 


	26. Chapter 25 Mr. Jasper Whitlock

**CHAPTER 25 MR. JASPER WHITLOCK**

“I know who he is.”

“What? Who?”

I laughed at Alice’s confused expression. I’d kind of ambushed her when she came through the door. It was quite clear she had no idea whom I was talking about.

I raised my eyebrow at her, hoping she would understand.

She didn’t.

“The guy at work! I know who he is!”

Alice’s facial expression morphed from confusion to excitement in less than a second. “You do? Tell me everything you know! What’s his name? How old is he? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he married? He probably is with that gorg—”

I put my hands up to halt her. “Take it easy, Ali, one question at a time. Take off your jacket and sit down on the couch. I’ll get something to drink,” I said and went into the kitchen.

I grabbed a beer for myself and a glass of wine for Alice. She had lost her taste for beer after college. She said she thought it was more grown up to drink wine. I couldn’t disagree with her more. Wine was the most disgusting thing I’d ever tried. It burned my throat, and I hated it.

Besides, I didn’t think my body could digest wine. The first time I tried it, I only sipped at it and then had to spend the night in the bathroom. Yeah, not the most pleasurable experience. So I kept to the beer. It was more me anyway.

I walked out to the living room where Alice sat on the couch, slightly bouncing. “You know that you can only get away with acting like a child for another week. When you’ve turned twenty-five, people expect you to act like an adult,” I said with a wink.

“Since when have I acted the way people expect me to?” Alice asked and took the glass I offered her. “Now, let’s get on with the important stuff. Tell me everything you know.”

I laughed. “Okay. His name is Jasper Whitlock…”

“Jasper? Hmm…” Alice tried out the name. “I like the sound of that. It feels right. And it fits him.” 

I agreed. It really did. “He’s twenty-eight…”

“Perfect age.”

“…and he is one of the owners of the paper.”

“Did he inherit that spot or did he work his way up?”

“Why is that important?”

“If he became the owner because ‘Daddy Dearest’ got him the spot then he could be one of those intolerable jerks who believes he can get anything he wants, but if he worked his way up that shows that he’s ambitious and hard-working.”

“So you’re not afraid he’s a workaholic then?”

“He doesn’t strike me as that type. I believe he can separate work from fun.”

“But he strikes you as either a brat or a hard-working nine-to-five man?”

“Oh shut up!” Alice shoved at me while I laughed at her. Alice’s logic was very interesting.

“Alice! We told you to keep the door open!” I heard from outside the apartment.

Alice’s eyes widened. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” She called at the door as she ran to open it.

Outside, Edward and Emmett stood with my very heavy bed between them. Apparently, they decided to get my bed without me, which we said we'd go get together when Alice came home.

I also got up from the couch and ran up to the men. “Get that thing inside and put it down before you hurt yourselves!” Both men groaned when they put it down and straightened out their backs. “Are you guys’ crazy?” I demanded to know and helped Edward to the couch while Alice did the same with Emmett.

“What do you mean ‘crazy’?” Emmett asked.

“When I bought that thing, _three_ men that looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger in _Terminator_ carried it inside.” I walked up to Edward and brushed away a few strands of hair that were in his face. “Lucky for you that this building has an elevator big enough to fit furniture in it or you’d be stuck with permanent back injuries.” I leaned down and kissed Edward on the mouth. “Hi, by the way.”

“Hi.” He grabbed me and made me sit on his lap.

“So what were you up to?” Emmett asked as he eyed Alice’s wine glass and my beer bottle.

“I was just telling Alice about Mr. Whitlock.”

“Really? Did you tell her that I offered to introduce them to each other as well?”

Alice almost dropped her glass when she threw herself at Emmett. “What? Are you serious? You’d do that for me? Oh, Emmett, you’re the best!”

Emmett laughed as he hugged Alice back. He had really grown fond of her and I guess he saw her like a little sister of sorts.

For the next few hours, we sat down and talked. Alice fetched the guys a beer each and she wouldn’t stop asking Emmett about Jasper.

She got to know that he worked his way up to where he was today. He didn’t come from a rich family, but he had brains and used it to get where he wanted. He grew up in Texas, explaining his southern accent, with his adopted parents. His real parents had apparently abandoned him when he was just a baby.

“How long have you known him?” I asked when Alice took a break to breathe. “How come I’ve never met him before?”

Emmett shrugged. “I’ve known the guy for about three years, but we don’t hang out regularly. He’s always busy with the paper so when we do hang out, it’s mostly just us taking a beer after work.” He shrugged again.

“How did you two meet?” Emmett hesitated, and I frowned. “What?” I asked.

“For our meeting to make sense, I need to tell his story. It’s not a very happy one.”

I gestured for him to continue and Alice leaned forward, ready to soak up every detail she could get about the man.

Emmett sighed. “Jasper is Rosalie’s biological cousin. Rosalie’s uncle and his wife are the parents that abandoned Jasper when he was just a baby.”

Alice gasped and placed her hand over her mouth. My eyes widened in shock and my entire body tensed up. It was one thing to know that someone had abandoned him, but to actually have met the people who did it was quite another.

“Does Rosalie know?” I asked.

Emmett shook his head. “When Jasper was in high school he started to look for his biological parents and found them here in Chicago. He applied to go to college here and planned to find them and confront them, but he changed his mind when he realized that they would probably not acknowledge him because of where he came from. Rosalie’s uncle and his wife are very shallow and what they care most about is social status. Jasper didn’t have the status they demanded when he was in college.”

I felt the anger in me rise, and I had to really rein myself in so that I wouldn’t do something stupid, like finding Jasper’s parents and give them a piece of my mind.

I guess I now knew which side of the family George inherited his bad sides from.

“He became depressed and started to gamble a lot. It was around that time that I met him. I was just a rookie at the paper back then, and I hadn't met Rosalie yet. I was on my way home when I saw Jasper getting thrown out from a bar. He wasn't drunk, but it was obvious that he wasn't well either. I offered to drive him home because I didn't want him roaming the streets in his state of mind. He thanked me and the next day I met him again at the paper. He recognized me and we got talking. It turned out that he was working at the paper, but he was one of the upper-level journalists, which was why I didn't know who he was. We got to know each other and became very good friends. I helped him get rid of his gambling problems and he told me the real reason of why he was in Chicago."

“How old where you two at this time?” Alice asked.

“I was just about to turn twenty-three and he had recently turned twenty-five.”

Emmett took a drink from his beer before continuing.

“Jasper brought me with him to a party he was going to write an article about. Only people with high social status were allowed, so it was obvious that his parents would be there. That was where I first saw Rosalie and Jasper told me that she was his cousin. During these last three years, Jasper has been working so hard just so he can feel equal to his parents when he confronts them. Now that he’s a co-owner of Chicago’s biggest newspaper, he feels that the time is right. The next time he sees them, he’ll confront them.”

“How exactly did he become co-owner?” Edward spoke up for the first time since Emmett started his story.

“Even though he got rid of his gambling problems, he never completely stopped. One night, about a year back, he got the jackpot and won a very large sum of money. He invested that money in the paper and now owns thirty-five percent of it. The second largest part next to the family that has owned the paper since it was started.”

“So he never actually worked for the spot he now has?" I tried to suppress the smile I felt tugging at the corners of my mouth when Alice asked that. She was really hung up on if he worked hard or not.

“Oh, he worked. Before he bought his share, he worked just underneath the owners himself. He was the chief editor when Bella started, so I was a bit shocked when you didn’t know who he was,” he said to me, and I blushed in embarrassment. How I hadn’t known that Jasper used to be my boss’s, boss’s boss was beyond me. That is something that I should have known.

Edward squeezed my hand and turned to Emmett. “So when will he confront his parents?”

“At the wedding,” Emmett said and Alice almost sprayed the wine she’d sipped on everywhere.

“What?!” she exclaimed. “Is he crazy? Or are you?”

“What? Why?” Emmett asked, looking very confused with Alice’s outburst.

“Doesn’t he want to get a good relationship with his cousin?”

“Of course he does.”

“And do you want to have a good marriage with Rosalie?”

“Yes, what kind of question is that?”

“Then that is the most stupid idea that I have ever heard!”

“What is?” I had to hide my smile behind my hand. My best friend was just so adorable when he didn’t understand. He almost looked like a small boy.

Alice rolled her eyes. “If Jasper picks a fight with Rosalie’s aunt and uncle at her wedding she won’t want anything to do with him, and if she finds out that you knew about it, and was even in on it, she’d never forgive you,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“How do you know that? You’ve only known her for a month.”

“Hello! It’s Female Logic 101. Jasper will totally steal her thunder if he comes to her wedding saying ‘Oh, by the way, I’m your lost cousin. Your aunt and uncle abandoned me when I was a baby.’”

Emmett looked at me for confirmation with wide eyes, and I nodded.

“She’s telling the truth.”

Emmett buried his face in his hands and groaned loudly. “Jasper wanted to confront them at a place where they couldn’t escape him.”

“Completely understandable, but your wedding isn’t that place. It will have to be some other time,” Alice said more calmly than before.

“Well, I won’t be able to stop him at the wedding. What should I do?” Emmett asked desperately.

“Oh, don’t worry about that Emmett. I’ll keep him occupied,” Alice said and winked.

 


	27. Chapter 26 The Wedding

**CHAPTER 26 THE WEDDING**

“No, please Edward. Don’t make me.” I shook my head at his offered hand and tried pleading him with my eyes.

“C’mon, Bella, it’s a wedding. You’re supposed to dance at weddings.”

“You know I can’t slow dance. It’s not my style.” It really wasn’t. I wasn’t a bad dancer per se, but couple’s dancing wasn’t my thing. When I danced, I didn’t want to have to look out for my partner. I wanted to freak out and just be crazy.

“Just follow me and you’ll be fine,” Edward said in his most persuasive voice.

“Fine, but don’t blame me if I accidentally step on your toes,” I warned him, and he chuckled.

“I’ll keep them out of the way.”

I sighed; grabbed Edward’s outstretched hand and let him lead me out on the dance floor. I tried not to look in George’s direction as I could feel his eyes on me. I wasn’t sure about how he felt, seeing me here with Edward, but I absolutely hated feeling him watching my every move. It made me uncomfortable.

Not that he would actually try anything. A lot of things could be said about George, but one thing for sure was that he loved his sister and would never ruin her wedding by doing something irrational toward one of her bridesmaids.

“ _Everything I Do”_ by Bryan Adams started playing, and Edward pulled me closer to his body and moved us back and forth in a slow circle. I leaned my head against his chest, closed my eyes, and just followed his movements. As long as we kept this pace, I would be fine.

_Don’t tell me it’s not worth trying for_

_You can’t tell me it’s not worth dying for_

_You know it’s true_

_Everything I do, I do it for you_

I opened my eyes and saw Alice talking to Jasper. He was constantly looking toward his mother and father but remained by Alice’s side. She must have been talking about something really interesting since she was able to sidetrack him from confronting them.

I shifted my attention from Jasper and Alice to Mr. and Mrs. Hale. I could clearly see the resemblance between them and Jasper.

He had the same angular features as his mother and her hair. Both of them had blue eyes, but I couldn’t see from whom he got his eyes from this distance. The height he got from his father, and it was obvious that Mr. Hale used to have a good physique but had put on a few pounds too much around the middle.

Both of them wore expressions that showed that they thought they were superior to most of the guests here.

I had met them once before. They hadn’t impressed me then, and they certainly did not impress me now. My dislike for them had been there from the beginning, but it had grown considerably since I heard Jasper’s story.

The song ended and Edward and I went back to our table. A waiter came up to us with a tray filled with champagne glasses on it. “Would you care for a glass?” he asked us. Edward took a glass, but I hesitated.

“Do you have anything else?”

“What do you mean, Miss?”

“Do you have anything to offer besides champagne?”

“I’m sorry, Miss, but the new Mrs. McCarty specifically said that champagne would be the only alcohol served at her wedding.”

“Right. I’ll just have a soda then.”

“Of course, Miss.” The waiter left, and I shuddered.

“What?” Edward asked with an amused smile.

“They’re just so polite. I have a hard time swallowing it, that’s all.”

Edward laughed. “Yeah, they kind of have to, or they’d be out of a job pretty soon.”

“I guess,” I said and shrugged. I still didn’t like it. It was all so fake.

“What do you have against champagne, anyway?” Edward asked to change the subject.

“Are you kidding? You heard about the wine incident and champagne is just carbonated wine. It’s disgusting.”

Edward chuckled and took a sip of said disgusting drink, but tensed up when his eyes landed on something behind me. His entire posture changed and I turned around to see what it was he was reacting to, but immediately regretted it. There was no use in trying to escape now because he saw me turn around and met my gaze.

I turned my head back around and took a deep breath.  _Okay, Bella! You may have a vagina, but man up and grow some balls!_

George tapped me on my shoulder, and I reluctantly turned toward him. “George,” I said in greeting. I tried to sound casual, but it was evident in my voice how I felt about him.

“Bella. Uhm…would you mind talking to me in private for a minute?” he asked, looking really remorseful. I almost agreed, but then I remembered what a jerk he’d been the last time I saw him.

“Depends on what you want to talk about,” I said and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Well—” 

Edward interrupted George by clearing his throat. Even though both men knew who the other was, I realized I hadn’t introduced them to each other. “Oh, I’m sorry! Edward, this is George Hale, Rosalie’s brother. George, this is—”

“Edward, yeah, I got that,” he interrupted me and I frowned. The expression was not fully there, but I could clearly see that George’s mouth wanted to turn down at the corners as if he’d bitten into something sour.

That wasn’t fair of him. Edward wasn’t the one that did anything wrong. This just proved even further why I made the right choice by choosing Edward over him.

“Nice, George, very mature of you,” I remarked, and he snapped his eyes away from Edward and locked them with mine.

“I don’t have a lot of tolerance for guys that steal other guys’ girlfriends.”

My eyebrows pretty much disappeared into my hairline in pure shock. "Excuse me?"

“I didn't steal her from you, George," Edward said calmly. "Bella is her own woman, and she made the decision."

“You poisoned her head with false promises and lies," George sneered loudly.

“George, lower your voice,” I said, trying to reason with him. He was getting riled up, but of course, he didn’t listen to me.

“I told her nothing but the truth, and then I left her alone. How exactly did I steal her from you?" Edward continued in his calm voice.

“Edward, please stay out of this,” I pleaded since I could see that his words only made George angrier.

“You came back into her life! You somehow convinced her that I wasn’t good enough for her! She and I had it great before you came along again!”

“George! Calm _down_ ,” I hissed at him through clenched teeth. People had started to stare at us. They were slowly realizing that something was going on, and I could see the news spread as the word got from mouth to ear very fast.

“No, Bella! I won’t calm down! This guy here just waltzes into _our_ lives and thinks he can do anything he wants just because he happened to know you before I did.” He practically growled at me and I felt Edward’s arms wound around my waist protectively. I don’t think he did it intentionally, but that was how George interpreted it. His eyes zeroed in on Edward’s arms, and I could almost see the fire in his eyes.

“That’s not true, George,” I said to regain his attention. “ _I_ was the one who made the decision. _I_ was the one that broke up with you.”

“Because of him,” he spit out.

Everyone at the wedding had their attention on us. George seemed oblivious to it, but I was very much aware.

What was it with people wanting to confront their problems at Rosalie’s wedding? I had been so sure that George wouldn’t try anything tonight. It just gave me further proof of how little I actually knew about the guy.

“Because of my feelings for him." I leaned back against Edward's chest and he tightened his hold on me. "I love him, George, and there is nothing you can say that will change my mind." I was aware that I hadn't told Edward that I loved him since he came back, but I had been trying to come up with a way of telling him for some time now. 

I guess now was that time.

I placed my hands over Edward’s and he entwined our fingers before leaning down to whisper in my ear. “I love you too. But you already knew that.”

“You don’t love him.” George popped the little bubble that had been created around us. “You just love the _idea_ of being with him again. Don't you see, Bella? You live in the past! This asshole cheated on you for fuck's sake!"

I could actually hear how most of the women that were now watching this aggressive exchange inhale in shock. For them, this was like one of the soap operas that they watched at home. For me, this was my life.

I was just about to defend Edward when someone else spoke up.

“George, you stupid asshole! You’re insulting my bridesmaid and her date! What the hell is wrong with you?” A gap was created in the crowd and there stood Rosalie in her big, poufy, white wedding dress and a furious expression on her face. She strode up to us and looked George right in the eyes. With her high heels on, she was the same height as him. “You _idiot_! How can you do this to me? This is my _wedding_! This day is supposed to be about _me_ and you just go off and _ruin it_! You’re the _worst_ brother anyone could ever have!”

George had enough shame to at least look embarrassed. “Rosalie, I’m—”

“Don’t try to apologize. It’s too late. You’ve already ruined it.” Rosalie turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. Emmett was about to follow her, but I stopped him. 

“No, I’ll talk to her. This is partly my fault.”

“Bella, none of this is your fault,” he said. 

I smiled at him and patted his chest before I went after Rosalie. I found her in the bride’s chambers. She didn’t cry. She didn’t even look defeated. She was pacing back and forth, taking deep breaths.

“Rosalie?” She turned toward me and then turned away again without saying anything. “I’m sorry, Rose.”

“Why are _you_ apologizing?” she asked, still with her back to me.

“I thought you were mad at me.”

Rosalie sighed deeply and turned around to face me. “No, Bella, I’m not mad at you. This wasn’t your fault. It was my dumb excuse of a brother who couldn’t control himself.”

“But if I hadn’t brought Edward with me this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Oh, just shut up, Bella. Edward would have been here even if he hadn’t been your plus one. If you haven’t noticed, Edward and Emmett have become pretty good friends. Not as good as you two are, of course, but still.”

“So you don’t blame me?” I asked with a small smile.

“Oh Bella, sometimes you’re so stupid,” she said and enveloped me in a hug.

We entered the ballroom together and what we saw there pushed Rosalie over the proverbial cliff.

“Oh, for crying out loud, are you kidding me?!” she exclaimed and stormed out on the dance floor. I hurried after her. 

In the middle of the dance floor, Emmett was restraining George from charging at Edward. Edward stood by Alice and Jasper with a split lip, glaring at George, but otherwise kept his distance. I ran up to him and put my hands on his face.

“Baby, are you okay? What happened?”

“That lunatic over there just punched me,” he said and glared even harder at said lunatic.

“Why?”

“I don’t know! When you left, I offered him my hand and asked for a truce and he punched me.”

“What? That’s insane.”

“Tell me about it,” he muttered and used his thumb to wipe away the blood that had collected in the corner of his mouth.

I turned to Alice. “Do you have a handkerchief or something?”

“I do,” Jasper said next to her, and I looked at him. It felt weird now that I knew all that stuff about him. In my mind, he was Jasper, but out loud, he was still Mr. Whitlock, one of the owners of the paper I worked at.

I took the handkerchief that he offered. “Thank you, Mr. Whitlock,” I said and smiled gratefully at him.

“Please, Ms. Swan, out here I’m only Jasper.” 

My smile widened. “I’ll call you Jasper if you call me Bella.”

“Deal,” he said and grinned.

I used the handkerchief and pressed it lightly against Edward’s lip. He hissed.

“Sorry.” I pulled away so as to not put any more pressure, but he just shook his head.

“It’s okay. It just stings a little.”

“I would kiss it better, but that will probably only make it worse.”

Edward smirked. “I’m willing to take the chance.”

But we never got to kiss because we were interrupted by the commotion behind us. I had almost entirely forgotten about George. I turned around just in time to see Rosalie slap him, and it wasn’t a light slap either. It was a full on bitch slap. George’s cheek had begun to turn red.

I walked up to them and put my hand on Rose’s shoulder. Emmett was still holding George’s arms behind his back.

“George, I think it’s time that you accept that we’re over,” I said as calmly as possible.

“No, I won’t accept that, Bella!” His eyes were wide and he looked kind of crazy. In that moment, he actually scared me a bit, but I didn’t show that.

“Just shut up, George,” Rosalie said and poked him hard in the chest. “You get the hell out of here. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night, okay? Actually, I don’t want to see you at all until you can act like the big brother you’re supposed to be. Stay away from me, and stay away from my friends. Got it?” Her eyes were blank with unshed tears. This had all clearly been too much for her. Getting pissed at her brother, she could take, but to have to throw him out of her own wedding was just too much.

George hung his head, but when Emmett released him, he straightened up and looked me right in the eyes. “I won’t give up on you, Bella. Take me for my word.” He turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

A chill went down my spine and not a pleasant one. George had been completely serious in his last threat. That was what I had interpreted it as; a threat.

Warm arms hugged me from behind, and I relaxed. George wouldn’t come anywhere near me as long as Edward was by my side. I was sure of it.

 


	28. Chapter 27 Worried and Not Worried

**CHAPTER 27 WORRIED AND NOT WORRIED**

I put my coffee cup down on my desk and powered up my computer.

I looked over my shoulder at Emmett’s empty desk and smiled. Even though I was really happy for him, I missed my best friend. Work was always the sure place that I would see him every day.

I knew he would be back in three weeks, but still. At least he would be in a good mood. Spending your honeymoon in Hawaii had a rumor of doing that to people.

I turned back to my computer and checked the folder that was on my desk every morning, telling me what assignments I had for the next issue.

“Ms. Swan?”

I jumped slightly since I had not heard Jasper coming up behind me. I put the folder back down on the desk and turned to him.

“Yes, Mr. Whitlock?”

“Could you come to my office? There is something I need to talk to you about.”

“Yes, Mr. Whitlock, of course.”

The reporter who had the desk next to mine looked at me with wide eyes and mouthed “somebody’s in trouble.”

“Shut up,” I mouthed back and followed Jasper up to the fourth floor. Once inside his office, he motioned for me to sit down in the chair opposite his.

I was both worried and not worried if that made any sense. What could he want to talk to me about? I’d been the ideal employee from the start so it couldn’t have anything to do with the paper. But, then what?

“So, Bella—”

“I’m guessing this isn’t job-related since you called me Bella.” I smiled.

“You’re correct, which means that while we have this chat, you call me Jasper. Alright?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Good. So my first question to you is, how much do you really know about me?” I opened my mouth to answer, but Jasper put up his hand before I had a chance to speak. “Don’t deny how much you know. I know Emmett’s talked to you since you didn’t seem an ounce surprised that I attended his wedding, which is not something bosses usually do.”

He didn’t seem upset that I knew about him, more amused than anything. I guess that was a good sign.

“Uhm…Emmett told me everything three days ago. I know that you’re related to Rosalie and what you wanted to do at the wedding. That was why Alice didn’t let you out of her sight.”

“I suspected something like that.” Jasper chuckled. “Luckily, I didn’t complain about the company. Alice is a very…”—he inhaled and tried to find a word to best describe Alice—“…interesting woman.”

I laughed. “That sums up Alice pretty well.”

“You’re her roommate, right?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind giving her this?” He handed me a piece of paper. 

_You made my night very pleasant._

_I hope to meet you again._

_If you’re interested, give me a call_

_Jasper_

The note was followed by his number.

“Well, Mr. Whitlock. Have you taken a fancy to Miss Alice?” I teased him.

He smiled and his eyes became unfocused for a second. “As a matter of fact, I have,” he said when he turned his attention back to me.

I looked down at the note again. “Not that I’m complaining, but why exactly are you giving this to me? You could have given it to Alice last night.”

“Well, you’re one of her closest friends, yes?”

I nodded. “We grew up together.”

“Right, and I thought that if I could pass through a close friend, then Alice would consider me a good enough person. Sometimes friends can be even more protective than siblings.” He shrugged, and my heart melted when I noticed that his cheeks became slightly red as he blushed. 

“That’s true, but I can tell you that her brother would very much appreciate it if you went through him as well.”

“Her brother?” He looked confused.

“What exactly did you talk about last night? You didn’t know Alice and I grew up together, and you didn’t know she’s got a brother.” I smirked.

“I guess you could say that I was a bit distracted.” At first, I thought he meant Alice, but then I saw how his posture tensed and realized he was talking about his parents.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said mostly to myself. “Lucky for you, Edward’s not too hard. I’m sure he’ll think it’s okay.”

Jasper frowned. “Edward? As in your date?”

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend and Alice’s twin.”

“Twins?”

“Wow, you sure _were_ distracted.” Jasper looked slightly sheepish when I said that. “About that by the way, how exactly do you plan on doing it?”

“With my parents, you mean?” I nodded. “I don’t really know. I’ve always thought I’d improvise. You know, say what I feel.”

“You’re not afraid that it’ll come out wrong? What exactly is it you hope to achieve by doing it?”

“I guess that ever since I found out that I was abandoned, I’ve wanted my biological parents to acknowledge me and tell me why they left me behind.” Jasper looked down at the floor, and his inner pain squeezed my heart. 

In the short time that we had been talking, I felt that Jasper’s and my relationship had developed into something more than just employer and employee. We weren’t exactly friends, but it wasn’t an impossible future if he planned on dating my roommate. I wanted to comfort him but decided against it. We weren’t  _quite_ there yet.

“You know, maybe you should go through Rosalie first,” I suggested. I thought that would be a better plan. The more people he had on his side the better. “I’m sure she’d like that.”

Jasper looked up at me. His blue eyes looked lighter and were almost hypnotizing. “You think so?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, I do. If I have to admit it, I always thought Rosalie’s father was the more loving brother out of the two. He was always very polite to me, and when I was dating George, their father never once complained about George’s struggles to get published.” 

Saying George’s name made me remember his last words the night before.  _“I won’t give up on you, Bella. Take me for my word.”_ He hadn’t tried anything yet, but whenever I was alone, I couldn’t stop from looking over my shoulder. The way George had said it had frozen my insides, and I’d been having nightmares about it.

“Maybe you’re right,” Jasper said, pulling me from my thoughts. “I think I’ll hold off on doing anything until Rosalie and Emmett are back from their honeymoon.”

“Good,” I said, hoping that I’d succeeded in hiding my sudden discomfort.

The door suddenly opened and one of Jasper’s assistants came in. “Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Whitlock. Did I interrupt something?” he asked.

“No, that’s fine,” I said and stood up. Too quickly, apparently, because the head rush made black spots appear in front of my vision, and I had to take support on the desk.

“Bella?” Jasper hurried around the desk and stood in front of me. He put his hands on my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said reassuringly. I was too used to getting head rushes, and it was nothing uncommon to me. “Stupid iron deficiency,” I muttered under my breath. “I just stood up a bit too quickly there,” I said louder for the others to hear and chuckled.

Jasper, however, didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? Do you need to lie down?”

“Believe me, Jasper. I’ve had more head rushes than I can keep count on. It’s not unusual for me.”

“Fine, then,” he said. “But take it easy for the rest of the day, okay?”

“Not likely, Jasper. I have articles to write. I’m fine, I promise,” I reassured him and walked out of the office. But in the elevator, I had to lean back against the wall and blink several times before I felt normal again.

That had been the worst one yet.

**~~LiS~~**

What do you get your two oldest friends for their twenty-fifth birthday?

After seventeen years of friendship where you’ve bought birthday presents for fifteen of them, you kind of start to run out of ideas.

I already knew what I would give Edward for when we were alone—after three and a half weeks, I was ready to give him myself again—but I needed something to give him during the celebration as well.

I wanted it to be something special, but it was hard to come up with anything when you experienced a dearth of ideas.

At the same time, I had to come up with something to give Alice as well.

Their birthday was tomorrow, and I had no idea on what to do.

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. The pad in front of me was as empty as before with absolutely no ideas filling its papers.

I was thinking of buying them gift cards but that was as impersonal as it gets.

_C’mon, Bella, think! You’ve known these people for seventeen years. There’s got to be something they’ve let slipped that they want. It shouldn’t be so hard to buy gifts for your boyfriend and pixie friend._

I decided that my best bet would be going to the mall and see if I could find anything there.

I hadn’t been walking around for long when I spotted something in one of the store’s windows.

It was perfect.

Now I only had to find something for the other one as well.

**~~LiS~~**

I watched closely while Alice unwrapped her gift with eager fingers. When she saw what it was, her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Bella, it’s beautiful.” She turned to me and threw her arms around my neck.

I was so relieved that she liked it. When I saw it in the jewelry store, I knew I just had to buy it for her.

It was a white gold necklace with a flying pixie pendant. The wings were blue crystal gemstones.

I always thought of Alice as my pixie, so that was why I thought it was so perfect for her.

It had been more difficult in finding something for Edward, but I think I found it eventually. It wasn’t as special as I first wanted it to be, but I hoped that the second part of my gift would outshine the normalcy of the first one.

“Alright, Edward, it’s your turn.” Alice handed him the wrapped box and I nervously started to bite my thumbnail. 

He opened the box and looked inside. His face split into a smile when he saw what it was.

I had been very disappointed when I thought I would have to settle for something to give Edward, so when I saw a store that sold personalized bags and wallets; I hopped on the chance to give him a black briefcase with his initials engraved in the bottom right corner.

It wasn’t the most romantic gift, but I really had no idea on what to give him.

Edward seemed to like it, though, and that made me relax.

“This is perfect, beautiful. I’ve thought of buying one for a while now, but never got around to doing it.” He hadn’t seen the engraving yet, so I pointed it out to him.

“I know it’s not very special, but—”

Edward silenced me with a kiss. “It’s from you, and therefore, I love it. Besides, I really do need one for work.”

“We need drinks,” Alice suddenly declared and shot up from the couch. When she was out of hearing distance, I scooted closer to Edward so that I could whisper in his ear.

“I know the gift isn’t very special, but I was hoping that you might want to stay over tonight.” Edward’s head turned so fast I was afraid he would pull a muscle. His eyes held all the questions his mouth wasn’t able to utter, and I smiled softly at him. “I believe almost four weeks are enough,” I continued in a low voice.

Alice reappeared, and I heard Edward groan softly.

“You couldn’t have waited to tell me later? Now I’ll think about it the entire night,” he mumbled.

“Maybe that was my intention,” I replied, and I swear he growled at that.

“Hey, Edward, why don’t you show Bella your surprise?” Alice said once she’d settled back on our couch with a glass of wine.

“Surprise?”

Edward smiled mischievously and rose from the couch. He disappeared into Alice’s room for a second before coming back with a bag. I frowned since I couldn’t see what it was. “What have you got there?” I asked, feeling very curious.

Neither of them answered me, but it was revealed to me what it was when Edward opened the bag. I gasped when I saw his old Yamaha FG730S.

As he carefully removed the beautiful instrument from the bag, he softly caressed the neck and body. I hadn’t seen the guitar since it was stowed away in the attic in his parents’ home when we were fifteen. He had obviously polished it up since then because it looked brand new.

“Your guitar,” I said in whispered awe. “You used to play on it all the time before it broke.”

“Yeah, and if I remember correctly, you used to sing the lyrics to whatever song I played.”

I looked at him skeptically. I could see where he was going with this. “Oh, don’t you go there! You know I can’t sing.”

He smiled beautifully. “I’m not going to deny that, but it never stopped you before, so why should it now?”

He began strumming on the strings and I immediately recognized the tune, but I refused to open my mouth, so Edward did it instead.

_Come let me love you_

_Let me give my life to you_

_Let me drown in your laughter_

_Let me die in your arms_

_Let me lay down beside you_

_Let me always be with you_

_Come let me love you_

_Come love me again_

Edward was by no means an excellent singer, but he kept the song in a tune he could take, and his deep voice contributed something to the lyrics that made me feel all warm inside.

We spent the rest of the evening like that; Alice and I listening to Edward play, and occasionally singing along.

Still, even though we had a great time, I kind of wanted the night to end so that Alice would retire to her room. I was eager, and kind of impatient, to get on with my next gift for Edward.

His thoughts must have been in sync with mine because he met my gaze and then let out a yawn that looked genuine. Had I not known better, I would have thought he was really tired.

“I’m exhausted,” he said. “I think I’m going to head home.” He shared another look with me. He had been drinking tonight and we both knew that Alice would never allow him behind the wheel when he’d had alcohol. It would be a nice cover if Alice was the one inviting him to stay.

“Oh, no you’re not!” Alice replied immediately, just like we expected. “You’ve been drinking, mister, and as your sister, I’m not going to let you drive.”

“I can take a cab.”

“Just shut it. You’re sleeping here, end of story.” She stood up and collected Edward’s and my beer bottles to take to the kitchen.

“Alice, your couch isn’t exactly comfortable.”

“Then sleep in Bella’s bed. I’m sure she won’t mind,” she said and left the room. When she came back, she announced that she was also going to bed. She was just about to close the door to her bedroom when she stopped and looked at us. “Oh, right! I’m going to sleep with my iPod on tonight.” She grinned at us, and we chuckled in reply. 

We couldn’t fool Alice.

As soon as her door was completely closed, I grabbed Edward’s hand and pulled him inside my own room. I was more eager than I thought I would be and there were no nerves to speak of. I wanted to be with Edward, not because our passion made it impossible for us to stop like it did the last time, but because I trusted him with my body again, and I wanted to show him that.

Edward softly closed the door before capturing my face between his gentle hands and giving me a searing kiss.

As always, the feel of his lips on mine caused my insides to erupt in flames, and I kissed him back with everything that I had. But only a few seconds later, I broke away from the kiss to look into his beautiful green eyes. I met his gaze steadily and smiled. It was my way of telling him without words that I wanted this and that there was no doubt in my mind.

Even though our breathing indicated that our bodies wanted things to go faster, we controlled ourselves and took our time with undressing each other. There were no hurried movements; only soft kisses and gentle caresses.

We kept up our slow pace when we were on the bed, our hands roaming all over, rediscovering each other’s bodies in a way we hadn’t last time.

Edward placed feather-light kisses over my entire body, and my hands became reacquainted with his torso and bottom.

His body was familiar, but not the same. It was more toned than before as if he’d been working out. The change wasn’t too noticeable, but it was nice all the same. It told me that he took care of himself and that in itself was very attractive to me.

I loved him and wanted him to take care of himself. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if anything were to happen to him.

When we connected, our sighs of pleasure were quiet but still contained every emotion that coursed through our bodies.

It wasn’t our first time since we met again, but it made our reconnection more complete to be with him like this again.

It was a powerful moment that would be in my memory until the day I died.

 


	29. Chapter 28 Can't Sleep

**CHAPTER 28 CAN’T SLEEP**

I threw the roses in the garbage as soon as I saw who they were from. I had already given up on sending them back because it didn’t help. He just continued sending them once a week and it was driving me insane.

For seven weeks—ever since Edward and Alice’s birthday—I’d been given these roses from George, but that wasn’t all. Oh no! It was expensive chocolates, provocative lingerie, and once he had the nerve to send me sex toys with a note saying:  _“You’re free to think of me while you use these.”_

The chocolate, I gave away; the lingerie, I donated; and the sex toys, I burned. The guy was getting on my last nerve, but at the same time, he was making me nervous. I never thought I could misjudge a person as much as I had with George. I wondered if he’d always had those tendencies or if they’d just surfaced. I made a mental note to ask Rosalie sometime.

I sighed, sitting down heavily in one of the kitchen chairs.

I was so relieved that it was Sunday since that meant I didn’t have to go to work. I loved my job, but all the stress that George put on me made me so tired. I’d had recurring nightmares about him turning into a creepy stalker that would eventually try to kill me, and it kept me from getting enough sleep.

I couldn’t drink caffeine in any form anymore either, to keep me awake because when I did, I got this horrible heartburn that would last until I fell asleep. Then, of course, I’d get a nightmare and would wake up again. It was a horrible, never-ending cycle.

Some days, I even considered calling in sick just so that I could get a break for a day, but that went against my morals.  _Ethics!_

I put my head down on the tabletop and closed my eyes.  _Maybe I should go and lie down and try to get some sleep. I sure could use it._

“…and they had these amazing massages, using aroma oils, and Amanda, the masseuse, she had magical hands, I tell you!”

Rosalie’s voice drifted from the hallway. She and Alice were obviously back from their shopping trip. Hearing her talk about massages made me crave one.

I heard them enter the kitchen but didn’t look up from the table. “Oh, Bella, you look exhausted!” Alice exclaimed.

“That’s because I am,” I replied without raising my head.

“What’s the matter? Can’t sleep?” Rosalie asked.

“No, and it’s your brother’s fault.”

“What does George have to do with this?”

I put up my elbow and supported my head on my hand so that I could look at Rosalie. “He keeps sending me these gifts and visiting my dreams frequently. It keeps me awake at night.”

“I’m sorry,” she said genuinely. “I wish I could do something, but he’s isolated himself from us; all of us. He doesn’t answer any of our calls. Not Mom’s or Dad’s. Mine, I can understand since I threw him out from my wedding.”

“Oh please! Your wedding was two months ago. Is George really that rancorous?” I asked while I tried keeping my eyes open.

“Oh yeah! He’s always been. One time, when we were kids, George was mad at our parents, and he didn’t utter a single word to them for two weeks.”

“That’s not too bad,” Alice said.

“He was seven, and I was four. The only reason I know about it is because my parents told me.”

“He managed to keep quiet for _two weeks_ when he was _seven_?” I asked incredulously.

“He still talked to me, his friends, and everyone else, but he completely ignored Mom and Dad.”

“Why was he mad at them anyway?”

“I don’t remember. It was twenty years ago, and Mom and Dad never mention that part of the story.”

It got quiet.

Me, because I was so tired.

The others, I didn’t know why.

“Okay, but enough of that now,” Alice said to break the silence. “How are things going with Jasper?” she asked Rosalie. I sat up straighter. This was actually something I wanted to know.

When Rosalie and Emmett came back from their honeymoon, Jasper waited a week before he asked Emmett to tell Rosalie.

Rosalie exploded with rage when she heard what her aunt and uncle had done. She couldn’t believe that someone she grew up with could do something like that toward a little defenseless baby. She understood Jasper and his need to confront his parents and even offered to help him.

At first, she’d had a hard time believing it at all, but when Jasper came over after she was aware of the story, she could definitely see the resemblance between him and his biological parents. Jasper was, without a doubt, the cousin she never thought she’d have. Her aunt and uncle had never gotten any more kids, so Jasper was their only child.

Two weeks ago, Rosalie scheduled a lunch with her aunt, and she brought Jasper. She told her aunt that he was a friend of hers and that he was joining them because they had something planned later. Her aunt fell for it and didn’t suspect that it was her own son sitting in front of her at all.

When the confrontation began, questions were thrown, answers were delayed, tears fell, and eventually coldness settled over the room when Mrs. Hale suddenly recovered from her “emotional breakdown” and told the entire story.

Apparently, she had only been seventeen and her boyfriend, Rosalie’s uncle, had been eighteen when she got pregnant. Since he was the younger brother, it was not socially accepted for him to expect a baby at the same time as his already married brother. So she and Mr. Hale came up with the excuse that they wanted to take a sabbatical from school and travel around the country.

Even though Mrs. Hale hadn’t graduated from high school yet, she didn’t care because it had always been the plan for her to become a society wife, so an education wasn’t exactly necessary.

They traveled as far down as to Texas where they stayed for the duration of the pregnancy and birth. They had both already decided that they wouldn’t keep the baby, and as soon as he was born, they gave him to social service, claiming they found him abandoned and didn’t know what to do with him.

The papers they signed as evidence that they were the ones that found him bore fake names, so it wouldn’t be possible to trace the baby back to them.

They had never expected that Jasper would actually find them.

There had been a lot of drama that day.

When Mr. Hale came home and found out that his son had “finally” returned, he said straight to his face that he wouldn’t get a single dime from them.

Jasper didn’t take that too well. He had risen up from his chair, the exact same height as his father, and said that he wouldn’t touch their money even if his life depended on it. Money he had; a respected name he had; friends he had, and he was very well on his way of getting a girlfriend in Alice, as well.

He had turned to his mother and said with a cold voice: “My life is satisfying and successful, and now that I have finally gotten the answers to the questions that have been plaguing my life since I found out I was abandoned, I don’t want you to taint the air I breathe for another second.” He’d kissed Rosalie’s cheek and left without a single backward glance.

Jasper was officially my new hero.

“It’s going just fine. So far there isn’t anything that I don’t respect about him. He’s got morals that he would never go against, and he seems like a genuine and nice person.”

“Tell me about it.” Alice smirked. “During our two dates, he was the complete gentleman. It’s nice being treated like that after being burned.”

“You’re not still thinking about Daniel, are you?” I raised my eyebrows. “That was almost five years ago.”

“Wait a minute, before you say anything else,” Rosalie interrupted and turned to Alice. “You haven’t been with anyone for _five_ years?”

“Nothing serious. There have been casual dates, but you know…” she trailed off with a shrug. I had never seen Alice act so non-confident. She looked like a little girl when she glanced down at her feet. “And to answer you, Bella, sometimes I _do_ think about him. Not about our time together, but the way I got burned. It wasn’t exactly pleasant.”

“Since when is getting burned _ever_ pleasant?” I asked.

“Amen to that,” Rosalie agreed, and Alice smiled.

“You know what I mean,” she told me. 

I nodded. My skin still crawled when I thought about that slimy excuse of a man.

“What did this guy do anyway?” I realized that Rosalie had no idea what happened and probably felt a bit left out.

“It turned out that the scumbag had another girlfriend who was very aware of Alice’s presence in his life. They had been together for two years when he got together with Alice.”

“Seriously? Ugh, some men are just disgusting.”

“Yeah, well this particular case shows that women aren’t always the best either,” Alice said lowly with a cold expression etched on her face.

“What? The girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I found out later that she had two other boyfriends along with Daniel, and he was totally fine with it.”

“That’s fucked up!” Rosalie exclaimed incredulously.

“He didn’t deserve you.” The three of us turned toward the new voice. None of us had heard Edward come in—he had his own key since both his girlfriend and sister lived in the apartment. 

He walked up to Alice and put his arms around her. “You’ve got a great guy in Jasper. Stick with him,” he said with a smile.

Jasper had taken my advice and talked to Edward about Alice. To say that Edward was impressed and pleased would be an understatement.

“Aw,” Rosalie sighed behind them. “I wish mine and George’s relationship was like that.”

I groaned. “I thought we had finished talking about him,” I whined. I was too tired to care that I sounded like a child.

Edward didn’t look pleased when he turned to me. “Why were you talking about him in the first place?”

“He sent me roses again.”

“What? This is getting way out of hand. We’ve got to do something about this guy.”

“Yeah, well, there’s not much we can do.” I shrugged. “Rosalie just told me that neither she nor their parents can get a hold of him, and I certainly don’t want to call him.”

“Then you should get a restraining order,” Edward replied angrily.

“Hey!” Rosalie objected. “That’s my brother you’re talking about. A restraining order is a bit dramatic. George would never do anything to hurt Bella.”

“Maybe not, but he’s clearly making her uncomfortable,” Edward retorted.

“Not enough for a restraining order,” Rosalie insisted.

“Uuh, Rosalie?” Alice made a gentle input. “Bella just told us that she can’t sleep because of him. Don’t you think that is enough?”

“What? So you agree with Edward?” Rosalie turned her angry gaze at Alice.

Alice wasn’t affected by it. “Yes, I do. Maybe because I don’t know George, but I don’t think it’s normal behavior the way he’s acting. He’s been harassing Bella for weeks.”

Rosalie stubbornly crossed her arms over her chest. “Harassing is a very strong word, Alice. He’s sent her a couple of gifts and flowers. That’s not so bad.”

Alice looked at Rosalie as if she couldn’t understand that the woman actually meant what she was saying. “Rosalie, he sent her sex toys. If that’s not harassing, then I don’t know what is.”

“Guys, please, don’t argue over this,” I said from my seat. Edward pulled up a chair next mine and made me lean my head on his shoulder. I sighed with content. “If I want to get a restraining order, I’ll do that, but right now, I just want to sleep.”

“I’ll help you get to bed, baby. You look exhausted,” Edward said and put his arm around my waist.

“So I’ve heard,” I muttered.

With Edward’s arms around me, I felt safe and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

 


	30. Chapter 29 I'm Fine

**CHAPTER 29 I’M FINE**

_1 MONTH LATER_

I took a paper from my desk, folded it in half, and started to fan myself.

_Damn, it was warm in here!_

The guy to my right had a fan on full effect, and all I wanted was to sit on his lap just so I could get cool.

_Was there something wrong with the AC?_

No, only a couple people seemed to think it was warm in here. A few even had full suits on. I was sweating just by looking at them.

I wasn’t going to complain, though, since I finally got a full night’s sleep last night. I was hoping that it was my subconscious getting rid of my worries by myself, rather than the fact that Edward slept in my bed. I didn’t want to be one of those girls that depended on her boyfriend so she could sleep.

George was still sending gifts, and I was really starting to consider Edward’s advice, or rather  _demand_ , on getting a restraining order. George really  _was_ making me uncomfortable. 

I would let a few more days pass, and if he was still acting the same, then I’d get a restraining order. I promised myself that. I didn’t want to worry about him on my birthday, which was only four days away.

I really hoped that Alice hadn't planned anything big. What was there to celebrate anyway? It was only proof that I was on my way to the other side of life. After twenty-five, you are not considered a youth anymore. By twenty-five, you should have accomplished the major things in life: work, love, and family.

I had at least nailed two out of three.

I frowned at my own thoughts. What was wrong with me? I sounded like a melancholic, unemployed, single, middle-aged woman that had nothing to look forward to in life.

It must be the warmth messing with my head.

“You look like you’re having a rough day,” Emmett’s amused voice said from behind me.

“You don’t say! It’s so warm in here, I think I’ll combust any second.”

“Really?” He frowned and came closer to me. “I don’t think it’s _that_ warm.”

“Then there must be something wrong with you,” I retorted and continued fanning myself.

“Or you.” Emmett leaned forward and placed his hand on my forehead. He immediately retracted it. “Damn, Bella, you're burning up. Maybe you should go home.”

I shook my head. “No, I'm fine. I'm just a little hot.”

“I'd say. You don't feel dizzy or feverish or anything?”

I rolled my eyes. “No. I told you, Emmett, I'm fine.”

“I don't know, Bella...”

“Emmett, if you want me to go home, you'll have to order me to do so”—I crossed my arms over my chest—“and both of us know that you don't have that authority.”

“He doesn't, but _I_ do.” I turned around in my chair and saw Jasper standing right behind me. I groaned. Sometimes it sucked to be friends with your boss. It felt as if they only got bossier.

“Go home, Bella. I'll call Edward or Alice,” Jasper continued and smiled gently.

“Don't you dare call any of them and pull them from their work. I told you, I'm fine. I'll go home, but I don't need anyone taking care of me.”

“As you wish,” Jasper said with a shrug.

After huffing and stuffing my things into my bag, I left the office. I know it was juvenile, but I was  _fine_ . My leaving was not for my benefit, and I wanted them to know it. I only caved to get them both off my back

**~~LiS~~**

When I entered the apartment, I saw how Alice scattered around hiding stuff, and Rosalie was holding something behind her back.

“Very subtle, guys.” I smiled and both of them looked insanely guilty. “What are you doing home, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I asked.

“So should you. What are you doing home?” Rosalie asked back.

“I got sent home.”

Alice frowned. “What? Why?”

“I just felt a little warm, and Emmett thought I should go home. I protested, but Jasper agreed with Emmett. You know, I’m starting to think that your family doesn’t like me.” I winked at Rosalie.

“Are you kidding?" She raised both of her eyebrows. "My parents adore you; George can't let you go; Emmett thinks you're awesome; you've become pretty good friends with Jasper, and I kind of like you as well."

I laughed and sat down on the couch. “Could someone open a window, it’s so warm in here.”

The girls exchanged a look. “No, it’s not,” Alice said and walked up to me. Just like Emmett, she placed her hand on my forehead to feel my temperature. “Wow, Bella, it feels like you have a fever.”

“I don’t have a fever. I’m _fine_.” I was getting very annoyed at that point.

“You should rest anyway. Go to bed and lie down, okay? Open a window to cool down, whatever to get that fever down.”

“I _don’t_ have a fever,” I insisted stubbornly.

“Have you taken your temperature?” she challenged.

“No.”

“Then how do you know you don’t have a fever?”

“Because every time I have a fever, I get headaches and chills, and I don’t have either of them right now. I only feel warm, but otherwise, I’m fit as a fiddle.”

“Go to bed anyway. Take your temperature and go to bed. That’s an order, Missy!”

“Hey, you’re only two and a half months older than me, so don’t boss me around.” I grinned at her, but I did as she said anyway. 

I took my temperature and said a silent  _I told you so_ in my head when the thermometer showed a ninety-eight point six. No fever whatsoever.

I glanced at my bed and decided that it would feel good to rest, so I opened my window wide and lied down on top of my covers. There was no way that I would crawl down into that warm cave.

I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep, but I did eventually, and I must have been very tired too because I slept for several hours.

…

…

When I woke, I felt rested, but still very warm. I decided to go out to the kitchen and get something cold to drink.

In the kitchen, Edward and Alice sat with a stack of cards playing some game I hadn’t seen them play before. I walked up behind Edward and kissed his cheek.

He turned his head, and I gave him a proper kiss. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied with a smile that quickly transformed into a worried look. “Alice told me you didn’t feel well.”

I glared at Alice before answering Edward. “I feel great. Alice is imagining things.”

“No fever?” Alice looked very skeptical.

“No fever.”

“Then why don’t I believe you?”

“Probably because you always have to be right. I’ll take my temperature right out here and show you the numbers if that will make you feel better.”

“What did the thermometer say?” Edward cut in between us.

“A perfect ninety-eight point six,” I answered.

“That’s no fever, Alice.” Edward shrugged his shoulders at his twin.

“You’re just agreeing with her because you’re having sex with her,” she said and narrowed her eyes.

Edward just winked, and I laughed.

“About that by the way…” I trailed off suggestively and let one of my hands glide down his chest. He placed his hands over mine before I went even further. We wouldn’t want to give Alice a show.

“Oh god! Spare my eyes,” she complained.

“Be quiet, Alice,” Edward said to her and rose from his chair. 

I put my mouth near his ear and whispered, “Why don’t you go to my room, and I’ll be there in a second.”

He smirked at me and left the kitchen. I looked after him and held back a groan. That man was sex on legs, I swear.

I turned to Alice. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her eyebrows raised at me.

“What?” I asked.

She just shook her head and went into her own room. Hopefully, she would sleep with her iPod on and not be too disturbed by the noise.

I looked into the refrigerator and saw a pitcher with ice water and lemon.  _Thank you, Alice!_

I poured myself a glass, and then another because I was so thirsty.

I put the pitcher back inside and then hurried to my room. I didn’t want to keep my man waiting for too long.

In my room, Edward was nowhere to be seen, so I called out for him. “Edward?”

Two hands grabbed my arms roughly, and I smiled as they started to turn me around. “What are you up to?” I asked, but I didn’t get an answer.

When we were face to face, the scream that bubbled up in my throat was stifled by the hand that clamped down over my mouth.

“Ssh, Bella, baby. Take it easy. It’s just me.”

He kept his hand over my mouth even though I tried to shake it off. I tried to pry it off, but he just grabbed my arms with his other hand and held them together. I was beginning to feel really scared now, and my eyes started to tear up.

“Oh, don’t be like that. You know I would never hurt you.” His actions went against his words because he still didn’t let me go and the tears were now falling freely. _What was he going to do with me?_

My heart was beating fast and hard. It felt as if it would explode any minute, and the blood rushing to my brain made me dizzy.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “I just want you, and now, I have you.” I shook my head.

Anger made him narrow his eyes and he pushed me down onto my bed. My mouth was finally free from his hand. “What the hell is your problem!? What are you doing in my room? And where is Edward?”

George chuckled evilly. This guy needed serious help. Something wasn’t right with him. His eyes held a crazed glint in them. “Don’t worry about him. He won’t stand in our way anymore. I took care of him.”

I felt myself go cold. “What? What do you mean ‘ _took care of him_ ’? What  _the fuck_ did you do to him?” Any minute now, I would start hyperventilating. I was terrified, not only for my own life, but for Edward’s as well, and Alice’s.

_Alice!_ She was in the next room. She should have heard my scream. Maybe she was calling the police right now, quietly so that George wouldn’t run away before they got here.

George tilted his head to the side and focused his eyes on something next to my bed. My heart almost stopped beating. I was afraid to look, but at the same time, I had to find out what he was looking at.

I leaned over to see, and what I saw made me scream out in pain.

On the floor, Edward lay in a pool of blood that was pumping from a wound on his back. His eyes were open, but they didn’t see. He was completely still and wasn’t breathing.

“ _No!!_ ” I hurled myself off the bed and sat down next to his body. My hands were covered with his blood and stained his shirt where I tried to give him CPR. “No, no, no. Please…” Tears flowed down my cheeks and fell from the tip of nose onto Edward’s blood-soaked shirt. “No, come on, Edward! Just _come on!_ ”

I felt the desperation in me rise as I pumped his heart four times and then breathed down his mouth. I got no response and my insides twisted painfully. “ _Fight_ , Edward! For fuck’s sake, just  _fight!_ I  _can’t_ lose you,  _please!_ ”

I heard a laugh behind me but didn’t turn around. Edward was my main priority. “Oh, Bella, it’s too late. I made sure the wound was fatal. He died almost instantly.”

“He. Is. _Not_. Dead.” I gritted my teeth and continued working on Edward. He was going to survive this. He was going to _survive_ this. Edward was _not dead_. He _was_ _going to survive_ this.

Where the hell was Alice? Her brother was in here, bleeding to death and she was just enjoying a movie or something? “ _Alice!_ ”

I got no answer and the panic in me increased. “Alice, get the  _fuck_ in here!  _Now!_ ” The panic wasn’t exactly helping, I knew that, but Edward was dying underneath my hands, and I needed help.

“Alice is not here,” George said calmly. That bastard was sitting on my bed, leaning against the headboard, looking as if he had all the time in the world.

“Of course she’s here. I talked to her only a few minutes ago. _Alice!_ ”

“Well, you see, she had a little surprise waiting for her in her room.” I stopped my actions for a second when I registered his words. I slowly raised my head and looked at him.

He just sat there and smiled.

That was when I snapped. “ _You fucking psycho!_ ” I launched at him and put my hands around his throat. I was going to strangle him.

As I slowly shut his airways, something very painful cut into my stomach. My grip on his throat loosened, and I glanced down.

The knife that he probably used on Edward was buried in my stomach and he was slowly burying it even deeper. I couldn’t do anything. It hurt too much.

“You see, Bella. If I can’t have you, no one can.” 

He twisted the knife, and I screamed.

…

…

I shot up in my bed and took several deep breaths. I tried to take in my surroundings, but I was extremely disoriented.

I knew I was in my bed and absolutely drenched in sweat. The clothes I went to bed with clung to my skin, and there was a big wet spot underneath me on the bed.

A cool breeze made me realize that my window was still open. It was dark outside, and I glanced at my clock.

It read 1:00 AM.  _How the hell did I sleep that long?_

My heart was pounding in my chest, and my breathing came out in gasps.

A knock on my door made me jump, and then Alice stuck her head inside. “Are you okay?”

It took a while for me to answer.

It was just a dream; a horrible nightmare. That was it. It wasn’t real. Edward was still alive, and so was Alice. George hadn’t been in my room and killed us all. It was  _just_ a  _dream_ .

I raked a hand through my messy hair. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re sure? I heard screaming.” Alice looked worried as she came farther into the room.

“No, really, I’m fine. It was just a nightmare.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” I said, but changed my mind. “Not right now, anyway.”

“Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“Definitely not,” I breathed out and shook my head. I was sure of that. I knew it was just a dream, but it had all felt so real. I had been so sure all of that really happened. But I was so glad and relieved that it actually didn’t.

“We could watch a movie. Get your thoughts on something else.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that,” I agreed.

“I’ll fix the popcorn,” Alice said and left the room. I took another deep breath and got out of bed.

This was one of the best things about Alice. Even though I didn’t always want it or asked for it, she always looked out for me and wanted to take care of me when I needed it but was too proud to ask.

Something she definitely had in common with her brother.

Thinking about Edward made me really hope he wasn’t asleep yet, or that he hadn’t been sleeping for long because I had to call him.

I grabbed my cell phone and dialed his number.

After four signals, he answered, and I exhaled with relief. I knew it was only a nightmare, but it still felt good to hear his voice.

“ _Hello?”_ His voice was rough with sleep.

“Hey, baby.”

“ _Bella? Why are you calling me at one in the morning? Is everything okay?”_

“Yeah, it’s fine now.” I was sure he could hear that something was off with my voice. Even I could hear it.

“ _Are you alright?”_

“Yes, I just needed to hear your voice.”

“ _O-kay, that sounds really girlfriend-like, but not very Bella-like. What exactly is going on?”_

I sighed. “I had another nightmare, but it was worse this time.”

“ _How was it worse?”_ he asked gently.

“It involved you,” I whispered. It would make it too real if I were to say it out loud.

“ _I’m not that scary am I?”_ He tried to make me feel better, and it did help a little.

“You’re not scary at all, but in my dream, George was.”

“ _What did he do in this one?”_ Edward knew everything about my nightmares. They hadn't been present the night before, but apparently, they were back now.

“He killed you and Alice. Then he killed me,” I said in a small voice.

“ _Oh, Bella, everything’s okay. As you can both hear and see, Alice and I are fine.”_

“Yeah, that’s why I needed to hear your voice.”

“ _Do you need me to come over?”_

I thought about it. Earlier today or yesterday or whatever, I had thought about the fact that I didn’t want to be too dependent on Edward, but it was just a fact that I didn’t have nightmares when I slept in his presence.

“I don’t want to trouble you.”

“ _Bella, don’t be ridiculous,”_ he said and hung up on me. I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. In a few minutes, I would be in the safest place there was: Edward’s arms.

 


	31. Chapter 30 Enough

**CHAPTER 30 ENOUGH**

Edward opened the door with the key Alice and I gave him months ago and enveloped me in a tight hug. It felt amazing to be in his arms after that awful dream. I was still dealing with the aftermath. I started to sweat if I so much as thought about it. It had definitely done a job on me, and I was surer than ever that it was time for me to get that restraining order. Not so much because of George, but for my own peace of mind.

Alice told me to call Rosalie in the morning, and explain, just so that she wouldn’t have any hard feelings toward the fact that I put a restraining order on her brother without telling her. Hopefully, she would understand.

Edward stroked my hair and just held me. It was peaceful, and I felt so safe. “I’m sorry for waking you up,” I said into his chest and inhaled deeply through my nose. His smell calmed me down.

Edward loosened his hold on me and cupped my face. “Don’t apologize. I would have probably done the same had it been me.” He gave me a reassuring kiss and walked with me to the living room where Alice was getting the movie ready.

For the first time ever, she asked me what kind of movie I wanted to see. Alice was a horror movie kind of girl, whereas I wasn’t, so more often than not, we watched horror films. But with the cause behind this unexpected movie night, she said that she would endure the movie I picked, without comments, so that I could get my mind off the dream.

I had decided that a comedy would be the best, so Alice was preparing  _Ace Ventura: Pet Detective._ You just got to love Jim Carrey.

When the movie ended, the clock read just past three, and Alice had fallen asleep on the couch. I was still very reluctant to go back to bed, but at least, I wouldn’t be alone this time. Edward had promised to stay for the duration of the night.

Quietly, we stood up and fixed the couch so that Alice would be more comfortable. We put a fluffy pillow under her head, and Edward placed a blanket over her. Gently, he removed the hair that had fallen into her face and placed it behind her ear. I smiled when I saw that. He really was like a big brother to her even though he was barely five minutes older. He was a natural caretaker.

We tiptoed back into my room and closed the door.

I jumped slightly when Edward pulled me back against his chest by grabbing my arms. The scenario reminded me an awful lot of my dream.

“Relax, love. It’s just you and me here, no one else,” Edward said and began to kiss my neck.

“I know.” I moaned at his manipulations. “It’s just hard to forget. I was terrified.”

“Don't worry. I'll help you forget." He found The Spot behind my ear and my knees almost buckled. He tightened his hold on my waist, and I placed my hands over his. Everything he did was so sensual and it didn't take long for the tingles to begin in my core.

We walked slowly to the bed and sat down. Edward could see in my eyes that I wasn’t in the mood for love-making. I wanted it fierce and fiery to reassure me that he was really alive and here with me. I needed to feel that all-consuming passion I’d only ever felt with Edward.

Edward continued kissing my neck while he unbuttoned my shirt. I was writhing in his arms and tilted my head to give him better access. The fire that was left behind his kisses made me able to relax because the feeling was too intense to be imaginary. Edward was really here with me. He was fine and completely unharmed.

When all my buttons were undone, Edward moved away from my neck and gazed into my eyes as he parted my shirt. I wasn’t wearing a bra, so my nipples instantly pebbled in reaction to the colder air, and Edward’s eyes drank in the vision. My chest heaved underneath his stare, and I shifted slightly when I started to get desperate for friction. He wasn’t touching me and it caused a whimper to escape me.

My shift didn’t go unnoticed by Edward, and he attached his mouth to mine while he peeled off the shirt from my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Now only dressed in the cotton shorts and panties underneath, I attacked the buttons on his shirt since he was still fully dressed. I refused to be the only one getting something out of this.

I didn’t stop once his shirt was off. Instead, I immediately went for the button on his jeans and popped that open as well. I was impatient to get us both naked. I needed to feel his body against my own.

Edward groaned when he was freed from the confines of his jeans and he deepened the kiss by pushing his tongue into my mouth.

Slowly, I pulled his pants down his legs and it caused me to kneel before him. Our eyes met and his breathing picked up when he understood what I wanted to do. I gave him a small smile and peeled off his boxers as well.

Without hesitating, I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed lightly before I began to slowly pump up and down.

Edward had a hard time staying upright so when I finally put my mouth on him, he almost collapsed. He fell back onto my bed, but immediately propped himself up on his elbows, watching me as I took more and more of him into my mouth.

He moaned loudly when I swallowed around him, relaxing my throat.

He started to carefully thrust into my mouth, and I prayed to God that my gag reflex would work with me tonight. It wasn’t very sexy when you felt the urge to vomit while you sucked your boyfriend.

I slid my hand up his leg and cupped his balls. This was something I’d never done with him in college because I’d been uncertain of what to do, but I was more experienced now and it was fun to surprise him. And he  _did_ get surprised. He tensed for a second before he groaned and closed his eyes. His breathing became labored, alerting me to the fact that he was close.

“Oh, Bella, I’m close,” he moaned, and I hollowed out my cheeks to increase the suction. I felt him twitch and removed my mouth from him, kissed the head, and continued pumping until he came. I had never been one for taking cum into my mouth, and I would never be a swallower. That was just not me.

I stood up from my position on the floor and sat down on the bed. Edward immediately placed his arms around me and dragged me down so that I would lie down next to him.

“That was amazing, Bella,” he whispered and caressed my cheek with the tips of his fingers.

“It was my pleasure,” I said and kissed him.

“Well, now it’s my turn.” He kneeled on the bed and hooked his fingers in the hem of my shorts and panties, pulling them down at the same time.

Edward grabbed my right foot and started to place small kisses along the length of my entire leg. The procedure was slow and it felt endless, but at the same time, I didn’t want him to stop.

His kisses were feather light and trailed all the way from my foot to my calf, and up to my thigh. There, he let his hand slide along the length of my other leg and then continued kissing his way up to my hip where he placed a kiss on each of my hip bones and up to my stomach. I was squirming under him and gasped when he took one of my nipples into his mouth.

My entire body was burning, and I dug my nails into his back when he circled the nipple with his tongue.

I moaned his name and arched my back to get him closer. “Oh, Edward!”

His hand—which had been playing with my other breast—trailed down my waist, over the curve of my hip, and cupped my sex. One long finger was pushed between my lower lips and ghosted over my entrance. He was teasing, and when I shifted to try and get him to touch me more, I felt how he was smiling against my breast.

“Edward, _please_ don’t tease me,” I moaned. 

He chuckled and leaned away from my breast to look me in the eye. “I’m not teasing, love. You’re just a very impatient person.”

“Can you blame me?”

“No.” And with that, his long finger entered me, and I clamped down around his digit. When I’d adjusted, he entered a second finger and then started to move them in and out while his thumb massaged my clit.

“Yes!” I exclaimed and arched my back. It gave him an opening to start feasting on my breast again. He wasn’t slow in accepting that offer.

With all the stimulation I got, it didn’t take long for my building orgasm to explode and throw me over the edge.

I hadn’t even gotten down from my high yet when I felt Edward roll on top of me and enter me again, this time with his deliciously hard member. I pulsated around him and almost came again instantly when he pulled out and entered again, harder this time.

I hooked my legs around his waist and just followed his movements as he rocked me into another orgasm that was only seconds away.

I locked my hands around his neck and looked him in the eyes as our hips met, and I craned my neck so I could kiss him.

My second orgasm came quicker than his, but he was only a few seconds behind. Afterward, we lay on our sides and just looked at each other.

“You sure know how to get a girl’s mind on other things,” I said and smiled.

He chuckled and put his arms around me. “Let’s get some sleep.”

Enveloped in Edward’s warm embrace, I felt safe enough to close my eyes, and I instantly fell into a dreamless sleep.

**~~LiS~~**

“Rosalie, it’s not so much of what he’s done. It’s just that if I don’t do something soon, I can just stop going to bed because I won’t be able to sleep anyway.”

“ _The nightmares can’t be that bad,”_ Rosalie muttered. She wasn’t happy with me or the fact that I was on my way to the police station to file a restraining order.

“You have no idea. Last night was the worst one yet, and I’ve had these nightmares for a month. Please, Rosalie, try to understand.”

“ _I do understand, Bella. But I can’t help it. He’s my brother after all.”_

“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry that I have to go to such lengths, but if this is what I have to do to get some sleep, then this is what I’ll do.”

Rosalie sighed in my ear.  _“Alright, I won’t stop you.”_

“Thank you. I don’t mean to make you choose between me and your brother.”

“ _Don’t worry, you’re not. Emmett had already warned me that you were thinking more about it. He says you look awful.”_

“Jeesh, wow, tell him 'thank you for the compliment,',” I said with heavy sarcasm lacing my voice.

“ _He’s just worried about you, Bella.”_

“Yeah, well he’s not the only one.” I pulled into the parking lot at the station and killed the engine. “I have to go now.”

“ _Okay, we’ll talk some other time.”_

“Yeah. Bye, Rose!” We hung up, and I walked inside.

A female cop sat behind a desk. “Hi,” I said to gain her attention.

“Hello, what can I help you with?” 

“I want to get a restraining order placed on my ex-boyfriend.”

**~~LiS~~**

I rubbed my eyes tiredly and tried to focus back on the computer screen, but it was hard.

Luckily, my tiredness had nothing to do with George anymore. It hadn’t for the two weeks that had passed since I got that restraining order. Now, it was an article I was writing that kept me up during the night.

There had been two murders that looked like they weren’t related in any way, but something was nagging at the investigators. Something they’d overlooked because they were quite sure that it was the same killer, but they didn’t have any suspects at all.

I was only the reporter and was already frustrated beyond belief, so I could only imagine how they felt.

It was also a known fact that sometimes an outer party, in this case, me as the reporter, would be able to see things the investigators didn’t.

If I helped solve this case, that might be the last push needed for Emmett to be able to convince Mrs. Dane that I needed a promotion.

If I got the promotion, Emmett and I would work alongside each other as the leaders of the crime team. We would even have our own office, and I wanted it badly.

I swallowed a scream as someone grabbed my arm harshly and turned me around. I was met with George’s furious face, and I felt how my heart rate quickened with fear. I never thought I would actually be afraid of George for real, but right now, he really scared me.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” His voice was low and threatening. “Why would you put a restraining order on me, Bella? What made you do that? Was it your _precious boyfriend_?”

I swallowed thickly. “George, I want you to leave me alone.” My voice didn’t sound impressive at all since it was shaking pretty badly.

“Why? I didn’t do anything to you that would make me deserve a restraining order.”

“You were harassing me with your gifts,” I whispered, but he heard it clearly.

“Harassing? How can you call that harassing? I was only showing my affection for you.”

“You made me uncomfortable. I’ve told you several times that it’s over between us, but you didn’t give up.” My voice rose in volume as I tried to get into his thick skull once and for all that I didn’t want him anymore.

“Of course I didn’t give up! Bella, I love you, and I know that we’re supposed to be together!” His voice wasn’t low anymore and my co-workers turned their heads to see what was going on. They had all seen George around before and that was why no one had reacted yet. 

Where was Emmett when you needed him? He was the only one who knew the entire story and could help me right now.

“No, George, we’re not. Now please get away from me and leave me alone.” I tried to make it final, but he only leaned closer. It was as if he could smell my fear.

“It’s that boyfriend of yours that’s brainwashing you, isn’t it? I know it is. All of this just went downhill as soon as _he_ entered your life again.” He leaned even closer and whispered in my ear. “Remember this, Bella. One way or another, we _will_ be together again.”

I closed my eyes and placed a hand over my heart, trying to calm it down, but I was too scared.

Suddenly, George was violently pulled away from me by a policeman, while another prepared handcuffs. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing; George was actually being arrested.

Emmett came and stood next to me. “I’m sorry, George, but this is for the best,” he said and placed his arm around my shoulders.

Emmett had called the cops. That was why he hadn’t helped me. He knew that it would be better to call the police instead of intervening himself. Emmett was my hero.

“What the fuck, Emmett!” George yelled at him. “You’re my fucking brother-in-law!” Emmett only looked back at him with cold eyes. 

“And Bella’s my best friend, and _no one_ hurts my friends. She gave you several chances to back off and when you didn’t, you reserved yourself a spot on my blacklist. Had you only done as she asked, things would probably look different, but instead you wouldn’t leave her alone. That’s just sick, man.”

I put my arm around Emmett’s waist and hugged him. He was the best!

George turned to me. “Bella! Do something!” His eyes held a desperate gleam in them as he pleaded with me.

“No, George. Maybe now you’ll finally realize that I don’t want you anymore. All I want is for you to leave me alone. Okay?”

By now, George was handcuffed and dragged out of the building. “If you think I’ll give up, then you’re fucking delusional!” he shouted at us.

The policeman that had pulled him away from me chuckled. “Not the best thing to say in the presence of the police, son. Everything you say can and will be held against you in the court of law.”

 


	32. Chapter 31 Halloween

**CHAPTER 31 HALLOWEEN**

“I can’t believe you actually got me into this,” I told Alice as she put the finishing touches on my makeup.

“Well, since you canceled your own birthday party, you may see this as a late celebration of sorts.”

“My birthday party would not have involved these outfits.” I had to admit that the makeup Alice had done on my face was very cool. It was also very dramatic.

“Bella, it’s only Halloween once a year, so humor me.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. 

Tonight, Alice, Jasper, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and I were going to a Halloween party. Until Alice mentioned it, I thought costume parties were only for teenagers, but she had said that this was a twenty-one and older party, so we wouldn’t be the only ones dressed up. But we would definitely be the only ones there who’d gone all the way like this. Alice had even sown Rosalie’s, her own, and my costumes herself.

She had wanted to make the guys’ costumes as well, but they said that it was a surprise and neither of us girls had any idea what they were planning on dressing up as. Except probably Rosalie, since she was getting ready with Emmett at their house.

Alice had only one condition on the costumes, and that was that they had to match. Not so much that Edward’s costume had to match mine, but that the guys’ matched each other just like we did.

We girls even had a theme. Alice was going as Poison Ivy—she said she got the idea out of her green eyes—Rosalie was an Earth Nymph, and I was dressed as Mother Earth.

I actually kind of liked my costume. It wasn’t like many women's Halloween costumes looked like these days when everything was supposed to be sexy. No, Alice said she wanted to emphasize my natural beauty instead and she didn’t see any need for a sexy costume since the only one I wanted to look sexy for was already mine. She had a solid argument there.

My costume was a dark gray dress that went to my ankles, with off-the-shoulder, three-quarter sleeves and a corset bodice. It had green and brown details on it, like tulle at the end of the arms and also hanging down in pieces on the skirt. There were also soft plastic leaves on the neckline. Alice had even gone to such lengths as to find nude-colored shoes that made it look like I was barefoot.

My hair was braided and full of flowers that flowed down from the headpiece that was a crown of leaves and flowers.

Rosalie’s costume was a bit more toward the sexy style, but that was only because Rosalie wanted it. She said that even though she was married, it didn’t mean that she couldn’t test how possessive Emmett would get if guys looked a bit too much at her. She said it was the best way to make sure that Emmett never took her for granted.

She was going to wear a light green dress that barely reached the middle of her thighs, but it had four longer sections at the front, back, and sides. It was a very light and breezy fabric that would make it look like the wind caught it every time she moved. It had a sweetheart neckline with golden spaghetti straps that were covered in flowers on her left shoulder. She also had a headpiece, but not one that looked like a crown the way mine did, it was more of loose flowers that she put in her updo.

Then there was Alice. She had painted her entire body green and was only wearing a strapless bra with panties, which she’d both covered in vines and leaves. She’d drawn 3D looking vines on her arms and legs and topped it off with the classical red wig that reached below her ass. Around her neck, she wore the little vial of “poison.”

“Did I tell you that you’ve done an excellent job on these costumes?” I asked Alice as I looked at myself in the mirror.

“Yes, you have, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it again.” Alice winked at me and made a slow spin to show off her entire costume, or rather lack of costume. “How do I look?”

“I believe that, right now, you’re the wet dream of every comic nerd there is.” Alice grinned, seemingly satisfied with my answer. “I know you said that you got the idea from your green eyes, but exactly why did you decide to dress like Poison Ivy?”

I wasn’t sure since her face was green, but it looked like she was blushing. “She might have been Jasper’s favorite villain.”

“Ah! I suspected something like that.” I looked down at myself. “And what made you go for the Mother Earth look for me?”

“I’ve always seen you as a very caring and loving person with a gentle nature, but if someone messes with you then you should take a step back.” I smiled at that thought. That she compared me to someone as powerful as Mother Earth was the highest compliment I’d ever gotten. “Talking about people who mess with you, how are things going with George?”

Ah, George, yes, he got arrested that afternoon and had to spend the night in jail as a punishment for violating the stipulations in the restraining order.

Even after that, he tried to continue sending me those gifts that I’d come to see as a threat from him, telling me that it wasn’t over, but I immediately called the police and they arrested him again. This time, they got him in front of a judge that put a supervisor on him so that he couldn’t harass me anymore.

They couldn’t do much worse than that since he hadn’t actually tried to hurt me, but they did give him a warning that they could sentence him to up to six months in jail if he went against the restraining order one more time.

The time for his supervision was coming to an end later in the week, so I had been a little tense lately, but hopefully he got the memo this time.

“Things are actually fine. I’m a bit worried, but if he tries anything then he’ll be put away for a long time, so I know now that he’s not going to hurt anyone.”

“Yeah, that must be a huge relief for you.”

“Definitely. It’s a bit sad that this would happen to one of my closest friend’s brother, but that just proves that you never know what life will throw at you.”

“Tell me about it.”

Rosalie and I never talked about George. I didn’t know how her family handled it, but I really hoped they wouldn’t hold any grudges since I was practically the one that put him where he now was. But whenever Rosalie and I were in the same room, it was as if George didn’t even exist and that was a big relief for me. It helped me to focus on other things in my life. Like that promotion I wanted.

All of the bosses had a meeting earlier in the month, and both Jasper and Mrs. Dane was there. Mrs. Dane had asked Emmett who he thought he would work the best with, and I had been one of the employees he mentioned. He said that he didn’t want to make it too obvious by only saying my name, so he mentioned two others that had started at the paper around the same time as me and were almost at my level only not as passionate about the job as I was.

And then there was Jasper. He knew what I could do and he was Mrs. Dane’s boss’s boss, so I was pretty sure that I had almost secured that office with Emmett.

Jasper refused to tell me what went down in the meeting because, even though we were friends, he was first and foremost my boss, and I accepted that.

“So are we ready?” I asked.

Alice fluffed her wig one last time and turned to me. “Yep, let’s go and meet up with the others.” She tossed me the keys to the apartment and her phone because my costume was the only one that could hide a discreet pocket, so I had been assigned guard duty tonight.

When Alice and I arrived at the club, there was already a really long line outside, and I hoped that the others had arrived before us and secured a place. It looked like it would take forever to just get inside.

“I don’t know if I should be angry or thrilled with your lack of clothing, Ms. Cullen,” we heard Jasper say behind us. I’d recognize his accent from anywhere since I heard it quite often at our place nowadays. 

Jasper and Alice had been together for approximately four months now, so they were getting pretty serious, and they were just the cutest couple ever, with him being almost as tall as Emmett and her shorter than me.

Alice and I turned around and were met with Jasper dressed like a gangster straight from a thirties thriller. He had the pinstriped suit, the hat, and even a cigar in the corner of his mouth.

I have to say that it felt insanely weird to see him like that. I mean, even if I saw him dressed casually at my apartment, I’d always seen him as my boss first and my friend later. To see him dressed up like this was just strange.

“Wow, that’s a vision you don’t see every day,” I teased him. 

He turned to me and smiled. “I wouldn’t even be here if Alice didn’t want me here, Bella. I’m just humoring her.”

“Hmm, seems like a lot of people are doing that tonight,” I said and turned to Alice.

She shrugged. “I really wanted to go to this party,” she replied simply.

“That’s fine, Alice! Jasper needs to loosen up a bit anyway!” Emmett bellowed from across the street. He and Rosalie looked great together because, somehow, their costumes matched. Both were connected to the forest. She was the forest nymph and Emmett was dressed like Robin Hood and not the one with leotards and that green hat with the red feather. No, his costume looked like an almost exact replica of the one Russell Crowe wore in that movie and it looked really good on Emmett. I didn’t think I would have been able to take him seriously had he walked up to us in tights.

But I couldn’t see the connection between Jasper and Emmett’s costumes. I tried, but I couldn’t. I was just about to ask when I got interrupted.

“Alice, you have outdone yourself this time. Those costumes are amazing.”

“Thank you, dear brother.” 

I turned around and there was Edward, almost entirely dressed in black. I couldn’t identify what he was supposed to be. He had a long black coat, a white shirt with a black vest, and black dress pants. He also had some kind of cowboy hat and a gun belt.

At first look, I’d say he was a cowboy, but I don’t think that was what he was.

He grabbed my hand and twirled me around so that he could look at me from all angles. “Wow, you’re beautiful.”

“Thank you, but I’m sorry, I can’t figure out what you are. Are you a cowboy or something?”

“From that time period, yes, but no, I’m a Bounty Hunter,” he said and held his arms out so we could see the entire costume.

“I would never have guessed that,” I admitted.

“But seriously guys, Emmett refused to tell me what your costumes were, but now that I see them, I can’t see the connection at all,” Rosalie said.

“No, me neither,” Alice and I said in unison.

“You really can’t see it?” Jasper asked.

We shook our head.

“We are villains,” Emmett said with a ‘duh’ tone.

I looked at the guys again and could see that with Edward and Jasper, but I’d always thought Robin Hood was a hero.

“Isn’t Robin the good guy?” I asked.

I blushed when all the guys rolled their eyes at me. “He’s viewed as one, but you do know he’s lawless, right? He’s a thief,” Emmett cleared it up for me, and I felt stupid for asking. I knew that already.

We continued chatting amongst our group while we stood in line. I couldn’t believe that it took us half an hour to even get inside. That was why I hated clubs. I liked bars and to take a beer at home. That was more my comfort zone.

Inside, it was crazy. I never went to clubs, so I didn’t know if this was a normal scenario, minus the costumes. There was a dance floor packed with people and separate platforms for the DJ and the bar.

On the platform for the bar, there were stairs that led up to a second floor where you were able to just sit. You would probably not be able to talk much since the design was like a balcony, so the loud music flowed up there as well. I guess that at clubs, the table seats were only for those that needed to rest from dancing too much.

Well, I was here to humor Alice, so I would keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. Maybe, when I got used to the whole thing, I would actually enjoy myself.

Alice and Rosalie immediately took the lead. They apparently knew what to do, so I just followed.

They walked out to the dance floor, but didn’t stay to dance, they just crossed to reach the bar platform faster. I kept a tight hold on Edward’s hand so I wouldn’t lose him in the sea of bodies that were swaying to the music.

When we reached the platform, Alice and Rosalie gestured that we would go to the upper floor and find a table.

I was quite amazed when I realized that even though the upper floor was open to the dance floor, the music wasn’t as loud up there so you could actually talk to each other without having to shout. It must have been something with the acoustics.

“What do you say about getting a couple of drinks before we hit the dance floor?” Alice suggested. Rosalie and Emmett immediately agreed while Edward, Jasper, and I were quite reluctant. I knew that Edward wasn’t much for clubs, and I assumed that Jasper wasn’t either.

“Uh, Alice, I’m not sure that I want to dance down there.” It wasn’t that I had any aversion to dancing. I quite liked it actually, but to be pushed at from all sides by other sweaty people wasn’t something that appealed to me at the moment.

“What? Of course you’re going to dance, that’s why we’re here, right?”

I looked at the dance floor again and sighed. I had to remember that I was there for her, so I would just have to endure it.

I turned to Edward. “I’ll apologize in advance that I’ll probably be clingy tonight. You are not allowed to let go of me.”

Edward laughed. “Don’t worry. I quite like having you close.”

“Good.”

“Awesome!” Alice exclaimed and walked to a table. “I don’t think we all have to go get drinks. Why don’t I and Rosalie go while you sit here?”

The rest of us agreed and sat down. I saw that even if he tried to mask it, Jasper was quite uncomfortable. “I take it you don’t go to clubs,” I said with a smile.

“You got that right. This isn’t really my field.”

“So I’ve noticed.”

“Do you think Alice noticed? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. It’s quite obvious that she likes these kinds of things.”

Edward put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. Alice isn’t one to get discouraged by a difference in interest. And she really likes you, so I don’t think she’ll let you go for quite some time.”

“I sure hope so.”

“So, Emmett, how come I didn’t know that you’re a club person?” I asked

Emmett grinned at me. “You might be my best girlfriend, but there are lots of things you don’t know about me.”

“Really? Do tell!”

“Oh, no! A guy must be allowed to have his secrets.”

“Fine! But seriously, do you often go to places like this?”

“Not really. Rosalie and I used to go to clubs early in our relationship. You know she was only twenty-two then, and I was at the tender age of twenty-three.” We all laughed at that comment. “She had just graduated from college, so this was part of her lifestyle, and I tagged along. That was when I noticed that I liked having a good excuse to be close to her on the dance floor.”

Rosalie and Alice came back then. They put a beer in front of each guy, but I got some kind of pink drink. “Why didn’t you get a beer for me too?”

“Because you need to try something new once in a while,” Rosalie said.

“But the guys got beer,” I complained.

“But you’re not a guy, Bella.”

“So?”

“Just try the damn drink.”

I picked up the glass and sipped at it. Ugh! That was a lot of sugar. I swallowed it down with effort and looked up at the others. The guys looked at me with sympathetic looks while the girls looked expectant.

“Well, what did you think?” Alice asked.

“I’m sorry, but that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted.” The guys laughed at me, and I looked at them questioningly.

“I guess that our Bella will never be much of a girly girl, huh,” Emmett said and handed me his beer. “Here, I’ll get myself a new one.”

“Thank you, Emmett!”

We sat there and drank and talked and had a great time when Alice said that she wanted to dance. I listened to the music and told her that I would wait for a different song. The song that was playing was an upbeat, fast song that I’d never heard before, and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable dancing to it.

“Alright, but promise me that you won’t sit here the entire night.”

“I promise, Alice.”

The two couples left for the dance floor, leaving me and Edward alone.

“Having a good time?” Edward put his arm around me, pulling me closer to his side.

“Well, I’m not complaining about the company at least.” I winked at him and chuckled.

“Good.” He placed his hand under my chin and kissed me. I would never tire of that man’s kisses.

“I have to go to the bathroom, but when I get back, you and I are joining the others down there,” Edward said and got up.

“Fine, I’ll wait for you here.”

“I won’t be long.”

After fifteen minutes, I started to wonder what was taking so long. He said he would be back soon.

“Hey, beautiful. Mind if I join you?” a voice asked next to me. I turned to see who it was and saw a man I’d never seen before. He was dressed as a vampire, like a lot of other people at this party. Some people had no imagination. I couldn’t even count how many vampires, devils, witches, and skeletons I’d seen tonight.

I could see in this man’s eyes that it wasn’t only my company he wanted. This guy was on the hunt for a girl to take home tonight.

“Sorry, but I have a boyfriend,” I said hoping he would walk away. I didn’t like the vibes I got from this guy.

“Well, he's not here now, is he? You're allowed to have fun." He sat down next to me, and since I sat close to a wall, I was trapped.

“Not the kind of fun you obviously had in mind.” I moved away from him, closer to the wall. It was a bad move on my side because he only moved even closer.

“C’mon, baby. I can see that you want to.” In what delusional world did this guy live? I was trying to get the hell away from him and he interpreted that as me acting hard to get? Where was Edward? Or maybe any of the guys down there could see me.

“Look, buddy! I’m not interested so get off me.” That creep then had the guts to put his arm around my shoulder and lay a hand on my thigh.

I shuddered.

“When I’ve spotted a ten like you, I’m not likely to let her go,” he whispered in my ear.

I shoved him away from me and must have caught him by surprise because he looked shocked that I even did it, but he soon got his composure back. “Don’t be like that, sugar.” He tried to place his hand on my face, and I put my hand up between us.

“If you come any closer, I'll scream," I warned him, but he just laughed.

“Like anyone will hear you in here.”

I raised my voice as loud as I could without actually screaming. “Get the fuck off me!”

“I would listen to her if I were you,” a quiet, but furious Edward said when he reached the table.

The guy turned around to see who was interrupting and smiled cockily when he realized that he was bigger than Edward in size. “Oh yeah? Says who?”

“Says her boyfriend.”

“Oh, sugar! You can’t be serious with this guy. He’s a shrimp!” Edward was no shrimp. He was well-built and knew how to get in a good punch, but he had never been one to crush someone physically when he knew he could crush them on an intellectual level.

“This shrimp also happens to be a lawyer and can have you put away for sexual harassment in the blink of an eye, so I’d remove those hands from her if I were you.” The guy seemed to lose some of his confidence when he realized that Edward wasn’t afraid of him and that he was probably telling the truth.

“Look, man, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just wanted to have some fun!”

“With _my_ girl? I’m afraid that’s not acceptable. You’ve trespassed on territory which was _not_ yours to cross.” Edward’s green eyes were burning with suppressed rage. He was staring at the guy’s hand that still lingered on my thigh. 

The guy tried one last time. “It’s not like you can do anything without witnesses.”

“Which he’s got four of,” Alice said. I hadn’t seen or heard them join us, but now all four of them stood behind Edward, glaring at the guy. 

The guy’s eyes darted from Edward to Jasper and eventually landed on Emmett. At the moment, Emmett didn’t look like a guy you wanted to cross. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, showing off his impressive biceps, and the guy actually cowered a bit under his glare.

“Impressive crowd you hang with, Beautiful. I can see I'm not welcome." With that, he left, and I exhaled in relief. 

Edward offered me his hand to help me stand and pulled me close to his chest. “I am so sorry, baby. The line to the bathroom was really long.”

“It’s not your fault. Apparently, I have a talent for attracting creeps. Besides, nothing really happened. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, but still—” 

I interrupted him with a kiss. “I told you, I’m fine, so let’s leave it at that.”

He nodded and turned to Alice. “I think Bella and I are going to head home.”

“Of course. I’ll see you at home, Bella,” Alice said and hugged me.

“Yeah, I had a great time, though.” She raised her eyebrows. “Really! I did, I promise.”

She still looked skeptical but shrugged her shoulders.

Edward and I said goodnight to the others and headed to my apartment. That was where I was the most comfortable, after all.

 


	33. Chapter 32 Pain

**CHAPTER 32 PAIN**

_2 MONTHS LATER_

I woke up early because I had to pee.  _Again._

The night had been insane. I was never one for waking up several times a night just to go to the bathroom. I always slept like the dead once I fell asleep, but I had woken up every other hour tonight because I had to go.

I was pretty sure that Edward was beginning to get annoyed as well since he woke up every time I had to get up. I tried to tell him that if he would just stay on his side of the bed instead of using me as his teddy bear then we wouldn’t have that problem.

I was a bit cranky since I didn’t get any sleep either.

“Are you serious?” his rough and sleepy voice said in my ear when I stirred.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s with me tonight.”

“What time is it?”

“Five-thirty.”

“I have to get up now anyway.” He groaned and sat up. When he stretched, the cover fell away and left me a very nice view of his bare chest. I looked at him appreciatively.

When he saw me looking, he grinned lazily at me. “Didn’t you need to use the bathroom?”

“I’m not in a rush.” I looked at him through my lashes, and he immediately grabbed my shoulders and pinned me underneath his own body.

“Don’t tease me, Ms. Swan.”

“I’m not teasing. I gave you that Christmas gift for a reason.” 

Aside from the gift he got when we opened them last week with our family, I told him later that night that for the duration of the holidays, he was allowed to do anything he sexually wanted to do with me. It was New Year’s Day today, so he only had the chance to use that gift for a few more days.

“As tempting as that is, I have to get to the office.” He moved away from me, and I sighed.

Then what he said registered in my head. “Are you serious? They make you go into the office on  _New Year’s Day_ ?”

“We don’t have anything planned, do we?”

“No, but they shouldn't make you go in anyway."

“I’m sorry, but you know I have that case going on, and the court date is in three weeks, so I really have to go through everything. And tonight, they want me to come to a meeting with the owners.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, but they specifically said that they wanted me to be there.”

“Are you coming back here after that?” 

During the last month, Edward had steadily started to move his things over to my apartment. He was very rarely at home, and it was nice to have him around since Alice had kind of abandoned me. She was almost always at Jasper’s these days.

“No, I’m sorry. The meeting is really late, and I don’t want to disturb you when you’re already asleep.”

“If I’ll sleep at all with the way this night went,” I muttered and remembered that I had to pee.

“That is another reason,” he said with a smile. “It would be nice to get a full night’s sleep since I’ll be up late tonight.”

I narrowed my eyes at him but still smiled back. “I knew there was another motive.” He just continued smiling. “Okay, well now I really have to pee.”

I stood up from the bed when I felt Edward swat my ass. I laughed at him and swayed my hips seductively while I slowly walked to my bathroom. I heard him groan, and when I looked over my shoulder I saw that he’d buried his face in my pillow.

I just loved the contentment we had with each other. George had not bothered me again after his supervision period was over and everything was…I didn’t want to say that it was perfect and jinx it, but it was close to it.

The only thing that irritated me right now was this constant feeling that I had to pee, but when I went to the bathroom almost nothing came out. What was up with that?

Maybe I was about to have my period or something.

But I’d never had this feeling before when I was ovulating, so that couldn’t be it.

I decided that I would look it up on the internet later because I had a free day.

When I entered the kitchen, Edward stood with a cup of coffee and a bagel in his hands, fully dressed in one of his suits that he looked dangerously handsome in.

“You’ll have to make up for this tomorrow.” I grabbed his suit jacket and pulled him to me for a kiss. He tasted of bagel and coffee.

“You have my word.” He kissed me one last time before he went out the door. I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was only six. Those bosses of his were not human or they just knew that they could take advantage of him since he was always willing to work. Maybe I needed to talk to him about that, but he would probably just say that I was thinking too much. 

But he had to know that I cared, right? But then he might think I was this clingy girlfriend that always wanted him close to me.

I stopped myself right there. What was I doing? What was up with the inner conversation where I answered my own questions? If I was worried then all I needed to do was talk to Edward.

I cleared my head and ate some breakfast before sitting down by my laptop to search for reasons that you needed to pee every hour.

I pulled up Google and found a site with all kinds of diagnosis. There was diabetes, weight loss, stress, bladder infection, and weak pelvic muscles. The only thing I could really relate to was stress, but at the same time, I wasn’t a stressed out person, only when circumstances warranted it.

Maybe I had weak pelvic muscles. I should go to a doctor about that, but I didn’t want to come off as some kind of hypochondriac.

I would wait a few days. If it didn’t get any better, then I would make an appointment to be checked by a doctor.

I heard a key in the door and looked up in time to see Alice tiptoeing inside as if she didn’t want to wake anyone. “You know that you look ridiculous when you walk like that, right?”

Alice jumped and put her hand over her heart when she heard me. Apparently, she hadn’t seen me sitting on the couch. “Shit! You scared me, Bella.”

“Sorry.” I chuckled at her.

“What are you doing up so early?” she asked and sat down next to me. I looked at the clock again and saw that it had just turned seven.

“I had trouble sleeping, and Edward had to go to the office.” I shrugged.

“What? He had to go to the office _today_?”

“Yeah, I had the same reaction. He said something about a meeting he had to go to tonight, so he won’t be coming over.”

“Well, then I have a suggestion for you. What do you say about having a lazy day today? We won’t do anything but watch TV and stuff our faces with junk food.”

“Sounds great, but aren’t you going back to Jasper’s?”

“No.” She pouted. “He’s flying to New York today and won’t be coming back until Sunday.”

“At least you got to spend New Year’s with him.”

“That was only because I demanded it. He was supposed to have gone on the twenty-ninth, but I forbid him. He also said that he didn’t want to miss our first New Year’s together for a business trip.”

“You’ve got quite a catch there, Alice. Don’t let him go.”

“God no! I’ll never let this one go. He’s golden.”

“And you do really fit together. I don’t think anyone but him would have been able to get you to stop smoking.” Alice hadn’t had a cigarette for four months now, and I was so glad about that. I didn’t want her to get cancer.

“Yeah, but he got me addicted to something else instead.”

“Yeah? What?”

“Him.” She winked at me, and I laughed loudly.

“Oh my god! Alice, how cliché can you get?”

“It might be cliché, but it’s true. I can’t get enough of him.”

“Then I think it’s in place I should congratulate you for mission accomplished. You’ve succeeded in something many women only dream about. Getting and keeping, literally, the man of your dreams.”

It felt so good to be with Alice like this again. Since she got together with Jasper, everything we did was “couple things”: double dates, group outings, etc. The guys always tagged along, so Alice and I hadn’t had any alone time in a while. I could feel that this day would be awesome.

And I was right.

The day was _totally_ awesome. I might not be a girly girl full time, but sometimes it felt good to be one, so Alice and I had a slumber party of sorts, except it lasted for the whole day.

We gave each other manicures and pedicures; we did hilarious hairstyles on each other; we laughed, a lot; took crazy pictures; watched movies; ordered in, and just had plain fun.

I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed that much, and it felt as if I was eighteen again. If this was how Alice felt almost every day, I could understand why she kept a hold on her inner teenager. It felt great and liberating. Not even my constant need to pee irritated me.

Before we knew it, it was dark outside. We laughed even harder when we realized that the entire day had passed without us noticing.

We collapsed on the couch to rest, but I couldn’t get comfortable. My lower back ached, and I tried to find a position to soothe it, but I couldn’t.

“What is it?” Alice asked, sounding slightly out of breath. We had been jumping around like crazy and done some kind of “dancing” to nostalgic music.

“I don’t know. I just can’t get comfortable. And my back hurts. Maybe I pulled a muscle or something.”

“Oh god! You sound so old when you talk like that.” I laughed with her at that.

“Yeah, but it’s true. We’re not eighteen anymore.”

“No, but we’re twenty-five. This is supposed to be the top of the youth mountain. This is our glory year.”

I tried to massage my own back but couldn’t get it quite right.

“What does it feel like?”

“A bit like period pains, I guess.”

“Well, there you have it. You’re probably about to have your period.”

“Probably,” I agreed with her, even though I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that it wasn’t that.

Alice yawned, and I looked at the clock. It was already 11:30 PM.

“You know what? I think I’ll go to bed,” Alice said. She looked around at the mess we’d made during the day. “Let’s take care of this tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Alice walked into her bedroom, but I stayed on the couch. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the ache in my back had nothing to do with my period. Usually, my back  _did_ hurt when I had period pains, but not like this. Then I only got uncomfortable, but I could feel how this pain was escalating.

I was probably thinking too much into it like I always did. I inhaled and got up from the couch.

That was when it felt as if someone stabbed me in the back. I gasped and placed a hand right over the spot, but it was over just as fast as it came.

What. The. Hell? That hurt!

I was afraid it would happen again, so I walked carefully to my bedroom. Hopefully, it would feel better tomorrow and a little sleep would make it better.

I went to bed without brushing my teeth. I just didn’t feel like doing it, and I was really tired.

When I was lying down, the pain subsided back to a small ache. I was still a bit uncomfortable, but it was better than what the ache had developed into when I was standing up.

I twisted and turned, but I just couldn’t sleep. It was impossible to get into a good position and when I looked at the clock, I saw that it had passed one 'o clock. I’d been tossing for over an hour.

I needed to relax. I turned back around on my back and just concentrated on my breathing. In through my nose and out from my mouth. I went through the standard things to relax the entire body. I tensed my feet and then relaxed; I continued up to my calves and thighs and did the same thing there.

It wasn’t until I reached where you were supposed to make your hands into fists that the stabbing feeling came back. I arched my back slightly and had to take really shallow breaths until it went away.

This one lasted longer and it hurt even more. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was starting to get scared.

When it was over, I felt how tired I was. Maybe if I slept, it would go away. I hoped so.

I finally fell asleep and it was bliss, but I didn’t sleep for more than a couple of hours. I was awakened by the stabbing feeling again, but this was the worst one yet, and it was in my entire abdomen this time.

I wanted to scream, but nothing came out.

I sat up in bed and shivered when the covers fell off me. I realized that I was covered in sweat, but I was still very cold. I looked at my sheets and saw that I’d been lying in a big puddle of my own sweat.

I had to check if I had started my period. I was pretty sure that I hadn’t, but I felt that I had to do something.

I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t. It hurt too much.

But I had to get to the bathroom now. I swallowed thickly, took a deep breath, and made a real effort in standing up. That small exertion made me sweat even more.

Fucking hell it hurt!

One step at a time, I succeeded in reaching the bathroom and locked the door behind me. When I reached the toilet, I sat down heavily on the lid and took several deep breaths. It felt as if I was dying. Or the way I thought it felt to die. My entire lower body hurt, my heart was racing, I was sweating, and I couldn’t take a decent deep breath.

Once again, I was struck with a pain I never thought existed. I was really scared now and began to cry. With the next wave, I couldn’t keep myself from screaming out in pain.

The waves were closer together now, and I held my arms around my stomach while I rocked back and forth on the seat.

The pain shot through me again, and I was absolutely certain that I was dying. My breathing came out in gasps, and I clenched my fist and put it in my mouth, just to keep myself from screaming. It didn't help, though.

The tears fell hot and heavy from my eyes as I screamed at the top of my lungs when the next wave of pain hit me. I tumbled from the toilet seat and curled up into a fetal position. I knew that Alice probably had woken up when I started to scream and was on her way, but  I needed her to come fast so I started to kick the walls .

Only seconds later did I hear frantic knocking on the door. “Bella? Bella? What's going on?” I opened my mouth to answer her, but at that exact moment a pain beyond what I'd experienced before rippled through me, and I knew my scream would've been able to break glass.

Alice pulled on the handle but panicked when she realized that the door was locked. “Bella! Bella! I can't get in! You're scaring me! Please, open the door!” I took several deep breaths and tried to drag myself toward the door. I'd always thought my bathroom was very small, but now it felt like miles from the toilet to the door. My hands were sweaty and it made it hard for me to get a good grip to drag myself forward. They slipped and slid on the tile floor and I was only able to move a few inches forward at a time.

I straightened out my body but regretted it instantly when I felt the resulting pain, like a knife slicing through my stomach.

Why did this happen? What was it that happened? I didn't know. Everything had come on so sudden, and I was terrified. Eventually, I reached the door, but I couldn't reach the lock and open the door.

“Bella, are you okay? Please, talk to me,” Alice sobbed outside the door. I tried to gain some strength, just so I would be able to reach out my arm and unlock the door. I extended my arm as far as I could and was actually able to get a grip on the handle. With the help of that and the sink, I was able to push myself up into a kneeling position and unlock the door. That was the end of my strength, though, and I slumped down on the floor.

Alice burst through the door and took one look at my clammy forehead. My hair was wet from exertion, and I was shivering. Alice quickly got my hair away from my face and put a wet cloth on my forehead. She was just about to get up and call the hospital when I felt a tickling feeling going down my thighs. I looked down and screamed again, this time out of fright instead of pain. A small trickle of blood was coming down each of my legs.

Alice looked down at me and her eyes widened.

I started to cry even harder and gripped the hem of Alice’s t-shirt to pull her down so that she’d be level with me. “Alice, don't let me die! Please, don't let me die!”

“Bella, don't say that. You're not dying, okay? You'll be just fine.” She stood up, and I was too weak to keep her with me.

“Alice, don't leave me,” I begged her while fresh tears streamed down my cheeks.

Alice shook her head. “I won't, but I have to call for an ambulance, Bella.” She ran from the bathroom and toward the living room to get the phone.

Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming urge to push, the feeling originating somewhere around my pelvis .

”ALICE!”

She came back with the phone at her ear. She sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. I squeezed it so hard, I was pretty sure it hurt her, but at the moment; she didn’t seem to care.

“Hello? I need an ambulance sent to—” She was interrupted by the one on the other side. “No, it’s not me, it’s my roommate. She’s got severe abdominal pains and there’s blood and…” She was talking so fast that I didn’t get the rest. It could have been the fact that the blood was pulsing behind my ears, so I could barely hear anything at all. I was feeling dizzy, but everything hurt too much for me to pass out.

“Bella?” I turned my head her way. “Bella, the ambulance is on the way, just hang in there, okay?”

I nodded weakly, but the dizziness only got worse by that, and I threw up on the floor.

“Shit, I have to call Edward.” 

“No! I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“Are you crazy?! He would kill me if I kept this from him.”

She dialed his number and cursed when he didn't answer. She tried again, but still, there was no answer. "Fucker! Just pick up the damn phone!" She was panicking again.

The third time, he  _did_ answer. “Why the fuck aren’t you answering your phone?!” she screamed in his ear. “No! Don’t give me that crap! There’s something wrong with Bella.”

“No, stupid! She’s _not_ okay! If she had been then I wouldn’t call you, now would I?”

“Just get your ass to the hospital. I’ve already called an ambulance, and they’re on the way. I’ll see you there.” She hung up on him and put the phone on the floor. I felt so cold and shivered violently.

“Bella, you’re freezing!” She hurried out to my bed and grabbed my cover. She put it around me and tried to warm me up by running her hands up and down my arms.

_Where the fuck was that ambulance?_

 


	34. Chapter 33 Baby

**CHAPTER 33 BABY**

**Alice's Perspective**

It felt like hours later when I heard the paramedics enter the door. I had told them to just go straight in because the door was unlocked.

I was absolutely terrified for Bella. What could possibly cause her to hurt like this?

I could also see how scared Bella was. She squeezed my hand so hard I was afraid she’d break it, but I didn’t want to say anything because she needed me right then.

When the paramedics entered the bathroom, I sat behind Bella with her leaning back against me. I was trying to soothe her by stroking her forehead and to keep myself calm for that matter. Bella depended on me to be strong, so I couldn't show her how absolutely panicked I felt.

She leaned forward every time she screamed as if someone was punching her in the stomach. It was painful to see her like that.

“Oh, thank god, you're here!" I exclaimed with relief when the two male paramedics entered. "I don't know what's wrong with her."

“Don’t worry, Miss; we’ll take a look at her,” one of them said, and I nodded.

“We’ll have to move her. There’s not enough room for all of us in here,” the other said.

I slowly stood up so that the first paramedic could take my place. He grabbed Bella under her arms while the other grabbed her legs. When they lifted her, she cried out in pain.

“No! Put her down,” I protested.

“Miss, we _have_ to move her.”

“But she’s in pain.”

“We can see that. We’re only trying to do our job.” I knew that he was emotionally detached from this since he didn’t know her, but I really wanted to hit him for being so calm while Bella writhed on the floor in pain.

I wish I’d told Edward to come over here instead of going straight to the hospital. He would have had a few things to say to these medics.

“Okay, I’ll leave the room, that way you can both be in there, but you’re not moving her while she is in this pain,” I ordered them.

But of course, Bella heard me. “No, Alice! Don’t leave me. Please! I’m scared.”

“I know that, honey, but if I’m in here then they won’t be able to see what’s wrong, okay?” I told her in a, hopefully, soothing voice.

“I’d rather they move me,” she said through clenched teeth. I wanted to curse at her, but I didn’t do that. Bella was stubborn, and I couldn’t deny her.

“Fine! Move her, but be _careful_.”

“Of course.” They tried again and Bella scrunched up her entire face to refrain from screaming, but, fortunately, it didn’t take long for them to move her to the bigger space on her bedroom floor.

The paramedic by her feet brought out a tiny flashlight to check that her pupils dilated like they should.

“Where does it hurt the most?” he asked Bella.

“My lower stomach and back," she gasped out. She was trying to catch her breath after being moved. The paramedic put his hands on her stomach and started to feel around. I didn't know what he found, but he looked very surprised.

“What? What is it?” I asked.

He didn’t answer me. Instead, he turned straight to Bella. “Miss, are you pregnant?”

I gaped.

“What?! No, I’m not pregnant!” Bella exclaimed.

“Well, it sure feels as if you are.”

“I’m _not!_ I‘ve had my period like usual, and I don’t have a pregnant belly, so don’t tell me I’m pregnant. I’m _not pregnant!_ ”

I finally regained my voice. “How is it possible?” I whispered.

“It’s not that unusual, Miss. It happens.”

“B-but how?”

The paramedic stood up and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Look, your friend is in labor. Her baby is on the way right now, and if we don't get going, she'll have the baby right here on her bedroom floor. She's obviously in denial and a lot of pain, so we need you to keep her calm. Can you do that?" I nodded mutely. "Good." He brought a communication radio to his mouth and ordered up a stretcher so they could transport Bella to the hospital.

“Alice, please tell these two that they’re crazy because I am _not_ pregnant!” I didn’t know what to do. Clearly, I was in shock and if _I_ felt this way, I couldn’t even fathom how Bella felt; even though she was in denial.

The only thing I could do was to humor her so that she wouldn’t stress too much. I was pretty sure I’d heard Dad tell Mom once that a mother-to-be had died during the birth because she was so stressed.

“Bella, both you and I know that you’re not pregnant, but you’re clearly in pain, so just let them do their job and get you to the hospital. Okay, honey?”

When she heard me agree with her, she exhaled with relief and relaxed as much as she could while still being in pain. She thought that at least someone was on her side.

I couldn’t keep up with time. Suddenly, we were in the ambulance, and I tried to distract Bella to the best of my abilities while they did an ultrasound on her.

“What are they doing?” she asked in a tiny voice. I had never in my life as her friend heard her talk like that.

“We're just checking that your baby is fine, Miss," the paramedic said without thinking.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m not pregnant! How many times do I have to tell you that?” she angrily replied. She had quite the temper when she was stressed.

“Right…" the paramedic dragged the word out in a sarcastic way, but Bella didn't hear the sarcastic tone and relaxed back onto the stretcher. 

With the way she was acting, not leaving any room at all for the possibility that she could be pregnant, I was afraid of how everything would be once the baby was here.

I really hoped it would all work out.

**~~LiS~~**

**Edward's Perspective**

My heart almost stopped when Alice said that they were going to the hospital. I was definitely not tired anymore. I was wide-awake and terrified for Bella’s sake. What could possibly require her to go to the hospital in the middle of the night, and in an ambulance none the less? It definitely didn’t sound good.

When I arrived at the ER, they said that Bella hadn’t arrived yet, but that she was on her way. How could that be? When Alice called me, she said that the ambulance was on the way. What could possibly take so long? I lived farther away from the hospital than they did.

“Sir, do you need anything?” a nurse in her mid-fifties asked me. She could clearly see that I was stressed.

“No, thank you.”

“I’m sure they’ll be here any minute.”

I nodded, but I still couldn’t relax.

I had been so happy earlier tonight. The meeting I went to had been an announcement of my upcoming promotion. I wasn’t just an assistant to a lawyer anymore. I was actually a full-fledged lawyer myself now.

I had gone to bed as soon as I got home so that time would go faster and I would be able to tell Bella the great news. Then this happened. It was as if as soon as something good happened, something bad had to happen to even it all out.

It had never gone smoothly for Bella and me. Something always got in the way of our happiness. If it wasn’t a job, it was a misunderstanding. If it wasn’t a stalker boyfriend, it was a trip to the hospital.

Fate wasn’t on our side, and it sucked; sucked hard.

An ambulance arrived and doctors were put in action.

“White woman, twenty-five, she’s got severe abdominal pains and is in premature labor. She’s stressed and in denial.”

I turned away from the scene, as it was obviously not Bella in that ambulance.

“Edward!” I heard Alice and turned my head back toward the entrance. Alice was jumping out of the ambulance that had just arrived and ran up to me. 

I frowned in confusion. Why was she arriving in that ambulance? Didn’t they say that the woman in there was in labor? Where was Bella?

“Edward, you won’t believe what’s happening. Bella’s in labor.”

“What?” I couldn’t have heard that correctly. Bella wasn’t pregnant. At least, she hadn’t been this morning. “Alice, that’s insane. Bella’s not pregnant.”

“Yes, Edward. She is. I saw the ultrasound myself. But it’s too early, and there might be complications.”

I saw a team of paramedics rushing past me with Bella on a stretcher. She was taking shallow breaths just the way one of the nurses instructed her, but she still didn't look pregnant.

I started to run after the stretcher. Alice wasn’t slow to follow. “How, Alice?” I asked.

“I don’t know. They said that it’s not as uncommon as people think.”

They rolled Bella into an examination room. I was about to follow when a nurse stopped me. “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t go in there.”

“But that’s my girlfriend!” I told her.

“So you’re the father?” she asked. I looked at her and realized that she wouldn’t let me in if I wasn’t.

“Yes,” I said, and she led me aside and gave me some scrubs to put on. I rushed into the room and to Bella’s side. “Bella?” I asked her softly. She had her eyes closed and was drenched in sweat.

“Edward?” I nodded and grabbed her hand. “Edward, they say that I’m pregnant.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“But I’m not, Edward. I know I’m not. I would have known if I was pregnant. I haven’t had any symptoms.”

I neither agreed nor disagreed. I stayed quiet and held her hand in mine, which seemed to relax her.

Two nurses were preparing Bella. They got her into a hospital gown and placed her legs up on the stirrups, and a doctor sat down in front of her. Somehow, Bella seemed totally unaware of what was happening around her.

“She’s not fully dilated yet, but the vaginal bleeding could mean that we may have to perform an emergency C-section,” the doctor told the nurse next to him.

“The paramedics said that the ultrasound showed that she’s only thirty-two weeks along,” the nurse told him as she wrote down something in what I assumed to be Bella’s chart.

“The baby won’t be able to come out on its own. It’s too fragile. We’ll have to do an emergency C-section.” He turned to another nurse. “Prepare an OR for me quickly. This baby needs to be delivered _now_.”

They had almost completely lost me after they said that Bella was thirty-two weeks pregnant. Thirty-two weeks was approximately seven months, which was almost exactly how long Bella and I had been back together.

My head easily did the math, and the result told me that Bella must have gotten pregnant around the time that she broke up with George and got together with me. As far as I knew, she hadn’t had sex with George around that time. She  _did_ , however, have sex with  _me_ .

That first night, when she told me she broke up with him, I hadn’t been thinking anything about it until now, but the fact was that Bella and I had unprotected sex that night.

It could only mean one thing: I was about to become a father.

Bella and I were about to have a baby.

I suddenly felt very dizzy.

They rolled Bella out of the room again and into an elevator that was big enough for the stretcher to fit. I was about to follow, but the nurse that stopped me before stopped me again. “I’m sorry, sir, but the OR is strictly forbidden for family and relatives.”

“But I—”

“I’m sorry, sir. That’s the rules.” 

The elevator doors closed, and I leaned against the wall. I took deep breaths, trying to clear my head. “I’m about to become a dad,” I said to myself.

“Edward? What’s going on? Where did they take Bella?” Alice appeared next to me.

“She’s being prepared for a cesarean,” I answered in a monotone voice. I was so overwhelmed with my realization.

“What? Why? Is there something wrong with her? Was it the baby?”

“The baby,” I repeated to myself in a whisper. Everything was so difficult to comprehend.

“Edward? Did you hear what I said?”

“The baby’s too fragile to be delivered naturally.”

“What about Bella?”

Bella. The soon-to-be-mother of  _my_ child. A child she refused to believe even existed.

“She denies it. She says she’s not pregnant.” But why was she saying that? Doctors all around her kept telling her that she was. Why was it so hard for her to believe? 

“Yeah, she’s been saying that since they first told her.” Alice gently placed a hand on my arm, and I turned my head to look at her. “What if she doesn’t accept it?”

“She will,” I replied without really thinking. It was the obvious thing. Of course she had to accept it once she had the physical evidence of the baby before her eyes. She wouldn’t be able to deny it anymore. “She has to,” I added when I realized that with Bella, there was never a guarantee.

Since I was still looking at Alice, I saw when her expression changed from worry to curiosity. I could see there was something she wanted to ask, but she hesitated to voice the question. “What is it?” I asked in hope that she would tell me what was on her mind.

She bit her lip nervously before blurting out her question. “Are you the father?”

At first, I felt insulted by her question. It was as if she was suggesting that Bella would have cheated on me, but then I realized that Alice didn’t know how pregnant Bella was. She knew that it was premature labor, but not how early.

I could suddenly understand her nervousness. Had Bella been just a few more weeks into the pregnancy, the baby would have been George’s, not mine.

But I was positive the baby was mine. Thirty-two weeks meant that she conceived in the end of May. That I was the father was only logical.

“Yes, I am the father.” As soon as those words were out, a huge grin formed on my mouth. I could feel the truth in my own words.

“So I’m going to be an aunt?” Alice squealed.

I laughed at her enthusiasm. It had never been a secret that Alice loved children. “Yes, Alice, you are.”

She squealed again and threw her arms around my neck. “Oh my god! This is just so…just so…”

“Yeah, it is.” I could understand her difficulty in finding the right words because there were no words. I was still in shock, but I just couldn’t _not_ accept it. It wasn’t in my nature. Even though none of this was expected, I couldn’t feel any panic or anger.

Bella and I were younger than what I’d had in my head. I didn’t know about Bella, but I’d always known that I wanted to start a family with her someday. Not exactly today, but a few years from now. It didn’t mean that I wouldn’t love this baby just as much as if it had been planned.

Unfortunately, Bella’s and my situation wasn’t the ideal one for a baby right now. We had only been back together for seven months, we lived separately, and I’d just gotten promoted, which meant more work while Bella was pursuing her own promotion.

Even so, it was our baby, and we would make it work. I knew we would.

However, forty-five minutes later, I was having my doubts. I hadn’t gotten any news, good or bad, on what was going on with either Bella or the baby.

Had something gone wrong? Was it good or bad that no one had come down yet? Did cesareans usually take this long? How were Bella and the baby doing? Were they both fine?

“Edward, I’m sure they’re fine. Didn’t Dad always tell us that it was a good sign when the time was a bit drawn out?”

I nodded and tried to calm down. I sat down in a blue plastic chair and put my face in my hands. The watch on my arm ticked slowly, almost driving me insane. I felt the urge to take it off my wrist and throw it at the wall.

As the time wound on, I reluctantly looked at the clock. It was almost six in the morning.

The elevator dinged, and I jumped up from the chair, but it wasn’t Bella’s doctor that came out. A different family flocked around the doctor, and I sat heavily down on the chair again.

“You need some coffee. I’ll go get you some,” Alice said and got up.

Another ten minutes passed. Alice came back with the coffee that tasted awful, but still no doctor. Something  _had_ to be wrong.

“Mr. Cullen?” I jumped up from my chair again and saw Bella’s doctor. He walked up to us with a serious expression on his face. This could not be good. I felt it as if someone was tying my intestines into a knot, and I wanted to throw up.

“Yes? Is everything okay?”

“Isabella is in recovery right now. She’s tired and very disoriented, but otherwise fine. She may experience post-traumatic stress since this night has been very straining for her, and she might not remember a lot. She lost some blood during the delivery and needed a transfusion, but with a few days’ rest, she’ll be just fine.” 

I still couldn’t feel total relief. Why didn’t he mention the baby? Why did he make me ask for it myself?

“And the baby?” I asked carefully, absolutely terrified.

“Your baby is very weak. She’s been transferred to NICU where she can be monitored around the clock. She needs a respirator to breathe because her lungs weren’t fully developed. We also don’t want her to develop apnea or HMD. She needs to be fed through a tube at the moment, but we’re hoping she’ll be able to breastfeed in a few weeks. She also needs to stay in an incubator until she can maintain a stable body temperature.” He paused but continued almost immediately. “The first twenty-four hours are the most critical, but I have no doubts that she will be fine in time.”

“S-she?” I stammered when I got a word in. A girl? I was a father?

“Congratulations.” The doctor smiled at me, and I felt how the knot came undone. I had a daughter. I turned to Alice, and she wound her arms around my waist.

“Can we see Bella?” I asked. I wanted to see my daughter too, but she probably had several nurses to her aid, and I needed to see that Bella was fine with my own eyes.

“Yes, but only one of you.” Alice gave me a gentle push, and I followed the doctor to Bella’s recovery room.

She had her eyes closed and her head turned away from the door. It looked like she was sleeping, but as soon as I entered the room; she turned her head and smiled when she saw that it was me.

“Hey,” I said lowly and sat down next to her bed.

“Hi.” Her voice wasn’t more than a whisper.

“How are you feeling?” She looked fine. Tired but fine.

“Like someone ran me over with a bus, but otherwise fine.”

“Good.”

“Edward?”

“Yes?”

“Where exactly am I?”

“You’re at the hospital, baby.”

“Why? Is there something wrong with me?” She frowned and looked very sad. My heart ached when I saw that. I didn’t want to see that expression on her face.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just undergone a very stressful night.” She clearly didn’t remember much and I didn’t want to throw it in her face that she had just given birth to our daughter.

“Why? What happened?”

“How much do you remember?”

“I remember being in a lot of pain.”

“Anything else?”

“No, why?”

I inhaled deeply and took her hand in mine. “Bella, something has happened. Something big, and when I tell you, I don’t want you to freak out, okay? Can you promise me that?”

“Edward, you’re freaking me out just by talking like that. Just tell me.”

“Bella…” She watched me with clear eyes so she wasn’t influenced by drugs. That’s good. “You’re in recovery after undergoing an emergency C-section for the sake of our daughter’s safe delivery.”

Bella just looked at me for a long moment and then burst out laughing. “What? That’s  _crazy_ . I wasn’t pregnant. I would have noticed if I was pregnant. C’mon, Edward, that was an incredibly lame joke.” She continued to laugh, and I thought that the best thing for me would be to just sit there and show her that I wasn’t joking. “Now seriously, why am I here?”

“I wasn’t joking, Bella,” I told her seriously.

“Yeah, right,” she snorted, and I sighed. What could I possibly say to make her believe?

I stood up and cupped her face with both of my hands so that she had no choice but to look at me. "Bella, listen to me. I'm completely serious when I tell you that our daughter is right now in the NICU receiving breathing treatment and getting fed through a tube. I haven't seen her myself yet, but I'm going to. The doctor that performed the C-section talked to me personally about her. It doesn't matter that you didn't have any symptoms. The fact is that you  _were_ pregnant. You need to accept that, Bella.”

She twisted away from my hands and glared at me. “No, I won’t accept that! My body did not tell me that I was pregnant, and I trust my body. There may be a girl here that’s exactly the way you describe her, but she’s  _not_ ours!”

I straightened up and took a step back. It was obvious that I wouldn’t be able to convince her today, but some day, she  _would_ accept her new role as a mother.

“I’ll let you rest,” I said quietly and continued back away from her bed.

Her angry expression immediately transformed into a pleading one. “No, please, Edward, don’t go.”

I shook my head in answer. "You're tired, and you need to recover. I'll be back later." I turned around completely and left the room. I heard her call for me again, but I couldn't stay there. It hurt too much, thinking about the little baby girl upstairs that was clearly not accepted by her own mother.

A nurse came up to me as soon as I entered the corridor. “You’re the father to baby Swan, right?” she asked me.

I nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“Do you want to see her?”

I nodded again and she led me to a big room at the NICU. It was filled with advanced machines that I’d probably seen before when I visited my father at the hospital he worked at, but I couldn’t remember their names right now.

My entire focus was on an incubator marked “Baby Swan.”

The girl was a tiny, red, little thing. I would’ve almost been able to hold her in my cupped hands alone.

She had monitor pads fastened on her chest, an IV secured in her arm, and a tube taped to her mouth. Her small torso moved up and down with every breath, and she was fast asleep.

I wish she hadn’t been so covered. I wanted to be able to see her better, but I knew that these things were important to keep my little daughter alive.

Still, she was beautiful in my eyes, and I felt the warmth spread through me as I watched her.

I had always thought that I wouldn’t want a child until I was, at least, twenty-nine or thirty, but now that this little cutie was here, I couldn’t see it any other way.

She was supposed to be here.

I had always heard about how fathers never really knew how much they loved their newborns until their fingers were grasped in their baby’s fist, but I guess I would have to wait for that moment a little while longer.

Not that I need that to know how much I already love her. She already had a secure place in my heart.

Now, it was only a matter of convincing her mother that she existed.

 


	35. Chapter 34 Rejection

**CHAPTER 34 REJECTION**

**Bella's Perspective**

About a day and a half after I came here, Edward opened the door to my room and poked his head inside. I sighed internally, crossing my fingers that he wasn’t back to try and convince me that we had a baby together. All of this was just…preposterous, for lack of a better word. It didn’t matter how many times the doctors said that I had been pregnant because I hadn’t. I would have known had that been the case, I was sure of it.

But why would they repeatedly tell me that then if it wasn’t true? I don’t know. That’s why all of this was so frustrating.

“Are you busy?” Edward asked. I had been eating my lunch, but I was done anyways, so I pushed the tray away from me and shook my head.

“No, c’mon in.” Edward came inside with a wheelchair and put it by the end of the bed. I studied it and frowned. “What’s with the wheelchair?” I suspected what it was about, but I was hoping that I was wrong.

“Don’t get mad, okay?”

“I won’t promise anything.”

He sighed. “Bella, I want you to meet her. Just come with me and see her for yourself. Then you’ll have another physical proof apart from the scar.” I turned away from him when he mentioned the scar that was now marring the skin on my lower stomach. A nurse had come in with a mirror so that I could see it for myself when I refused to believe that I’d undergone any sort of operation. It was true, I couldn’t deny _that_ anymore, but I  _knew_ that the baby Edward talked about wasn’t mine. Shouldn’t I have felt it if I was suddenly a mother? Shouldn’t there be an instinctual feeling that told me to protect my spawn?

However, I didn’t get mad at Edward. I felt tears well up in my eyes when I heard him sigh again.

Why couldn’t he understand? I couldn’t meet this baby he was talking about because she wasn’t mine. It wouldn’t be right.

I hadn’t felt her growing inside me, so I shouldn’t be viewed as her mother. If I couldn’t even care for her properly when she was supposedly as close to me as a human being could ever be, how could I possibly care for her now?

I was incapable of taking care of something so small and fragile. There was a reason to why I never had any pets while growing up. I  _wasn’t_ a caretaker. 

“Edward, _please_. I can’t.” I wiped away the tears that escaped.

“You _have_ to. She’s our _daughter,_ and as soon as she comes out of that incubator, she’s going to need you.”

“How could she possibly need me? If she’s mine then I was probably the one that put her where she is now. If I was pregnant then I didn’t take care of myself the way I should have. If I’m her…m-mother then I don’t deserve her.” I started to cry for real and Edward gently placed his arms around me. I clung to him with everything I had. I _had_ to make him understand.

“Bella, please, just come with me and look at her. Please.”

I shook my head.

Edward sighed once again. “She’s not as fragile as you think. She’s in the incubator until she can maintain a stable body temperature, and yes, she is fed through a tube, but she’s otherwise strong. She only needs to gain a bit of weight, but as soon as she weighs five pounds, we’ll be able to take her home.”

I flinched at the thought of taking that little girl from the nurses that took care of her and kept her alive. Edward felt it and released his tight hold on me.

He gazed at me intensely. “Baby, I  _know_ that had you known that you were pregnant, you would have done everything according to the book. That’s the way you are. So don’t beat yourself up for something you couldn’t control.”

I didn’t even try to stop my tears as they messed up Edward’s shirt, but he didn’t care. “She’s so smart. She already recognizes my voice. She’s already met her father; don’t take the privilege of meeting her mother away from her.”

With only a few words, Edward had completely crumbled my defenses.

How could I possibly deny him when he pleaded with me like that? The answer was that I couldn’t.

I shakily nodded my head, and he enthusiastically helped me into the wheelchair. I felt the soreness of my scar as I moved, but I tried not to think about it. When I’d seen the scar, it had been bruised and gruesome. I shuddered just thinking about it now.

I tried to convince myself that I could do this during the entire ride to the NICU. I opened my eyes just in time to see an incubator marked “Baby Swan-Cullen” and I felt tears falling again. I don’t think I’d ever cried that much in my entire life.

“I hope you don’t mind that I added my name to hers. I thought that it would only be fair that she had both her parents’ names,” Edward whispered in my ear. My heart ached upon hearing the pure love in his voice. He had already accepted it all. I could hear it in his voice. For him, it was the most obvious thing that the little girl inside that incubator was his daughter. I wish I could’ve had that attitude.

Edward left the wheelchair a few feet away from the incubator and walked up to it. He placed his hand flat against the wall of it and actually started to talk to the baby.

“Hey, baby girl. It’s daddy. I talked to the doctor and he says that you’re just fine. You’re going to get through this, okay? And I’ll finally be able to hold you. But first, there’s someone I want you to meet.” He turned to me and motioned for me to come forward. I wheeled myself up to the incubator slowly and saw this incredibly small baby inside. She had a small pink cap on and a diaper made out of some kind of fabric, most likely cotton, and wires that were attached to her arms and chest.

“What are those for?” I asked. It felt as if I had a big lump in my throat, and I had to swallow repeatedly.

“They’re just to monitor her progress and give her the nutrition she needs,” he told me and then turned back to the baby. “Angel, this is your mommy.” His voice was the softest I’d ever heard. 

I looked closely at the baby and tried to look at her the way that Edward obviously looked at her.

And I felt…nothing. Of course I felt sympathy for her since she was obviously not entirely healthy, but I would feel the same for any baby. If this was my baby, shouldn’t I feel some kind of motherly bond to her? Shouldn’t I feel something that told me that this was my baby and that I would do anything to protect her?

I didn’t feel any of this. I didn’t feel any love. Nothing.

“Take me away from here,” I whispered.

“What?” Edward asked, looking as if he didn’t understand my sudden one-eighty.

“That’s not my baby. I don’t feel anything for her, so, please, take me away from here. _Now_.”

“Bella, you can’t just reject her like that. She’s just a baby.”

“Yes she is, but she’s not mine. Take me back to my room and don’t try anything else, okay?”

Edward clenched his jaw and looked at me with hard eyes. I had never seen him look at me like that. “I won’t ever stop when it comes to our daughter. Someday, maybe not today, but someday you  _are_ going to acknowledge her as ours.” He turned back to the little girl and told a nurse to take me back to my room. He wasn’t happy with me, but I couldn’t help it.

Was it my fault that I didn’t feel anything toward this baby? Was I stopping myself from feeling it? Or was it that I just didn’t possess the motherly qualities necessary for a baby?

Probably the last one.

“I’m sorry, Edward,” I said under my breath, but somehow he still heard me.

“It’s not me you should apologize to.”

I didn’t reply to that. I just let the nurse take me back to my room and help me get settled in my bed again.

I really hoped Edward would be able to forgive me one day, and that this wouldn’t put too much strain on our relationship because I don’t think either of us could handle that.

**~~LiS~~**

The next day, Edward came to my room again with my doctor in tow. Edward wore a serious expression, but that was nothing new. Since yesterday, he was very careful with showing any sort of emotions when he was around me, so I wasn’t expecting anything else from him.

“Isabella, how are you feeling today?” my doctor asked.

“As good as I can feel I guess.” I shrugged.

“Do you feel any stretching around the stitches?”

“Maybe a little.” I shrugged again. My physical condition wasn’t what was bothering me. I looked at Edward and tried to get eye contact with him, but he looked at everything but me.

“Have you been to visit your daughter yet?” my doctor continued his inquiry. I didn’t comment on his obvious emphasis on _“your daughter.”_ He always, along with the nurses, did everything to convince me of the little girl’s heritage.

I swallowed thickly. “Yes, I have.”

He smiled widely at me. “Ah, so you’ve finally accepted that she’s yours, then?”

“Biologically, yes,” I admitted, and Edward finally looked at me. He searched my eyes, but I knew he wouldn’t find what he was looking for. Suddenly, I didn’t want to meet his gaze anymore. I looked down at my hands. “Emotionally, no…”

I heard Edward sigh disappointedly and felt that sigh stab my heart. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me, but I couldn’t force any maternal feelings for the little girl that was fighting for her life above me.

“Yes, well, you’re not the first new mother to feel that way when the baby is instantly put in an incubator. It’s hard to form that kind of bond when you’re separated by a clear chamber wall.”

Hearing that made me feel a little bit better, but I didn’t think that it was normal to not feel anything at all, and it made me angry.

“Really? So it’s normal to look at your own baby and not feel a damn thing?” I asked through clenched teeth. I couldn’t understand where these insane mood swings came from. One moment I felt down and depressed while I felt as if I would explode with anger the next.

“Isabella, every mother is different. It’s understandable that you have a hard time connecting with your daughter since you weren’t able to prepare at all for her arrival. Other women have nine months to get used to the thought. Don’t get discouraged. Everything will work out eventually.”

My anger disappeared as suddenly as it came, and I went back to feeling sad and disappointed in myself. “I sure hope so.”

“As long as I’m here, I might as well ask you if you have a name for her yet or if we should keep calling her Baby Swan-Cullen. Kind of a mouthful, don’t you think?” He winked at me, and I couldn’t help but crack a smile. It was the first smile since my world was turned upside down.

“Yeah, I guess, but no we don’t have a name”—I looked at Edward—“Or do we?”

He shook his head no and walked slowly up to me. He grabbed my hand and sat down on the bed. Then he slowly leaned forward and kissed me. It felt wonderful, and I squeezed his hand in thanks. He smiled at me to show that he understood.

“Well, Isabella you’re doing so well, I think that we’ll only keep you here for another day and then you’re free to go.”

“What about the baby?" I asked and instantly realized that it was the first time I asked about her myself.

“We want to keep her with us for at least a month, mostly to keep track of her developments. We won’t release her until she weighs, at least, five pounds. She’s a strong little thing. I bet she’ll be out of here faster than all of us expect.”

“Thank you,” I said with real feeling behind it. I hadn’t realized until then that I hadn’t thanked any of them for all they’d done for me…us. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

“Don’t worry. It’s our job.” The doctor left, and Edward and I were alone. 

He squeezed my hand to gain my attention. “I’m sorry for being so hard on you about our daughter. It’s just that she’s my little princess, and I already love her so much. It’s difficult for me to understand the way you feel since all of this was sprung upon you as sudden as it was sprung on me and I’ve already accepted it.”

It was my chance to explain how I felt. I really tried to transform my feelings into words that would make him understand, but it proved to be more challenging than I thought.

“It’s just the feeling that I’ve already failed her,” I eventually got out. “If I couldn’t keep her safe in the womb, how am I supposed to keep her safe now? And I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I just can’t find that maternal love inside me. It’s as if I’m destined to be a horrible mother, and it’s killing me.”

“You shouldn’t think like that. Negative thoughts will only make you insecure.”

“I’m already insecure. I’m terrified. I didn’t have my own mother growing up. I wasn’t the kind of girl that enjoyed playing with dolls. I never had any pets. I haven’t taken care of anything besides myself my entire life. This is uncharted territory for me, and I am scared out of my mind.”

“Every new mother feels like that at least once after the baby is born.”

I shook my head. “No, Edward, what I’m going through isn’t the norm. There’s something else. Something that hinders me.”

“You’ve been under a lot of stress in the past week, so it’s only to be expected.”

“Maybe, but I don’t want to feel this way. I want these stupid, insecure feelings to go away.”

“I don’t think you need to make them go away—”

“What?”

Edward smiled at my interruption. “What I was going to say was that I don’t think you need to make them go away, you just have to let them develop into other feelings. That you even have those feelings at all shows that you care about her, and that’s a start.”

What he said was true. I  _did_ care about that little girl. It might not be on a maternal level yet, but as Edward said, it was a start. It made me feel hopeful.

“Thank you for trying to understand.”

“Of course. I want us to make this work in the best way possible and for that to happen, we can’t argue all the time.”

“You’re right.” I leaned forward and Edward met me in the middle to give me another kiss.

We would make this work…I hoped.

 


	36. Chapter 35 Names

**CHAPTER 35 NAMES**

I looked at the little girl that had grown quite a bit during the last two weeks. The doctor said that there wasn’t any doubt at all that she wouldn’t have any lasting damage now, but she still needed to stay in the incubator for another week or so.

I was discharged thirteen days ago, and this was the second day I was here. Edward had been here every day, reading to her and bonding. I envied him a lot, that he could just accept his role as a father so easily.

I had experienced a few maternal feelings myself, but they weren’t quite  _there_ yet. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about her, though. She was in my every thought and more often than not, I worried about her. When I said out loud that I was worried, Edward always suggested that I come to the hospital with him, and he had succeeded in convincing me twice now, but it was still hard.

Another reason that I worried so much was because I didn’t have anything to do during the days since Jasper had made me take a maternity leave, and I wasn’t allowed to protest.

That was how Emmett and Rosalie found out that I'd had a baby. All the chaos had made me forget about them, and Emmett had been a bit hurt that I hadn't told him. Rosalie was slightly more compassionate about it, but she still had difficulty understanding how I couldn't have known that I was pregnant. I understood her well since I had a hard time believing it myself, but by now I had accepted that I'd been pregnant.

My heart ached when the girl inside the clear chamber moved. She had her eyes closed, but I wasn’t sure if she was sleeping or not.

I took a deep breath before speaking. “Hey, little girl, it’s me…uh…your mom.” What did you say to an almost three weeks old baby? What did Edward talk about? I could talk  _about_ him, I guess. “Your dad isn’t here right now. He’s getting us something to eat. Um…I hope you have it good in there. It’s probably better than the way you had it inside me since I didn’t take care of myself the way that I should have. I’m sorry about that by the way. Had I known that you were there, I would’ve done things differently, and you probably wouldn’t have been where you are now.” 

I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I put my head in my hands to calm down a bit. “Luckily, the doctors say that you’re as fine as you could be at the moment and that in a few days, they’ll take away the tube because you’ll be able to breathe on your own.” I raised my head and looked at her again. She had opened her eyes and was trying to focus her eyes on me. She probably wondered who I was since this was the first time I actually talked directly to her. “God, I wish I was a normal mother. A normal mother would have longed to hold you and take care of you, but I’m terrified. What if I get to hold you and still don’t feel what I should feel? What if I’ll be a terrible mother and won’t be able to take care of you? I know your dad is going to be a great father. He’s a natural at this, but I’m not, so I really hope both of you will give me more than one chance ‘cause I’ll need it.”

“You’ll be a great mother, Bella, I know it.” I jumped with fright when I heard Edward’s voice behind me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I didn’t want to disturb your talk.” I blushed at the fact that he’d caught me practically talking to myself. “Don’t be embarrassed. You know I do it all the time and she needs to get accustomed to our voices.” 

I nodded in agreement.

“You know, we really should try to find a name for her. Baby girl is starting to grow old,” he said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“I haven’t thought of any names. Have you?”

“A few, but you’ll have to like them as well.”

“Tell me.”

“At first, I thought of the name Heaven, but it’s not my favorite. I like the name Rory, and I’ve also considered May since that was the month she was conceived.”

I looked down at my hands while he talked. He quieted down and looked at me expectantly. “You’ve really given this a lot of thought, haven’t you?”

He shrugged. “Yes. You have a lot of time to think when you sit here alone with a little girl who can’t speak.”

“I guess.”

“So do you like any of them?”

I looked at the girl and tried to visualize myself calling her any of those names, but it didn’t feel right. It somehow felt as if I didn’t have the right to name her, but I didn’t voice that concern. Hopefully, that feeling would go away eventually. “None of those really fit her. I don’t know; they just don’t feel right.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll find a name.” Edward placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. It felt good that I had his full support and understanding now. I don’t think I would have made it otherwise.

“It’s progress that you’re talking to her. Two weeks ago you didn’t even want to look at her.” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, and I felt myself relax.

“Yeah, well I’m trying to get myself to think of her needs before mine. That’s what a mother should do, right?”

“Go with your instincts.”

“What instincts? I don’t have them.” I felt low again. This had been my main mood lately, but my doctor said that I was currently experiencing something called Postpartum Depression and that it would hopefully go away eventually. I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the fact that he’d added “ _hopefully_ go away” instead of reassuring me that it would definitely go away. Everything felt rather hopeless at the moment.

“Of course you have them, Bella. That’s the depression talking and you know it. They’re there and they’ll surface when you’re ready.”

“What if I’ll never be ready?”

I heard how Edward quietly sighed behind me, probably hoping I didn’t hear it, but of course, I did.

I bowed my head shamefully. He thought I was silly and probably a pain too. I was sure he was only putting up with me for our daughter’s sake.

“Bella, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to tell you that you’ll be a great mother for you to believe me.” He walked around the chair I sat in and kneeled in front of me. He grabbed my hands and held them tight. “Ever since we got together again, I’ve been dreaming of starting a family with you one day. Do you think I would have had those dreams if I wasn’t sure that you would be able to take care of our children?” He maintained steady eye contact with me the entire time, and I felt something swell inside of me. What was that? Pride? I was proud that he thought so highly of me, but at the same time, it was very pressuring.

Edward interrupted my thoughts. “I want you to promise me something. Can you do that for me?”

I wasn’t sure. Could I keep a promise when I didn’t know what he was going to ask? “That depends on what you want from me.”

“It’s quite simple, actually.” He didn’t elaborate.

“Will you tell me what it is before I promise?”

He shook his head. “No, I want you to promise first. That way you won’t be able to get out of it later.”

At least he was honest, but what could he possibly want from me that he knew I would try to get out of? There was only one way to find out.

“Okay. I promise.”

“I want you to stop every negative thought you have about yourself and tell yourself that you can do it. That’s the only way you’ll get out of this depression. Don’t let it swallow you. Take control.”

I didn’t know if I would be able to do that. “Ah!” Edward put his hand under my chin when I lowered my head. “You’re already breaking your promise. You can do it.  _Tell_ me that you can do it.”

I swallowed and swallowed again before I hesitantly opened my mouth.

“I can’t,” I whispered with tears welling up in my eyes again. I’d turned into such a crybaby.

“Bella, stop!” Edward’s voice was harsh, and I flinched. He was mad at me. Of course he was mad. I couldn’t keep my promise for even one lousy minute. “Do you want to be like this for the rest of your life? Because that’s the way it’s going to be if you don’t break away from it. Don’t do this for me or for her even.” He pointed at our daughter. “Do it for yourself.”

Edward got up on his feet, put his hand on the incubator wall and whispered out a quiet “Goodnight, princess” before he left.

I didn't know how long I sat there, deep in my thoughts, but eventually, I took a deep breath and breathed out a small "I can."

Something loosened up in my chest. Just a little bit and it felt as if I could breathe easier. Something was still constricting me, but it was a tiny bit easier now. I tried again, a little louder this time. “I can.”

I heard a whimper and turned to my daughter. She was asleep, but she was fussy. I suddenly felt that I wanted to comfort her, not by holding her, but just something small to calm her down.

“Mommy's here, baby," I said in a soft voice, and she settled back into a deep sleep. I put my hand in the same place Edward had put his. I could feel how warm the incubator was and it comforted me to know that she was warm in there. "Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow."

And I would. I would come back here tomorrow with Edward. I would do it.

I can do this.

**~~LiS~~**

“How about Lillian and Lily for short?”

“No…”

“Vanessa?”

“God, no…”

“Autumn?”

“Who names their daughter after a season?” I asked.

“Lots of people!” Alice exclaimed.

“Name one.”

“Okay, no one I know, but there are people that do.”

“Maybe, but it would be weird to name her Autumn when she’s clearly born in the winter, don’t you think?” Rosalie said from her corner.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Alice agreed after thinking about it.

Another five days had passed and my little girl had finally gotten rid of that awful tube that was stuck down her throat. I had been here almost as much as Edward and she had really started to recognize my voice as well. Edward had been very excited about that and I was a bit excited as well. With my new way of thinking, I found that I wasn’t as terrified anymore.

I had Edward to thank for that.

I hadn’t exactly reached the same level as he had, but I was on my way, slowly and steadily. I felt that my nurturing instinct toward the little girl ran way deeper than it had in the beginning, and I could absolutely see myself love her like a mother one day. The girl was very likable. She had already melted Alice’s, Rosalie’s, Emmett’s and Jasper’s hearts. She had Edward’s heart as soon as he laid eyes on her, so I guess that it was my turn next.

“What does Edward want to name her?”

“He wanted to name her Rory or May, but they don’t fit her.”

“No, they don’t. I guess the name is up to us girls then,” Alice said with a smug smile.

“No, I don’t want to decide a name without him. That wouldn’t be right.”

“I like the name Sophia,” Rosalie said, and I thought about it. Sophia was a beautiful name, but not the name I wanted for my daughter.

“This feels hopeless! We’ll never find a name for her!” I exclaimed and buried my face in my hands. My little girl immediately started to fuss, and I wanted to hit myself for waking her up. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, please.” It was always difficult to get a baby to go back to sleep if you woke them up, and it was even harder when you couldn’t hold them.

“Alice, can you sing to her? She loves it when you’re singing.”

“Why don’t you sing to her yourself?”

“Because I can’t sing.”

“She’s going to be more comforted if she hears you sing. You’re her mother.”

“Fine, but don’t tease me if it sounds horrible.”

Both Alice and Rosalie crossed their hearts and leaned forward so they could hear better.

“ _Twinkle twinkle little star,_

_How I wonder what you are!_

_Up above the world so high,_

_Like a diamond in the sky._

_Twinkle twinkle little star_

_How I wonder what you are.”_

She didn’t fall asleep, but she wasn’t as fussy anymore. She just laid there with her eyes open, looking at me. It wasn’t possible to see what her eye color would be yet. Now she had a dark bluish color, but it was lighter than it was when I first saw her.

I’d asked the doctors about that and they said that it could take from six months to a year before her eye color was determined.

Even though it was a long time ago that I read biology, I still knew that it was a bigger chance that she’d get my brown eyes than Edward’s green since brown was more a dominant gene, but I hoped. I loved the color of Edward’s eyes, and I wanted our daughter to have that.

Just as much as I wanted her to have green eyes, Edward wanted her to have my brown hair. His hair had been very bright red when he was a kid, and until his hair got brown streaks in it like it had today, he’d been quite teased for it. This was before I met him since he already had his reddish brown hair when we were eight. He said he didn’t want our daughter to have it like that.

Again, with genetics, there was a bigger chance that she’d have my brown hair, but there was still a small possibility that she’d get that treat from Edward.

I’d actually heard this little thing that no matter what genetics said, in our primitive minds, it was very important that the first child of the father looked like him because that made it easier for him to accept the child as his. Kind of cool, but at the same time slightly weird. If it was true, that would mean that our little girl would look very much like her father. I wouldn’t mind that. Her father was incredibly attractive after all.

“How’s it going in here?” When you talk about the devil, he shall appear.

“Fine. I can’t get her to sleep, though.”

“Did you try to sing for her?”

“Yes, I did actually.”

“She’ll fall asleep when she’s tired. How about names? Did you girls inspire Bella with any new names?” Edward turned to Rosalie and his sister, but they just shrugged their shoulders.

“It’s impossible. She doesn’t like any of them,” Alice said.

“Hey! I like them, I just don’t think the name Autumn is the one for my daughter.”

“I came up with other names as well.” Alice crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me.

“Well, excuse me, but the day that you have children, you’ll find out that you can’t just settle for a name. It has to feel right.” I noticed Edward’s very big grin and I turned to him. “What are you grinning for?”

He shook his head and put his arms around me. “It’s just that you’re really starting to sound like a mother lately.”

“It’s growing on me,” I said softly, and he tightened his grip on me.

“And I love you even more for it. You’ve made so much progress in the last week, it’s incredible.”

“Thank you.”

“Edward, have you called mom and dad yet?” Alice asked. “I mean you’ve had a baby for three weeks now and they should be notified.”

Edward chuckled. “Yes, Alice. I called them the day after her birth and told them everything. Mom's excited but they're both tied up and can't come for a visit for a while.” He turned back to me. “I also called Charlie.”

“You did?” I asked. Horribly enough, I'd completely forgotten about telling my dad he was now a grandfather.

“Yes. I'm surprised he hasn't called you yet to confirm it. He wasn't very vocal when I told him the news.”

“That's my dad in a nutshell. Wow, I’m a terrible daughter! I should have called him myself right away!”

“No, you’re absolutely not. You have a reason to be a bit distracted. But don’t worry, I’ll remind you to call him before we go home today.”

I stood up on my toes and kissed him. “Thank you.”

My doctor entered then.

“Alright! Good thing you’re both here because I have good news for you,” he said with a smile.

“Really?" Edward's eyes widened and he practically glowed with happiness. Any good news about our daughter was what he lived for lately.

“Yes. Your little baby girl is very strong, so tomorrow we’ll be able to take her out of the incubator for short periods of time so that you’ll be able to hold her. We still want to keep her for a couple more weeks, but she’s almost good to go.”

The smile on Edward’s face was radiant and he turned to me to hug me so tightly it almost hurt. I hugged him back just as fiercely. I still felt a bit of fear when it came to the part that I’d get to hold her tomorrow, but I didn’t let it consume me. I could do this.

When Edward pulled away from me, I saw that his eyes were blank with unshed tears, so I kept my arms around him. He reached out his hand and shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. Really! Thank you!”

“It’s my pleasure. I do this to help people after all.”

He left us alone, and Edward and I opened up our arms to include Alice and Rosalie in our hug.

**~~LiS~~**

“Okay, here you go.” The nurse gently placed the small baby in Edward’s arms, and I saw how his eyes got blank. He rocked her slowly, and the little girl immediately fell asleep in her father’s arms. She must have known that she was safe there.

“She’s a beautiful little thing,” the nurse said and smiled at us. Both of us nodded. “And she gives people a lot of hope that she managed to survive even if she was two months early,” she continued.

“She’s given us a lot of hope too,” Edward said softly so that he wouldn’t wake her up.

It was true. She had brought Edward and me closer together than ever before and it helped me go through my depression. That gave me a lot of hope.

“Have you found a name for her yet?” the nurse asked. It wasn’t until now that I registered her accent. It sounded like she was from Russia.

“No, it’s hard, but we’ll find one eventually,” I said and looked down at the peaceful baby.

“Are you after a name with a special meaning? Nadia means ‘Hope’ in my country.”

“Nadia?” I tried it out. It was a beautiful name, and I loved the meaning, but it still didn't feel completely right. But definitely something starting with an 'N'. I said so to Edward, and he agreed.

“Nadine?” he suggested, but I shook my head.

“Nori?” I asked him, but he frowned.

“Isn't that a seaweed?” His question made me laugh, but I did it quietly so that I wouldn't scare our little girl.

“Well, what about Natalie?” As soon as the name came out, it just felt right. Natalie Cullen? Natalie Swan-Cullen? It could work.

“I like it. But I’m still hooked on Rory or May.” He winked at me.

I chuckled. “Well, what would you say about naming her Natalie May?”

Edward thought about it before he lowered his head and looked at our daughter. “What do you say, baby girl? Are you a Natalie?” She moved slightly in his arms but didn’t wake up. “Should I take that as a yes?” he asked with a smile. He raised his head and looked at me. “I love it.”

My smile widened.

“Do you want to hold her?” I tensed as my stupid fears crept up on me, but I quickly shoved them away and nodded. Edward carefully laid her in my arms, and I was amazed at how light she was. On instinct, I started to rock her back and forth. She didn’t even stir.

Warmth spread through me, and I felt tears well up in my eyes. I cried for everything nowadays it seemed.

“Hi, Natalie,” I whispered and wiped away the tears that escaped. I could feel it. The maternal love just spread through my entire body, and I had to swallow several times. “I love you.”

 


	37. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

I walked through the corridor that led to the nursery to check on little Natalie. I peeked inside the room and saw that she was sound asleep. I envied her. Ever since we moved to this new place, I had a hard time sleeping, tossing and turning the entire night, probably waking Edward up several times. He never complained, though. He said that he understood my anxiety and that I shouldn’t worry about him.

It had been three months since Natalie was allowed to come home and those three months had definitely been a struggle. At first, Natalie came to live with Alice and me in our apartment and Edward spent all of his time there when he wasn’t working, but it was very tiresome for him to go between his and our apartment every time he needed something, and he had a very hard time leaving his daughter behind. I asked him about that one time, but he didn’t answer me then. He just said that it was the whole thing about being a new father that made him feel that way.

But one night, I heard him voice his real concerns to Alice. He told her that he was afraid to leave Natalie alone with me because sometimes he didn’t think I was capable of caring for her, what with me not connecting with her after her birth. His words had cut like a knife in my heart, and I had walked into the room with tears in my eyes and asked him if that was really how he felt. The whole thing turned into a huge argument between us where Edward said that he thought he missed out on important things when we lived separately. I had asked him that if he didn’t trust me alone with our daughter, how would the situation improve if we lived together, and I didn’t have Alice around during the days when he worked?

The truth was that I was afraid that everything would go downhill for us if we moved in together. I knew that what Edward and I had wasn’t what people call a “traditional relationship,” but I feared that we were moving too fast by moving in together. We had only been together again for nine months by that time and my mind had gone back to our time in college.

Edward and I had been together for three years and still broke up because we couldn’t communicate properly with each other. What’s to say that it wouldn’t happen again?

Edward had instantly realized what my fears were and calmed me down by assuring me that we were older and wiser now. We had already made that mistake and had learned from it, so we wouldn’t go there again.

Eventually, he was able to persuade me, so three weeks ago, we moved into this new apartment together. So far, I didn’t have anything to complain about, except that I couldn’t sleep.

I opened the door to the nursery even more and entered. Natalie was now the normal size of any four-month-old baby and she had no remaining problems. She had indeed inherited my brown hair and had a small tuft of it on her head. Her eyes were still hard to determine, but she did have green-blue eyes at the moment, so I crossed my fingers that they would turn completely green with time.

She was lying on her stomach, knees underneath her and bottom in the air. I smiled at the sight. I couldn’t understand how babies could sleep in that position. It didn’t look very comfortable.

I decided to sit down in the rocking chair in the corner that I used as my nursing chair. Natalie would wake up soon anyway, so I might as well be prepared.

I had noticed about a month after Natalie was born that my breasts were getting bigger. I was glad when I realized that it was my very delayed production of breast milk and that I would actually be able to nurse Natalie properly since that often helped mothers connect with their children even more. I had been worried for a while that Natalie would have to settle for milk replacement, but it turned out my worries were futile.

I leaned back in the chair and looked out the window. It was April and the snow had recently disappeared completely.

I wasn’t a winter person. I longed for the new growth that spring brought with it and the hot lazy days on the beach in summer. People often wondered why I didn’t just move south if I wanted warm weather, but I told them that even though I liked warmth, I also enjoyed having real seasons.

Natalie woke up and started to whine softly. It was time for her nightly meal.

I grabbed the nursing blanket before I took Natalie from her crib and sat back down in the chair. I pulled down my nightgown and helped her find the nipple. She immediately started sucking, and I leaned back and relaxed.

It had taken some time, getting used to the feeling of breastfeeding, but now I actually found it very relaxing. I rocked the chair back and forth and found myself getting more tired by the minute.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, Edward stood in the doorway watching the scene in front of him, a content smile on his face. “What are you doing up?” I asked him in a low voice so that I wouldn’t disturb Natalie, who had fallen back to sleep.

“I woke up and you weren’t there, so I figured you’d be in here. I’m sorry if I woke you. You looked stunningly beautiful,” he said and walked up to us. I blushed at his compliment. “I told you that you would be a great mother once you got the hang of it.”

“Yeah, I guess you did.”

“What do you say about letting Natalie sleep with us for the rest of the night?” Edward asked.

“I’d say that I’d love that.” Slowly, I stood up from the rocking chair and Edward put his arm around my shoulders as he lead us back to our bedroom. Together, we settled down in bed with Natalie between us. She whimpered a bit when she was jostled, but quickly settled back down.

“Can you believe that we actually made something so beautiful?” Edward said with wonder in his voice. I met his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him. This very moment felt magical somehow, with our contentment and nothing hanging over our heads. I wanted to live in this moment forever.

I looked back down at Natalie and lightly stroke her cheek.

“Marry me.”

My head shot back up, and I looked at Edward questioningly. Did he just say that or did I hallucinate? “What?” I asked with my heart in my throat.

Without missing a single beat Edward repeated himself. “Marry me, Bella.”

I swallowed and found myself being completely tongue-tied. I wanted to answer him, but no sound came out of my open mouth.

Edward supported himself on his elbow and started to stroke his right hand over my arm. His hand was incredibly warm and created goose bumps on my skin. “Bella, I’ve been in love with you since I was eleven; I’ve loved you with my entire heart since I was seventeen, and I’ve wanted a future with you since I was nineteen. There’s no doubt in my mind that you are the one and only for me. I know that our relationship isn’t perfect and that we’ve met our fair share of bumps in the road over the years, but all of that is just what makes us so perfect for each other. No matter what life throws at us, we’ve worked through it, and we’ve landed here, in this moment, with our beautiful daughter. I love you, Bella, and I’m asking you to be my wife. So, will you marry me?”

I felt tears well up in my eyes at his beautiful speech. I agreed with him that we'd faced a lot of obstacles on our way here, but we had succeeded and were awarded moments like this one. I couldn't deny that I still had my fears, but I knew that if I just told Edward, he would help me with them. Communication was the key to a happy relationship, and Edward had just laid out his heart in front of me, pleading with me not to crush it.

I didn’t want to crush it. I wanted to cherish it and care for it just as I wanted him to do the same for me.

When I got my voice back, I gave my answer without hesitation.

“Yes.”

 

 

**THE END**


	38. LOVE HURTS Outtake Prequel One-Shot

This is an outtake "prequel" one-shot from Love is Strange called Love Hurts.

It was originally posted as its own story but I decided to just put it at the end of LiS intead :)

WARNING: Edward will have sex with a character other than Bella in this one just like she lost her virginity to Riley, he did the same with another girl and it's all part of the story so untwist your pantyhose and take it easy. We all know their story ends well with their share of bumps in the road, alright?

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**LOVE HURTS**

**A Love is Strange One-Shot Outtake Story**

**BY**

**MARIECARRO**

**_FIRST MEETING_ **

**_Edward POV_ **

**_October 1995_ **

"Edward, come back here! I want to play!"

"Play with your dolls, Alice, and leave me alone."

Alice grabbed my arm and forced me to turn around. "You promised Mom and Dad that you wouldn't leave  _me_  alone," she said with an angry pout and I rolled my eyes at her. Sometimes, my twin sister could really irritate me to death.

Yes, it was true that I made that promise, but it wasn't like I would go far. We were all on the playground, and there were plenty of girls that Alice could play with.

"Why don't you play with the other girls? I'm sure they would love to see your new doll."

Alice's pout grew. "I don't know them. We have only lived here for a week. What if they don't like me?"

"Well, you won't ever find out if you avoid them."

She started to pull on my arm, but I refused to go back to where she had left her toys. "Come on, Edward," she whined. "Can't you just play with me for this recess? I'll talk with the other girls tomorrow, I promise."

I retracted my arm from her hold and shook my head. "No. If you want to play, you go to the other girls right now."

Alice's eyes became blank and I did everything I could to not show her what her tears did to me.

"Why are you so mean to me?" she asked in a small voice.

"Because I don't play with dolls, Alice. I'm a boy, and I want to play with other boys." With that said, I once again turned around and walked away from Alice.

"I will tell Mom and Dad about this!" she yelled after me. I cringed at that. I would probably get grounded for what I'd done.

But Alice needed to learn to take care of herself. She couldn't always rely on me.

"Robin, leave me alone!" I heard a girl's voice scream, and I looked around to see where it came from.

A dark-haired girl in my age was reaching for a book that a much older boy was holding above his head, too far out of her reach. He was laughing at her while tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Anger coursed through me at what I saw, but I didn't dare to move. The older boy wasn't alone, and I was sure they would turn on me if I went up to them.

So, being the coward that I was, I stayed in my spot and saw the entire scene play out in front of me.

The older boy threw the book down on the ground and stomped on it, which caused the girl to cry even harder.

"Stupid girl! You're a dork. Always sitting and reading, thinking you're better than the rest of us!" he yelled at the girl, who was sitting on the ground by now, trying to save the remains of the book.

She looked up at him. "I do not think like that!"

"Oh, don't you? What is it now? You gonna cry some more?" The boy sneered at her, and the others behind him laughed with him. The smug smirk on the boy's lips told me that he was very pleased with himself, and I hated him even more for it. If I had only been bigger, I would have taught him a thing or two about bullying; especially bullying younger girls.

But having been bullied myself before had left a mark, and I was afraid to go down that road again. I didn't want to become a victim of this bully.

However, when the boy retrieved the book from the ground and threw it at the girl, which caused her forehead to bleed, I couldn't stay away anymore. The girl was now physically injured and being the son of a doctor, I just couldn't ignore that.

The boy and his gang quickly left the scene, and I walked slowly up to the girl, so as not to scare her. Her head was bent down, though, so she didn't see me.

The cut bled a lot, but I had a vague memory of Dad telling me that wounds on the head bled more out of some reason.

The small girl was breathing hard, and her eyes were wide with panic. "You should go to the nurse. I could help you there if you want," I said, and the girl turned her head toward me. I tried to reassure her by smiling and offering her my hand.

I didn't know why I offered her my hand. It just felt natural to do so.

"I can go by myself," the girl said stubbornly and got up from the bench she was sitting on. When she straightened out, she swayed slightly and I was instantly by her side.

"Come on, I'll take you to the nurse." I grabbed her hand in mine and saw how she squeezed her eyes shut as if she was expecting something terrible to happen. I ignored it and began to drag her to the nurse. "You should press your hand against the wound to stop the bleeding. It's not as good as a bandage, but it'll have to do for now," I said after studying the cut that was still bleeding quite a lot.

"How do you know this?" the girl asked but did as I said anyway. I felt proud that she actually listened to me.

"My dad's a doctor and he's taught me all kinds of things."

"Oh."

I suddenly remembered that I hadn't introduced myself yet, and I had no idea what her name was. It probably felt weird that a stranger came up to her and acted the way I did. "My name's Edward Cullen, by the way." I looked at her over my shoulder and gave her a wide smile. I was pleased when she gave me a tentative smile back. She was very cute when she smiled.

I shocked myself with that thought but quickly shoved it into the back of my head. I was still waiting to hear her name.

"I'm Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella."

"That's a pretty name," I said honestly. Bella blushed deeply and looked down at the ground while pressing her hand against the cut in hopes of hiding the blush. It was quite adorable, and so I pretended as if I hadn't seen it.

"Thank you," she replied quietly.

We walked the rest of the way to the nurse in silence.

When I opened the door to the nurse's office, she looked up and gasped. "Oh my goodness, Bella, what happened?"

"I fell," Bella instantly answered, but when I glared at her, she fell silent.

"No, she didn't. An older boy threw a book at her."

The nurse looked between us with wide eyes. She glanced at mine and Bella's intertwined hands and then settled on me. "And who is this young gentleman?" she asked in a soft voice.

"I'm Edward Cullen. I recently moved here."

"Okay, well, Bella? Is what Edward says true?"

Bella looked down at the ground again, something I'd come to understood that she did when she wanted to hide. She gave a small nod, and I exchanged a look with the nurse.

"Thank you, Edward, for bringing her here. I'll take her back to class when we're done."

It was the right thing to do, but when Bella refused to let go of my hand, I decided to stay. "I'll take her back to class afterward," I said and sat down on the bed next to Bella while the nurse cleaned the cut.

Bella hissed when the alcohol made the wound sting, and I tightened my hold on her hand. She instantly relaxed again.

When the wound was clean and bandaged, the nurse thanked me for bringing Bella there, and we walked slowly back to the main building, still hand in hand.

Outside of her classroom, Bella finally let go of my hand. "I'll see you around," she said and smiled.

"Yeah, see you around," I replied and gave her my own smile. She entered the classroom and closed the door.

I couldn't stop smiling, and I was still smiling when I entered my own classroom. After explaining to the teacher that I had helped a friend to the nurse, I sat down in my seat and looked out the window.

**~~LH~~**

**_FEELINGS_ **

**_July 1998_ **

Something had changed.

Whenever Bella touched me, even if it was only while playing catch, a thrill went through my body.

It felt like butterflies fluttered around in my stomach whenever I looked at her, and I got dizzy whenever she talked to me or gave me one of her beautiful smiles.

Otherwise, I felt fine. When I was at home, I felt normal, like I did any day. It was specifically when Bella was around that I felt these strange feelings that I couldn't explain.

It had started a week ago when we were going to the beach. I was supposed to meet Bella at the playground, but when she finally came there, she wasn't alone.

Darren had been with her. He was one of our classmates, and I did not like how close he walked to her, or how he made Bella laugh. She looked like she enjoyed his company a bit too much for my taste.

I never mentioned this to her, but I did speak with Darren about it. He admitted that he liked her, and he was planning on asking her if she wanted to be his girlfriend.

I hadn't even hesitated when I told him that she wasn't interested, even though that was a lie. I had no idea if she wanted to be Darren's girlfriend or not, but it did not matter. I didn't want her to be Darren's girlfriend. I didn't want her to be anyone's girlfriend.

She was my best friend, and I wasn't really excited about the possibility that I would have to share her with another boy.

At night, I dreamt about her.

I dreamt that in Darren's place, I would ask her to be my girlfriend. She would say yes, and then she would hug me.

Other times, the dreams were more of the fairytale kind. I dreamt that she was the princess that I had to save, and when the dragon was slain, we would live happily ever after.

She took the place of every Disney princess there was, and I always woke up before the true love's kiss.

I was probably just sick. Maybe it was the flu that was a bit early this year. I decided that I needed to talk to my Dad about it. If anyone knew what was going on, it was my Dad.

I walked to his office and knocked on the open door.

Dad looked up from one of his files and smiled when he saw me. "What can I do for you, my son, this beautiful summer afternoon?"

It was a subtle question from him. He was wondering what I did inside when the sun was still shining outside.

"Dad, I think I'm sick," I said and his smile immediately disappeared. He stood up from behind the desk and walked up to me. He kneeled and looked at me with worried eyes.

"Why do you think that, Edward? Do you feel nauseous? Are you in any pain?"

I quickly shook my head and Dad's expression changed into a confused one.

"It's just that, sometimes, I feel flutters in my stomach and my heart begins to beat faster. Then I feel just a tiny bit dizzy. It's not exactly uncomfortable. It's just there."

I could see how Dad tried to determine what could make me feel the way I did. It was like he went through every sickness in his head, but none of them matched my symptoms.

"When do you usually feel like this?"

"Usually when I'm outside playing, but sometimes it happens in Bella's house."

Dad's eyes lit up as if he finally understood. "Is Bella with you when it happens?" I nodded and Dad's smile came back. "Then everything's completely fine with you."

"You mean that I'm not sick? Then why do I feel weird?"

"Trust me, son, you're not sick. It's completely normal what you're feeling."

"What is it?"

Dad went back to his desk. "You're an intelligent boy, Edward. I know that deep down you know exactly what's going on. If you haven't figured it out by yourself soon, come back to me, and I'll explain it."

He didn't say anything else, and I left his office feeling more confused than ever.

**~~LH~~**

**_MOVING ON…YEAH, RIGHT!_ **

**_August 2003_ **

"Don't tell me that you've been dating Amy for a month and a half, and still haven't passed third base," James said while we changed back to our own clothes after PE.

"What's so wrong with that? I'm holding back out of respect for her," I said in my defense. I regretted that I even brought it up.

"That's bullshit, man! You couldn't have found an easier girl than Amy. She's not exactly a virgin, so she doesn't have anything to protect."

Amy might not be a virgin, but I was, and that was something James didn't know. I wasn't about to tell him either. I would never hear the end of it if he found out. I was momentarily grateful toward Amy, who knew that I was a virgin, that she hadn't told anyone about my inexperience.

"It's not about that."

"Then what is it? You know, girls talk, and I have heard a thing or two of how far you two have gone and also about Amy's frustration."

I swallowed with nerves. What had Amy told her friends about our sex life? She had been the first girl I touched underneath the clothes, but she had not complained.

During the almost six weeks we had been dating, Amy and I had done everything that there was in the sexual department, except having actual sex. It didn't bother me, and I didn't think it had bothered Amy either. I had always made sure to listen to her when she told me what she wanted and how I should touch her, and now I was always able to get her to come, but apparently, that wasn't enough for her anymore.

James smirked. "Apparently, you have very talented fingers." He wiggled his fingers in front of my face, but I hit his hand away.

"Knock it off, man."

"I won't until you tell me what's going on. I know that Amy wants to sleep with you, so why won't you?"

I didn't know how I was going to explain it to him that it didn't feel right. It had absolutely nothing to do with my respect for Amy. When we were together, she knew exactly how to get me worked up, and she also knew how to get me off.

The main reason for my hesitance was my lack of romantic feelings for Amy. She was a very attractive girl, sexy and confident, but I just did not feel it; probably because a certain best friend of mine had already captured my heart.

My feelings for Bella had not cooled off at all since that summer five years ago when I finally realized what was going on with me. They had only developed into something stronger, something that scared me at times because I didn't think it was possible to have such strong feelings for another person.

Of course, no one but me knew about these feelings. I hid them out of a reason, too. Having known Bella since we were eight had made me an expert in reading her face and body language, and it was painfully obvious that she had no romantic feelings for me at all.

In the beginning, I had been hoping that she would see me in a different way if I dropped little hints about my feelings for her. Sadly, it had backfired on me and it had now become an internal joke between us that we probably would marry each other one day since no other would reach up to the standard we had created by being with each other.

When that plan didn't work, I became almost desperate, so in eighth grade, I went so far as to take Tanya, a girl who'd had a crush on me for months, out on a date to see if I could evoke jealousy in Bella. It hadn't, and now I was stuck with an obsessed Tanya that always begged me for another date, even now when it was official that I was dating Amy.

So, I had practically given up. Nothing would ever happen between me and Bella, and it was after I'd accepted that when Amy became my girlfriend. I was trying to move on.

Sadly, as my hesitance revealed, it hadn't worked so far. I knew that deep inside of me; I hesitated because Amy wasn't the girl I wanted my first time to be with. I wanted it to be with Bella.

With the risk of sounding like a girl, the first time was supposed to be special. Not something you just got out of the way.

James still tried to get an answer out of me, but I ignored him and walked out of the dressing room. However, his parting words did not escape me.

"You need to get laid, man! You're too uptight! How Bella can stand you is a mystery to me!"

I shook my head in annoyance and walked to my new car. One of the perks of turning sixteen during the summer was that you had a car in the beginning of the school year. I was one of the few in my year that didn't have to rely on the parents anymore.

When I spotted my car, my heart started to beat faster when I saw who was leaning against the body. She looked so cute with her wavy hair back in a ponytail, her jean shorts and orange top. Just looking at her made my entire being ache.

Before I reached the car, I rearranged my features into a simple friendly grin. "Hey, you sexy thing! How was your day?" I greeted her like I always did.

"So, hot-stuff finally decided to leave the dressing room. What took you so long? Did you have to re-apply your makeup?" she responded and I laughed. I just loved how sassy she was with me. All I wanted in that moment was to lean down and kiss her senseless, but of course, I didn't do that.

"Well, you know it takes a long time to look this good," I said and winked.

"Then I won't complain since I'm the one that gets to look at you."

"And you're free to look as much as you want."

We continued like this, and I offered to drive her home. When we turned in on her driveway, she turned to me. "Oh, I just remembered! Pizza and movie night at my place this weekend. Dad's going on a two-day fishing trip, so I'm home alone."

Several scenarios that ended in various different ways entered my head. Usually, when Bella and I hung out, we had other friends like my sister or our parents around. This would be one of those rare occasions when we were completely alone. Anything and everything could happen then.

Then I had to go and remember that I already had plans for the weekend; with Amy. I wanted to groan with frustration when I realized that, but I didn't. What was wrong with me anyway? I was practically having fantasies of Bella and me hooking up when I was still dating Amy. That was just wrong.

"I'm afraid that I can't. I have plans with Amy," I told Bella truthfully.

"Oh," she said and I got some sick satisfaction at hearing her disappointed tone. "Well, invite her too. We can make it into a slumber party. Invite Alice and some of the guys as well."

"Not this weekend," I said. It might sound weird, but I really didn't want Amy and Bella to hang out and become friends. It would only make me feel worse if the girl I loved and my girlfriend started to like each other.

Bella interpreted it differently though. A wicked glint lit up her eyes. "Oh, is this weekend The Weekend, with a capital W?"

I looked away from her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure, let's pretend as if that's true for a moment. Okay, well, I won't interfere with those plans. I'll see you tomorrow at school, lover boy." With that, she exited my car and I pulled out of her drive-way feeling utterly embarrassed.

**~~LH~~**

I couldn't believe that I would actually do this. The nerves made my hands sweat and I had to take several deep breaths to calm down before I pulled out the condom from Amy's purse.

My heart was beating a mile a minute, but I did not show it outwards how nervous I was. Amy would make it out as me being excited, which I was in a way, but my entire body still felt restless. I knew it was because I didn't really want to.

I mean, of course, I wanted to, I'm a sixteen years old guy, but I didn't  _want_  to.

Still, I was going to do it. It had been the last drop for me when Bella had practically encouraged me to have sex with Amy this weekend. Even though it wasn't her intention to hurt me, and there had been nothing she could really do about it, she had when I finally realized that nothing would ever happen between her and me.

It was time I tried to move on from my feelings for her once and for all, and if having sex with another girl didn't help, nothing would. If this didn't work, I would just have to accept the fact that I would be unhappily in love with my best friend forever.

"Edward? Are you coming back up here, or would you rather stay on the floor?"

I looked over my shoulder at Amy and swallowed thickly when I saw that she was sitting up on her bed, her naked breasts unashamedly exposed.

She was looking at me with a small smile gracing her lips and she curled her index finger to lure me back. I took one last breath and then climbed back up on the bed.

I was glad I wasn't completely naked yet because so far I'd only succeeded in getting a semi-erection, and I needed some more time to shed myself of all the nerves and really get into the act.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, so I was glad that Amy had some experience, otherwise this would only have been awkward.

I placed the condom on the bed next to me, and suddenly, everything went very fast. Amy captured my face with her hands and mashed her mouth onto mine with force she'd never used before. She seemed rather impatient, and that theory was very much strengthened when she started to stroke me through my boxers.

When she felt that I wasn't completely hard, she pulled back. "Don't be nervous, Edward. This first time will be very quick, but we have all night. I'll teach you everything I know about sex."

She leaned forward again and started to nibble on my earlobe. Electrical waves shot through my body at the feeling, and more blood traveled south when she ran her small hands down my arms and then up over my stomach and chest.

"There you go," she whispered, her mouth still by my ear. "I believe you're ready to play."

She leaned down and grabbed the condom in her hand before she pushed my boxers down over my hips.

Being completely naked made my heartbeat with double pace and I could actually hear it as I tried to focus on the girl in front of me.

Amy had given me both hand jobs and blow jobs since we got together, but feeling her take me in her hand and roll the condom on almost made me faint. I think it was a mixture of my nerves and my blood that continuously went south that caused me to feel so light-headed.

Amy quickly removed her own underwear before she lay down on her back and pulled me down on top of her and between her legs.

Lying skin against skin with Amy was amazing, but the heat that radiated from her body, not to mention from her center, was almost too much to bear.

My dick was already twitching because he knew what was about to happen and he was impatient.

"You know what to do, Edward."

I swallowed down my saliva again before I answered. I hadn't spoken in a while so my voice was quite raspy. "I'm sorry, I really don't."

Amy shifted her hips so that my dick was actually touching the softness of her lower lips. I could also feel how wet she was. It was reassuring to know that she actually wanted this.

"Just line yourself up and push in with your hips."

I did as she told me by taking myself in my hand and locating her entrance with the head. She squirmed underneath me and moaned a bit as if what I'd done had pleasured her.

"Yes, like that. Now, just slowly shift your hips forward." She was a bit breathless, but she waited for me to make the move, something I really appreciated.

Probably slower than a sloth moved, I entered her and the tightness and warmth that enveloped me from all sides caused my own body temperature to rise.

I felt my pulse in my entire body, and I really tried to support my weight on my arms, but at the moment it felt almost impossible. I couldn't determine what was up and down. The only thing I could really focus on was the sensational feeling of being so tightly enveloped in her warmth.

I closed my eyes and let out a low groan. I felt how she wrapped her legs around my waist and pushed me in even deeper. She was pulsing around me, and it only enhanced the feeling. One second, I think she became even tighter.

I could already feel my impending orgasm, but I tried to hold it back. I wanted this feeling to last longer.

"Pull out and then push back in, Edward," I heard her whisper as if she didn't want to disturb me.

I blindly did what she said until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt my balls tighten a second before my orgasm hit me while I was deep inside of her.

My arms finally gave out and I collapsed on top of her.

I couldn't remember much more after that, so I think I fell asleep. I know I dreamt of mahogany hair and chocolate brown eyes; of a different set of small hands running up and down my body.

I woke up with a start when I felt a hand grab me underneath the covers. I opened my eyes and saw Amy smile widely at me. My dreams had made me hard, a fact that obviously pleased Amy a lot since she was once again stroking me.

"Now that you're no longer a virgin," she said in a raspy voice. "I think it's time that I teach you how much better it can be if you're actually able to satisfy your partner as well."

**~~LH~~**

I couldn't do this anymore. It was wrong to lead Amy on even further now that it was clear that I wasn't able to get over Bella.

It had been a week since I lost my virginity to Amy and the dreams I had post-orgasm were slowly becoming more vivid. Now that I was slowly learning how to satisfy a girl during sex, my dreams involved me touching Bella. She was moaning my name and begging me not to stop.

Amy had told me that I was making sounds in my sleep and she was wondering what my dreams were about. I always told her that I didn't remember. I felt so much guiltier after saying that, but I also succeeded in distracting her by kissing or touching her.

I had, however, reached my limit now. I couldn't do it. I felt like an ass for treating Amy the way I did. It wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to me either. I needed to break it off as quickly as possible, and that was why I was working up the nerve to walk up to Amy's lunch table and ask her to talk to me.

She was surrounded by all of her friends and they were laughing loudly at something one of them had said. I took a deep strengthening breath before I walked up to the table.

I felt dizzy and my blood was pulsing in my ears, making it impossible for me to hear anything else. My hands were sweating and my mouth felt strangely dry. I desperately needed a glass of water, but I wasn't going to steer off of my path now. I needed to get this over with.

I reached the table and all of Amy's friends simultaneously turned their heads and stared at me. One of them leaned over and whispered in the other's ear and soon they were all giggling. Amy smiled gently at me as if to encourage me to say what I wanted. She was such a sweet girl and I felt terrible for what I was about to do.

"Could I talk to you in private?"

Amy's friends giggled even louder, but she quickly shushed them down. She gave me a small nod and stood up from her chair. Together, we walked out of the cafeteria. I led her to an empty hallway and leaned against the wall in an attempt to look more confident.

I crossed my arms across my chest and tried to force myself to look at her, but it was a hard task. "Uh, Amy, I don't think we should do this anymore."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Since I still wasn't looking at her, I only heard her, and her voice was nothing like its usually sweet tones. It was venomous and cold.

I finally got the courage to look at her and I cowered back against the wall when I saw her otherwise baby-blue eyes glitter with pure rage.

"I-I'm sorry, Amy. I just don't feel that way for you."

Amy let out a screech and stomped her foot. "You're a fucking asshole! What will everyone say when they find out? I'll be the joke of the entire school!"

"Does what everyone else thinks really matter?" I asked, but that was a big mistake. Amy's eyes were on fire as she slapped me hard across the cheek.

My entire face was burning and tears sprung up in my eyes. That fucking hurt!

"You're a loser," Amy said and strode away from me and back toward the cafeteria.

I remained in my spot, my tears had started fall and the burning had transformed into a stinging that made it painful to blink.

I heard footsteps coming from the direction of the cafeteria, and for a second, I thought Amy was coming back to slap me on the other side of my face as well, but when I glanced toward the sound of the footsteps, I saw Bella hurrying toward me with worry written all over her face.

"Oh god, Edward! I knew something was wrong when Amy came back looking like a storm cloud. Are you okay?" She reached me and tried to meet my eyes, but I refused to look at her. I was embarrassed with my situation, and it felt even worse that Bella saw me like this.

I heard Bella sigh with frustration. "Don't give me that crap, Edward. Tell me! Does it hurt?"

"It feels like someone opened their locker door on my face; does that answer your question?" I bit back. It was uncalled for of me to snap at her, but as I said, I was embarrassed and it made me irrational.

Bella didn't say anything. All she did was to grab my hand and drag me somewhere I didn't know, I still followed. I would follow her anywhere because I trusted her with my life.

She led me toward the boys' bathroom, and without hesitating, she entered and pulled me inside with her. A freshman was washing his hands when we came inside, and he gaped when he saw Bella.

"Leave," she said with no room for arguing.

"This is the boys' bathroom," he still tried.

"I said get out!"

The boy quickly dried his hands and scurried out. Bella locked the door behind us before she pulled me further inside toward the sinks.

She placed her hand underneath the tap and started to adjust the temperature before she wet a paper towel. I understood then what she was doing and I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, I'm fine."

"Shut up, Edward. Don't give me any of that masculine shit. You're bleeding, and I'm going to take care of it."

I frowned and looked at myself in the mirror. Sure enough, I had a shallow scratch that was sipping blood. One of Amy's nails must have grazed my skin when she slapped me.

Carefully, Bella brought the wet paper towel up toward my face and pressed it against the scratch. The cold felt good against my cheek, but it stung against the wound and I hissed.

"Sorry," Bella said and pressed it against my cheek again with less force. "So you broke up with Amy, huh?" she said after a minute of silence.

"How did you know?" I asked, confused as to how she could possibly know that.

"I can put two and two together, Edward," she said gently. "Why did you do it?"

I looked into her warm brown eyes as she tended to my cheek and I felt how my heart ached painfully. There was nothing I wanted more in that moment than to tell her how I felt. I wanted to pour my heart out at her feet.

"Bella, I…" I didn't know how to continue.

"Yes?" She lowered her hand away from my face and waited.

I clamped my mouth shut. I wouldn't be able to take her rejection. Instead, I smiled. "Nothing. Thank you for helping me."

She smiled right back at me. "Anytime, Edward."

 **A/N:** So that was the beginning of their story. It's how I always envisioned it so don't even think about asking me to change it because I won't!


End file.
